Stormy Daniels's NSFW Testimony & Vladimir Putin Wins “Democratic” Election | The Daily Show

The Daily Show
7 May 202410:22

Summary

TLDRThe video script provides a humorous take on recent events, starting with the Met Gala where fashion icons showcased garden-inspired looks. It then shifts to a satirical commentary on Vladimir Putin's inauguration for his fifth term as Russian president, highlighting the opulence of the ceremony and the implications of his potential lifelong rule. The script also covers the fourth week of Donald Trump's trial, with a focus on Stormy Daniels' testimony. Daniels' account of her interaction with Trump, including uncomfortable details and Trump's alleged promise of career advancement, is detailed. The narrative is interspersed with jokes and sarcasm, offering social commentary on the nature of public figures and the legal process.

Takeaways

  • 🎉 The Met Gala was held with a 'Garden of Time' theme, showcasing garden-inspired fashion looks.
  • 😄 A humorous moment was described where a celebrity, covered in a beige umbrella, was a topic of fan speculation.
  • 🏆 Award-winning singer Tyla made headlines for her sand-made dress, which was so heavy it required assistance to walk.
  • 🇷🇺 In Moscow, Vladimir Putin began his fifth term as Russian president in a lavish ceremony, with the possibility of ruling until 2036.
  • 🤵 The commentary humorously criticized Putin's choice of attire as underwhelming compared to the opulence of the event.
  • 🏛 The Trump trial entered its fourth week, with Stormy Daniels' testimony being a significant moment.
  • 🚫 Trump's defense attorney objected to Stormy Daniels' testimony, particularly regarding sexual acts.
  • 📰 Reporters provided detailed accounts of Daniels' interactions with Trump, including his attire and comments about his wife.
  • 🤔 Daniels' testimony revealed Trump's comments about her resembling his daughter, Ivanka, which raised eyebrows.
  • 🤯 The trial delved into uncomfortable territory by discussing the nature of Trump's interactions with Daniels.
  • 📉 The segment concluded with a satirical take on how publicizing intimate details could serve as a crime deterrent.

Q & A

  • What was the theme of last night's Met Gala?

    -The theme of last night's Met Gala was 'The Garden of Time', with garden-inspired looks on full display.

  • What unusual attire did one of the celebrities wear at the Met Gala?

    -One of the celebrities wore a floor-length beige umbrella, covering herself head to toe.

  • Why did the singer Tyla need assistance at the Met Gala?

    -Tyla's dress, made of sand, was too heavy for her to walk in, so she had to be carried up the stairs of the Met by four people.

  • What event was happening in Moscow concurrently with the Met Gala?

    -Vladimir Putin's opulent inauguration was taking place in Moscow, marking his fifth term as Russian president.

  • How long will Putin's current term last?

    -Putin's current term will last until 2030, after which he will be eligible to run for another six years if he chooses to do so.

  • Who testified in the fourth week of Donald Trump's trial?

    -Stormy Daniels, an adult film actress, took the stand during the fourth week of Donald Trump's trial.

  • What was the reason for Trump's defense attorney's objection to Stormy Daniels' testimony?

    -Trump's defense attorney, Susan Nichols, objected to Stormy Daniels' testimony, particularly about any details of any sexual acts.

  • What was the nature of the coverage when Stormy Daniels took the stand?

    -The coverage of Stormy Daniels' testimony was expected to be delicate, given the nature of the details she was to provide.

  • What was the initial interaction between Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump as described by Daniels?

    -According to Daniels, when she first entered Trump's hotel suite, he greeted her wearing silk pajamas. She joked about the pajamas and asked him to change, which he did.

  • What did Donald Trump allegedly say to Stormy Daniels that was considered inappropriate?

    -Daniels testified that Trump told her she reminded him of his daughter, Ivanka, saying they were both smart, blonde, and beautiful women who people underestimated.

  • How did Trump allegedly coerce Stormy Daniels into having sex with him?

    -According to Daniels, Trump suggested that she could be on 'The Apprentice' and later stripped to his underwear, telling her that was the only way she was getting out of the trailer park.

  • What was the general mood at the courthouse during the day of Stormy Daniels' testimony?

    -The mood at the courthouse was described as 'uncomfy', with the experience of hearing someone's intimate actions read aloud in court being quite distressing.

