I Have Horrible News
Summary
TLDRIn this energetic and candid monologue, the host Britney Broski shares her personal experiences and thoughts on various topics, ranging from her preferences in beverages and snacks to her emotional journey with an Irishman she met on a dating app. She humorously discusses her strategies for navigating romantic relationships in the modern era, her love for Texas A&M, and her reflections on the music that has shaped her life. The transcript is interspersed with her spontaneous and relatable musings on life, love, and pop culture.
Takeaways
- 🎤 The Broski Report is hosted by Britney from Los Angeles, California, and features a unique and humorous delivery style.
- 🥤 Britney enjoys having a variety of beverages at restaurants, including water, caffeinated drinks, and a sweet option like Diet Coke.
- 🐭 A character named Stanley is mentioned, who seems to be a pet or a figurine that Britney takes care of and includes in her discussions.
- 👑 Britney references a 'vacant Throne' and discusses a 'Game of Love' and 'Game of Thrones,' indicating a narrative or metaphor she uses in her discussions.
- 🤣 The script includes humorous and exaggerated elements, such as implementing the guillotine as a form of punishment in 'Broski Nation'.
- 🎶 Music plays a significant role in the script, with Britney expressing her love for various artists and songs, including The Weeknd and Somo.
- 💔 Britney shares a personal story about an emotional connection with an Irishman she met on a dating app, which eventually led to disappointment.
- 🎉 There's mention of an Irish-themed party and traditional Irish music, indicating a cultural celebration or event.
- 🚀 Britney talks about her plans to visit Ireland in July and her ongoing connection to the Irishman despite their communication issues.
- 🎓 She expresses nostalgia for her time at Texas A&M and the impact it had on her life, including the presence of the George H.W. Bush Presidential Library on campus.
- 💬 The script is filled with pop culture references, personal anecdotes, and a mix of serious and comedic content, reflecting Britney's multifaceted personality and interests.
Q & A
What is the main theme of the Broski Report in this transcript?
-The main theme of the Broski Report in this transcript revolves around the host's personal experiences and thoughts, particularly focusing on her interactions with an Irishman she met on a dating app, her feelings of emotional connection and subsequent disappointment, and her reflections on modern dating dynamics.
How does the host describe her initial interaction with the Irishman on the dating app?
-The host describes the initial interaction with the Irishman as having instant chemistry, with engaging and humorous back-and-forth conversations about potential first dates, which she found attractive and exciting.
What changes did the host notice in the Irishman's behavior over time?
-Over time, the host noticed that the Irishman started to respond slower and became less engaged in their conversations, which she attributed to the typical pattern of men losing interest in online interactions.
How does the host express her feelings about the Irishman's decreased communication?
-The host expresses feelings of disappointment and humiliation, stating that she had opened herself up to the potential of a meaningful connection, but ultimately faced rejection and the end of their interaction.
What cultural references does the host make regarding the Irishman and their potential relationship?
-The host makes several cultural references related to Ireland, such as speaking in an Irish accent, mentioning traditional Irish folk songs, and referring to Irish stereotypes like the name 'Sheamus' for her hypothetical son.
What is the 'guillotine' mentioned in the transcript and how is it related to the host's dating experiences?
-The 'guillotine' is a metaphor used by the host to describe a form of punishment or consequence for those who 'wrong' her in the context of dating, specifically referring to the end of a relationship or the loss of interest by the other party.
How does the host discuss the concept of emotional boundaries in the context of dating?
-The host discusses the concept of emotional boundaries by sharing her decision to insulate her emotions when she senses that a connection might not be reciprocated. She expresses frustration with the idea of having to protect herself emotionally in dating, but acknowledges the necessity of setting boundaries to avoid disappointment.
What is the significance of the song 'Heartless' by The Weeknd in the context of this transcript?
-The song 'Heartless' by The Weeknd is significant as it reflects the host's emotional state of wanting to distance herself from emotional vulnerability in dating, as she identifies with the theme of being 'heartless' in the context of her experiences.
What are some of the other songs and artists mentioned by the host in relation to her personal experiences and feelings?
-The host mentions several songs and artists, including 'Party Monster' and 'Montreal' by The Weeknd, 'The Hills' which is associated with the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack, and 'Earned It' by The Weeknd. She also reminisces about her high school years listening to artists like Somo, Just Rain, and others.
How does the host feel about the modern dating culture and its impact on women?
-The host expresses dissatisfaction with the modern dating culture, particularly the narrative that women need a provider and protector. She criticizes the idea of women having to adopt certain behaviors to attract men and the pressure to maintain a certain image to be desired.
What is the host's stance on the Grammy Awards in relation to an artist's cultural impact?
