I have a lot to say...

[Music]

solid last time I did one of these I got

myself into a lot of trouble and so I'm

going to try to be more calm happy May

everyone we're working around a few

obstacles I tried to line a bunch of

towels around the whole bathroom but but

I don't think that made any sliver of a

difference because it still sounds like

we're sitting at the bottom of a canyon

but it's the best place to film all

right there was a mirror that I had in

here I was sitting on this bench

plucking my eyebrows in front of the

mirror I sit here and I pluck in front

of the window and feeling the breeze I

walk out the breeze breezes a little too

much the mirror falls shatters

everywhere this floor is so patterned

that there's shards of glass look weeks

later I just find shards of glass

everywhere so not only are we sitting in

the Echo of Chambers we're also in a

glass filed floor that I might cut my

ass cheeks open on but we're

just we're just going to try our best

welcome to the second edition of the

series that I like to call get ready

with me to go absolutely [ __ ] nowhere

I still don't have all that much of a

functioning household but I did get

these glasses I have a paper straw For

Those whom it may

concern ooh

I've never tried this before but I've

maxed out on my caffeine consumption for

the day already at 2:00

[Music]

p.m. that is not the elani new that is

not the elani new energy drink it's work

with

aable Shall We Begin I thought I would

just start with the most current event

that's happening in my life and that is

that I'm going to the gynecologist for

the first time ever next week it's May

1st today may maybe that wasn't the best

place to start this video is not for my

parents this video is not for my

brothers unless you just want to know

way too much detail about me but I'm

giving you a warning now you're going to

know way too much detail about me more

than you would ever want or need to know

so any adult in my life I suggest that

you just leave now it's just a

suggestion it's not a requirement but

I'm just saying I'm just

saying before we get too far I would

like to thank the very special sponsor

of today which is a shower getting ready

essential Billy so this morning I went

on a fun little joy ride to Walmart

Billy has a new body care line right in

time for the summer when I know that all

of us are going to start smelling a

little wonky Tonky Walmart is so

unserious I love it in there these are

the Billy 24-hour all day deodorant ooh

Cedar Crush tile Rose oh my gosh if I

could give you a scent profile this one

is Edward cins playing baseball in the

woods hot all day formula that is

aluminum and baking soda free we never

want to be out here looking like a

crusty Dusty mess these don't cake or

stain on your clothes amazing I love

this one this one is so fun it's a

little roller ball lavender milk and as

you can see it defends odors and

prevents ingrown hairs a wide

arrangement of body washes which

hopefully is in your summer hygiene

routine oh it's like a scent spell I got

these two this one is the bright Citrus

and woods these are designed to Cle F

hydrate and treat your skin with real

hardworking ingredients ooh so seductive

these are sudsy gel washes if you want

to be smelling fresh clean gorgeous not

stinky cranky all summer long you can

head to your local Walmart to pick up a

Billy's new body care collection can we

appreciate the pop of color can we

appreciate the aesthetic design thank

you so much to Billy for sponsoring this

video and thank you so much to Billy for

making my bathroom smell so good all

[Music]

