Taskmaster Series 17, Episode 1 - 'Grappling with my life.' | Full Episode

Taskmaster
29 Mar 202446:17

Summary

TLDRIn this hilarious episode of Taskmaster, host Greg Davies introduces a new set of contestants to the challenges. The competition kicks off with a creative task involving objects that sound like 'Greg Davies' when mumbled. Throughout the episode, the contestants engage in a series of absurd and entertaining tasks, including bringing a sausage to life through drawings and a dramatic race with a twist involving a gorilla on a raft. The finale is a tense chess piece tiebreaker in a chest of peas, with Steve Pemberton emerging as the winner.

Takeaways

  • 🎉 The transcript is from a new series of Taskmaster, hosted by Greg Davies, with new contestants Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan, and Steve Pemberton.
  • 📣 Greg Davies humorously expresses his resentment for being approached by fans for photos, despite his public persona.
  • 🏆 The first task involves contestants bringing in items that sound like 'Greg Davies' when mumbled, with various creative interpretations leading to different point allocations.
  • 😂 Joanne McNally's 'Glug Jug of gravy' and Steve Pemberton's 'Peg Mavis' stand out for their creativity and humor.
  • 🥚 A subsequent task challenges the contestants to perform risky actions involving an egg without breaking it, resulting in a range of comedic and dramatic outcomes.
  • 🎨 In a blind drawing challenge, contestants must create a single picture of an animal doing something surprising, with each segment of the picture being worked on by a different person, leading to amusing and unexpected final images.
  • 🌊 A 'Hoopla Gary' task at the Taskmaster farm involves contestants attempting to hoopla a gorilla on a raft, with the time being doubled every time a limb gets wet.
  • 🥳 The final task of the episode has contestants adapting a sausage drawing in various ways (human, scary, sporty, and sexy), with each round eliminating the least successful adaptation.
  • 🏁 The episode concludes with a tiebreaker involving a chess piece in a chest of peas, which Steve Pemberton wins, making him the episode's winner.
  • 📊 Throughout the episode, the scoreboard fluctuates as contestants earn points for their performances in each task, leading to a three-way tie at the end.
  • 🤣 The overall tone of the transcript is light-hearted and comedic, with a focus on the contestants' humorous attempts to complete the tasks and the host's witty commentary.

Q & A

  • Who is the host of the show mentioned in the transcript?

    -Greg Davies is the host of the show mentioned in the transcript.

  • What is the name of the show that Greg Davies is hosting?

    -The show that Greg Davies is hosting is called Taskmaster.

  • Who are the contestants introduced at the beginning of the transcript?

    -The contestants introduced are Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan, and Steve Pemberton.

  • What is the first task the contestants are asked to perform in the episode?

    -The first task involves bringing in something that sounds a bit like 'Greg Davies' when mumbled.

  • What does Joanne McNally bring for the first task?

    -Joanne McNally brings a Glug Jug of gravy for the first task.

  • What does John Robins bring for the first task, and how does he connect it to 'Greg Davies'?

    -John Robins brings Grieg's diaries, connecting it to 'Greg Davies' by the similarity in sound when mumbled.

  • What is the second task that the contestants participate in?

    -The second task involves doing the riskiest thing involving an egg without breaking it.

  • How does Steve Pemberton's egg task narrative involve the elements of risk?

    -Steve Pemberton's egg task narrative involves the story of Eggbert Nobacon, an intrepid explorer on a risky journey through a mining town, being chased by poachers, and having to run over the Crackatoa Falls on his trusty goat Shelly.

  • What is the final task of the episode?

    -The final task of the episode is to bring a sausage to life by adapting it with different characteristics in each round.

  • Who wins the episode based on the final scores?

    -Steve Pemberton wins the episode based on the final scores.

  • How is the tie-breaker conducted at the end of the episode?

    -The tie-breaker is conducted by identifying which chess piece is not in the peas chest, with the fastest correct answer winning.

Outlines

00:00

🎤 Introduction and Contestants' Presentation

The script begins with a chaotic and humorous introduction, featuring various sounds and exclamations. The host, Greg Davies, is welcomed with cheers and he introduces the new series of Taskmaster. He humorously addresses encounters with fans and introduces the five contestants: Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan, and Steve Pemberton. The host also introduces Alex Horne, his sidekick, and they engage in playful banter. The episode's first task is then introduced, involving the contestants bringing in items that sound like 'Greg Davies' when mumbled.

05:03

📔 Creative Task and Contestants' Strategies

The task requires the contestants to bring in items that resemble 'Greg Davies' when mumbled. Joanne presents a 'Glug Jug' of gravy, John brings 'Grieg diaries', Nick offers 'Eggs Benedict', Sophie presents 'Egg babies', and Steve brings a 'Peg Mavis' doll. The host and the contestants engage in witty exchanges, evaluating the items based on their relevance to the task and the humor they bring. The host awards points based on the creativity and the humor of their presentations.

10:05

🥚 Risky Task - Egg Survival Challenge

The next task involves risk and the contestants must perform the riskiest thing involving an egg without breaking it. The challenge is timed, and the contestants come up with creative yet risky ideas to protect their eggs. Nick hard-boils his egg and attempts to throw bricks at it, Joanne wraps her egg in bubble wrap and considers hitting it against a wall, John creates a narrative involving a cow-riding lesson, Steve uses a puppet show with an egg character, and Sophie attempts to balance the egg on her head. The results are humorous and unpredictable, with some eggs surviving and others not.

15:07

🎨 Artistic Collaboration - Blind Artwork

In this task, the contestants are divided into two teams and must create a single picture of an animal doing something surprising. They are separated by blinds and can only communicate with two words at a time. The teams come up with different ideas, leading to humorous and chaotic results. One team focuses on a giraffe with exaggerated features, while the other team creates a scene with a dog driving a car and a dancing cow. The final artwork is a拼接 of individual segments, resulting in an amusing and unexpected piece of art.

20:16

🏆 Hoopla Challenge at the Taskmaster Farm

The challenge takes place at the 'Taskmaster Farm' where a gorilla on a raft named Gary is the focal point. The contestants must hoopla Gary before he crosses the finish line, with the twist that their time is doubled every time a limb gets wet. The contestants take turns attempting to complete the task, with some success and a lot of humor. The challenge is a test of agility, timing, and luck, with the contestants' performances leading to a range of outcomes.

25:17

🌭 Sausage Transformation Challenge

In the final task, the contestants are asked to bring their sausages to life by drawing different characteristics on them within a 30-second time limit. The host, Greg, provides categories for each round, including making the sausage human, scary, sporty, and sexy. The contestants' creations are judged on their adherence to the category and creativity, with one contestant eliminated in each round. The task is filled with humor and playful competition, leading to a tie-breaking challenge that ultimately determines the episode's winner.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Taskmaster

Taskmaster is a British comedy panel game television series where five contestants are given a series of tasks by the host, Greg Davies, and a co-host. The tasks are designed to be simple on the surface but are crafted to create humorous and often unexpected results. In the context of the video, the contestants are Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan, and Steve Pemberton, who are competing in various tasks throughout the episode.

💡Comedy

Comedy is a genre of entertainment, largely intended to amuse and entertain an audience through humor. In the context of the video, comedy is the central theme, with the contestants and hosts engaging in humorous tasks, witty banter, and amusing situations to create a light-hearted and entertaining atmosphere.

💡Contestants

Contestants are individuals who participate in a competition or game, often with the aim of winning a prize or recognition. In this video, the contestants are Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan, and Steve Pemberton, who are competing against each other in a series of comedic tasks set by the host, Greg Davies.