Outlines

00:00

🎉 Met Gala Fashion and Putin's Inauguration

The paragraph begins with a humorous take on the Met Gala, an event where fashion and culture meet, with a focus on the challenges of fitting extravagant outfits into a shared ride. It then transitions into a discussion about the event's theme, 'The Garden of Time,' and the various fashion statements made by attendees. The narrative shifts to a more political tone, highlighting Vladimir Putin's inauguration ceremony in Moscow, marking his fifth term as Russian president. The commentary humorously critiques the ceremony's opulence and Putin's casual attire, suggesting a disconnect between the grandeur of the event and the leader's appearance. The paragraph ends with a segue into the Trump trial, setting the stage for the next segment.

05:00

📰 Trump's Trial and Stormy Daniels' Testimony

This paragraph delves into the fourth week of Donald Trump's trial, with a particular focus on Stormy Daniels' testimony. It provides a satirical overview of the court's atmosphere and the media's reaction to the sensitive nature of the case. The summary includes details of Daniels' account of her interactions with Trump, including their initial meeting, Trump's comments about his wife, and the alleged hush money paid to cover up their affair. The paragraph also touches on Trump's alleged tactics of offering career advancement in exchange for sexual favors, painting a picture of his character and the implications of the trial. It concludes with a live report from the courthouse, adding a layer of authenticity to the satirical narrative.

10:01

😅 Uncomfortable Testimonies and Legal Humor

The final paragraph of the script focuses on the uncomfortable and humorous aspects of the testimonies heard in the courtroom. It discusses the public airing of intimate and unflattering details about Trump's behavior, likening it to the awkwardness of print media being used in a comedic context. The commentary humorously suggests that such public disclosures could serve as a crime deterrent, as people would be less likely to engage in illegal activities if they knew their personal indiscretions would be similarly exposed. The paragraph concludes with a playful exchange between the speakers, maintaining the satirical and lighthearted tone of the script.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Met Gala

The Met Gala, short for Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute in New York City, is an annual fundraising gala for the benefit of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute. It marks the beginning of the institute's annual fashion exhibit. The event is known for its unique dress code and attracts celebrities and fashion industry figures. In the script, it is mentioned as a significant event where the world's most fashionable cultural icons gather, highlighting the theme of fashion and culture.

💡Garden of Time

The 'Garden of Time' is the dress code for the Met Gala event mentioned in the script. It suggests that attendees are expected to wear outfits inspired by gardens, which could include floral designs, nature-inspired colors, or elements that evoke the concept of a garden or time. This theme is central to the video as it sets the context for the fashion choices and discussions about the event.

💡Vladimir Putin

Vladimir Putin is the President of Russia and a central figure in global politics. In the script, he is mentioned in the context of his inauguration for a fifth term, which is described as 'opulent' and is criticized for its extravagance. This reference ties into the broader theme of political power and leadership, contrasting with the glamorous world of the Met Gala.

💡Donald Trump

Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States, is referenced in the script in relation to his legal trials. The mention of 'America's Vladimir Putin' draws a parallel between Trump and Putin, suggesting a critique of authoritarian tendencies. His trial, involving Stormy Daniels, becomes a focal point for discussing the intersection of politics, scandal, and media.

💡Stormy Daniels

Stormy Daniels is an adult film actress who is mentioned in the script as having testified in a trial involving Donald Trump. Her testimony about their alleged affair is a key part of the narrative, highlighting the sensational and controversial aspects of the case. It is used to critique Trump's character and to provide a dramatic storyline within the video's content.

💡Silk Pajamas

Silk pajamas are mentioned as the attire that Donald Trump was reportedly wearing when Stormy Daniels first entered his hotel suite, as per her testimony. This detail is part of the narrative that paints a picture of the encounter and serves to add a layer of intimacy and personal detail to the story being discussed in the video.

💡Separate Beds

The phrase 'separate beds' is used in the script to describe the sleeping arrangements between Donald Trump and his wife, Melania, as revealed by Stormy Daniels. This detail is significant as it provides a glimpse into the personal life of the Trumps and adds to the sensationalism of the testimony being discussed.

💡The Apprentice

The Apprentice is a reality television series that featured Donald Trump as the host. In the script, it is mentioned as a show that Trump allegedly suggested Stormy Daniels could appear on, implying a potential quid pro quo situation. This reference ties into the theme of power dynamics and the abuse of influence in the context of the Trump trial.

