this breakup changed my life.
Summary
TLDRIn this heartfelt video, the creator opens up about their personal journey of self-discovery and growth over the past months. They delve into their experiences with social media, the pressure of public perception, and the pivotal moments that led to significant changes in their life, including a move to New York. The video is an authentic exploration of introspection, vulnerability, and the importance of staying true to oneself amidst external influences.
Takeaways
- 💭 The importance of taking a step back from social media and external validation to focus on personal growth and self-discovery.
- 🌟 Recognizing the impact of personal experiences and heartbreaks on shaping one's identity and content creation.
- 📚 The transformative power of journaling and writing down thoughts to gain clarity and self-understanding.
- 🚫 The dangers of being overly influenced by external factors such as social media trends and the opinions of others.
- 🔄 The cyclical nature of seeking external validation and the need to address internal issues rather than running away from them.
- 🌱 The process of self-reflection leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life, including finding joy in simple pleasures.
- 🏡 The significance of curating a personal space that reflects one's true preferences rather than societal trends.
- 💪 The role of discipline and self-care in personal development, including physical fitness, meditation, and a consistent routine.
- 💔 The acceptance of change and growth, understanding that compatibility and personal evolution may lead to the end of certain relationships.
- 🌐 The impact of one's beliefs and thoughts on their reality, and the importance of being conscious of what is consumed and absorbed.
- 💌 The value of expressing love and positivity, even in small interactions, to improve one's own life and the lives of others.
Q & A
How did the YouTuber describe their emotional state at the beginning of the video?
-The YouTuber described feeling nervous, awkward, and like they were making a confession video, indicating a high level of vulnerability and emotional intensity.
Why did the YouTuber disable their Instagram?
-The YouTuber disabled their Instagram because they realized they were overly concerned with how others perceived them and were curating their Instagram to project a certain image, which they recognized as unhealthy.
What was the catalyst for the YouTuber's shift in focus from YouTube to their clothing line?
-The catalyst was the YouTuber's realization that they were seeking external validation and focusing too much on social media opinions, leading them to explore their clothing line as a way to redirect their energy and focus.
How did the YouTuber's heartbreak influence their life and content creation?
-The heartbreak led to a period of introspection and personal growth, which in turn influenced their content to become more focused on self-care, personal development, and aesthetic interests.
What was the significance of the number '222' in the YouTuber's experience?
-The number '222' held significance as a potential angel number, symbolizing balance and the union of masculine and feminine principles. It appeared in their life at a pivotal moment, reinforcing their belief in the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.
How did the YouTuber's move from LA to New York impact their subscriber count?
-The move to New York coincided with a significant increase in their subscriber count, growing from 1.8 million to 3 million within a year, suggesting that the change in environment and content focus had a positive impact on their channel's growth.
What personal changes did the YouTuber make after their heartbreak and move?
-After the heartbreak and move, the YouTuber began practicing celibacy, journaling, reading books, learning about spirituality, affirmations, crystals, and meditation. They also started focusing on self-care, including going to the gym, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, and spending time outdoors.
What advice does the YouTuber give to their audience regarding self-discovery and personal growth?
-The YouTuber advises their audience to write down their thoughts and ideas, engage in self-reflection, and be less influenced by external sources. They encourage finding joy in the little things in life and being true to oneself rather than constantly seeking external validation.
How did the YouTuber's content evolve after their personal transformations?
-The YouTuber's content evolved to reflect a greater focus on self-care, personal development, and aesthetic interests. They began creating content that aligned more with their newfound passions and personal style, leading to a shift in their content's tone and subject matter.
What impact did journaling have on the YouTuber's life?
-Journaling had a profound impact on the YouTuber's life, helping them process emotions, gain clarity, and track their personal growth. It allowed them to reflect on their experiences, understand their feelings, and make decisions that aligned with their personal values and desires.
Outlines
🌟 Personal Reflection and YouTube Hiatus
The speaker begins by sharing their personal struggle with a recent four-month period of life changes and heartbreak. They candidly discuss their decision to take a break from YouTube after a decade of consistent posting, highlighting their feelings of anxiety and fear about how their content might be received. The speaker also talks about their shift in focus from social media to their personal projects, such as their clothing line, and how this change has led to a newfound sense of self and freedom from external validation.