right so if you are a normal

woman or I don't really know that's the

thing I apparently don't know that much

about the topic and this is not me

leading by example this is me coming to

you in shame that I am a 26-year-old

female no one in my life has ever told

me that I needed to go to a gynecologist

not once ever not once ever I don't know

who left me in the dark I don't know why

they chose to leave me in the dark maybe

because I've never had a r ing issue

which is good

right this is the rare Beauty Foundation

I've had this for over a year and I

always hate on it and yet somehow I'm

always putting it on my face and I

pretend that I hate it but I think I

actually love it I've been through the

whole Spiel with all of you a million

times how I was on birth control from

the time I was a wee little lad because

I had a severe severe severe acne so the

first time that I got put on birth

control I'm pretty sure was from my

dermat ologist and if that's not correct

then it was from a primary care doctor

but I wasn't never at a gynecologist I

was talking to one of my friends the

other week about maybe potentially

possibly getting an IUD right I've been

exploring my options

because I've just been exploring my

options terrified of all birth controls

right because once I got off of birth

control suddenly I could see colors

again for the first time and I wasn't

severely depressed and I wasn't severely

obese and I wasn't severely having acne

every day of my life I feel like me

things just go wrong right and not in a

setting myself up for failure way every

time I've ever taken a medication it's

just gone severely severely severely

wrong my body just rejects medication

like the plague I my veins want nothing

to do with it my bloodstreams are

screaming no my body does not want a

single drug inside of it it always goes

bad so when I look into the

portal of getting back on any form of

birth control it appears that I'm

looking in into a pit of fire that

appears to be the depths of hell where I

can see myself running around with my

head cut off everything goes wrong I'm a

Reddit person I will Reddit things to

death every time I need to know

something I search it in Google and put

Reddit after that's where you get the

real drama that's where you get real

insight about what what's going on about

a specific topic everyone there says

basically they almost died and I was

thinking there's so many people that

have this

thing crushed inside of them that how

could it be that bad like are the people

of Reddit really a reliable resource

here so I asked my friend you know

what's your experience with an IED and

she says why don't you just go to your

gynecologist and ask what your options

are and I said my gyam what my gyam who

the [ __ ] a what I don't have one of

those what is that do I have to sign up

for that I have no clue blank face blank

in the eye I spent far too much time

with gay men in my life like I don't

know I don't know what that is I know I

know so then save your comments saying

how are you a 26-year-old person that

didn't know about this I just didn't I

will go to a doctor if my head is

bleeding out that's the last time I went

to a doctor I will go to a doctor if I

need physical Staples in my body I don't

just go to the doctor for fun I don't

just dilly-dally around the doctor's

office looking for a good time I had to

go through a whole thing because when I

turned 26 last year I got booted booted

so rudely booted off of my parents

insurance and it took me

[Music]

a horrifically long time to find an

insurance company I I'm like I'm

self-employed for Google and insurance

companies are like what the [ __ ] does

that mean we're not insuring you took 6

months finally got on insurance so I

also thought that when you got insurance

they would be helpful and they would

tell you where to go you know cuz so

many doctors only accept certain

insurances so I log into my little thing

I'm feeling like a professional I'm

feeling like a an adult I'm logging into

my health insurance portal looking for a

GU a college I am a woman I call 13

closest appointment that I could get was

3 months out so really what's the point

of having

insurance I don't know I don't know I

truly honestly severely don't know I

feel like it's just something that you

have to do because when you tell people

that you don't do it they get they look

at you as if you have committed

first-degree murder when I told my mom

and dad I still didn't have health

insurance they looked at me as if I had

killed seven of our family members

they're like you have to you have

to but I have health insurance and I

have not felt one one good emotion from

it I can tell you that I can tell you

that after I talk to my friend I'm

thinking all

right all right like we are locked and

loaded finally someone was willing to

give me a chance they charged me an ass

[ __ ] ton of money an ass [ __ ] ton of

money for the weirdest lowest covers

nothing if anything happens to you

you're still [ __ ] plan

that is my plan that was the description

that they gave me that was the brief and

I was like awesome cool what's the first

thing I'm going to do I'm going to go to

the guy Nam make make a [ __ ]