💡Hush Money

Hush money refers to payments made to silence someone, typically to prevent the disclosure of information that could be damaging. In the script, it is mentioned in the context of Trump allegedly paying Stormy Daniels to cover up their affair before the 2016 election. This concept is central to the legal and ethical issues being explored in the video.

💡Testimony

Testimony in a legal context refers to the evidence presented by a witness under oath. In the script, Stormy Daniels' testimony is a focal point, detailing her interactions with Trump. The testimony is significant as it forms the basis of the legal proceedings and provides the content for the media coverage and discussion in the video.

💡Sexual Assault

Sexual assault is a criminal offense that involves sexual contact without consent. The script alludes to Trump being 'found liable for sexual assault,' which sets a tone for the discussion around Trump's character and the allegations against him. This keyword is relevant as it ties into the broader conversation about power, consent, and the legal implications of such actions.

Highlights

Met Gala featured garden-inspired looks with the dress code 'The Garden of Time'.

A star arrived fully covered in a floor-length beige umbrella, sparking fan curiosity.

Award singer Tyla made headlines for her sand-made dress, which was so heavy it required assistance to walk.

Tyla's humorous response to 'Who are you wearing?' was 'Coney Island', causing laughter.

Vladimir Putin began his fifth term as Russian president with an opulent inauguration.

Putin's current term extends until 2030, with the possibility of running for another six years.

The contrast between Putin's casual attire and the ceremony's grandeur was noted humorously.

Donald Trump's impeachment trial is in its fourth week, with Stormy Daniels' testimony being a significant event.

Trump's defense attorney objected to Stormy Daniels testifying about sexual acts.

Prosecutors assured that the sexual act testimony would be very basic and devoid of explicit descriptions.

The testimony included uncomfortable personal details about Trump's behavior with Stormy Daniels.

Daniels described Trump's initial attire and a peculiar interaction involving a magazine.

Trump allegedly told Daniels she reminded him of his daughter, Ivanka, prior to having sex.

The suggestion that Trump dangled a potential 'Apprentice' appearance to Daniels was seen as manipulative.

The mood at the courthouse during the testimony was described as 'uncomfy'.

The testimony included a discussion about 'dumb horny man moves', adding a humorous element to the proceedings.

There was a satirical suggestion that airing intimate details could serve as a crime deterrent.

Troy Iwata humorously recounted his own awkward 'man move' in a light-hearted moment.

Transcripts

00:00

Let's kick things off with last night's Met Gala.

00:02

Now, the magical night when the world's most fashionable

00:05

cultural icons try to figure out how the [BLEEP]

00:08

they're going to fit their spiky

00:09

headdress into an Uber Pool.

00:11

REPORTER: On fashion's biggest night,

00:13

garden-inspired looks on full display, right in bloom

00:16

with this year's dress code, The Garden of Time.

00:19

REPORTER 2: Fans tried to figure out

00:21

which star was fully covered head to toe

00:24

in a floor-length beige umbrella.

00:26

REPORTER 3: Now this is a award singer Tyla.

00:29

So many people are talking about this--

00:30

she had to be carried up the stairs of the Met.

00:33

The dress, which was made of sand, was simply too heavy.

00:38

OK.

00:39

OK.

00:41

A dress made of sand is super impressive.

00:45

Who are you wearing?

00:47

Coney Island, thank you very much.

00:48

[LAUGHTER] I like how she had four people

00:52

carry her up the stairs.

00:53

I bet Joe Biden saw that and turned to the Secret Service

00:56

like, let's just do that from now on.

01:00

But the true glam-heads weren't paying attention

01:02

to the met gala, because the real action last night was

01:05

in Moscow, where Vladimir Putin held

01:07

an opulent inauguration that just screamed, definitely

01:11

not a dictator for life.

01:12

REPORTER 4: We continue to watch live pictures from Moscow

01:15

where Vladimir Putin begins his fifth term

01:18

as Russian president.

01:20

The strongman has already been in office

01:22

for nearly a quarter century.

01:24

Putin's new term doesn't end until 2030, and, at that point,

01:28

he'll be eligible to run for another six years if he wants.

01:30

It has been a lavish and opulent

01:32

ceremony there in Moscow.

01:34

Come on, Vlad, you can't show up to all this in a suit.

01:39

Come on.

01:41

They got the wizards and the golden walls.

01:44

You're walking in like you're late from the office, man.

01:47

How do you think Merlin over here feels, huh?

01:50

He's like, I went full Hogwarts over here.