💡Humour

Humour is the quality of being amusing or funny, often eliciting laughter or providing entertainment through the incongruity, exaggeration, or absurdity of a situation. In the context of the video, humour is generated through the contestants' interactions, the tasks they are set, and their responses to the challenges.

💡Tasks

Tasks are specific assignments or duties that are to be completed, often within a given timeframe or set of rules. In the context of the video, tasks are the central element of the game show, with contestants required to complete various challenges that are designed to be funny and entertaining.

💡Greg Davies

Greg Davies is a Welsh comedian, actor, and writer, best known as the creator and host of the television series Taskmaster. In the context of the video, he is the host of the show, setting tasks for the contestants and providing commentary on their performances.

💡Competition

Competition refers to a situation in which individuals or teams strive to outperform each other in a particular activity or field. In the context of the video, competition is the driving force behind the show, with contestants vying for points in each task to ultimately win the episode.

💡Panel Game

A panel game is a type of radio or television show where a group of participants, usually celebrities or comedians, engage in a variety of games, discussions, or challenges that are often humorous in nature. In the context of the video, Taskmaster is a panel game show where the contestants participate in comedic tasks set by the host.

💡Challenges

Challenges are tasks or tests that require skill, effort, or ingenuity to overcome. In the context of the video, challenges refer to the various tasks set by the host for the contestants to complete, which are designed to be entertaining and often humorous.

💡Humorous Misinterpretation

Humorous misinterpretation occurs when there is an intentional or unintentional misunderstanding of a word, phrase, or situation, often leading to comedy. In the context of the video, humorous misinterpretation is a key element of the tasks, as contestants are required to interpret the host's instructions in creative and amusing ways.

Highlights

Greg Davies hosts a brand-new series of Taskmaster, setting the stage for a comedy competition filled with creative challenges.

The new series introduces an exciting lineup of contestants, including Joanne McNally, John Robins, Nick Mohammed, Sophie Willan, and Steve Pemberton.

Greg Davies humorously expresses his resentment towards fans who approach him for photos, setting a comedic tone for the show.

The first task involves bringing in an item that sounds like 'Greg Davies' when mumbled, leading to amusing interpretations and creative thinking.

Joanne McNally's 'Glug Jug of gravy' becomes a standout moment, showcasing the contestants' ability to think on their feet and incorporate humor.

John Robins brings Grieg's diaries, cleverly playing on the 'Greg Davies' mumble challenge and demonstrating wit.

Sophie Willan's 'egg babies' highlight her inventive approach and add a layer of relatability and charm to the competition.

Steve Pemberton's 'Peg Mavis' puppet task showcases the contestants' commitment to the challenge and their willingness to embrace the absurd.

The 'dangerous egg' task pushes the contestants to engage in physically comedic and risky attempts without breaking their eggs.

Nick Mohammed's brick-throwing attempt at the dangerous egg task stands out for its high-risk, high-reward strategy.

John Robins creates a dramatic and narrative-driven egg rescue mission, displaying creativity and commitment to the task.

Steve Pemberton's egg task performance, complete with a mining town story and puppetry, captures the essence of Taskmaster's blend of humor and competition.

Sophie Willan's attempt to balance an egg on her head adds a touch of slapstick comedy and accessibility to the show's challenges.

The teams' blindfolded painting task exemplifies the collaborative and communicative aspects of the show, despite the restriction of only speaking two words at a time.

The 'hoopla Gary' task on the river introduces an element of physical comedy and challenges the contestants' agility and timing.

Joanne McNally's impressive and record-breaking performance in the 'hoopla Gary' task demonstrates her competitive spirit and physical prowess.

The final sausage task, requiring contestants to adapt their drawings through various categories, highlights the contestants' quick wit and artistic abilities under pressure.

Steve Pemberton emerges as the winner of the episode, showcasing his adaptability and creativity throughout the challenges.

Transcripts

00:03

Well, well, well.

00:04

Ooh! Oh, no, no.

00:07

Yes! Ah!

00:08

SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS

00:11

Ah!

00:12

Um...

00:14

Quite windy today. Yeah.

00:15

Christ!

00:16

Ooh! Wrong way.

00:19

That's how you do it, baby.

00:20

OK.

00:21

Oh, my God!

00:23

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh!

00:25

SHE BABBLES

00:26

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

00:35

Hello! Hello!

00:38

Welcome! Welcome!

00:41

I'm Greg Davies.

00:42

Welcome to a brand-new series of Taskmaster.

00:46

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

00:49

It's great to be back, and since we were last on air,

00:52

I've met so many of you on my travels.

00:54

And just to start the new series as I mean to go,

00:57

can I just say, genuinely, if you're one of the many people that came up to me on the street

01:00

over the last couple of months and had a photograph with me on your phone,

01:03

I want you to know this -

01:05

despite my smiles and what I said, I did resent being asked...

01:09

LAUGHTER

01:10

...and you did ruin my night.

01:12

LAUGHTER

01:13

Stop it! LAUGHTER

01:15

Let's crack on and see what the new five look like,

01:19

huddled together on their chairs, their eyes on this prize -

01:23

a trophy of a man who doesn't have a beard or glasses.

01:28

It's not me! LAUGHTER

01:30

Please welcome Joanne McNally...

01:33

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:35

...John Robins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:38

...Nick Mohammed... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:41

...Sophie Willan... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:43

...and Steve Pemberton!

01:45

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

01:47

And sitting next to me is the Harry to my Meghan Markle.

01:51

LAUGHTER

01:52

A little ginger who's started to realise that he's paired up

01:56

with one sassy queen.

01:58

LAUGHTER

01:59

IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE: It's little Alex Horne!

02:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

02:03

Yeah. Hello!

02:06

All right? Hello, Greg. How are you doing?

02:08

- Dangerous, as always. - Good. LAUGHTER

02:11

Just a bad boy.

02:12

LAUGHTER

02:14

I'll do anything.

02:15

Honestly, I'd do absolutely anything. I don't care. Yeah?

02:18

See this, right? Here we go.

02:20

Can of worms.

02:21

LAUGHTER

02:23

I'll... I'll open that.

02:24

LAUGHTER

02:26

Go on, open it.

02:30

Oh, it is actually worms. Yes, it's worms, yeah.

02:32

LAUGHTER

02:34

I'll tell you now without looking at him,

02:36

that's the end of what he's prepared.

02:38

LAUGHTER Are you saying I... there should be more stuff now?

02:40

Well, there should be some sort of punchline, yeah.

02:42

So, this bit now is the punchline.

02:44

LAUGHTER

02:45

But everyone was in a great mood and really looking forward to it,

02:48

and now look at this. That's what happens when you open...

02:50

Because there's a room full... LAUGHTER

02:53

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

02:56

OK. All right.

02:57

I mean, you got a round of applause out of it.

02:59

LAUGHTER

03:01

In quite manipulative fashion, I think.

03:04

LAUGHTER

03:05

Let's get the first of our prize tasks underway then, shall we?

03:07

Underway right away,

03:09

and for this episode you've asked them

03:10

to bring in something pretty important.

03:12

It's this -

03:13

the most glorious thing that sounds a bit like "Greg Davies"

03:15

if you mumble it.

03:16

LAUGHTER

03:18

The most glorious thing will get five points,

03:20

and the winner of this first episode

03:22

will take home five things which all sound

03:24

a bit like "Greg Davies" if mumbled.

