The dumbest things I've ever bought for this channel

- Hey, Bim Bim.

Guess what? I put you on a shirt again.

How does that make you feel? I think she likes it.

Hi, I'm that guy who buys a bunch of dumb garbage online

so I can make videos complaining

about all the dumb garbage I bought.

Well, it turns out an unexpected side effect

of these videos is that I now have in my possession

a bunch of dumb garbage.

But what do you expect me to do?

Just throw this away.

What if there's an emergency

and I need to use it for whatever it is that it does?

No, I decided if I'm gonna be getting rid

of all my hard-earned internet treasure,

I need to make sure it's going to a loving home.

I need to auction it off and donate all the proceeds

to charity, which means for most of these products,

it'll be the first time they've ever done anything good.

But I also wanted to use this video as an excuse

to revisit some of my past purchases,

talk about the things that I like and still use,

the companies that have gone on to disappear

from the face of the planet.

And also just some things I bought from online ads

in my own personal life that I've gone on to develop

strong feelings about is starting with this.

This thing is called a tile.

And I bought this a few years ago

because of how often I'd be about to leave the house

and then realize I don't know where I put my wallet.

So then I spent 10 minutes trying

to find it and now I'm running late.

'Cause I didn't think to just look in the pocket

of the last pair of pants I wore in the first place.

But what this thing is supposed to do is go inside

of your wallet so you can use an app that'll tell

you where it is.

And this would've been so helpful

if it ever worked even one time.

Now, whenever I tried to use this thing,

it would just say, searching.

Searching.

Shit, I don't know, man. I tried.

All it would ever be able to tell me

is that it was somewhere in my house,

which was usually the only bit of information I already had.

If you want us to tell you exactly where it is,

you're gonna have to get closer to it,

which obviously you can't do

because you don't know where closer is.

- [Announcer] Your tile can connect to your device

from up to a hundred feet away.

So if your tile is nearby,

but your app says it's out of range,

you might be a little bit confused.

- The only time it would ever play the sound

it was supposed to would be several minutes

after I had already found it.

Like I'd be in the car already driving

and my pants start playing a little song.

Hilarious comedic timing, no doubt.

But that's not what I spent $30 on.

Also, the reason I'm referring to this product

in the past tense is because as of last January,

it is completely dead.

There's no way to charge it.

There's not a battery I can change. It's just done.

It called in sick to work every day of its life

and then retired at the age of one.

It's advertised as lasting three years,

and I didn't even get half of that.

But what's really weird to me is that their app

has close to a million positive reviews.

Does this thing work for everyone but me?

In hindsight, it's probably my fault

for just buying a product and expecting it to work.

What I should have done is sign up for tile premium,

their yearly subscription service,

then I would've gotten a warranty,

then I would've gotten customer service.

How stupid of me to expect access to basic features

for just one $30 payment when I should have been paying $30

every year forever.

If you're wondering what my solution

to the wallet problem is, since this one didn't pan out,

I've just started putting it in the same spot

every time I come home.

Probably should have tried that first, huh?

Not everything I buy online is bad though.

There was a video I started working on a few years ago

where I was gonna review a bunch

of my counterfeit merch from Redbubble,

which is weirdly kind

of the entire business model of Redbubble.

And I never ended up making it,

but I did buy some of the things that I saw.

One of them is this beautiful pillow

that I've had in my office ever since.

Road work ahead. It's me.

Can you tell if you're wondering,

it's exactly as scratchy as it looks.

But the other thing I bought was something I was certain

was too good to be true.

A roadwork ahead tapestry.

Now, there were so many to choose from somehow

over 10,000, what the fuck?

But the one that caught my eye was this.

Never have I seen such efficient use of space on a product.

So modest, so understated.

This design has no desire to be the star of the show.

And I respect that.

But also I kind of assumed it was just an error

with the graphic on the website

and there's no way it would actually

look like that in real life, right?

No, it does. Now that's honest advertising.

