McConnell Walks Away | Trump’s Creepy Putin Infatuation | House GOP’s Russian Spy Scandal

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
28 Feb 202412:10

Summary

TLDRIn this episode of 'The Late Show,' host Stephen Colbert addresses recent political events with his signature wit. He discusses Mitch McConnell's announcement to step down as Senate Republican leader, poking fun at his age, and comments on the primary election results in Michigan, highlighting Biden's win and the implications for other candidates. Colbert also touches on Donald Trump's declining support among educated voters and the ongoing issues with government funding, particularly concerning aid to Ukraine. He criticizes the Republican party's attempt to impeach Joe Biden based on discredited information, all while maintaining a humorous tone.

Takeaways

  • 😆 Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell announced he will step down in November at age 82, reflecting on his long career.
  • 🗳️ In the Michigan Democratic primary, Biden won with 81% of the vote, while an 'uncommitted' vote aimed to send him a warning from progressives and Arab-American Democrats.
  • 😕 Despite dropping out, Marianne Williamson received 3% of the vote, inspiring her to 'unsuspend' her campaign.
  • 🤷‍♂️ On the Republican side, Trump easily beat Nikki Haley but underperformed compared to polls, continuing a trend that could see him get negative votes by November.
  • 💰 Lawmakers reached a deal to avert a government shutdown, but without funding for Ukraine due to House Speaker Mike Johnson's opposition.
  • 🇺🇦 The world is urging Johnson to provide aid for Ukraine, with the Polish foreign minister warning it will be his responsibility if Ukraine suffers without it.
  • 😍 Former Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull described Trump as being 'in awe' of Putin, likening it to a 12-year-old boy idolizing the captain of the football team.
  • 🕵️‍♂️ The GOP's impeachment case against Biden is imploding after their star witness, Alexander Smirnov, admitted to being fed information by Russian intelligence.
  • 🤥 Republicans initially called Smirnov a 'trusted' and 'highly credible' informant but are now backpedaling and downplaying his role.
  • 🍦 Colbert joked that the scandal of 'old man likes ice cream' gets more attention than the Republicans relying on Russian disinformation to impeach the President.

Q & A

  • Did Mitch McConnell announce his intention to step down as the Senate Republican leader?

    -Yes, Mitch McConnell announced he would step down as the Senate Republican leader.

  • What humorous reason was given for Mitch McConnell's delay in stepping down?

    -The humorous reason given for Mitch McConnell's delay in stepping down was that at 82 years old, that's how long it takes him to step down.

  • How did Mitch McConnell reference the start of his career in the Senate?

    -Mitch McConnell referenced the start of his career in the Senate as beginning amidst the Reagan Revolution.

  • What was the result of the Democratic primary in Michigan mentioned in the script?

    -In the Democratic primary in Michigan, Biden won with 81% of the vote.

  • What was the purpose of the organized campaign to register discontent with Biden's policies on Israel?

    -The purpose of the organized campaign was to send a message to Biden to change his behavior, particularly regarding his policies on Israel.

  • What was the unusual step Maryann Williamson took after receiving 3% of the vote?

    -Maryann Williamson unsuspended her campaign after receiving 3% of the vote, despite having already dropped out of the race.

  • What was the performance gap between Donald Trump's actual primary results and the polls' predictions?

    -Donald Trump consistently performed worse than the polls predicted, with underperformance ranging from two points in Iowa to 15 points in one of the primaries.

  • What was achieved by lawmakers that prevented a government shutdown?

    -Lawmakers reached a deal to avert a U.S. government shutdown.

  • What was Mike Johnson's stance on funding for Ukraine?

    -Mike Johnson, depicted negatively, was resistant to including funding for Ukraine in the government funding deal.

  • What serious accusation is made against the Republicans' impeachment efforts against Joe Biden?

    -The Republicans' impeachment efforts against Joe Biden are accused of being based on false information provided by Russia's intelligence services.