🎭 The Impact of Social Media on Self-Perception
The speaker delves deeper into the influence of social media on their self-image and the pressure to curate a perfect online presence. They recount the moment of realization that they were excessively concerned with how others perceived them, leading to the deactivation of their Instagram account. The speaker then discusses the liberating effect of stepping back from social media and the importance of focusing on personal growth and authenticity rather than seeking external validation.
🌆 The Journey from LA to Self-Discovery
The speaker shares their experiences of moving frequently, from LA to different cities, and the pattern of seeking external changes to find happiness. They discuss a pivotal conversation with their therapist that led to the decision to stay put and confront their internal issues. The speaker reflects on their past impulsiveness and the newfound calm and self-awareness that came with taking a step back from social media and focusing on their personal projects.
💔 Heartbreak and its Role in Personal Growth
The speaker narrates a specific instance of heartbreak and its profound impact on their life. They describe how the emotional turmoil led to a period of introspection and self-discovery. The speaker also talks about the synchronicities they experienced, such as the angel number 222 and its significance in their life, as well as the transformative power of journaling and reflecting on past experiences.
🌱 Embracing Change and Finding Inner Peace
The speaker discusses the transformative journey they underwent after a heartbreak, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and their values. They share how they learned to embrace change and find inner peace through self-care practices like journaling, reading, and meditation. The speaker also talks about the shift in their content creation after moving to New York and the realization that happiness can be found in the simplicity of daily routines and self-love.
🌿 Minimalism and Cultivating Personal Style
The speaker explores their journey towards minimalism and the development of a personal style that truly reflects their identity. They discuss the process of decluttering their life and the insights gained from curating a living space with intention. The speaker emphasizes the importance of making decisions based on personal preference rather than external influences and the joy found in the simplicity and authenticity of their new lifestyle.
💭 The Power of Self-Expression and Introspection
The speaker encourages the audience to engage in self-expression and introspection as a means of personal growth and self-discovery. They share their own experiences with journaling and how it has positively impacted their life. The speaker advocates for the act of writing down thoughts and ideas, regardless of their perceived value, as a way to gain clarity, validate one's self, and foster creativity. They conclude with a message of self-love and the importance of being kind to oneself.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Self-reflection
💡Personal Growth
💡Social Media Influence
💡Heartbreak
💡Content Creation
💡Minimalism
💡Self-Care
💡Authenticity
💡Validation
💡Aesthetic
Highlights
The speaker discusses their experience of taking a break from social media and the impact it had on their mental health and self-perception.
They share an intimate story of heartbreak and how it led to a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
The importance of journaling is emphasized, as it allowed the speaker to reflect on their thoughts and emotions, leading to a better understanding of themselves.
The speaker talks about their move from LA to New York and how it significantly impacted their YouTube career, leading to exponential growth in subscribers.
A shift in content creation is mentioned, where the speaker began focusing more on aesthetics, self-care, and personal interests, reflecting a change in their online presence.
The concept of minimalism is explored, as the speaker describes how they got rid of unnecessary possessions and focused on what truly brought them joy.
The speaker shares a vision they had about their ideal living space, which influenced their decisions and led to a more authentic and curated lifestyle.
The impact of external influences, such as social media and societal trends, on personal beliefs and self-image is discussed, highlighting the importance of self-reflection and critical thinking.
The speaker encourages the audience to write down their thoughts and ideas, emphasizing the transformative power of putting pen to paper.
A call to action is made for the audience to be more intentional with their social media consumption and to curate their online experience to better reflect their true selves.
The speaker reflects on their journey of healing and self-improvement, sharing how they found happiness in the simple things and learned to appreciate the present moment.
The importance of being true to oneself and not being swayed by external validation is stressed, as the speaker shares their personal experiences and lessons learned.
The speaker talks about the transformative power of spring and how it can be a time for renewal and personal growth, encouraging the audience to embrace change.