03:25

Over to you... Yeah. ..Greg Davies.

03:27

Right, Joanne. Yeah.

03:28

What have you brought in?

03:30

I brought in a jug. LAUGHTER

03:34

That sounds like "Greg Davies" when mumbled?

03:36

Yeah. Glug... glug gre...

03:39

SHE BABBLES Glug gravies.

03:40

LAUGHTER

03:42

A jug of gravy. Yes! Thank you, Steve.

03:44

She has brought in a Glug Jug of gravy. Yeah, Glug Jug. It looks like this.

03:48

It's called a Glug...? There you go, look.

03:50

Oh. That's called a Glug... That's full of gravy.

03:52

What do you mean it's called a Glug Jug?

03:53

When you pour it out, it makes a glug sound.

03:55

That's it. It makes a glug sound. It has glug acoustics.

03:58

It goes glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, Greg Davies.

04:00

Yes, I know. LAUGHTER

04:03

So, what rhymes with "Davies"?

04:04

"Gravies". Thank you.

04:06

I think we've established everything I need to establish

04:08

before I give you one point.

04:09

LAUGHTER

04:11

John, what have you brought in?

04:12

I brought in... ..Grieg diaries.

04:14

LAUGHTER

04:16

It sounded like he said "Greg Davies".

04:18

You've actually brought me in, John?

04:20

I've brought in Grieg's diaries.

04:22

LAUGHTER

04:23

The diaries of Edvard Grieg, the Norwegian composer. Here they... Yeah. Here they are.

04:27

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

04:32

Wow, that's good, isn't it? Is it a glorious thing, though?

04:34

It is meant to be the most glorious thing.

04:36

Have you heard his concertos?! LAUGHTER

04:38

I'm just saying, I had to read the book,

04:40

and it's mainly about his desperate unhappiness at school.

04:43

LAUGHTER His...

04:44

His glorious unhappiness at school.

04:46

LAUGHTER

04:47

I like Grieg's diaries.

04:49

LAUGHTER

04:52

Nick.

04:53

Hi, Greg.

04:55

We are contrasting physical characters.

04:57

We are. In what regard?

04:59

LAUGHTER

05:03

APPLAUSE

05:05

I'll leave it as a mystery. LAUGHTER

05:08

What have you brought in?

05:09

I went for... HE MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY

05:11

LAUGHTER

05:13

Can you say it again? Eggs Benedict.

05:15

Are you saying "eggs Benedict"? I am.

05:18

LAUGHTER

05:19

Who would've thought Joanne would be back in the game?

05:22

LAUGHTER

05:23

Whoo! CHEERING

05:25

Yeah, here's the eggs Benedict. LAUGHTER

05:27

It's difficult to mumble "Benedict" into "Davies", for sure.

05:31

Not if you breathe out. If you breath out... Benedict.

05:34

Let me give it a go. Yeah. Benedict.

05:37

LAUGHTER

05:39

Sophie?

05:40

I've met your aunt and uncle. LAUGHTER

05:43

Pam and Willy.

05:44

She was Miss Wem in 1962.

05:47

And she was saying, "Oh, he's on telly, he's my nephew."

05:51

Yeah. "He's tall." It took us ages, but we got there.

05:55

LAUGHTER

05:56

Do you know what's genuinely fascinating about this? Yeah?

05:59

Is I know very well who my aunties and uncles are,

06:01

and they are not Pam and Willy. LAUGHTER

06:03

You're joking!

06:06

I can't believe that.

06:08

They've been telling a lot of fibs. Yeah, yeah.

06:10

They're lying, all right. Uh, what have you brought in?

06:12

Egg babies. LAUGHTER

06:15

"Greg Davies". Will you mumble it for me?

06:18

Egg babies. LAUGHTER

06:20

Yes!

06:21

Egg babies. AUDIENCE: Aw!

06:23

Ah, that's good. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

06:26

Man, that is good. Thank you.

06:29

Egg babies do exist.

06:30

People train to be a parent by holding an egg baby... Yeah.

06:33

...for up to two months. Who are these people?

06:34

Well, me and my wife. Right.

06:36

LAUGHTER

06:37

That's very good, Sophie.

06:39

Thank you. I'm quite proud of them.

06:40

Steve, what have you brought in that rhymes with Greg Davies?

06:43

So, I was mumbling your name and I came up with, uh...

06:46

HE MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY

06:48

What was that?

06:50

Peg Mavis. Meg Mavis?

06:51

Peg... Peg Mavis.

06:53

Peg Mavis.

06:54

It's Mavis from Coronation Street as a peg doll.

06:56

Oh, God. LAUGHTER

06:57

And here she comes.

06:59

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

07:02

This is tough. Yeah, yeah. It's not bad.

07:04

Reece Shearsmith did the picture. Did he? Yeah.

07:07

Mavis Riley, Mavis Wilton, uh, played by Thelma Barlow.

07:10

So, I actually sent Peg Mavis to Thelma Barlow

07:14

to see if I could get her endorsement of Peg Mavis,

07:18

and she sent me a lovely signed card.

07:20

There she is. OTHERS: Aw! That's Thelma.

07:23

"To Steve, good luck, from Thelma."

07:24

After I got Peg Mavis back from Thelma Barlow,

07:27

I sent Peg Mavis to the actual Coronation Street.

07:31

And I think it was a very windy day, as you can see.

07:34

If anything, it's a bit too bum-licky, innit,

07:37

- the whole thing? - It is a bit. LAUGHTER

07:38

He's gone a bit over the top, if anything.

07:40

Right, you've seen all five.

07:41

I mean, it's not hard to give Joanne one point, obviously.

07:44

LAUGHTER

07:45

Nick, two points, and you can thank me for them. What?!

07:47

I will. Thank you.

07:49

I'm going to give egg babies three points.

07:51

Fabulous, thank you.

07:52

I think I have to reward Steve,

07:54

because it's the beginning of a new series

07:56

and I'm trying to be more upbeat about life... LAUGHTER

07:58

...for all of his efforts, but I want you to know

08:00

that "Grieg diaries" is a very close second.

08:02

Thank you. There we go. Five points to Steve Pemberton.

08:04

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done. Well done. Well done.

08:08

Right, we're off. Let's task.

08:10

And we begin with a task involving my two middle names -

08:12

Danger and Eggs. LAUGHTER

08:33

Hey, Alex. LAUGHTER

08:34

Hi, Nick.

08:36

Ooh, an egg.

08:37

Welcome, Sophie.

08:39

Hello. Ooh!

08:44

LAUGHTER

08:46

Egg, is it?

08:47

LAUGHTER

08:50

Hello, my G.

08:51

Hello, Steve. LAUGHTER

08:54

Hmm. He's cute.

08:56

Who do you think it looks like?

08:58

Mr Blobby. LAUGHTER

09:00

Best physical comedian of our generation.

09:02

Uh, we should CRACK on.

09:04

AUDIENCE GROANS - Lovely. - Yeah?

09:05

"Do the riskiest thing involving this egg..."

09:09

"..without breaking this egg."

09:10

Love that.

09:12

"The egg in the greatest danger that doesn't break wins"!

09:15

"You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now."

09:19

Can you swallow an egg whole?

09:21

And get it out again? And get it out again?

09:24

Not sure that's going to happen in 20 minutes.

09:26

LAUGHTER

09:27

20 minutes.

09:28

So, I'm going to take a minute to think before I plough in,

09:32

cos that's always good, in't it?

09:34

When you say... Oh, hang on.