Outlines

00:00

😂 Late Show: McConnell's Departure & Political Satire

The first paragraph humorously discusses Mitch McConnell's announcement to step down as Senate Republican leader, with Stephen Colbert poking fun at his age. It also includes satirical commentary on the Michigan primaries, highlighting Joe Biden's win and the results' implications. The segment takes a comedic look at other candidates like Marianne Williamson and Dean Phillips, using humor to comment on their performances and public perceptions. Additionally, Colbert touches on Donald Trump's performance in Republican primaries, using hyperbole to illustrate Trump's decreasing popularity among voters.

05:04

🤔 Political Insights: Government Shutdown & Ukraine Aid

This paragraph covers the avoidance of a U.S. government shutdown and the lack of Ukraine funding in the deal, satirically critiquing House Speaker Mike Johnson's stance. The segment humorously discusses international pressure on Johnson to support Ukraine, with references to European opinions and Donald Trump's admiration for Putin. It also delves into the Republican Party's impeachment efforts against Joe Biden, focusing on the unreliable testimony of Alexander Smirnov, a key witness. The content is laced with satire, criticizing the Republicans' reliance on information from dubious sources and highlighting the irony in their actions.

10:04

😲 Shocking Revelations: Russian Influence & Global Stupidity

In the final paragraph, Colbert discusses the implications of Hunter Biden's testimony before the impeachment committee and the Republicans' reliance on false information from Russian intelligence. The segment emphasizes the scandalous nature of these revelations and the media's lack of focus on this major issue. Colbert criticizes the Republicans for backpedaling on their trust in Smirnov as a credible informant. The paragraph ends with Colbert promising more humor on international follies, suggesting a global perspective on political stupidity.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Mitch McConnell

Mitch McConnell is a long-serving Republican Senator from Kentucky and the former Senate Majority Leader. The video announces his planned retirement from the Senate in November, after nearly four decades of service. It pokes fun at his age (82) and the time it takes him to 'step down'. McConnell's farewell speech on the Senate floor is quoted, reminiscing about being called 'Mitch O'Donnell' by President Reagan.

💡Joe Biden

Joe Biden is the current President of the United States and was the Democratic nominee in the 2020 election. The video discusses Biden's victory in the Michigan Democratic primary with 81% of the vote, joking about this percentage matching his age. It also mentions progressive discontent with Biden's policies on Israel, which led to an 'uncommitted' protest vote against him. Biden's low performance with some voters is highlighted.

💡Donald Trump

Donald Trump is the former Republican President and a candidate in the 2024 election. The video covers Trump's primary wins but notes warning signs like underperforming compared to polls. It suggests Trump's admiration for Putin, quoting a former Australian PM saying Trump is 'in awe' of Putin. The Republican Party's pro-Russian stance and reliance on Kremlin-fed disinformation to impeach Biden are also discussed.

💡Ukraine

The ongoing Russian invasion of Ukraine is a major theme. The video criticizes the Republican party's reluctance to provide aid to Ukraine, which is supported by Biden, Democrats, and U.S. allies. It mocks Republicans for opposing Ukraine funding due to Trump's affinity for Putin. The importance of continued U.S. support for Ukraine's defense is emphasized.

💡Impeachment

The video discusses Republican efforts to impeach President Biden, centred on unsubstantiated allegations of corruption involving Biden's son Hunter and the Ukrainian energy company Burisma. A key Republican witness (Alexander Smirnov) admitted being fed disinformation by Russian intelligence, undermining the impeachment case. The gravity of Republicans relying on Kremlin disinformation to impeach the President is highlighted.

💡Hunter Biden

Hunter Biden is the son of President Joe Biden. The video mentions his testimony to the Republican impeachment committee regarding alleged corruption at Burisma. It ridicules the Republican fixation on Hunter as a way to attack the President, even after their key witness against the Bidens was charged with lying and working with Russian intelligence.

💡Late Show

The 'Late Show' refers to the popular late-night talk show hosted by Stephen Colbert, from which this monologue script is taken. Colbert uses humor and satire to comment on current political events and news, like McConnell's retirement, the Biden impeachment efforts, and disputes over Ukraine aid.