And even with the graphic just taking up one inch of space,

it's still managed to be blurry as hell.

The PNG file they used for this was a screenshot

of a screenshot of a screenshot.

And for just $64, that's a steal,

in that they are stealing from anyone

who actually bought this.

And now to rank the products I've bought for this channel

on a scale of pretty good to infuriate

and number one goes to a fucking bidet.

The best thing I've ever bought

for this channel is a toilet accessory.

This is gonna sound a little hyperbolic,

but I truly think this purchase acts as a dividing line

between two distinct eras of my life.

I feel like a caveman

for having spent 27 years without one.

Seriously, what are we doing in this country?

Why is there a stigma

around getting your butt a little bit wet?

I feel like the only consistent critique

I've seen of bidets is from men who see it as a threat

to their masculinity to have water sprayed into their ass.

But then what's the alternative?

Sticking your little fingers up

there for five straight minutes.

Yeah, what do you look in the mirror buddy?

As a human race, we need not be divided on this.

We should all stand together on the side

of good butt hygiene and yet the war rages on.

But Drew, what about wet wipes?

You mean the wet wipes that only say the word flushable

on them because they technically can be flushed,

but you absolutely shouldn't.

Please don't buy these.

They clog up sewers and cause a bunch of problems

for other people in your city.

They're also a huge waste of money,

which you can save a lot of on both toilet paper

and wet wipes by investing in a bidet.

And if all of this is starting to sound

like I'm doing an ad for this company, don't worry, I'm not.

I don't care which bidet you buy.

They all do the same thing.

This one randomly starts leaking every few months

and that's pretty annoying.

If I were starting from scratch,

I'd probably get a toilet with the bidet

already built into it along with other cool features

like a seat warmer so it can always feel

like you're sitting on it immediately

after someone else did.

Number two, the chirp wheel.

If I remember correctly, my reaction

to this was pretty lukewarm, but to be honest,

I use this thing almost every day.

It is incredible for me.

For whatever reason, the shape of the wheel

and the shape of my dumb up back

seemed to coalesce perfectly.

But again, you don't have to opt for this specific brand.

I have no loyalty to them.

I'm pretty sure it's just a PVC pipe with some foam over it.

If you search yoga wheel on Amazon,

there's a bunch of cheaper alternatives.

They might break in half as soon

as you take it outta the box, but they are cheaper.

And even though I do love this thing,

I definitely wouldn't recommend the bundle that I got.

Pretty sure it came with some kind of neck strap

that doesn't do anything.

And a carrying case that I've never once used

because the only place I've carried these things

is from one room of my house to another.

If you are gonna buy one of these,

just save yourself some money

and get this six inch wheel by itself.

The big one is too big and the small one is too small.

Plus you don't need three different wheels anyway.

You only have one back.

Number three, this whiteboard.

When I bought this a few months ago,

I thought for sure I'd only use it in one video.

But now if you include this one, we're up to two videos.

That's a pretty good value. Number four, the Kizik shoes.

I don't know why I wrote the k like that.

Actually, all of those letters look bad, not just the k.

These shoes are built in a way that you can step into them

without having to use your hands,

which you could also do with most pairs of shoes,

but not as easily as you can in these.

Now I'm definitely a little biased towards this company

'cause after I mentioned in that video

that the pair of shoes that I wanted was out of stock,

they actually emailed me and asked

if they could send me some and then they did.

And that was really cool.

I've mentioned so many products in so many videos

and no other company has ever reached out to me afterwards,

at least not with something nice to say.

I would say my biggest critique

is that they're not quite as comfortable

as I hoped they would be, especially this pair.

I don't know if I've just worn down the inside,

but they really dig into my heel

if I'm walking in them for a while.

But if I just want something that I can throw on real quick

to go run a couple errands, I think they're great.

But again, this is not an act.