01:53

Now I feel like a [BLEEP] dick, Vlad.

01:55

You act like you don't even want to be here,

01:58

but this is your whole thing.

02:00

I mean, I'm not criticizing you.

02:01

You're the one with the poison.

02:02

But still, we could have done this over Zoom.

02:06

[LAUGHTER]

02:08

Let's move on to America's Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump.

02:12

[CHEERING]

02:14

It's now week four of the Trump trial.

02:19

And, boy, time flies when you're constantly falling

02:21

asleep in court, doesn't it?

02:23

But I can guarantee you Trump didn't nap during today's

02:27

testimony, which brings us to our latest

02:29

installment of America's Most Tremendously Wanted.

02:32

[MUSIC PLAYING]

02:37

The whole thing is a scam.

02:42

Today was the biggest day yet in the trial of Donald Trump,

02:44

because today, Stormy Daniels herself took the stand.

02:48

And you could tell from the start

02:50

that the coverage was going to be delicate.

02:53

Right now, in the courtroom, our reporters in there

02:57

are sending us notes, updates, every second that they can.

03:01

And Mr. Trump's defense attorney, Susan Nichols,

03:04

is saying, quote, "we're informed the second witness

03:06

today will be Stormy Daniels.

03:07

We want to renew our objection to her testifying,

03:10

particularly about any details of any sexual acts."

03:14

That is Mr. Trump's attorney.

03:16

The prosecutors is also saying, quote, "in terms of the sexual

03:19

act, it will be very basic"--

03:22

I can't believe I have to read this

03:23

on television-- "it's not going to involve any description"--

03:25

DANA BASH: Better you than me, Jake Tapper.

03:27

It's not going to involve any descriptions of anything.

03:31

So--

03:32

Just read it.

03:33

Oh, come on, Jake Tapper and Dana Bash,

03:37

acting like you're too good for this,

03:39

like you've never seen genitalia before, all right?

03:41

[LAUGHTER]

03:42

You're very prudish for people whose

03:44

names sound like porn names.

03:47

Jake Tapper and Dana Bash in "State of the Union."

03:50

[APPLAUSE]

03:51

Yeah, oh.

03:57

They're going to Smerconish all over your Wolf Blitzer,

03:59

you know?

04:00

Now--

04:01

[LAUGHTER]

04:04

Now, the crux of this case is that Trump allegedly

04:07

paid stormy Daniels hush money to cover up their affair

04:10

just before the 2016 election.

04:11

And today, Stormy Daniels told us exactly what all that money

04:15

was hushing, starting from the very beginning

04:18

of the night Donald Trump invited her

04:20

for dinner in his hotel room.

04:21

REPORTER 5: Daniels testified that when she first

04:24

entered Trump's hotel suite, he greeted

04:26

her wearing silk pajamas.

04:28

She says she joked that he stole Hugh Hefner's pajamas

04:31

and asked him to change, which he did.

04:33

According to Daniels, when she asked Trump about his wife,

04:37

he admitted that he and Melania sleep in separate beds.

04:40

After speaking with Trump for a while,

04:42

Daniels told Trump he was rude and didn't know

04:44

how to have a conversation.

04:46

Someone should spank you with that magazine, she told him.

04:49

She says Trump then rolled up the magazine and, quote,

04:52

"gave me a look."

04:54

So she took it from him, told him to turn around,

04:57

and swatted him on the butt.

04:59

[LAUGHTER]

05:00

[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]

05:04

That poor, poor magazine.

05:07

Hasn't print media suffered enough?

05:11

Spanking, silk pajamas, separate beds--

05:14

these revelations are so uncomfortably

05:16

personal that even Drake is like,

05:18

ooh, sucks to be that guy.

05:22

But if that stuff made you uncomfortable, hold on.

05:24

It gets worse.

05:25

REPORTER 6: Daniels testified that at one point prior to them

05:28

having sex, Trump told her she reminded him of his daughter,

05:31

Ivanka, saying they were both smart, blonde, beautiful women

05:34

who people underestimated.

05:36

Hashtag girldad.

05:38

[LAUGHTER]

05:40

Look, I know it's old news to us that Donald Trump wants

05:45

to Smerconish his daughter, but remember,

05:48

the court worked hard to find an unbiased jury, which means

05:52

there's at least one person on there who was in a coma

05:55

for the last 10 years.

05:57

And I bet that guy is losing his mind today.