💡Satire

Satire is the use of humor, irony, and exaggeration to expose or criticize people's vices or follies, often in politics and current events. The entire monologue is steeped in satire, mocking political figures and parties through jokes, analogies (e.g., comparing Trump to a lovestruck 12-year-old), and hyperbolic statements about scandals' magnitude.

💡Kremlin

The Kremlin refers to the official residence of the Russian President in Moscow, and by extension, the Russian government itself. The video accuses the Republican Party of relying on Kremlin disinformation from Russian intelligence to build its case for impeaching President Biden over Ukraine. This alleged Russian interference is portrayed as a grave scandal.

💡Partisan Politics

Partisan politics refers to the bitter divide and conflict between the two major political parties in the U.S. - Republicans and Democrats. The monologue highlights this partisan divide through issues like Republican opposition to Ukraine aid due to Trump's Putin affinity, versus Democratic support for Ukraine. The Republican impeachment efforts against Biden are framed as extremely partisan.

Highlights

Mitch McConnell announces stepping down as the Senate Republican leader, effective in November.

Stephen Colbert humorously reflects on McConnell's career and his 'fond shamble down memory lane'.

Joe Biden wins the Michigan Democratic primary with 81% of the vote.

A campaign to register discontent with Biden's policies on Israel leads to 13.3% of votes for 'uncommitted'.

Maryann Williamson unsuspends her campaign after receiving 3% of the vote.

Dean Phillips' humorous reaction to his primary performance.

Donald Trump faces warning signs despite winning against Nikki Haley in the Republican side.

Lawmakers reach a deal to avert a US government shutdown.

23 European parliaments send an open letter to Mike Johnson urging aid for Ukraine.

Republicans' impeachment efforts against Joe Biden focus on Hunter Biden.

Alexander Smirnov charged with lying to the FBI, undermining GOP's impeachment case.

House Republicans' shifting stance on Smirnov's credibility.

Stephen Colbert's commentary on the global and domestic political landscape.

Transcripts

00:00

[Applause]

00:00

welcome in here out there Mr and Mrs

00:02

America and all the ships at Sea to The

00:05

Late Show I am your host stepen colar

00:08

and there

00:09

is everybody knows everybody everybody's

00:12

heard this big news from Washington DC

00:15

today because this just this just

00:17

happened this afternoon right just a

00:18

little while ago Mitch McConnell

00:20

announced he will step down as the

00:21

Senate Republican

00:24

leader but um is this true he's not

00:28

stepping down till November W because at

00:31

82 that's how long it takes him to

00:35

step McConnell uh made his announcement

00:38

on the senate floor and then took a fond

00:41

shamble down memory lane my career in

00:44

the United States Senate

00:46

began amidst the Reagan

00:49

Revolution the truth

00:52

is when I got here I was just happy if

00:55

anybody remembered my

00:58

name president Reagan called me Mitch

01:03

O'Donnell close enough I thought well

01:07

that's that's very big of you bitcho

01:09

dumb

01:10

nuts it's not very

01:12

nice that's not that's not

01:16

very the Smart

01:18

Choice I've had my differences with

01:20

Mitch McConnell over the years that's no

01:22

secret but the truth is he he's an old

01:25

man he served in our senate for almost

01:28

four decades and so I just want to put

01:30

side politics for a moment and say

01:33

sincerely

01:41

[Applause]

