McConnell Walks Away | Trump’s Creepy Putin Infatuation | House GOP’s Russian Spy Scandal
Summary
TLDRIn this episode of 'The Late Show,' host Stephen Colbert addresses recent political events with his signature wit. He discusses Mitch McConnell's announcement to step down as Senate Republican leader, poking fun at his age, and comments on the primary election results in Michigan, highlighting Biden's win and the implications for other candidates. Colbert also touches on Donald Trump's declining support among educated voters and the ongoing issues with government funding, particularly concerning aid to Ukraine. He criticizes the Republican party's attempt to impeach Joe Biden based on discredited information, all while maintaining a humorous tone.
Takeaways
- 😆 Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell announced he will step down in November at age 82, reflecting on his long career.
- 🗳️ In the Michigan Democratic primary, Biden won with 81% of the vote, while an 'uncommitted' vote aimed to send him a warning from progressives and Arab-American Democrats.
- 😕 Despite dropping out, Marianne Williamson received 3% of the vote, inspiring her to 'unsuspend' her campaign.
- 🤷♂️ On the Republican side, Trump easily beat Nikki Haley but underperformed compared to polls, continuing a trend that could see him get negative votes by November.
- 💰 Lawmakers reached a deal to avert a government shutdown, but without funding for Ukraine due to House Speaker Mike Johnson's opposition.
- 🇺🇦 The world is urging Johnson to provide aid for Ukraine, with the Polish foreign minister warning it will be his responsibility if Ukraine suffers without it.
- 😍 Former Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull described Trump as being 'in awe' of Putin, likening it to a 12-year-old boy idolizing the captain of the football team.
- 🕵️♂️ The GOP's impeachment case against Biden is imploding after their star witness, Alexander Smirnov, admitted to being fed information by Russian intelligence.
- 🤥 Republicans initially called Smirnov a 'trusted' and 'highly credible' informant but are now backpedaling and downplaying his role.
- 🍦 Colbert joked that the scandal of 'old man likes ice cream' gets more attention than the Republicans relying on Russian disinformation to impeach the President.
Q & A
Did Mitch McConnell announce his intention to step down as the Senate Republican leader?
-Yes, Mitch McConnell announced he would step down as the Senate Republican leader.
What humorous reason was given for Mitch McConnell's delay in stepping down?
-The humorous reason given for Mitch McConnell's delay in stepping down was that at 82 years old, that's how long it takes him to step down.
How did Mitch McConnell reference the start of his career in the Senate?
-Mitch McConnell referenced the start of his career in the Senate as beginning amidst the Reagan Revolution.
What was the result of the Democratic primary in Michigan mentioned in the script?
-In the Democratic primary in Michigan, Biden won with 81% of the vote.
What was the purpose of the organized campaign to register discontent with Biden's policies on Israel?
-The purpose of the organized campaign was to send a message to Biden to change his behavior, particularly regarding his policies on Israel.
What was the unusual step Maryann Williamson took after receiving 3% of the vote?
-Maryann Williamson unsuspended her campaign after receiving 3% of the vote, despite having already dropped out of the race.
What was the performance gap between Donald Trump's actual primary results and the polls' predictions?
-Donald Trump consistently performed worse than the polls predicted, with underperformance ranging from two points in Iowa to 15 points in one of the primaries.
What was achieved by lawmakers that prevented a government shutdown?
-Lawmakers reached a deal to avert a U.S. government shutdown.
What was Mike Johnson's stance on funding for Ukraine?
-Mike Johnson, depicted negatively, was resistant to including funding for Ukraine in the government funding deal.
What serious accusation is made against the Republicans' impeachment efforts against Joe Biden?
-The Republicans' impeachment efforts against Joe Biden are accused of being based on false information provided by Russia's intelligence services.
Outlines
😂 Late Show: McConnell's Departure & Political Satire
The first paragraph humorously discusses Mitch McConnell's announcement to step down as Senate Republican leader, with Stephen Colbert poking fun at his age. It also includes satirical commentary on the Michigan primaries, highlighting Joe Biden's win and the results' implications. The segment takes a comedic look at other candidates like Marianne Williamson and Dean Phillips, using humor to comment on their performances and public perceptions. Additionally, Colbert touches on Donald Trump's performance in Republican primaries, using hyperbole to illustrate Trump's decreasing popularity among voters.
🤔 Political Insights: Government Shutdown & Ukraine Aid
This paragraph covers the avoidance of a U.S. government shutdown and the lack of Ukraine funding in the deal, satirically critiquing House Speaker Mike Johnson's stance. The segment humorously discusses international pressure on Johnson to support Ukraine, with references to European opinions and Donald Trump's admiration for Putin. It also delves into the Republican Party's impeachment efforts against Joe Biden, focusing on the unreliable testimony of Alexander Smirnov, a key witness. The content is laced with satire, criticizing the Republicans' reliance on information from dubious sources and highlighting the irony in their actions.