09:35

When you say "crack", do you mean the shell,

09:38

or do you mean the egg comes out?

09:42

LAUGHTER

09:43

So, this spoke to me.

09:44

There's a little thing... number nine on there.

09:47

Now, I do a show called Inside No. 9. Oh, yeah.

09:50

If I put the egg in there,

09:52

we'll take this egg on a hell of a ride.

09:54

Ah, I'm so disgusting,

09:56

but I'm not going to do what I immediately thought of doing.

09:59

LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

10:02

Both of your instincts - yours and John's -

10:05

was to eat the egg and then, uh, defecate it out.

10:09

No, mine was... Mine wasn't... Sorry!

10:12

LAUGHTER

10:13

Excuse me! What sort of animal do you think I am?

10:16

I wasn't going to defecate.

10:17

I was going to add it to the rest of my eggs for safety...

10:20

...in there!

10:21

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

10:25

I-I was planning to defecate the egg.

10:27

LAUGHTER Let's have a look.

10:29

OK, well, our first two risk-takers are Nick Mohammed and Jo McNally.

10:35

Do we have, um, puffer wrap? Bubble wrap?

10:39

Yes.

10:40

Is it hard-boiled?

10:42

I don't know.

10:43

Then let's go and boil it. I've got 20 minutes.

10:45

Round one.

10:49

See how that egg's doing.

10:52

OK. Let's take it outside.

10:58

I'm going to try and throw bricks and get as close as I can.

11:02

LAUGHTER That's a bit risky.

11:04

I mean, it sounds really risky, right?

11:05

You ready?

11:07

Yes, I'm ready.

11:10

LAUGHTER Ooh.

11:11

Felt risky.

11:17

That was quite close.

11:18

Yeah.

11:19

You ready? Uh-huh.

11:28

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

11:32

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

11:34

Ooh!

11:35

It jumped over it. That's risky.

11:38

That's really risky.

11:41

This is fun, isn't it?

11:43

It is quite fun. Oh!

11:44

Go on.

11:45

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

11:51

LAUGHTER

11:55

Right.

11:56

LAUGHTER

11:57

Are you finished? Yeah, I think so.

12:03

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

12:04

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

12:07

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS AND LAUGHS

12:11

I'd say it's cracked.

12:12

LAUGHTER

12:13

Oh, I'm sorry.

12:17

LAUGHTER

12:19

Thank you!

12:20

Thank you, Nick.

12:28

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

12:32

Did you think at the time that hard-boiling the egg

12:35

would protect it from a brick?

12:36

I thought hard-boiling the egg would make it firmer.

12:38

Yeah, but, I mean, I did feel an element of risk there. Yeah. It was surprisingly exciting.

12:41

It looked quite sad at the end, didn't it? Yeah.

12:44

Yeah, well, you murdered it. LAUGHTER

12:46

Um, Joanne, probably the bricks

12:47

would've bounced off that bubble wrap.

12:49

But no-one gasped at my task.

12:51

They were gasping at Nick's, which means it's more risky.

12:53

Well, that's the second comment I'm coming on to,

12:55

which is you then did the least risky thing

12:57

I've ever seen. LAUGHTER

13:00

She did say, "Right, I'm going to fuck it against a brick wall

13:02

"like a mad bastard." LAUGHTER

13:04

I did say that.

13:05

That was... That was the plan.

13:07

It was... It was riskier in my head.

13:09

Do you want to find out if the egg survived? Yeah. It did.

13:12

LAUGHTER

13:13

Was that not the point, to keep the egg alive?

13:16

Yeah, it means you've definitely got points... Yeah. ...because the egg had to survive.

13:19

I protected it. Yeah, the egg had to survive. Oh, no. Do I not get anything?

13:22

No, not if the egg didn't survive.

13:24

Yours got eaten by a crow. I know.

13:27

And there's something quite cannibalistic

13:29

about another bird eating an egg.

13:30

Of course. Eugh! Oh, God.

13:32

OK, do you want to see another one? Yes, please.

13:34

OK, it's now time for old Risky Robins. Ooh! Here we go.

13:45

Thank you so much for taking me out for a ride.

13:47

I know your husband's at his cow-riding lesson.

13:49

LAUGHTER

13:51

Look out! COW BELLOWS

13:54

PITCHED-DOWN SHOUTING

13:59

TYRES SCREECH, COW BELLOWS

14:06

COW BELLOWS

14:07

Look out!

14:11

Oh, my God! Are you OK?

14:15

You saved my life.

14:16

That... That was incredible.

14:18

DING!

14:19

LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

14:22

Very nice.

14:23

Shall we, uh, drill down into the narrative a little bit there?

14:26

So, the egg is giving me a lift home.

14:28

Unbeknownst to the egg,

14:30

the egg's husband's cow-riding lesson is nearby.

14:34

LAUGHTER Yeah.

14:35

The egg... egg wife was... was heading towards the very cow

14:38

the egg's husband was learning to ride.

14:40

Oh, my God, the irony.

14:42

So, uh, she swerves, hits a brick wall... Yeah.

14:45

...we both survive intact. Yes.

14:47

And if you have any doubt as to the riskiness

14:51

of that procedure,

14:53

please speak to the production staff

14:55

about the two-hour meeting we had about...

14:57

LAUGHTER

14:59

APPLAUSE

15:04

Next up, it's Steve Pemberton.

15:07

EAGLE SCREECHES

15:08

I want to tell you a story about risk.

15:09

We're in the mining town of Yolkston,

15:12

population half a dozen.

15:13

It's a Friday.

15:15

Beautiful day, sunny side up.

15:17

Into town rides intrepid explorer, Eggbert Nobacon...

15:21

LAUGHTER ...on his trusty goat Shelly.

15:25

And they're trundling through here.

15:27

As you can see, there's lots of CCTV,

15:29

and this alerts the local poachers.

15:31

HORSE NEIGHS

15:33

And they are chasing Eggbert.

15:35

And there's huge risks, so Shelly has to go quickly.

15:40

But there's the Omelette Express.

15:42

BELL RINGS, LAUGHTER

15:44

Shelly's rearing up.

15:46

HORSE NEIGHS

15:47

The poachers run out of breath.

15:49

But here's the greatest danger and the greatest risk of all.

15:52

Eggbert has to run over the Crackatoa Falls.

15:59

And there he goes through the Cape of Good Horne...

16:02

LAUGHTER

16:03

...and off into the sunset, having allayed all risk.

16:07

His brain was scrambled, but Eggbert and Shelly go on.

16:15

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Ah!

16:18

You did it. Thank you.

16:21

He's happy, is he? He's happy, yeah.

16:23

Yeah. Happy as Larry. Sweaty.

16:25

Yeah, he's really sweaty. LAUGHTER

16:27

But you would be. Just had all that risk.

16:29

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

16:32

God, I was really torn between thinking,

16:34

"Oh, God, there's...

16:36

"It's quite complex puppetry skills going on here,"

16:39

and the thought that I was watching a very lonely boy in his bedroom.

16:42

LAUGHTER

16:44

Yeah. I had Alex with me.

16:46

LAUGHTER

16:47

I did as many different risks as I could.

16:50

Which brings us to our controversy of this particular piece of film.

16:54

LAUGHTER Mm.

16:56

Did Eggbert crack when he fell from the stagecoach?

16:59

Oh, you mean after the task had been completed?

17:02

LAUGHTER Ah!

17:05

There may have been some albumen.

17:07

And you were so enjoying yourself, weren't you? I really was.