-The host questions the relevance of the Grammy Awards as a measure of an artist's cultural impact, suggesting that while winning a Grammy is an honor, it may not always accurately reflect an artist's influence on the music industry, especially considering that The Weeknd, despite being the most globally streamed artist on Spotify, has only won four Grammys.
Outlines
🎤 Introduction and Personal Anecdotes
The host, Britney Broski, opens the Broski Report from Los Angeles, sharing personal preferences for beverages at restaurants and introducing the show's setting. Britney also discusses a vacant throne to the left, Stanley the pet, and the various beverages in front of her. The segment ends with a teaser about horrifying news and a mention of a character named Stanley, setting the stage for the episode's themes.
👑 Rule Changes and Punishments in Broski Nation
Britney Broski addresses the Broski Nation with updates on rule changes, including the outlawing of a certain behavior and the introduction of the Guillotine as a form of punishment. She explains the process and her reasoning behind these changes, as well as her thoughts on the military-industrial complex and its relation to torture. The segment also includes a musical interlude where Britney sings in French, showcasing her multilingual abilities and cultural interests.
🍀 Irishman Dilemma and Personal Reflections
Britney shares her experience with an Irishman she met on a dating app, detailing their initial connection and the subsequent decline in communication. She reflects on the emotional impact of this experience and her decision to throw an Irish-themed party. The segment also touches on her plans to visit Ireland and her feelings of humiliation and frustration with the situation.
🎶 Music and Nostalgia
Britney discusses her love for music, particularly songs by The Weeknd, and how they relate to her current emotional state. She talks about her past experiences with music, including her high school phase and the artists she was obsessed with at the time. The segment is filled with personal anecdotes and a deep dive into the impact of music on her life.
💔 Dating Struggles and Emotional Boundaries
Britney opens up about her struggles with dating and the emotional games often played in romantic pursuits. She expresses her frustration with the need to maintain boundaries and protect her emotions, while also desiring connection and affection. The segment includes a candid discussion on her mindset towards relationships and the societal pressures faced by women in the dating scene.
🎵 Favorite Songs and Musical Influences
Britney shares her current favorite songs, including tracks by The Weeknd, and reflects on the artists who have influenced her over the years. She talks about the emotional connection she has with certain songs and how they resonate with her personal experiences. The segment is a celebration of music and its power to evoke memories and emotions.
🛍️ Broski Merchandise and Upcoming Plans
Britney promotes the Broski Nation merchandise and encourages listeners to purchase it to be part of the community. She also announces the return of the Royal Court in April and teases the first episode. The segment concludes with Britney expressing her love for her audience and reminding them to watch her YouTube content for more updates.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Broski Nation
💡Emotional Connection
💡Dating App
💡Emotional Insulation
💡Patriarchy
💡Self-Sufficiency
💡Tinder
💡The Weeknd
💡Cultural Impact
💡Grammys
Highlights
The Broski Report is hosted by Britney from Los Angeles, California.
Britney enjoys having a variety of beverages when dining out, including water, caffeine, and a sweet drink like Diet Coke.
The Broski Nation is facing a challenge with filling a vacant throne.
Stanley, a pet, is described as being well taken care of despite being on a stool and not a throne.
Britney discusses a new rule change in the Broski Nation involving the Guillotine.
The Guillotine is being implemented as a form of punishment in the Broski Nation.
Britney references the movie 'The Goonies' and identifies with the character Sloth.
There's a mention of a failed connection with an Irishman on a dating app.
Britney talks about her plans to attend a Hosier's show in Dublin and her conflicted feelings about potentially contacting the Irishman.
The podcast is sponsored by Zach do, a platform for finding and booking doctors.
Factor is another sponsor, providing nutritious and delicious ready-to-eat meals.
Britney expresses her frustration with the dating app experience and the loss of connection with the Irishman.
She discusses the impact of the Irishman's slow responses and her realization of the situation.
Britney talks about missing her time at Texas A&M and the culture there.
The podcast features a rant about Ireland and the Irishman, showcasing Britney's humorous and candid personality.
Britney shares her love for the songs 'Heartless' by The Weeknd, 'Party Monster', 'Montreal', and 'The Hills'.
She also mentions her admiration for Somo, a singer from Texas, and his song 'Ride'.
Britney talks about her high school days and her love for the song 'Just Rain' by Just Rain.
The podcast ends with Britney encouraging listeners to watch her YouTube content and get Broski Nation merch.