😲 Shocking Revelations: Russian Influence & Global Stupidity
In the final paragraph, Colbert discusses the implications of Hunter Biden's testimony before the impeachment committee and the Republicans' reliance on false information from Russian intelligence. The segment emphasizes the scandalous nature of these revelations and the media's lack of focus on this major issue. Colbert criticizes the Republicans for backpedaling on their trust in Smirnov as a credible informant. The paragraph ends with Colbert promising more humor on international follies, suggesting a global perspective on political stupidity.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Mitch McConnell
💡Joe Biden
💡Donald Trump
💡Ukraine
💡Impeachment
💡Hunter Biden
💡Late Show
💡Satire
💡Kremlin
💡Partisan Politics
Highlights
Mitch McConnell announces stepping down as the Senate Republican leader, effective in November.
Stephen Colbert humorously reflects on McConnell's career and his 'fond shamble down memory lane'.
Joe Biden wins the Michigan Democratic primary with 81% of the vote.
A campaign to register discontent with Biden's policies on Israel leads to 13.3% of votes for 'uncommitted'.
Maryann Williamson unsuspends her campaign after receiving 3% of the vote.
Dean Phillips' humorous reaction to his primary performance.
Donald Trump faces warning signs despite winning against Nikki Haley in the Republican side.
Lawmakers reach a deal to avert a US government shutdown.
23 European parliaments send an open letter to Mike Johnson urging aid for Ukraine.
Republicans' impeachment efforts against Joe Biden focus on Hunter Biden.
Alexander Smirnov charged with lying to the FBI, undermining GOP's impeachment case.
House Republicans' shifting stance on Smirnov's credibility.
Stephen Colbert's commentary on the global and domestic political landscape.
Transcripts
[Applause]
welcome in here out there Mr and Mrs
America and all the ships at Sea to The
Late Show I am your host stepen colar
and there
is everybody knows everybody everybody's
heard this big news from Washington DC
today because this just this just
happened this afternoon right just a
little while ago Mitch McConnell
announced he will step down as the
Senate Republican
leader but um is this true he's not
stepping down till November W because at
82 that's how long it takes him to
step McConnell uh made his announcement
on the senate floor and then took a fond
shamble down memory lane my career in
the United States Senate
began amidst the Reagan
Revolution the truth
is when I got here I was just happy if
anybody remembered my
name president Reagan called me Mitch
O'Donnell close enough I thought well
that's that's very big of you bitcho
dumb
nuts it's not very
nice that's not that's not
very the Smart
Choice I've had my differences with
Mitch McConnell over the years that's no
secret but the truth is he he's an old
man he served in our senate for almost
four decades and so I just want to put
side politics for a moment and say
sincerely
[Applause]
uh yesterday uh both parties held their
primaries in the great state of Michigan
and on the Democrat
yeah yes thank
you and on the Democratic side Biden won
with 81% of the
vote 81% 1% for every year he's been
alive and God help us that joke
Works coming in second place behind
Biden was
uncommitted with
13.3% now this was the result of an
organized campaign to register
discontent about Biden's policies on
Israel and was designed to be a warning
from progressives young voters and Arab
American Democrats so these are people
who previously supported Biden just
wanted to send him a message to change
his behavior it's like how you would
tell a child you can't have dessert
until you clean your room and figure out
who gets
Jerusalem the next highest vote getter
was Maryann Williamson who got 3% even
though she had already dropped out of
the
race that showing inspired her to
unsuspend her campaign today that's the
ultimate proof that she's an optimist
she always sees the glass as 3%
full Williamson beat out a candidate who
is still in the race Dean Phillips who
got 2.7% afterwards Phillips tweeted if
you resent me for the audacity to
challenge Joe Biden at least you'll
appreciate how relatively strong I'm
making him look among primary voters yep
that's like a guy saying to his ex hey
you got to admit thanks to me sex with
your new boyfriend must seem pretty
great
H now but Dean Dino buddy I can tell
you're feeling low so let's let's have a
little
talk hey
pal sometimes in life you take a big
swing and it just doesn't work out we've
all had times when we put ourselves out
there and then lost to a a protest vote
and the lady who wasn't
running you might feel like you don't
want to show your face right now but you
listen to me Dean Phillips you go out
there and you hold your head up high
because no one knows what your face
looks
like they strong
now everybody
Hurts uh over on the Republican side
Donald Trump easily beat Nikki Haley but
but there were some warning signs for
him in every primary so far Trump has
done significantly worse than the polls
predicted ahead of time in Iowa he
underperformed by two points in New
Hampshire it was seven points in South
Carolina he did worse by eight points
and last night he underperformed by 15
points if this trend continues by
November he will get Negative 23% of the
vote
yes or as he calls it total
[Applause]
Victory as usual as usual Trump did