17:10

You were having a lovely time. I did have a lovely time.

17:12

Good. Shame you failed.

17:14

LAUGHTER

17:16

Shall we have a look at Sophie?

17:17

Sure, yes.

17:18

It's our final risk-taker. It's Sophie Willan.

17:21

SHE EXHALES

17:22

Well, it'd be risky to get it on your head,

17:24

wouldn't it?

17:26

My grandma used to do,

17:27

you know, the posture test with an apple on her head.

17:30

Did she? Yeah, or a book.

17:34

If you keep your back straight, she says, like this.

17:38

Do you know what?

17:39

I'm going to try with just this for a start,

17:42

just to kind of edge in.

17:46

Right.

17:47

Your head's a little bit like a nest.

17:50

Yeah, well, that helps, doesn't it?

17:51

But it's not... It's still risky, though. Yeah.

17:55

Hang on, right.

17:57

Risky.

18:04

Right, hang on.

18:06

Oh, no.

18:09

I'm going to...

18:10

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Oh!

18:11

He's gone!

18:13

Oh!

18:16

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

18:17

He's gone!

18:19

Oh, no.

18:21

I felt so confident.

18:23

I was going to do a lunge and everything.

18:26

LAUGHTER

18:27

He looks so sad, doesn't he?

18:29

Thanks. No, thank you, Sophie.

18:32

Well, I still get a point for trying, don't I?

18:34

APPLAUSE So, that's... Yeah?

18:39

I don't want to do an offensive caricature of your accent...

18:42

Yes, do, though. Go on. ..but... Carry on.

18:44

...I put it to you

18:45

that your version of creating risk in a situation like this

18:49

is to occasionally look at the camera and go...

18:52

..Risky!

18:53

LAUGHTER

18:56

I'm not Johnny fucking Vegas.

18:59

LAUGHTER

19:01

Fucking hell.

19:02

I said it would be offensive. LAUGHTER

19:04

It was a very risky thing to do.

19:06

To put an egg on your head? Yeah.

19:08

LAUGHTER

19:13

With an egg? Come on.

19:14

LAUGHTER

19:16

Wow. I think you're going to be a delight for this series.

19:19

LAUGHTER

19:21

So, three people broke their egg. Do they get any points, Greg?

19:23

Well, no.

19:25

OK, in which case only John and Joanne's eggs survived.

19:28

I thought that the bubble wrap was very clever,

19:30

but I don't think there was a lot of risk,

19:32

so I can't give you five points. OK. OK.

19:35

But I can give you four... Oh! ...which is a miracle.

19:37

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Because you... Thrilled. - Yeah.

19:39

You came second.

19:41

And obviously, we'll give John Robin's effort five points.

19:44

There we go. Five points. Four points.

19:45

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

19:47

Is it time for the first scoreboard of series 17, Alex?

19:49

Yes. I can show you the scores.

19:51

At the bottom of the table, it's Nick with just two.

19:53

At the top, it's John with nine.

19:54

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Wow. - There we go.

19:59

More, please.

20:00

OK, Greg, and it's time to meet the teams.

20:16

There we go. Ah-ha!

20:18

Hi, Alex.

20:19

What am I looking at?

20:21

Oh. That's where you stand.

20:22

Behind the line?

20:24

No. Here?

20:26

Yes, please.

20:27

Yeah, facing you. Not yet.

20:29

No.

20:30

Hello! Sophie. Hello.

20:33

In the red bit, please. Righto.

20:41

Ah.

20:45

I'm going to open it.

20:48

"Create the best single picture

20:50

"of an animal doing something surprising.

20:52

"All six blinds must be fully

20:54

"and equally involved in your picture.

20:57

"You may not see each other's work."

21:00

What?!

21:01

Is there someone else here?

21:03

I don't know.

21:04

Hello! Hello! Hello!

21:06

Is it Steve? It is!

21:08

Hi, Steve. I literally recognised your voice. It's Nick.

21:10

What's your name and where'd you come from?

21:13

I'm John and I come from Bristol.

21:15

Hello! Hello, John.

21:16

Sophie from Bolton.

21:18

Oh, lovely stuff.

21:19

Oh, hello! Who's that?

21:21

There's more of us.

21:22

Hello! Hello. Hello.

21:25

I'm Joanne. Hello, Joanne.

21:26

Hello, Steve. Hello.

21:29

Hey, Alex.

21:30

Right, OK.

21:31

"Create the best single picture

21:33

"of an animal doing something surprising."

21:36

"All six blinds must be fully

21:38

"and equally involved in your picture.

21:40

"You may not see each other's work

21:42

"and you may only say two words at a time."

21:45

"You may only say two words at a time."

21:48

Right?

21:49

"After the task, your pieces will be lined up

21:51

"next to each other in this order.

21:53

"One, shortest Wikipedia entry.

21:56

"Two, Best Show at the Edinburgh Fringe winner."

21:59

"Smallest shoe size."

22:01

I think that's me.

22:03

"The person whom Alex said hello to first."

22:06

"Five, most Twitter followers.

22:08

"Six, lowest-scoring full name in Scrabble."

22:12

"You may not move outside of your segment.

22:15

"You have 15 minutes.

22:16

"Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle."

22:19

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

22:21

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE Hi, Nick.

22:23

Hi, Steve.

22:24

Pulling blinds.

22:25

Me, too.

22:27

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

22:31

But it's funny, at this stage of the game

22:33

you're all being so sickeningly friendly

22:35

and polite to each other.

22:36

I'd love to see how that will change over time.

22:40

Shall we?

22:41

Yes, so, they had to paint one picture per team,

22:44

and their six segments were going to be lined up

22:46

in a certain order. Yes.

22:48

But the main problem is they could only use two words at a time each.

22:51

So, here's how they all got on at painting on blinds,

22:53

and talking two words at a time, and that sort of thing.

22:55

Colour?

22:57

Uh, green.

23:00

Lovely.

23:03

Animal?

23:06

Giraffe?

23:08

Lying down?

23:10

Giving birth.

23:12

LAUGHTER

23:13

Dog car.

23:14

What?

23:15

Dog car.

23:17

Oh. OK. Dog driving.

23:19

Front car.

23:21

Giraffe lying.

23:22

Giraffe lying?

23:24

Long picture.

23:27

Yes. Portrait.

23:30

Yes.

23:31

Which...? Which...? You paint.

23:34

Which blind?

23:35

First was?

23:36

Shortest Wiki.

23:38

What? Ah.

23:40

I don't have a fucking clue - what's going on. - I do. LAUGHTER

23:42

Oh! Up there!

23:44

Up where?

23:45

Above door.

23:47

Ah, fuck!

23:49

Sophie Wiki?

23:51

Vole. Bold?

23:53

Vole dancing.

23:56

Sophie Wiki. What?

23:58

One, Nick. Head, Nick.

24:00

Yes. Two, Steve.

24:03

Neck, yes?

24:05

Yes.

24:06

Wiki length.

24:07

Uh, small.

24:09

Joanne length?

24:11

Mine's longer.

24:12

OK. Wrote myself.

24:14

LAUGHTER

24:16

Sophie first. You what?

24:18

Bonnet profile.

24:21

"Bonnet profile"?

24:22

Side-on. You what?

24:24

Side-on.

24:26

Head height?

24:27

Mine?

24:29

Nipple.

24:30

LAUGHTER

24:32

Confused, Steve.

24:34

Sophie bonnet.

24:35

Side-on.

24:37

What the fuck? LAUGHTER

24:38

Two words. What? What?