06:00

[LAUGHTER]

06:02

Are you hearing this?

06:03

Are you hearing this?

06:04

That's the president, and his daughter, and a porn star.

06:08

Wait til my friend Prince hears about this.

06:10

[LAUGHTER]

06:12

You know what?

06:13

Maybe that actually damning part of all of this

06:17

is how Trump got Stormy to have sex with him.

06:20

According to Daniels, he suggested that she

06:22

could be on "The Apprentice."

06:24

Later, he stripped to his underwear and told her, quote,

06:28

"this is the only way you're getting

06:30

out of the trailer park."

06:32

Yikes.

06:34

So Trump isn't just a bad lover who

06:36

thinks talking about his daughter

06:38

is an acceptable form of foreplay.

06:40

He's a creep who dangles career advancement over women to get

06:44

them to have sex with him, because, Lord knows,

06:47

they're not in it for the two minutes of thrusting.

06:51

And personally, I find it disappointing.

06:53

I mean, who would have thought a man

06:55

found liable for sexual assault would coerce a woman into sex?

06:59

I mean, honestly, it's like you can't even trust

07:02

sex offenders these days.

07:04

For more on today's testimony, let's go live to the courthouse

07:07

with our own Troy Iwata.

07:09

Troy.

07:10

[CHEERING]

07:16

Troy, what's the mood down at the courthouse today?

07:20

I would say the mood is uncomfy.

07:23

[LAUGHTER]

07:25

Like, I was so perturbed I made myself feel better

07:29

by remembering that time I watched "Saltburn"

07:30

with my parents.

07:31

[LAUGHTER]

07:33

That's how bad it was today.

07:34

But I got to tell you, it's pretty brutal

07:37

hearing someone's dumb horny man

07:39

moves read aloud in the cold light of a courtroom.

07:41

I'm sorry, dumb, horny man moves?

07:45

You know, the things that you say

07:47

and do right before you have sex with someone

07:48

for the first time?

07:50

The sexy stuff that you do in the moment

07:52

that no one should ever rehash?

07:54

You know, the faces and phrases like, your lips

07:57

look like two big worms.

07:58

[LAUGHTER]

08:00

OK, well, I mean, some people's man

08:05

moves are pretty solid, I bet.

08:07

OK.

08:08

You keep telling yourself that, big guy.

08:12

Like, what's your go-to move when you get to the bedroom?

08:15

Well, I don't know if this is the time or the--

08:17

one time--

08:18

[LAUGHTER]

08:21

One time, I said "all-righty then," just like Ace Ventura.

08:26

But it was a good reference because we had

08:28

both just seen "Ace Ventura."

08:30

I mean, she hadn't, but I had explained the movie to her.

08:32

And it was kind of a sexy moment for both of us.

08:38

[LAUGHTER]

08:42

Cool.

08:45

What's your point, that testifying

08:47

about people's man move should have

08:49

no place in the legal system? - No.

08:50

No.

08:51

I actually think the opposite.

08:52

I think every trial should have it.

08:54

You know, imagine if every time you committed a crime,

08:58

the prosecutors could put your ex on the stand

09:00

and describe your most mediocre hookup in grave detail.

09:04

[LAUGHTER]

09:05

And then, a stenographer in a cardigan wrote it all down,

09:09

and then Jake Tapper broadcasted

09:12

it on national television.

09:13

[CHEERING]

09:15

Yeah, frankly-- OK, I see you--

09:17

that is a clear point.

09:21

I mean, you put it that way, I would

09:22

be the most law-abiding citizen in history.

09:24

Exactly.

09:25

Yeah.

09:26

Right now, I'm about 50-50 on committing crimes.

09:28

OK.

09:29

Like, I can see myself counterfeiting stamps.

09:32

But if it meant I'd have to sit through a retelling of how

09:37

one night I got on all fours and I said,

09:39

tell me you're proud of me--

09:41

[AWKWARD LAUGHTER]

09:44

I wouldn't even get a parking ticket.

09:46

I wouldn't even own a car.

09:50

This might be the greatest crime deterrent in history.

09:53

So you're saying we should just

09:55

air all of Trump's dirty details in an attempt

09:58

to lower crime rates.

10:00

No, Jordan, I am asking you to tell me you're proud of me.

10:05

[OOHS AND AHHS]

10:07

All righty, then.

10:08

Troy Iwata, everybody.

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