Transcripts
direct from the Broski Nation
headquarters in Los Angeles California
this is the Broski Report with your host
Britney
Broski Broski
Nation I come to you with a hole in my
heart
today please strap in sit down grab a
snack maybe a beverage maybe three okay
when I go to a restaurant I like to have
a multitude a Myriad of beverages in
front of me okay I need a water I need
some form of caffeine caffeinated
beverage if you will usually a cafe
boell and then I need something sweet
usually a Diet Coke all right I got all
three of those in front of me please go
ahead and and get your snackies get
seated it's about to get [ __ ] for
real I
have horrifying news to tell
you we are once again back to [ __ ]
square
one take all the chess pieces off the
board every single front runner in the
Game of Love in the Game of Thrones
truly
to I don't know fill the vacant seat
that is my right hand actually my left
hand CU right hand Stanley okay
Stanley's on one of those little gesture
stools he doesn't get a throne okay but
he's there he's right there with me okay
I feed him all right there's a little
ankle chain around him he's strapped to
the wall doesn't matter dude he gets fed
twice a day and watered sunlight on the
weekends okay he's fine don't worry
about Stanley you mind your [ __ ]
business first of all he's got his
little stool I gave him a fidget toy
he's fine okay all that slime I bought
last week I told you about guess who's
got it Stanley in his little cell with
the rats he's on his stool okay
he's Stanley okay that's what he's doing
don't worry about it to my left to my
left sits a vacant Throne okay what is
to be done about this predicament we've
held auditions we have tried and tribul
to fill the seat nothing seems to be
working I don't know what else I can do
Broski Nation I'm at my [ __ ] wits end
at this
point the Irishman done the Irishman
[ __ ] forget about it he pissed me off
we've never even spoken on the phone he
pissed me off he's done okay dude I'm
just not really in the business of doing
all
that new
ruer he
he penny for the
paper extra extra r all about it no rule
implemented in broki nation you're not
going to want to miss this Her Majesty
addresses the masses at noon today don't
miss it she'll have your
head shut up just spit everywhere
[ __ ] monster [ __ ] growling
disgusting gross monster I'm that [ __ ]
from The Goonies what's his name I bet
he was real sweet actually
Goonies big
monster yeah dude I'm the Cyclops
dude I'm the Cyclops dude who's the big
guy The Goonies that's me
dude sloth that's his name I am sloth
dude Gather in the courtyard Her Majesty
sloth will be addressing the public
that's me I come up I'm in I'm in
robes what was I [ __ ]
saying oh here's the rule change [ __ ]
is now officially outlawed if you [ __ ]
on me you [ __ ] on me and mine Guillotine
new rule change also so this is a 1A
part one A Part 1 b 1 a [ __ ]
outlawed stop [ __ ] on me rule 1B
Guillotine the guillotine is now a
formidable encouraged and welcomed form
of punishment in Broski Nation now
punishment might be a bit of a euphemism
right there's no coming back from this
punishment we talked about drawing and
quartering guess what Guillotine is now
being implemented okay last episode I
think I talked about implementing some
f-18s while we're beefing up the
military we're beefing up the the sort
of we're beefing up the sort of
technological military complex at the
same time beefing up the medieval Primal
visceral sort of torture as well okay
torture goes hand inand with military
operations trust me I watch Jack Ryan
okay trust me
bro that Reddit picture Source trust me
bro good enough for me that's literally
all of Tik Tok when everyone's like I
was reading this article the other day
no you watch the Tik talk of someone who
was eloquent they could have been lying
out of their ass I do that all the time
I lie on the internet you [ __ ] don't
even know you [ __ ] never clock me
anyway [ __ ] outlawed Guillotine
in-law Guillotine
in-law Guillotine okay now I have two
figures in mind who are going to go
ahead and give it going to be the the uh
ceremonial guinea pig if you will okay
and they are both
men both
men I think we're going to start by
chopping off the sort of like wenus
moment um the wenus of the nether you
know not this wenus the wenus of the
below okay uh below the button if you
will now it's going to be a sort of
modified Guillotine from traditionally
what you've seen it's not the French
we're not doing we're not doing the
French
okay is that how you say welcome in
French
oh
I
that clip of me singing the French
national anthem went viral on Tik Tok
don't know why maybe because I [ __ ]
killed maybe because I'm fluent and
cultured okay and guess what you don't
even want to hear me sing Selen Dion in
French because I will because I
[Music]
will what are the
words
Poco yes
dude lyrics how do you say lyrics in
French oh let's get it
dude [ __ ] where'd it
go I'm gonna do this whole first verse
y'all gonna have to sit with me through
this
I'm
eating
damn oh
[Music]
[ __ ]
that's
it damn y'all need to go listen to that
song I kind of just ate that up what's
the bridge hold
[Music]
on
Mon
Mon Mon damn I could
go period [ __ ] what's the translation
of this
song I'll go get your heart if you take
it somewhere else even in your even if
in your dances others dance your hours
I'll go get your soul in the colds of
the Flames I'll cast a spell on you for
you to still love me damn [ __ ] that's
actually okay so going back to the plot
point at hand introducing the guillotine
into the Broski Nation sort of mid
military-industrial complex as a form of