24:40

Private parts?

24:42

Big ones.

24:43

Legs akimbo?

24:45

Yes, please.

24:46

Car colour? Car red.

24:48

Thank you.

24:49

Paint fence? Fence paint?

24:51

Two words.

24:52

Using roller.

24:53

Shit.

24:55

Catching up.

25:00

Ten seconds left.

25:04

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

25:05

That was really... Yeah. You can't look at each other's work,

25:08

so if you just head towards the front door... Both of us? Mm-hm.

25:10

We get to say hello to each other?

25:12

SOPHIE LAUGHS Hello!

25:14

Hello!

25:15

THEY LAUGH How are you?

25:16

I'm very good! How are you?

25:17

Look at your hands. I know.

25:19

I got a bit carried away, actually, cos I got very confused.

25:21

LAUGHTER

25:26

APPLAUSE

25:30

Did you think you understood what was happening?

25:32

Yeah, yeah.

25:33

Well, your team-mates did.

25:35

In fact, one of my favourite moments was when you announced

25:37

for the third time you didn't know what the fuck was going on,

25:40

and Joanne went, "I do."

25:43

LAUGHTER

25:44

I was like, "Come on!"

25:49

Why were you shouting "vogue dancing"? LAUGHTER

25:51

She was shouting "vole". That was "vole". She was...

25:53

"Vole dancing"? Yeah.

25:55

They'd agreed to do a dog driving, but... Yeah.

25:57

...she had other ideas.

25:58

LAUGHTER

25:59

Yeah, I thought, "I can draw a vole."

26:01

Right. Uh, you two, however, seemed like an absolute dream team.

26:05

We had some Chuckle Brothers energy going on, I think, between us.

26:09

There was a little confusion about nipple height.

26:11

LAUGHTER

26:12

Yes. Yes.

26:14

Correct me if I'm wrong -

26:15

the giraffe will specifically have big genitals.

26:17

Yes, that exchange went,

26:19

"Legs akimbo?"

26:20

"Yes, please." "Private parts?" "Big ones."

26:22

LAUGHTER

26:26

SOPHIE GASPS, AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

26:28

Oh, wow! APPLAUSE

26:30

Not bad, is it? Not bad.

26:33

Sorry, but that's sort of what it looks like.

26:35

LAUGHTER

26:36

Unfortunately, one of them did do landscape,

26:38

one of them did do portrait,

26:40

so it actually looks like this when you line them up.

26:42

LAUGHTER

26:46

APPLAUSE

26:49

I mean, that certainly helps with the big genitals part of it.

26:52

LAUGHTER

26:54

It certainly does.

26:55

It's not a bad start. OK. Uh, dare I ask for the next one?

26:59

Sure.

27:00

Here is their picture of a dog driving

27:03

and a cow dancing and bird smoking.

27:05

LAUGHTER

27:09

It's good!

27:11

I like it.

27:12

APPLAUSE

27:15

I mean, it's accidental, but I kind of like it as a bit of art.

27:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll put the two of them next to each other

27:20

and you can judge them, Greg. Yeah.

27:22

Uh, there we go. Oh.

27:23

I will give the giraffe five points, which is over-generous. OK.

27:26

The other one is absolute madness...

27:29

LAUGHTER

27:30

...but there's some enjoyable individual effort,

27:32

so I'm going to give them three points,

27:34

which is again hugely generous. OK.

27:35

The winners are Nick and Steve. Five points each. Well done.

27:38

APPLAUSE

27:39

Right, can we please have another one, Alex?

27:42

Yes. Yes, we can, Greg,

27:44

and for this series we've gone down to the Taskmaster farm.

27:47

Ooh! Ooh.

28:03

LAUGHTER

28:04

Hey, Alex.

28:06

This is really exciting.

28:07

Never seen anything like it, that run. I know.

28:10

Right. Here we are.

28:12

Right. The Nile.

28:14

The Nile. Not really, no.

28:17

Look at that water. I cannot wait.

28:19

No.

28:21

"Hoopla Gary before he crosses the finish line."

28:24

"Your time is doubled every time one of your limbs gets wet."

28:28

"Fastest wins."

28:30

"Your time starts now."

28:32

Is this Gary?

28:33

I don't know.

28:35

Is something coming down there? Down the river?

28:39

Gary?! LAUGHTER

28:43

Oh, here we go.

28:49

You found Gary.

28:50

There's a gorilla on a boat.

28:52

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

28:56

I really loved watching Dracula run towards the task.

28:58

LAUGHTER Thank you.

29:00

It's really quite life-affirming.

29:02

Shall we crack on? Sure. Yes, OK.

29:05

And if you've always wanted to see a vampire attempt

29:07

to get a hoop over a gorilla on a raft,

29:09

you're going to absolutely love this.

29:10

It's Nick.

29:12

So, I've got to hoopla him around the head?

29:22

No.

29:24

Tricky, innit?

29:26

Come on, Gary.

29:32

Oh, God.

29:33

You've only got one hoop left.

29:37

HE EXHALES

29:43

LAUGHTER

29:47

What a let-down. I was really excited about that.

29:49

All right. Come on, then.

29:52

Ooh, it's cold!

29:54

LAUGHTER

29:56

Is this safe? Cos I'm quite short. LAUGHTER

29:59

All right. Oh, my God!

30:03

You've got to hoopla Gary pretty quick now.

30:11

Come on, Gary. LAUGHTER

30:13

Oh, it... it is cold, innit?

30:16

APPLAUSE

30:18

Can I ask you if your arms are wet?

30:20

My arms aren't wet at all. OK.

30:22

I'll tell you what's wet - my legs.

30:24

Well, I'd guessed that.

30:26

Right, Gary. Which one shall we do?

30:30

Nailed it.

30:32

I've stopped the clock.

30:33

APPLAUSE

30:37

I think you're in danger of ruining Dracula's reputation.

30:40

LAUGHTER It's like... He's quite camp, isn't he?

30:42

I just...

30:44

He is, but so adorably so.

30:46

I genuinely enjoyed it. I hadn't been in a river in years.

30:49

I mean, you don't. LAUGHTER

30:51

Past a certain age, you don't, do you? No.

30:52

Unless you kind of have, like, a midlife crisis

30:54

and start wild swimming and stuff, but I've not reached that yet.

30:57

Yeah, wild swimming, or as it was once called, swimming.

31:01

LAUGHTER Yes.

31:02

Well done, Nick. Thank you.

31:04

OK, well, it's time for three more attempts.

31:06

Not you, Sophie. You're going to have to wait.

31:07

You know what you've done.

31:09

LAUGHTER

31:11

It's time for John, Joanne, and Steve.

31:15

There's a boat. Ah, there he is!

31:18

Hey, Gary. Wait there a sec.

31:20

I'm going to try with the small one first.

31:27

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

31:30

Ooh! AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

31:31

Skimmed.

31:32

Gary! OK.

31:43

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Brilliant. Keep going?

31:46

Well, if you want, but I've stopped the clock. You've stopped the clock? You did it.

31:50

The wind isn't great now.

31:52

Ah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

31:55

Yes!

31:57

Alex, I'm running out of things.

32:01

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE There we go.

32:04

You've done well. Thank you.

32:06

Can I have a couple of distance goes for fun?

32:11

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

32:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

32:19

The pleased-with-yourself walk-off. Not really ironic, was it? You were genuinely thrilled.

32:24

I'm still pleased with myself. LAUGHTER

32:26

I would've been as well. Fair play. Enjoy it, Steve?