The value of self-expression and creativity is highlighted, as the speaker shares their desire to make content that resonates with their audience and brings them joy.
The speaker concludes with a message of love and positivity, urging the audience to leave a positive impact on others and to strive for personal authenticity.
Transcripts
I don't even know I feel like I'm doing
a confession video right now if you want
to know this heartbreak and how bad this
was these past 4 months have been
life-changing if you're not trying to be
trauma dumped on right now maybe I do
run away from all my problems why do I
care so much about what people think of
me disabled my Instagram right then and
there my whole entire life has been
YouTube didn't realize how much I like
liked this boy okay is this video about
to be called like reading out my love
letters we're
back I always love opening up these tea
packets cuz on the back there's a little
quote and it's like o what am I going to
get today it says you are the master of
your judgments your decisions and your
actions that's so crazy that out of all
the ones I pulled this is the one that I
pulled today it's been a month since I
posted on YouTube and the reason why is
we're going to get into it today so I
actually don't know where to start I'm
going to be so honest with you and I
feel like well I filmed this video Once
edited it all and then I realized Miss
girl was going on a ramble she was she
was
speaking and it all made sense in my
head and then I watched it back and I
was like babes what happened to story
structure here like what was
that okay we're here now filming it
again and yeah I need to be honest with
you I don't know where this video is
going to
go okay uh
so there is so much that's going on in
my head that I have not talked about and
I
genuinely don't know what to say because
I don't know how everything's going to
connect together and I think that's what
I'm afraid of right now is that
nothing's going to connect together and
people are going to be like what the
[ __ ] was this video but I think that
like I can't even think about what I'm
trying to deliver to you right now or
how I'm trying to make this make sense
girl relax this isn't a [ __ ]
interview you know like that's how I
feel right now it's not that big of a
deal but to me it's a big deal because I
have not not posted on YouTube for a
month straight like I haven't like
stopped posting for this long in years I
I I don't take a month off of YouTube
and if you like don't believe me like
bro I've been doing YouTube full time
for like 6 years now I'm 21 it became my
full-time job when I was 15 and I have
been doing it for fun ever since I was
seven me being like you know what I'm
going to just stop posting and I'm going
to let myself come back whenever I feel
like coming back has never happened cuz
like YouTube is my life so it's like
when I take a step back it's like it
it are you ready to understand maybe a
little bit what I'm trying to talk about
okay I don't even know I feel like I'm
doing a [ __ ] confession video right
now you're going to learn a lot about me
today so if you're not trying to be
trauma dumped on right now like and
about like me don't watch this video
because this video is going to be a lot
of me because I think that if I try to
like say it in a way of like tell you
guys what I've learned this past month
it'll turn out like not I just should
just tell a story I'm like saying these
thoughts out loud as I'm realizing them
right now cuz I'm like so awkwardly
nervous I should just tell you guys a
story and if you guys connect with the
story then I hope you do and if you
don't I hope you're not offended or I
hope I didn't waste your time okay thank
you so much for watching I don't know
how long this video is going to be
okay I've just been really taking a step
back and like asking myself like where
the [ __ ] am I what am I doing like what
am I doing like what literally like
that's a question I I like looked at my
this was the Catalyst this was the
Catalyst ready for the story I forgot
about this to right now buckle up we
have a direction that we're headed into
right now so oh my God I remember the
first thought and how this all started
okay this was this this is it this is it
I was on my Instagram and at this point
I had like 400 300 pictures I don't know
like it's a regular [ __ ] Instagram I
had Instagram so when was this what day
is it April 1st I've been gone since
like what like February yeah February
was the last time I posted a video it's
now April but I remember maybe like
February 17th or something I hit a
million followers on Instagram so it's
like you know you're a little bit more
hyper fixated I just went to the NBA
All-Star things so I was posting again
you're a little bit more hyper fixated
on social media and like what my feed
looked like like the things that I was
posting oh my God I just had a million
and then what happened was I noticed
myself going on my feed and like going
to Archive a post because I was like uh
does this look good like hm how can I
make this look better and I like
literally caught myself in the act and I
was
like