Whenever I make these videos,

I always feel weird being too positive about a product,

even if it's something I do like

because I'll get comments from people

assuming I was doing an undisclosed ad,

which is very much against YouTube's guidelines.

Trust me, if I'm doing an ad for something,

you will know it's an ad

because I'll say something like this portion

of the video is sponsored by opera.

The smarter way to browse the way.

You ever go to a website that has way too many words on it

and feel the sudden overwhelming urge

to not read any of them.

Well, good thing with opera.

I can use Aria, their built-in AI tool to summarize

the whole thing in a few sentences,

all I have to do is hit control slash

and then tab and it'll gimme the TLDR my dumb little

brain desperately needs.

You can also ask it questions

or even have it write an email on your behalf.

One of the best things about opera is it comes with a free

ad blocker built directly into the browser.

You don't have to download any extensions

to be able to use it, which is great

'cause that's what I had to do to get an ad blocker

on the browser I used to use.

And I swear to God, every time I would open the internet,

that extension pop up and ask me to give it money,

which ironically is an ad.

Opera also has a sidebar that I use all the time

to listen to music through Spotify

or reply to some messages.

And I love their built-in screenshot tool

that makes video editing even faster for me.

I've been using opera for a few months now

and I genuinely think it's a huge improvement

over the browser I was using before.

So check it out for yourself.

You can download Opera for free using the link

in my description or the pinned comment.

It's also a great free way to help support my channel

if that's something you're interested in doing.

Thank you to opera for sponsoring this portion of the video.

I'd say something like that.

Number five, and our first entry into the bad category,

we've got the work wonnie.

This is of course the business on top,

leisure on bottom combo.

That is only possible to wear

if the two pieces come already sewn together.

This is not an outfit that can be assembled separately

if you already have a button down shirt

and a loose pair of sweatpants.

The work wanting is a one of a kind contraption

that is both necessary and fashionable,

which is why it brings me much dismay to break the news

that this company no longer exists.

Maybe it's because the work from home era

unfortunately ran its course once commercial

real estate investors saw their property values plummeted,

needed to force everyone back into the office

to justify their existence.

Or maybe it's because you have to hold the butt flap open

with both hands in order to shit through it.

Either way, the work wonnie is no more.

Technically this is the second time this has happened

because they had already shut down their website

before I uploaded the initial video.

But then I think because I made a video,

they tried to put it back up and capitalize

off the attention only to give up once more.

The good news is this just makes my work wonnie

that much rarer.

Who knows how many of these even exist in the world?

Two, three.

I'm not gonna say a higher number

'cause I already feel like I'm overestimating.

And that's why I think this makes perfect sense

as our first auction item of the night.

Let's hear it for the work one everyone..

(audience clapping)

Don't worry, I will wash it before mailing it out.

And number six, we've got another relic

from the earlier days of the pandemic.

The microclimate filtered helmet.

Weird, I'm not sure how this ended up so low on the list.

I wear this all the time whenever I run errands

or go to the moon, but I suppose I am willing

to part with it if it's for a good cause.

Plus version three is supposed to come out any day now,

as of a year ago.

And even though they haven't given a single specific

as to what's new about this version,

I trust these guys, after all who wouldn't?

So what makes this one different

from the previous ones you had?

Lighter, more durable, scratch resistant,

waterproof can tolerate the elements.

Okay, but what about drinking?

How can you drink?

I want.

Me too Serg. Me too.

At number seven, we've got by far the most expensive product

I've ever reviewed the Moonwalker shoes.

Why number seven?

Well, because the top speed is seven miles per hour

and the average range is seven miles.

And the stopping distance is one human step.

Kinda curious why they felt the need to specify human step

as if there's some other kind of step we could take.

Coming in at a market value of $1,400.

These are gonna be the highest ticket item in the auction

unless of course nobody bids on them,

in which case you might get them for 40 bucks.

That's the fun of an auction baby.

I've got no clue how this will go.

I'm not sure what the future holds for this company.

I worry for their sake.

