An Incorrect Summary of Elden Ring | Rot & Gold
Summary
TLDRIn this humorous and adventurous playthrough of Elden Ring, the player embarks on a quest to slay God, facing formidable foes like the fire giant and dragon lord. The journey takes them through treacherous landscapes, including a snowfield teeming with wildlife and a mysterious Dark World. The highlight is the encounter with Melenia, Blade of Mika, a challenging boss known for her speed, endurance, and relentless attacks. The player's narrative is filled with wit and sarcasm, making light of the game's intense and sometimes frustrating moments, all while showcasing the game's rich lore and immersive environments.
Takeaways
- 🎮 The script is a humorous commentary on a playthrough of the game 'Elden Ring', where the player embarks on a quest to kill God.
- 🔥 The player encounters various challenging enemies, including the mighty fire giant and the dragon lord.
- 🌲 The game features a mysterious and mythical location known as the 'Halig Tree', which is a sanctuary for various characters.
- 🤣 The commentary includes comedic elements and sarcasm, such as the player's struggle with navigating the game without a map and the absurdity of certain in-game scenarios.
- 🐺 The game world is filled with diverse creatures, from existential nihilist rats to wolves and the putrid albinar Grace.
- 🕹️ The player experiences technical difficulties and frustrations, such as blindness and hallucinations, which add to the humor.
- 🏰 The script describes a journey through various landscapes, including a snowfield, a village of disabled women, and a town called Ordina.
- 🌌 The game has a 'Dark World' with invisible ninjas and other challenges, adding to the game's difficulty and intrigue.
- 🛡️ The player faces a boss fight with a character named Melenia, the Blade of Mika, which is described as an extremely challenging and punishing encounter.
- 🤖 The script also mentions the player's interaction with the game's AI and mechanics, such as healing and dodging enemy attacks.
- 🏆 The player's ultimate goal is to conquer the challenging boss fights and achieve victory, despite the game's high level of difficulty.
Q & A
What was the main objective of the hero in the last episode of Elden Ring?
-The main objective of the hero was to kill God, a task that led them through various challenges and hellscapes.
What creatures did the hero encounter during their journey in Elden Ring?
-The hero encountered the mighty fire giant, the dragon lord, the Avatar of death, the sanguin Lord of blood and incest, and various other creatures.
What is the significance of the mythical Halig Tree in the script?
-The mythical Halig Tree is a place of shelter for the forgotten and the forlorn, and it is a destination the hero had to reach.
How does the script describe the environment of the Consecrated Snowfield?
-The Consecrated Snowfield is described as a beautiful and secluded sanctuary for the lost and forlorn, with various wildlife and a cool portal.
What is the script's commentary on the difficulty of navigating the game without guidance?
-The script humorously comments on the challenge of navigating the game without Google Maps, suggesting it's like wandering aimlessly through a winter storm.
What is the tone of the script when describing the game's environments and challenges?
-The tone of the script is humorous and sarcastic, with the narrator making light of the game's difficult and sometimes absurd challenges.
What is the significance of the village of disabled women mentioned in the script?
-The village of disabled women is a part of the game's setting that the script uses to highlight the game's dark humor and the player's interactions with NPCs.
What is the script's description of the Dark World in Elden Ring?
-The Dark World is described as a place that isn't really bad if you don't run into the invisible ninjas, suggesting a challenging and mysterious environment.
How does the script characterize the boss fight with Melenia, Blade of Mika?
-The script characterizes the boss fight with Melenia as extremely challenging, requiring absolute perfection and punishing the player for every mistake.
What is the final boss mentioned in the script, and why is it considered a significant challenge?
-The final boss mentioned is Melenia, Blade of Mika. It is considered a significant challenge due to its fast attacks, long combos, and the ability to gain health after every hit.
Outlines
🔥 The Quest for Divine Conquest
The script opens with a recap of the previous episode of Elden Ring, which aired nine months prior. The protagonist embarks on a noble yet daunting mission to slay God, leading them through treacherous peaks, formidable challenges, and harrowing hellscapes. The journey includes battles with formidable foes such as a fire giant, a dragon lord, and a mysterious entity referred to as 'plac.' The protagonist also encounters the Lord of Blood and Incest, and traverses the secret trails of the Forsaken to reach the mythical Halig Tree. The narrative is filled with humor and sarcasm, as the player navigates through a winter storm and a consecrated snowfield, encountering various creatures and portals along the way.