particularly badly with college educated
voters possibly because they all had to
take the prere course polyi 101 intro to
don't vote for
Hitler there's also good news sure no
Hitler
oh oh there's good news about the
government we still have one because
it's just this afternoon right this
afternoon lawmakers reached a deal to
avert a US Government shutdown that's
nice but didn't we just do this three
other times in the last six months why
are we celebrating something that should
always happen this is like a school
principal getting on the PA and saying
uh good news students today's lunch
food what what what the deal uh does not
have in it is any funding for Ukraine
thanks to house speaker and evil Simon
chipmunk Mike
Johnson now the president the president
the president of the United States
Senate Republicans and Democrats all
support funding Ukraine so yesterday
there was a big meeting at the White
House where Johnson was cornered on
Ukraine Aid by Chuck Schumer President
Biden and Mitch McConnell they gave
Johnson the old good cop old cop might
be head
cop the entire free world the entire
free world is behind helping Ukraine now
this week the foreign minister of Poland
addressed Johnson directly saying I'd
like Mike Johnson to know that the whole
world is watching and if the bill were
not to pass and Ukraine was to suffer
reversals on the battlefield it will be
his responsibility adding I cannot
believe the fate of the world rests in
the hands of a man whose son gets phone
alert when he say rubbing mustard on his
Kil
now
kilbas delicious
kilbas on top of that 23 European
parliaments have S Mike Johnson an open
letter urging him to provide aid for
Ukraine 23 countries the only thing that
unites Europeans more than Mike Johnson
are weird standup toilets and pants
tight enough to show the outline of your
Mike
Johnson now it is it is uh no mystery in
case you're wondering why uh republicans
in Congress don't support Ukraine and
that reason is called Donald Trump he
loves him some Putin and we found out
just how much he loves him from former
Australian prime minister Malcolm
Turnbull seen here trying to discreetly
determine if his finger smells like
butt
[Applause]
no discreetly that's discreetly turull
was on an Australian news show and he
described his experience at
International Summits watching Trump
meet Putin I've been with Trump and
Putin uh Trump is in awe of Putin he's
uh when you see Trump with Putin as I
have on a few occasions he's like the
12-year-old boy that goes to high school
and meets the captain of the football
team my hero it is really creepy okay
that is an insulting
comparison to 12-year-old
boys if one of them if a 12-year-old
boy if a 12-year-old boy met Putin he
wouldn't idolize him he would look him
straight in the eye and say wait we're
the same
height but if you want to see the
Russian influence in the Republican
Party look no further than their sham
impeachment of Joe Biden which they hope
to accomplish by first attacking Hunter
Biden Hunter was on Capitol Hill today
to testify in front front of the
impeachment committee now we don't know
what he said but we do know that the GOP
case is imploding thanks to their star
witness Alexander smirnov seen here not
being seen
here back in 2020 smov told his FBI
Handler that he could testify that the
owner of the Ukrainian Energy company
barisma had arranged to pay $5 million
bribes to both President Biden and his
son Hunter okay that's what you'd call a
Smoking Gun okay if it were smoking
or a gun turns out it was just a finger
and yes smells like
butt
now worth it right
there now now now back then the FBI
warned Republicans this information was
unverified but that not stop them from
staking their entire case on this clown
key now it turns out that might have
been an Oopsy Daisy because now smov has
been charged with lying to the FBI and
creating false records and has admitted
that he had been fed information about
Hunter Biden from Russia's intelligence
Services the republicans in Congress
trying to impeach the president of the
United States based on false information
piped directly into Capitol Hill by the
Kremlin at any other point in human
history this would be a scandal of such
magnitude and gravity that it would tilt
the Earth off its orbit around the Sun
but you don't hear much about it because
half of the media in the United States
is focused on the scandal of old man is
old and likes ice
cream now
now I like ice cream
too now that there star Witnesses Behind
Bars House Republicans are backpedaling
like a tweaked out circus bear on a
unicycle until last week keep in mind
until last week they called this man a
trusted highly credible informant who is
was a very crucial piece of their
investigation but now this is what
they're saying he wasn't an important
part of the case but it was a tip that
we should investigate talking about
smaroff
he's part of this puzzle he's a very
small piece
right yeah he's a micro
piece bad news fellas there's no such
thing as a micro piece of Russian spy if
your hot dog has even a micro piece of
turd it's a turd
dog they're all turd dogs we got a great
show for you tonight my guests are Chris
Hayes and Carrie Preston but when we
come back I've got some great news
there's plenty of stupid in other
countries as well stick
[Applause]
[Music]
around
[Music]
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