They've already botched the initial release

by making them way too expensive

and only available in a country where nobody walks anywhere.

They've gone from being pretty active on social media

to radio silent for like four months now.

So hopefully they're just in the lab cooking up version two

of these that isn't so god damn loud

every time you take a human step.

(Moonwalker shoe buzzing)

Final entry into the bad tier is Tom Brady's bundle of crap,

which offers varying degrees of uselessness.

I bought so much from this man.

There was a cookbook that jump scares me every time

I walk into my kitchen at night.

Protein powder that only tastes good

when I put it in an oatmeal

and I don't even eat oatmeal anymore.

A water bottle too unwieldy to ever take anywhere.

Vitamins, I've never touched.

Electrolytes that taste okay.

And a giant bag of resistance bands that's been sitting

in the corner of my office so long, it'll probably leave

a permanent dent in the carpet.

And out of all of these,

the one thing that I actually used regularly,

the shaker slowly started to change shape over time

until eventually the lid wouldn't stay on anymore.

Which is not ideal for something that's supposed to keep

liquid inside of it while you shake it around.

Goodbye misshapen TB 12 bottle.

I'm sorry my dishwasher turned you into a hideous monster.

But maybe your death can get them to update

the description on the website,

at least then your sacrifice won't be in vain.

In between, bad and infuriating is what I'm calling

the forgettable category because one of the only things

worse to me than a product that sucks

is a product that's boring.

A product whose existence is so benign

I can't even muster the energy to get mad at.

And there's been a lot of these over the years.

I bought a big bag, a tiny bag, a spine deck

and a spine neck, a plastic hand to cosplay as 2016

El Alfred Peyton, a sleep mask with headphones

that I never bothered to connect to anything.

A tripod that spins on its own,

but I've only ever used it in a stationary position,

an inversion table that did not make me any taller.

A calendar puzzle.

I'm still too stupid to solve.

A belt that works fine, but I never wear it

'cause I bought it in bright red.

This purchase was doomed from the start.

All of this stuff has had no tangible impact on my life

since the moment I finished

whatever video I bought them for.

And the sheer quantity of clutter that I ended up

with is part of the reason I stopped making these videos

and also 'cause they were getting repetitive.

It's funny, as YouTubers, I think we're all trying to find

something easily replicable that we enjoy making

and our audience enjoys watching.

And that's what this series was for me for a long time

until randomly one day I was just like, actually,

I never wanna make one of those videos ever again.

And maybe I still will at some point.

I'm not ruling it out forever.

I like reviewing things, I like complaining about stuff

and I like when I can direct those complaints at a company

rather than an individual.

But every time I walk into my closet

and I see this drop ship lime green wrapping paper cutters

sitting at the top of a bucket of junk

that only takes up space, I start to wonder

if those minimalism guys were onto something.

Maybe to get back at me for making a video about them.

They started targeting me with ads so insane,

they knew I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to buy it

for a video and then another video and then another video.

Until before long I had surrounded myself

with the worst thing you can.

Stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff.

They destroyed my life from the inside

without ever lifting a finger.

It's the perfect crime.

And finally we've arrived at the infuriating category.

I've only got two things in here and I'm sure

you can guess what one of them is.

It's of course nemesis of the channel, the moon pod,

which I don't have anymore 'cause I gave it to my friends

who just moved into a new apartment

and now it's their problem. (upbeat music)

Those fools.

My ongoing vendetta with this stupid beanbag chair

is pretty well documented at this point.

I've tried escalating things every time

I bring it up hoping that maybe once and for all

I could finally bring this company down.

And I'm here today to give up.

I am surrendering to the moon pod.

Does that mean I no longer think

it's an overpriced piece of garbage?

Of course not. It sucks.

Do I still think it's to pretend that a product

that has never cost more or less than $300

is somehow 25% off?

Absolutely.

Better hurry up guys, the Memorial Day sale's

almost over then we're gonna have to wait

for the next Memorial Day sale, which is exactly the same.