🏰 The Haling Tree: Sanctuary and Strife
The second paragraph delves into the exploration of the Haling Tree, a sanctuary for the forgotten and the forlorn, and a home to giant ants. The protagonist, accompanied by a character named Kyote Peterson, navigates through a town that resembles a McDonald's jungle gym, highlighting the absurdity and danger of the game's environment. The script humorously addresses the challenges of navigating the town's infrastructure, such as the lack of railings and the presence of death cannons. The protagonist also encounters various characters and creatures, including a boss fight with a character named Loretta, who is described as having an overwhelming amount of magic. The narrative continues with the protagonist's descent into the city of El Fail Brace, where they face more trials and tribulations.
🗡 The Relentless Battle with Melenia, Blade of Mika
The third paragraph focuses on an intense and challenging boss fight against Melenia, the Blade of Mika. The boss is characterized as fast, resilient, and possessing long chain combos, making the battle a test of endurance and precision. The protagonist struggles with the boss's unpredictable attack patterns and the high stakes of each mistake, which can lead to significant setbacks. The script humorously describes the boss's confidence and the player's attempts to outmaneuver her, culminating in a climactic battle that demands absolute perfection from the player. The narrative emphasizes the difficulty and the player's determination to overcome this formidable adversary.
🎶 The Scarlet Rod: A Foreshadowing of Horror
The final paragraph is a brief musical interlude, setting the stage for an impending battle with the Scarlet Rod. The script teases the audience with the promise of a horrific confrontation, suggesting that the protagonist is about to face a formidable and terrifying foe. The music builds anticipation for the upcoming challenge, leaving the audience eager to witness the outcome of this climactic battle.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Elden Ring
💡Mighty Fire Giant
💡Dragon Lord
💡Avatar of Death
💡Sanguin Lord of Blood
💡Halig Tree
💡Consecrated Snowfield
💡Ordina
💡Dark World
💡Melenia, Blade of Mika
💡Scarlet
Highlights
Hero embarks on a quest to kill God, encountering various challenges and hellish landscapes.
Fights include battles with a mighty fire giant and the dragon lord.
Encounter with the Avatar of death, who ironically also kills the player.
Defeats the Sanguin Lord of blood and incest, with reasons left undisclosed.
Braving the secret trails of The Forsaken to reach the mythical Halig tree.
The player humorously navigates a winter storm without any guidance.
A dungeon is humorously compared to playing Minecraft in a cave.
The player expresses discomfort and unease upon encountering a mysterious enemy.
A surprising encounter with a woman that the player can't defeat.
A village of disabled women whose wheelchairs are executed in response to aggression.
The Dark World is portrayed as a normal and okay place, contrary to expectations.
The player humorously describes the difficulty of fighting a boss with an ungodly amount of magic.
A boss fight against Melenia, Blade of Mika, is described as a punishing marathon.
The player humorously struggles with a boss that demands absolute perfection.
The player expresses a mutual desire to defeat and be defeated by the boss.
The player humorously prepares to face the Scarlet of Rod, promising a display of true horror.