01:50

uh yesterday uh both parties held their

01:53

primaries in the great state of Michigan

01:55

and on the Democrat

01:58

yeah yes thank

02:00

you and on the Democratic side Biden won

02:03

with 81% of the

02:09

vote 81% 1% for every year he's been

02:14

alive and God help us that joke

02:18

Works coming in second place behind

02:20

Biden was

02:21

uncommitted with

02:23

13.3% now this was the result of an

02:25

organized campaign to register

02:28

discontent about Biden's policies on

02:30

Israel and was designed to be a warning

02:33

from progressives young voters and Arab

02:35

American Democrats so these are people

02:37

who previously supported Biden just

02:39

wanted to send him a message to change

02:41

his behavior it's like how you would

02:43

tell a child you can't have dessert

02:45

until you clean your room and figure out

02:47

who gets

02:49

Jerusalem the next highest vote getter

02:51

was Maryann Williamson who got 3% even

02:55

though she had already dropped out of

02:56

the

02:57

race that showing inspired her to

02:59

unsuspend her campaign today that's the

03:02

ultimate proof that she's an optimist

03:04

she always sees the glass as 3%

03:08

full Williamson beat out a candidate who

03:11

is still in the race Dean Phillips who

03:14

got 2.7% afterwards Phillips tweeted if

03:18

you resent me for the audacity to

03:20

challenge Joe Biden at least you'll

03:22

appreciate how relatively strong I'm

03:24

making him look among primary voters yep

03:28

that's like a guy saying to his ex hey

03:30

you got to admit thanks to me sex with

03:32

your new boyfriend must seem pretty

03:34

great

03:41

H now but Dean Dino buddy I can tell

03:46

you're feeling low so let's let's have a

03:48

little

03:50

talk hey

03:52

pal sometimes in life you take a big

03:54

swing and it just doesn't work out we've

03:56

all had times when we put ourselves out

03:58

there and then lost to a a protest vote

04:00

and the lady who wasn't

04:03

running you might feel like you don't

04:05

want to show your face right now but you

04:06

listen to me Dean Phillips you go out

04:09

there and you hold your head up high

04:11

because no one knows what your face

04:13

looks

04:15

like they strong

04:19

now everybody

04:24

Hurts uh over on the Republican side

04:27

Donald Trump easily beat Nikki Haley but

04:29

but there were some warning signs for

04:31

him in every primary so far Trump has

04:34

done significantly worse than the polls

04:36

predicted ahead of time in Iowa he

04:38

underperformed by two points in New

04:41

Hampshire it was seven points in South

04:43

Carolina he did worse by eight points

04:45

and last night he underperformed by 15

04:48

points if this trend continues by

04:50

November he will get Negative 23% of the

04:58

vote

05:03

yes or as he calls it total

05:08

[Applause]

05:09

Victory as usual as usual Trump did

05:13

particularly badly with college educated

05:15

voters possibly because they all had to

05:17

take the prere course polyi 101 intro to

05:21

don't vote for

05:22

Hitler there's also good news sure no

05:28

Hitler

05:31

oh oh there's good news about the

05:32

government we still have one because

05:35

it's just this afternoon right this

05:37

afternoon lawmakers reached a deal to

05:39

avert a US Government shutdown that's

05:42

nice but didn't we just do this three

05:45

other times in the last six months why

05:48

are we celebrating something that should

05:50

always happen this is like a school

05:52

principal getting on the PA and saying

05:54

uh good news students today's lunch

05:58

food what what what the deal uh does not

06:01

have in it is any funding for Ukraine

06:04

thanks to house speaker and evil Simon

06:06

chipmunk Mike

06:08

Johnson now the president the president

06:10

the president of the United States

06:12

Senate Republicans and Democrats all

06:14

support funding Ukraine so yesterday

06:17

there was a big meeting at the White

06:18

House where Johnson was cornered on

06:20

Ukraine Aid by Chuck Schumer President

06:23

Biden and Mitch McConnell they gave

06:25

Johnson the old good cop old cop might

06:29

be head

06:31

cop the entire free world the entire

06:34

free world is behind helping Ukraine now

06:36

this week the foreign minister of Poland

06:39

addressed Johnson directly saying I'd

06:41

like Mike Johnson to know that the whole

06:43

world is watching and if the bill were

06:45

not to pass and Ukraine was to suffer

06:47

reversals on the battlefield it will be

06:50

his responsibility adding I cannot

06:52

believe the fate of the world rests in

06:54

the hands of a man whose son gets phone

06:56

alert when he say rubbing mustard on his

06:59

Kil

07:01

now

07:03

kilbas delicious

07:05

kilbas on top of that 23 European

07:08

parliaments have S Mike Johnson an open

07:10

letter urging him to provide aid for

07:14

Ukraine 23 countries the only thing that

07:17

unites Europeans more than Mike Johnson

07:20

are weird standup toilets and pants

07:22

tight enough to show the outline of your

07:24

Mike

07:26

Johnson now it is it is uh no mystery in

07:29

case you're wondering why uh republicans

07:32

in Congress don't support Ukraine and

07:33

that reason is called Donald Trump he

07:36

loves him some Putin and we found out

07:39

just how much he loves him from former

07:41

Australian prime minister Malcolm

07:42

Turnbull seen here trying to discreetly

07:44

determine if his finger smells like

07:47

butt

07:51

[Applause]