wait why do I care so much about what
people think of
me that's what I ask myself cuz I
realized I'm like me curating my
Instagram to look this certain way to
make me look cool that meant I gave a
[ __ ] about how people perceived me and I
really stopped and I asked myself for a
second wait wait wait wait wait wait
this is not healthy this isn't good the
fact that I'm like on my own Instagram
being like like should I delete this
like is H if I delete this like is this
going to look more or if I have this
photo
first
what it's really not that [ __ ]
serious it's really not that serious
girl what are you doing you know I I
literally disabled my Instagram right
then and there disabled [ __ ] gone just
deleted the [ __ ] Instagram disabled
you can come back but disabled just
delete y I think I just realized like I
was curating this life and it's like is
this even like what I like is this what
I want or am I doing this for other
people I I kind of like thought about
that when I looked at my Instagram I was
like am I trying to put something on for
other people to like perceive me a
certain type of way why am I creating
this version of myself like is this who
I actually am because every time I go to
think about whether or not I like this
picture whether or not I like the way I
look in this whether or not this outfit
is going to get like you know like which
which outfit is better to post it's like
every time I do that I'm thinking about
everybody else and everybody else's
opinions and what's trending what's not
trending what's cool what's embarrassing
do people like this do people like that
like what kind of story
what I bet you a lot of y'all watching
this video haven't [ __ ] posted in
Instagram in how long so long right yeah
girl I know why because you're [ __ ]
scared I would be too it's a Scary World
out there you don't know it feels like
such a big identity thing oh my God
started with my Instagram and then I
don't know I just I started working on
alchemi a lot as well so then I just
started becoming a little bit busier so
it was just harder for me to get videos
out and then a week went by and I was
like oh no Instagram no YouTube and then
like another couple days went by and I
was like should I just and then I just
naturally started getting busy and I put
my attention into something else for the
first time ever and it wasn't YouTube
which was interesting because my whole
entire life has been YouTube that has
been my job that has been my hobby that
has been my life is being a YouTuber and
making YouTube videos and I've never
been passionate about anything other
than YouTube and videos that's the only
thing I've like I've been passionate
about other things obviously like I've
had other hobbies and stuff but I've
never felt a drive like I felt from
doing YouTube videos and I've been doing
that for so so so long now and so I've
never taken a step back from social
media and never taken a step back from
Instagram and Tik Tok and I've never
taken a step back before because like
that's the only thing I like had to
focus on but then I started working on
my clothing line and and I just never
really put that much energy into it
before like to me alchemi was just like
I just really liked the product so then
I started to sell it and then I just had
to think about a design every couple
months make it and then that was it like
I didn't put too much thought into it it
just started out because I wanted to
make something and I liked the thing
that I was making and then I just
dropped it here and there right so when
I took the attention off of YouTube and
I started putting it into that I like
genuinely just stopped thinking about
what the [ __ ] people thought about me
because
wait you want to know why cuz then I
realized oh my God it is not normal to
have everybody's opinion on you 24/7 and
I and I'm sure you relate to this as
well this is like your family around you
your friends around you the people that
you see every single day those people
are influencing you and me I I wasn't
really seeing that many people you know
like I I wasn't hanging out with a lot
of people this past month so it was
mostly just me and my thoughts and you
know obviously sometimes here and there
I'm hanging out with people but like I'm
not cons I wasn't consistently
surrounding myself with anything thing
and I wasn't I wasn't hearing other
people for this past month basically
like I I was just alone in my head and
with my clothing line and if I made a
design with my clothing line why am I
saying my clothing line I can't just say
alchemi I don't know I just like say my
clothing line cuz I feel like you guys
don't know what alchemi is cuz I'm like
wait what who else would be the
demographic buying alchemi it' be you
guys like that's why I'm like girl why
you saying your clothing line and I've
been like making the designs and stuff
but the thing is like doing other things
like this it's like you don't have to
[ __ ] post it that same day that same
week and have thousands of people judge
your work and your creativity and your
you know what I mean and that's
literally what social media is like it's