And we'll start immediately afterwards.

This graphic is edited into the product photo.

I don't think the sale's ending anytime soon.

Now this is just a lame marketing tactic rivaled

in cheapness only by the materials they use to make these.

No, I'm not giving up because I finally came around

and changed my tune.

I'm holding this grudge forever.

I'm giving up because I lost.

I've seen Moon Pod commercials during NFL playoff games.

They've clearly made so much money off these,

and have such a massive marketing budget

that I'm clearly just outgunned in this fight.

And what can you even do about it

when they've only allowed one negative review

on their entire website?

You're telling me 1200 people agreed with this,

and not one of them wrote a one star review of their own,

suck my ass Moon Pod.

So no, I'm done.

I refuse to continue fighting a fight

that I just don't think is fair.

And I'm starting to wonder if all my yapping

has had the opposite effect.

I worry that years of attention, no matter how negative,

has only helped bolster

the name recognition of this company.

So I'm not gonna mention them anymore.

I'm not giving them any more free advertising.

I don't think I should even talk about them in this video.

In fact, I'm probably gonna edit out this entire section.

And finally, the worst of the worst.

It's been almost two years since I made a video

getting mad at a bunch of $300 brain vibrators

made to prey on people with anxiety.

And I was disappointed to see that all of these companies

are still very much alive and well.

In fact, most of these products

have only gotten more expensive.

The Mendi went up $30, the Sensate went up $50

and added a subscription service.

The CalmiGo, went up $110 for this piece of shit.

What are we doing?

Of course wanted these things to be cheaper,

but it cost so much money

to make a piece of plastic that smells bad.

If any of these companies actually cared about people,

they would do everything in their power

to make these things as affordable as possible.

They wouldn't jack up the price every time

their profit margins fall below 90%.

They don't care about your mental health,

they don't care about you.

They just want your money.

The audacity of the company that has almost doubled

the price of their device to try to guilt you

into buying it anyway by saying,

"Well, how much is your mental health worth?

This is nothing compared to how much people normally spend

on stuff like this."

Can we get a citation on that

or do I just have to take your word for it?

"Hey, but don't worry, this thing has zero side effects,"

because it doesn't do anything.

The best thing I can say about the CalmiGo

is that the last time I tried to use it,

I was having a really bad panic attack and I thought,

"Hey, not to worry, I've got my lavender inhaler."

So I grabbed it outta my drawer, started sucking on it

and almost immediately felt so stupid

that I started laughing.

So I guess in that way it did its job.

I don't know if that fully counts

'cause that's not really what they were going for,

but credit where credit's due.

But also that was over a year ago

and I haven't touched it since.

So I'm a little grossed out thinking

about all of the bacteria that is almost definitely

built up inside of it.

For that reason, I will not be including it in the auction.

I will be putting it in the trash.

Hey, speaking of the auction,

I should probably explain how that's gonna work.

I've got everything listed on eBay

where they'll run for the next week.

A hundred percent of the money from each item sold

will go directly to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund,

which is currently working in Gaza,

to provide aid to Palestinians

who have been displaced from their homes and their families.

The link that charity is in the description

along with all of the items that are for sale.

When all the auctions are done, next week I will be mailing

everything out myself along with some personalized

thank you notes.

And then whatever the total amount ends up being

for all the products combined,

I will personally match so we can double our donation.

You may notice I haven't listed every single item

I've ever bought 'cause some of these products

truly are just worthless junk.

But to make up for it, I've thrown in some other fun things.

A roadwork ahead sign, hot dog toaster, the usual.

So definitely check that out.

Hopefully we can raise some money.

And also good luck.

You're gonna need it because I'm going to outbid all of you.

You thought I'd actually let all this stuff go? Hell no.

I'm buying it all back.

Wow, congratulations on making it to the end

of the YouTube video.

You did a great job.

Be sure to smash that subscribe button and smash

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