07:52

no discreetly that's discreetly turull

07:56

was on an Australian news show and he

07:58

described his experience at

08:00

International Summits watching Trump

08:02

meet Putin I've been with Trump and

08:04

Putin uh Trump is in awe of Putin he's

08:08

uh when you see Trump with Putin as I

08:10

have on a few occasions he's like the

08:15

12-year-old boy that goes to high school

08:18

and meets the captain of the football

08:21

team my hero it is really creepy okay

08:25

that is an insulting

08:28

comparison to 12-year-old

08:30

boys if one of them if a 12-year-old

08:36

boy if a 12-year-old boy met Putin he

08:39

wouldn't idolize him he would look him

08:41

straight in the eye and say wait we're

08:42

the same

08:44

height but if you want to see the

08:47

Russian influence in the Republican

08:48

Party look no further than their sham

08:50

impeachment of Joe Biden which they hope

08:52

to accomplish by first attacking Hunter

08:54

Biden Hunter was on Capitol Hill today

08:57

to testify in front front of the

08:59

impeachment committee now we don't know

09:01

what he said but we do know that the GOP

09:04

case is imploding thanks to their star

09:06

witness Alexander smirnov seen here not

09:10

being seen

09:11

here back in 2020 smov told his FBI

09:14

Handler that he could testify that the

09:17

owner of the Ukrainian Energy company

09:19

barisma had arranged to pay $5 million

09:21

bribes to both President Biden and his

09:24

son Hunter okay that's what you'd call a

09:26

Smoking Gun okay if it were smoking

09:30

or a gun turns out it was just a finger

09:34

and yes smells like

09:36

butt

09:38

now worth it right

09:45

there now now now back then the FBI

09:47

warned Republicans this information was

09:49

unverified but that not stop them from

09:52

staking their entire case on this clown

09:54

key now it turns out that might have

09:56

been an Oopsy Daisy because now smov has

09:59

been charged with lying to the FBI and

10:02

creating false records and has admitted

10:04

that he had been fed information about

10:06

Hunter Biden from Russia's intelligence

10:08

Services the republicans in Congress

10:11

trying to impeach the president of the

10:13

United States based on false information

10:15

piped directly into Capitol Hill by the

10:18

Kremlin at any other point in human

10:21

history this would be a scandal of such

10:23

magnitude and gravity that it would tilt

10:25

the Earth off its orbit around the Sun

10:28

but you don't hear much about it because

10:29

half of the media in the United States

10:31

is focused on the scandal of old man is

10:33

old and likes ice

10:35

cream now

10:39

now I like ice cream

10:45

too now that there star Witnesses Behind

10:47

Bars House Republicans are backpedaling

10:49

like a tweaked out circus bear on a

10:51

unicycle until last week keep in mind

10:54

until last week they called this man a

10:56

trusted highly credible informant who is

10:59

was a very crucial piece of their

11:01

investigation but now this is what

11:02

they're saying he wasn't an important

11:04

part of the case but it was a tip that

11:06

we should investigate talking about

11:08

smaroff

11:09

he's part of this puzzle he's a very

11:12

small piece

11:13

right yeah he's a micro

11:18

piece bad news fellas there's no such

11:21

thing as a micro piece of Russian spy if

11:24

your hot dog has even a micro piece of

11:27

turd it's a turd

11:31

dog they're all turd dogs we got a great

11:34

show for you tonight my guests are Chris

11:37

Hayes and Carrie Preston but when we

11:40

come back I've got some great news

11:42

there's plenty of stupid in other

11:45

countries as well stick

11:48

[Applause]

11:50

[Music]

11:57

around

11:59

[Music]