Transcripts
on the last episode of Elden ring which
was 9 months ago you could have had a
child during that time our hero set out
once again with the noble and realistic
goal of killing God a task that led them
to the highest of Peaks the greatest of
challenges and to the most terrifying of
hellscapes hidden from the likes of God
and man there they fought the likes of
the mighty fire giant clashed with the
dragon lord
plac how do you pronounce that Tangled
with the literal Avatar of death who yes
does kill you defeated the sanguin Lord
of blood who for undisclosed reasons is
also the Lord of incest no I will not
explain that and finally Brave the
secret Trails of The Forsaken to reach
the mythical halig tree is what I would
say if I uh could see anything talk
about a cold reception guys
um guys they didn't even put enemies
here Gary
I got
to Jesus [ __ ] Christ wandering
aimlessly through the winter storm
Ambience with icy howling sounds for
sleeping relaxing and studying
background we arrive at what I think is
the right way but is obviously not I uh
thought it would be funny to play
without Google Maps I'm sure this
dungeon is going to be a lot of fun mod
is a weird [ __ ] straight B outside
okay scratch that up Garfield is on
[ __ ] meth right now he gets really
excited for that
lasagna oh my God it actually
works oh my God it's these [ __ ]
[Music]
again I'm not even hacking this one it's
just [ __ ]
up emerging from our bout of blindness
and hallucinations I do not care who is
gangstalking me I will not take my meds
we arrive at the consecrated snowfield
it's
a yeah I had to fight my own demons
today A beautiful and secluded Sanctuary
for the lost and the forlorn which is
fantasy speak for various racial
minorities and if I have to spend one
more godamn minute in this cave I am
going to remind them exactly what
happened to Castle M and no I don't care
how much crack you give the dog princess
doesn't bite we've got all kinds of
wildlife in the snowfield like
existential nihilist rat that's the ual
lore by the way a healthy wolf
population and the putrid albinar Grace
I love all of God's creatures unless
they can run faster than me we also have
this cool portal that leads you to the
up take me back I do not wish to be here
again The Blood Lake really U affects
the Vibes 410 billion 757 million 86453
just watch the last part
[Music]
please you're playing Minecraft in a
cave looking for diamonds that's funny
I'm in the same cave looking for my
nurse I am definitely going to hell
soon holy [ __ ] what is that it makes me
feel very uneasy I feel like I'm
fighting a [ __ ] baby sensory video
really big fan of the move he uh leaves
this universe
you know personally I'm a not a big fan
of the saturation artillery it can have
a bit of a negative effect on the frame
rate you see this enemy has a cool trick
to it and it's a don't look at it oh my
God I I can't quite believe it it's a
woman I can't beat to death this is the
best day of my
life do you [ __ ] mind buddy wandering
past the gigantic carpet bombing we
arrive at the Village of disabled women
and respond to their aggression by
executing their wheelchairs I've got
that dog in me and he is now euthanized
this is ordina a town which guards a
mysterious magic gate and is home to an
even more
mysterious parallel universe where
everyone is really nice to me and
fromsoft develops normal games how did
you get on the roof without legs kind of
sensing some [ __ ] around here also
yes I did color correct it like this be
glad I haven't flipped the screen yet
honestly the Dark World isn't really
that bad if you don't run into the uh
six invisible ninjas I mean I guess they
wouldn't be good ninjas if you could see
them I love the Dark World uh it's okay
everything is normal and okay in the
Dark World
[Music]
oh my god there it is the mythical
haling tree shelter to the forgotten the
salvation of the forlorn home to the
giant ants it's just so beautiful to
behold uh
uh please shut the [ __ ] up running past
the tenius national anthem who by the
way up drop this cool
horn just wanted to show you that and
the best episode of Brave Wilderness I'm
kyote Peterson and I'm about to be
bitten we enter the mysterious haling
tree town home in habitat of the many
minorities that I have spent the entire
game brutally slaughtering uh no hard
feelings right guys sorry about what
happened to your dad by the way everyone
is welcome in the haling tree except for
the handicap in which case [ __ ] you
apparently go back to your parallel
Dimension this town is built in a very
similar fashion to a McDonald's jungle
gym they really got everything right in
regards to the U bugs and diseases view
is fantastic but uh I have to assail the
Gap to enter my house what hate crime
did stairs commit these little shits are
going to have an aneurysm when I show
them OSHA like what do you mean you
forgot to build a railing when was this
bridge constructed exactly where is the
wet floor sign I'm going to need that to
clean up the
blood how did you get a horse up here I
am genuinely curious sorry about what
happened to your family by the way and
uh your soul apparently look I know that
sounds bad but in my defense I was
really hungry uh go go gadget bubble
attack you and that bubble have been
nothing but trouble it's time to end