like you make a YouTube video you make a
story you make a short whatever the [ __ ]
you talk to people in real life you're
dressed a certain way you go to school
wearing a whole new outfit you go to
work with your hair different it's like
oh my God immediately you have judgment
right in front of your eyes right and I
feel like I just deprived myself of that
for the past month and what the [ __ ]
like it's been the most insane month
ever like I feel more myself than I ever
have before and we're going to get into
we're going to get into that but yeah I
just have been able to create and do
things and do whatever the [ __ ] I want
to do for the past month without the
opinions of others and I've just been
really been able
to sit with
myself and figure out where I'm I'm
going with this I have always been
somebody that just loves new and and
different things and I've always been
like a very impulsive person and I feel
like that's been the backbone of my
YouTube channel but I feel like I've
calmed down a lot in the past like year
or two and you know I moved a bunch when
I was younger when I was 15 I moved out
and by the time I was 18 living in La I
think I moved to six different houses in
three different cities like it was a lot
and when I got to La I was noticing
myself being like I want to move to New
York like I want to move to New York and
then I literally went to like my
therapist office and she was like girl
like don't you see a pattern like don't
you see a cycle well she didn't say that
but like this [ __ ] incense smoke [ __ ]
my throat is dry right now I sound like
I smoke 50 [ __ ] packs a day e why am
I so vulgar 50 [ __ ] packs a day can I
get some water one sec I'll come
back okay okay okay this incense smoke
is crazy right now so yeah I'm in my
therapist office she's like girl like
there's a cycle going on and then I
realize oh [ __ ] you're right like maybe
I do run away from all my problems and
maybe I do seek external validation and
I seek stuff outside of me to fulfill me
and I think that that is going to make
me happier and I think that oh my God if
I moved here then I would have this
friend group and I would do this with my
life and I would have these hobbies and
if I just had this and if I just had
that I would just be a little bit more
happy and so that's why I moved every 6
months because I would get to where I
wanted to be and then I'd be like all
right on to the next on to the next and
on to the next and I was like oh
[ __ ] um I don't think it's the city
problem I think it's a you problem and I
was
like caught your ass you're right so
then what did I do I was like you know
what Ma you are going to be a big girl
girl you're going to discipline yourself
and you're going to say you are not
allowed to move until you finish your
lease and I was like you know what yeah
you're right you're right let's let's be
responsible here okay so I just lived my
life I I lived my life and I uh was so
[ __ ] bored out of my mind because I
didn't really have friends and I didn't
really leave my house like I didn't
really leave past my like community and
I was like literally 17 years old at
this time you know so I have like so
much [ __ ] energy like at the end of
the day I'm still a [ __ ] teenager
like like I need something to do I was
like okay how can I make my life here in
La entertaining so I just started waking
up like I wish I was joking guys I
didn't know what the [ __ ] to do so I was
like let's just go go go mode so at this
time I was like going through a little
bit of heartbreak too and you know when
you go through a little bit of
heartbreak you're
like go time go time it's [ __ ] go
time granted also if you want to know
the impact that this had on my life and
the where the story is going this
heartbreak was the worst [ __ ]
heartbreak ever like I think let me let
me grab the journal
I promise you guys this story is going
somewhere please believe me
okay if you want to know this heartbreak
and how bad this was and how pivotal
this was for my life this was a book
called It's like literally faded to all
the boys I've ever given a [ __ ] about
and it like had his name here in pepp in
pen and I crossed out to all the like
boys I wrote to all the and I wrote his
name and like you can see this journal
is [ __ ] used
bro like there's so much in here and
it's a whole book and it's like
literally almost done and it
starts this book starts in New York City
because I was traveling to New York City
while I was living in LA in August 28th
2021 I said I have so much to write
about I don't even know where to start
first of all this is just the start of a
new Journal wow this is my first time
finishing a journal oh my gosh what no
way I guess my journaling this is what I
mean when I say guys like this point in
my life when I lived in La was like the
most pivotal point of my life because do
you see how many journals I've done
since 2021 like I I I wow like when I
explain to you where this story is going
like you guys can really see my inner
thoughts and like how like what was
going on this is my first time finishing
Journal it feels so good I can't wait to
go back and be able to read all of these