32:29

Yeah, I enjoyed it.

32:30

It was like being in the fairground again.

32:31

Boom. Joanne?

32:33

Loved it. My memory is that I got it the first time.

32:36

Second time for you. Second time, not bad.

32:38

All three of you, at the end of the day, it's not exciting,

32:41

but... you did quite well.

32:48

...it's Sophie's turn.

32:52

I think what I'm going to do is

32:54

I'm going to wait for Gary to get over here.

32:56

Right, OK.

32:58

He's taking his time. Come on, Gary. Step it up.

33:04

LAUGHTER

33:05

Right, let's get going, then. Hang on.

33:08

Come on!

33:11

LAUGHTER

33:13

No.

33:14

Right, this is my chance, really, in't it?

33:17

Oh...

33:19

If I don't get him now, I never will.

33:22

Shit.

33:23

Come on, Gary.

33:25

No!

33:27

Come on, Gary.

33:28

Oh, shit. LAUGHTER

33:33

Come on.

33:35

Nearly! AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

33:37

Shit.

33:40

It's not gone well.

33:41

Well, you've got about ten seconds.

33:43

Well, how...? I've not... I don't want...

33:45

Ah!

33:46

I can't get a limb wet.

33:49

I'll just get one limb...

33:50

Just one. Ah! Oh, my...! LAUGHTER

33:55

Ah! Gary!

33:57

Ah!

33:58

Oh! Oh!

34:02

LAUGHTER Oh, oh! Ah! Oh, oh!

34:04

Ah! Ah!

34:07

I'm going down!

34:09

Oh, my God, Alex!

34:10

Are you all right? Get me out!

34:13

I'll get you out in a bit. Fuck! I nearly drowned.

34:16

Yeah, no, that's very dangerous. Yeah.

34:18

I think I got carried away.

34:20

Yeah. Almost drowned.

34:21

Are you out?

34:23

It's very...

34:24

It's like quicksand in the middle. LAUGHTER

34:27

Oh, my God.

34:29

Yeah. Have to check on your limbs.

34:31

I think this... this arm's quite...

34:33

No, that's wet as well. LAUGHTER

34:35

Is that Gary?

34:36

No, that's the scarecrow wearing some waders to keep you dry.

34:39

Oh, yeah.

34:40

AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

34:42

Long walk back as well.

34:45

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

34:49

Just fascinating.

34:51

Alex didn't help.

34:52

Did you notice when I was grappling with my life...

34:54

LAUGHTER Yeah.

34:56

He doesn't.

34:57

There's this myth going around that he's a nice guy. Yeah.

34:59

I saw it. Yeah. He's an arsehole. Yeah. Yeah.

35:01

LAUGHTER

35:03

This is where I got intrigued.

35:04

You seemed to attempt to hop across a river.

35:07

LAUGHTER

35:10

Yeah, I don't think I'd do well in an apocalypse.

35:12

LAUGHTER

35:13

You know, under pressure. It's a lot, isn't it?

35:16

It is, yeah. LAUGHTER

35:17

Do you know what you shouted? What?

35:20

"I'm going down."

35:21

LAUGHTER

35:23

And actually, she did look... I was! ...genuinely panicked... Yes.

35:27

...at one point. Yes. No, I would... I would like to apologise... I was.

35:30

...for not doing anything at all to help.

35:31

LAUGHTER I am sorry. I do regret that.

35:33

Well, absolutely awful.

35:35

So, shall we give some points out?

35:37

Well, Sophie, first of all, didn't actually complete the task,

35:39

and then got all four limbs wet,

35:40

so I don't know what you want to do with that.

35:42

Well, I want to give her no points. Right.

35:45

LAUGHTER

35:47

But you're the people's champion.

35:49

Yeah.

35:50

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

35:54

Uh, Nick took two minutes 45.

35:57

Two limbs got wet, so that doubles twice to 11 minutes.

36:00

John, two minutes five seconds.

36:02

Steve, one minute 28 seconds.

36:04

And a new European record, Joanne 48 seconds and five points!

36:07

Wow! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

36:11

Let's have a look at the scores. Yes, unfortunately, Sophie,

36:13

you do still have quite a low number - six.

36:15

At the other end, Joanne, 13, Steve, 14, and John has 15 points.

36:19

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

36:24

Very good. OK, everyone.

36:25

For the first time this series,

36:27

will you please make your way to the stage

36:29

for the final task of the show?

36:31

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

36:39

Hi, Alex. Oh, hi, Greg. Who's going to read the task out for us?

36:42

Oh, I think Nick Mohammed's going to read it.

36:44

Here we go. "Bring your sausage to life.

36:47

"You have 30 seconds.

36:49

"You may not write any words on your drawing.

36:51

"Best sausage wins."

36:52

Yes, so, there's going to be four rounds of this,

36:54

and you're bringing your sausage to life in different ways.

36:57

This is their sausage, Greg.

36:58

Oh, what a lovely sausage.

37:00

So, every round, you add to the one picture?

37:03

Yes, I'll give you a new characteristic

37:05

for that sausage. Oh!

37:07

The worst sausage each time will be eliminated.

37:09

Oh, God.

37:10

So, Greg will now give you the first category.

37:12

After Alex's whistle, make your sausage human.

37:16

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

37:18

The least human sausage will be eliminated.

37:21

And they're off, Greg.

37:22

I will be eliminating someone.

37:25

Sophie hasn't started. Make it... I've finished.

37:27

Oh, apologies.

37:29

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

37:30

Pens down!

37:32

Round one is over, Greg. Would you like to see Joanne's sausage?

37:35

I would, thank you.

37:36

Oh!

37:37

Oh, great. LAUGHTER

37:39

I just immediately drew reproductive organs

37:42

of both sexes, so...

37:43

Oh, I see.

37:44

That's just eyes - obviously, very human.

37:46

Teeth, very human. Reproductive organs there.

37:49

That's the fallopian tubes.

37:51

The vulva.

37:53

And then the penis and testes.

37:55

You don't get more human than that.

37:56

Exactly! That's what I was thinking. Nice. That is a strong opener.

38:00

John, please show Greg your sausage.

38:02

LAUGHTER

38:06

I like it, John.

38:07

I wanted to give human characteristics

38:10

without putting all of my eggs into one human basket.

38:13

Lovely. I like John's smile. OK.

38:16

Not necessarily any more than I like Joanne's penis.

38:19

LAUGHTER

38:22

OK, it's Nick Mohammed next.

38:24

It's similar to John's, in a way.

38:26

Ah. That took 30 seconds, Greg.

38:29

LAUGHTER

38:30

Yeah. You're sticking with the Dracula thing, yeah?

38:33

I just suddenly thought that doesn't make it human, though, does it? No.

38:36

LAUGHTER

38:38

Let's have a look at Sophie's drawing.

38:40

I think I've shown humanity in a sausage.

38:42

And we've gone portrait as well.

38:43

Oh.

38:45

Existentialism.

38:46

LAUGHTER

38:48

He's going through a crisis, all right.

38:50

He's asking questions.

38:51

He is. "Who am I?" It's lovely. Thank you. Do you want to see my sausage?

38:55

Oh, I... I really do, and I'm hoping it's shit.

38:57

Oh, no, it's not. Oh, hang on.

38:59

Pop it up the other way.

39:00

We've been here before, haven't we, Steve?

39:03

LAUGHTER

39:05

Sausage party girl.

39:06

She's quite fey, isn't she?

39:08

Yeah, she's off to a festival.