it I I don't think her AI can handle
that this boss is quite the challenge
plus a little bit more with the only
consolation being that I bought it five
times already and it didn't even help
mainly because Loretta has an ungodly
amount of magic and if you don't close
the distance she will literally never
stop shooting at you like bro please I
just want to heal right now it looks so
[ __ ] cool though I have never had so
much fun getting destroyed let's just uh
send this [ __ ] to the glue factory
please going to [ __ ] take her out
behind the
Stables so after after defeating the
funny horse we descend the length of the
haling tree and pass
the what a thrill normally siiz ladder
why why would you build it like this
down to the city of our heart's desire
El fail brace of the hailing
tree kind of a shitty tree if you have
to brace it oh God I'm sorry for
slandering your city I'm sure it's
really nice this time of year and I can
definitely say that it is absolutely
breathtaking in a literal sense I have a
died here a lot okay nice place you got
here can't wait to give it a new paint
job this is the final Legacy dungeon of
the game and as a result of that the uh
most insane gripping the haly tree with
a golden veneer lale betrays its true
nature of dark and Sinister
Decay especially when it comes to the
back alleys on the wrong side of town I
[ __ ] genuinely how is this legal oh
sweet cool it's another one yeah no I'm
um I'm really wondering what color my
insides are too this is the first 5
minutes of the Stree by the
way wow I can't wait to meet the guy who
owns this place really hope that he's
not up to anything up Sinister or
insestuous because that would be [ __ ]
weird something is telling me I'm not
supposed to go this way the death
cannons are giving me up bad vibes how
are you even supposed to get past this
[ __ ] I just want to use the bonfire
please you don't have to be like this
oh yes my favorite from software level
for one moment I thought I was actually
safe is that a
man oh cool there's a thing over there
can't wait for this to work out just
fine I'm uh I'm not [ __ ] doing this
you have fun over there buddy I I choose
life
[Music]
$6 shrimp
special you got this man uh where she
can do is kill
[Music]
you hey there babe uh
were you born on a
[Music]
Minefield I jumped for so long that I
thought I had
died
hoping
pleading awaiting the return of my
brother
mola so about that
I have killed 15 of you today I will
kill 20 of you
tomorrow and one day my brother will
find his way home by the smell of the
bodies heed my
warning I am melenia blade of Mika
[Music]
and I have never known
defeat well you're about to
[Music]
[ __ ] hey guys welcome back to the fight
with a melatonin blade of Michelin I can
remember that name because she says it
every time she kills you which is a lot
I am melenia blade of Mika I am melenia
I am
melenia can you you [ __ ] stop now
Melania blade of mola is the hardest
boss that fromsoft has ever made and
there are several good reasons for this
the first of which being no she isn't I
just happen to have a sense of Shame she
is incredibly fast incredibly tanky
chains incredibly long Combos and gains
Health after every hit making this less
of an endurance fight and more of a
goddamn Marathon punishing you with a
grave setback for each and every mistake
which for me is a frequent occurrence
not not to mention that the boss is so
confident she will wait for you to
attack quite a while actually I honestly
think I [ __ ] confused her she was not
ready for the spread eagle strategy
Madia demands nothing short of absolute
perfection where every move must be
calculated and anticipated right up
until she jumps in the air at which
point you are done playing the game just
put the controller down now buddy if you
are ever caught by this move at any time
you are dead there is no dodging it
there is no tanking it there is only
running away from it and watching it get
closer no matter what you do some part
of this thing is going to hit and when
it does it is going to extend this boss
fight by a lot personally I uh don't
really know why people have problems
with this boss I'm going to get a
[ __ ] glass of water real quick really
Madia is the type of fight that you are
never actually ready for and I can say
with absolute certainty that nothing in
the game could have equipped me for this
not even you a boneless 10 times speed
Mor go she is the fastest strikes the
hardest and changes between all of her
attacks seemingly at random making for a
boss that you can never quite predict
much less understand but ultimately
those are just the reasons that I keep
coming back to her again and again and
again I I do plan on finishing it taking
pure unadulterated pleasure in finally
conquering a boss that really really
wants you
dead and the feelings
Mutual I am Millenia
a blade of
mea uh sorry didn't quite catch the
name pretty cool looking tree
though wait
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I hope you're ready to laugh because I'm
about to make kid look like a [ __ ]
joke you will witness true
horror at the hands of the Scarlet
[Music]
Rod because I'm going to kill you again
and again and again
[Music]
[Music]
a
[Music]
[Music]
a
[Music]
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)
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