punishment and torture that is accepted
by the government government being me
okay we are now going to implement first
of all po mon by selon gets played as
you're being your your penis is being
jerked and chopped by the guillotine
okay it's actually going to be a law
change when your penis is getting jerked
do you
moan
okay question for the fellows when your
peanuts is getting jerked by the ball do
you
moan just let me know okay I'm kind of
I'm out of the loop on that I've been
out of the game for for for a while okay
for a hot second are you moaning and
whimpering the way that women want you
to when someone's jorking it okay let's
say someone's yanking on
it
oh thank God I fired my therapist she is
not going to be watching all this okay
back to the goon's big
monster okay here's the update
irishman's done okay that is so
unfortunate because I was just about to
announce that we have entered the month
of St Patrick what do I mean by that I
mean Ireland what do I mean by Ireland I
mean Hosier all roads lead back to
Hosier okay every Irishman that I was
going to affiliate with speak to
converse with um is a means to an end do
you know Andrew hos your burn no moving
on do you have a cousin or friend all
y'all kind of look alike okay do you
know someone who knows someone who
actually knows Andrew hose your burn
okay that was going to be the sort of
course of action one that's been
stricken Struck striken from the record
okay now moving forward I am looking
back retroactively and thinking
retrospectively excuse me I'm thinking
maybe it was kind of stupid to put
myself in Dublin on the dating app that
I used of course the premium version
maybe it was kind of not the brightest
idea to put myself in a country um eight
hours away okay eight hours time
difference that flight's going to be
something crazy okay that was not the
smartest idea on my behalf now that
being said my Irishman who I still if he
texted me I would answer okay I knew
this was going to happen I predicted
this because I'm a scary [ __ ] witch
Tauruses aren't usually witches okay
usually that's in my experience Virgos
Virgo women are witches actually that's
a lie my friend Katie's a taist and
she's a witch so I check back maybe I'm
not a witch maybe I could be if I went
to witch school that's a different thing
that's actually a book I'm going to
write as well okay this Irishman um I
predicted this I knew this was going to
happen because I'm smart and I'm uh
worldly we matched it was instant
chemistry it was fir Flames just I mean
I think this is what the The Poets of
old used to write about this sort of
Love Pride and Prejudice was based on me
and this Irish dude on on this dating
app okay then things took a turn for the
worst when reality kicked in right
that'll do it when the 9o5 work schedule
kicked in kill myself um he slowly
started to respond slower and slower as
to be
expected he would get back to me within
one to two business days days and at
this I was completely understanding he
has a 9o5 I fart online for a job now
that being said how [ __ ] hard is it
to pick up WhatsApp and double tap a
message what if we were
co-parenting what if we were
co-parenting and I needed
alimony what is
alimony financial support that a person
is ordered by a court to give to their
spouse during separation or following
divorce alimony and child support [ __ ]
what about our children what about young
Sheamus what about young Sheamus o
Flanigan you're not thinking about our
boy you're not thinking about our
boy I'm marry an Irishman and start
speaking in an Irish accent not how it
works you're not thinking about our boy
Sheamus will
Flanigan his father used to work the
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off you're not thinking about our little
boy Sheamus all flan again he's going to
open his own pob one
day I've just never felt more humiliated
in my life I had my Irishman and I lost
him and it was out out of my control and
now I'm stuck here uh it's my party and
I'll cry if I want to okay I'm throwing
an Irishman themed party and I'm going
to sit in the corner and [ __ ] sob and
make everyone look at me and we're going
to play traditional Irish folk songs
we're playing Celtic music we're playing
sha no okay let me play some Shawn no
for you [ __ ] let me let me culture
you
[ __ ]
y'all don't know jack [ __ ] about all
[Music]
this and now our son Sheamus o Flanigan
brosi will never know the sweet melodic
historical tradition of Shaun no singing
Because you [ __ ] on
me what am I supposed to do
he stopped responding which I knew was
going to happen because you cannot have
a meaningful connection through a dating
app now there have been cases proven to
the opposite which I know oh I met my
husband on and of course [ __ ] Tick
Tock [ __ ] Tik Tok is showing me
here's how I met my Irish husband isn't
that right babe and his Ginger ass is in
the background like that's that's
[ __ ] right a
why when will it be my
turn okay that's my simple question when
will it be my turn I'm not asking for
much I'm asking for I'm not even asking
for a husband I'm asking for a partner
to co-parent my son Sheamus with he's
four he can't
read
somebody help my
son you want to know something really
actually I don't want to say this
actually yeah I will you know I'm I'm
still jorking it to the I'm still
jorking my peanuts to the Quinn audio of
my my Irishman who makes Quinn audios on
the Christian app Quinn
um I think he uploads like once a week I
don't [ __ ] know he um I have listened
to those audios so many times stay with
me stay with me I have listened to those
audios so many times I have started to
sort of internally by accident