39:10

You know, she's hoping to hear some bangers and, um...

39:12

Yeah. AUDIENCE GROANS AND LAUGHS

39:14

Come on, Greg!

39:20

This guy's going to push me to the edge over the series. LAUGHTER

39:22

So, you're going to have eliminate one of these,

39:25

and this person will get one point, so who is that Greg?

39:27

I'm going to have to get rid of Dracula. Sorry. Aw. One point to Nick Mohammed. That's all right.

39:31

APPLAUSE

39:32

Please collect in your sausages. Round two, Greg.

39:34

Make your sausage scary.

39:37

Least scary sausage is eliminated.

39:39

Adapt that sausage. ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

39:46

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE Pens down!

39:48

Would you like to see some scary sausages, Greg?

39:50

Yes, I would. Joanne.

39:52

Here's my sausage. Oh!

39:54

Wow.

39:55

Thank you.

39:56

That is...

39:57

And I got rid of the womb, cos men are scarier.

40:00

Satan's going to be a man... Yeah. ...right, girls? Right.

40:03

Am I right? LAUGHTER

40:05

Do you want to see John's sausage now?

40:06

Yes, I do.

40:08

Well, it's still a mouth, but the lipstick...

40:12

Ah. ..has become blood!

40:14

It's blood! LAUGHTER

40:17

Sophie.

40:19

LAUGHTER

40:21

It looks to me like your sausage is just holding up a big oven chip.

40:25

LAUGHTER

40:27

It's a knife.

40:28

Oh, it's a knife. Ah.

40:30

If I'd have got the blood in,

40:31

an angry sausage on a... on the rampage.

40:34

Steve? Um, so...

40:37

Oh, nice.

40:38

...she's gone psycho.

40:39

It's Texas Chainsaw Sausage.

40:41

And she's holding the head of a human.

40:43

Four scary sausages, Greg. Which one were you least scared of?

40:46

I think we all know which one I was least scared of. LAUGHTER

40:49

I'm afraid Sophie is eliminated.

40:50

Two points to Sophie Willan.

40:52

APPLAUSE Unlucky, Sophie.

40:56

OK, what's round three, Greg?

40:57

Round three is make your sausage sporty. Adapt that sausage.

41:00

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

41:06

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE Stop adapting your sausages.

41:08

Would you like to see Joanne's sporty sausage?

41:10

You know I would. LAUGHTER

41:13

LAUGHTER

41:14

Tennis racquet. Oh, is that what it is?

41:16

Yeah. Egg and spoon. LAUGHTER

41:19

Footballs. Yeah.

41:21

And that's speed.

41:22

LAUGHTER

41:24

What I'm seeing is a big sausage on wheels

41:26

farting its way towards a lollypop.

41:28

LAUGHTER He's moving, though.

41:30

Would you like to see John's sporty sausage?

41:32

Yes, please.

41:34

Picture the scene. LAUGHTER

41:37

A velodrome. OK.

41:39

Team GB are going for the, uh, cycling gold.

41:43

Uh, they're on their bicycles... Yeah.

41:45

...which are at the bottom, and they're cycling so fast, Greg,

41:49

they've given themselves terrible gum disease.

41:51

LAUGHTER

41:54

One sausage left, Greg.

41:56

This is, um... Hockey. ...a hockey game.

41:58

Yeah.

41:59

We've got the hockey stick with the fingers holding it,

42:02

and this person's tackling.

42:03

Yeah.

42:04

And this is the ball... Yeah.

42:05

...and, uh, the sausage character... is about to score...

42:07

Lovely. ..a goal. I could see it was hockey straight away.

42:10

Least sporty sausage, Greg.

42:11

I just don't believe that Team GB suffer

42:14

from cracked and bleeding mouths...

42:16

LAUGHTER

42:17

...so I'm going to eliminate John.

42:18

Third place and three points to John Robins.

42:20

APPLAUSE

42:22

Woo!

42:23

What is the final category, Greg? Make your sausage sexy.

42:28

Adapt those sausages. ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

42:30

- And they're off. - Oh, Christ. LAUGHTER

42:36

ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE

42:37

Stop making your sausages sexy, please.

42:38

Would you like to see Joanne's sexy sausage first?

42:41

Let's see that sexed-up sausage. LAUGHTER

42:43

This is a stripper pole...

42:45

Oh.

42:46

...that it's spinning around on. Yes, the sexiest of all things.

42:49

These are, uh, some breasts.

42:51

Yes.

42:53

Quite... Quite a few breasts.

42:54

Yeah, well, it's a sausage. He's not short of space.

42:57

These are kind of, you know,

42:58

the kinky boots that sexy women wear. Uh-huh.

43:01

This is some sort of thong.

43:03

Yeah. A bit of lingerie.

43:04

That's it - a thong on a sausage.

43:06

LAUGHTER

43:07

Now you've got Poppa's attention. LAUGHTER

43:11

And then this is a gimp mask on the head. OK.

43:14

LAUGHTER

43:16

Thank you, Joanne. APPLAUSE

43:19

Steve, the heat is on.

43:21

We've gone a little bit S&M.

43:23

We've got a nice harness on. Yeah.

43:25

We've added some lipstick for sexiness. Mm. So sexy.

43:27

So, that is a sexy mouth. Yeah.

43:29

There's the whip there.

43:30

Yeah. Can you see the sexy braids? Absolutely.

43:33

If I want to get sexy, you'd better get them braids in.

43:36

LAUGHTER

43:38

I can't mark these on sexiness,

43:40

so I think what I've got to do is to give the most points

43:43

to the sheer amount of sexual reference.

43:47

There's more sexual references in Joanne's weird drawing

43:50

than there is in Steve's weird drawing,

43:52

so let's go four and five.

43:53

There we go. The winner is Joanne McNally - five points!

43:56

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

43:58

So, why don't you all come down here

44:00

and we'll see what that's done to the final scores?

44:03

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

44:06

Oh, hi, everyone. Wow.

44:10

Oh, so many sausages. Those sausages rocked. Yeah.

44:13

Greg, we have a three-way tie. Look at the scoreboard.

44:17

Whoa!

44:18

Yes, Joanne, John, and Steve are in the lead.

44:21

APPLAUSE

44:24

Well, what are we going to do?

44:25

We do a chess piece in a chest of peas tie-break, Greg.

44:28

Obviously.

44:29

Let's see how they all got on.

44:32

"Which chess piece is not in the peas chest?"

44:35

"Fastest correct answer wins."

44:38

"Your time starts now."

44:40

I don't know anything about chess, so I'm just going to guess.

44:44

Sorry, dear. So sorry, dear.

44:46

No-one else is going to know this either,

44:48

except for Steve Pemberton.

44:49

Six, seven. My answer is a white pawn.

44:52

So, there's a pawn missing, then.

44:53

I bet it's one that's somewhere in the...

44:55

Oh, it's this one. Stop.

44:57

Ah, yes!

44:59

APPLAUSE

45:02

Well, I think we have a winner, don't we?

45:04

We do. I can tell you Joanne was four minutes 28,

45:06

John, one minute 26,

45:07

Steve Pemberton, 13 seconds, and the episode.

45:09

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

45:13

Steve Pemberton wins!

45:15

Please go and fumble with the things that you can mumble.

45:18

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

45:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES

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العلامات ذات الصلة
ComedyCompetitionTaskmasterSeriesComedicReliefGregDaviesHostJoanneMcNallyJohnRobinsNickMohammedSophieWillanStevePembertonAbsurdChallenges
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