monologist I'm going to go experience

what I've been missing out on for my

entire life this is like the end of the

Barbie movie when she was going to the

guiding College just that is [ __ ] me

that might be a way too personal

question to ask people on the internet

to tell me your experience if you've had

an IUD but I'm asking humbly and with

fear in my eyes to tell me if you've had

a good experience because I'm dying to

know if someone's had a good experience

or not anyway that's my life update that

is my first order of business that I

thought I had to update you

on I'm also getting a p

SP sorry I'm just cleaning up for you

little I just realized that I am sitting

here looking like I just went through a

[ __ ] car wash what is the most vital

thing you've come to learn over the last

year this might be a little light I'm

just going to go for it anyway the most

vital thing that I will take away from

my early 20s when it comes to the topic

of say love or situation or

situationships or relationships or just

the overall pain and suffering that I

will let myself

endure when looking for such thing is

that love and compatibility are simply

not the same thing mic dropped I'm going

to try to explain this in the best way

possible because this is what helps me

really move on from things and this is

what helps me rationalize emotions in my

brain you could love someone until

you're blue in the face you could think

that someone was the greatest man or

woman to ever walk the planet that they

are perfectly crafted like their neurons

are perfectly designed to just puzzle

piece with your neurons and everything

is going amazingly wonderfully perfectly

great I want to spend every single day

with them until the day that I die Head

Over Heels I am in love with this person

just because you feel all those things

about this

person it doesn't mean that you life is

compatible with their life when I

was I was probably 22 and for let's move

the [ __ ] on with the story purposes

let's just say that I was 22 I'm 22 I'm

living in LA but I'm also kind of living

here all right there was a weird

crossover 6 months where I still had my

townhouse in LA and Marcus and Vincent

were living there with me but I had

purchased this house but I wasn't able

to start working on it yet I was going

back and forth a lot I was flying back

and forth from LA to Colorado multiple

times a month everything was just a

little chaotic blah blah blah blah blah

blah blah the details don't matter I'm

at a bar with Marcus and vson and I meet

this guy meet this guy first time I ever

see him I swear I just like fall head

over heels for him I'm just obsessed I'm

obsessed with him unfortunately where

the story starts is usually for most of

us where the story also goes wrong it

all started with I met this guy and then

you just see us girls just falling off

the cliff at a rapid speed I'm obsessed

obsessed I think he is the coolest

greatest funniest smartest most awesome

full of life I just think he's amazing

all right and I still think those things

I still think those things however this

went on for

probably

4ish months isn't that when things

always go wrong I don't know what it is

I don't know what these love fairies put

in the air that just has a deadline like

there is a timeline if you're not meant

to be with someone I swear [ __ ] hits the

the fan at 4 months not a day earlier

not a day later 4 months everything

blows to Pieces Kaboom the Atomic Boom

happens 4 months this is why I always

say you don't know you really love

someone until you've seen all four

seasons with them and I will stand

behind that forever 4 months

in so got to the point 4 months Bo

everything explodes and I was

devastated devastated cuz I've dated

other people I've like been around the

block with other guys I have never felt

so simply devastated and I was like I've

only known this guy for 4 months why am

I on the floor screaming how did this

person that I knew for 4 months just

unplug my entire nervous system looking

back this guy was pretty decently older

than me I think he was at least 8 years

older than me and I think he had the

rational fully developed brain thinking

skills to just simply realize that

perhaps we are not compatible for no

other reason than that our lives aren't

compatible and that's how kind of the

Kaboom happened I wanted to move to

Colorado I've already bought a house in

Colorado he lives in La I'm not all that

religious he was very involved in

religion which is great right however

like all these things just started

adding up to where things just aren't

compatible things just aren't connected

long term our life would have been

horrible together long term we would

have hated each other we would have

just the Kaboom was going to happen

anyway there was so many factors that I

wasn't rationally

seeing that were saying hey like you can

think this guy is amazing you can think

this guy is the creme cremme cream

cheese chef's kiss but at the end of the

day you're just not compatible you're

just not meant to be together for the

long term you can be buddy buddy you can

be friendly you can be friends you don't

have to explode this entire thing

granted I exploded the entire thing cuz

I was a manic 22-year-old but

I was heartbroken heartbroken shattered

over this person for well over a year

when I was finally able to rationalize

in my brain the feelings that I was

feeling I realize it's because I do

think all of these amazing things about

this person I think it's a it's a 10 out

of 10 person standing right in front of

me and that's why I was so devastated

because I was thinking how am I going to

let this 10 out of 10 person just freely

walk away from my life how am I going to

let this all just blow to

shambles it's because love and

compatibility don't always coexist and

there will never be Harmony in your

relationship if love and compatibility

do not

coexist you can love someone until

you're blue in the face and not be

compatible with them and that is simply

okay you could be compatible with

someone your lives could line up

perfectly you could live in the same

neighborhood your parents could be

obsessed with each other you could think

all the same things and still not be in

love and I feel like the lesson that I

will always look for when I'm looking

for someone in my life is do love and

compatibility

melt into a good little panini sandwich

and are we cooking with gas here like do

we have all of the ingredients that cook

together into one sandwich and we are

happily eating our sandwich they have to

coexist this is the benefit fluff up

brow wax love 10 out of 10 ooh I just

love it so much this

is the best the best brow gel ever once

you actually have the wax on your

eyebrows you can still move them

throughout the day they're not glued

down we're not super glued in I'm not a

person that likes to be super glued in I

like to be halfway halfway this is a

good halfway where you have some hold

but you can still adjust say you need to

moving on to a simpler question that I

have a simpler answer to Is Why don't

you start posting on your main Channel

again it has millions of

subscribers

trauma blah blah blah

I just am a little traumatized to post

on my main Channel because

I from my perspective from looking

behind my eyes this is how I feel about

the entire situation starting this

channel is what really started

my healing process this probably isn't

even the most rational way of thinking

but this is the way that I was able to

keep going is I really felt like I got

exiled out of that channel and that

people made it so clear that they didn't

want me there and that they didn't think

that I deserve to be there and that just

really like hit a nerve within me

starting this channel was how I got back

into YouTube because this is where I

felt safe this felt like fully my own

Channel with my own thoughts that was

fully created by me and no one could say

that this was given to me no one could

say that this was handed to me no one

could say oh you just panhandled your

way once I started posting here I was

really happy posting here because I felt

like the people who actually wanted to

watch me and the people that I actually

have some sort of online connection with

would come and they would come to a new

channel and it would be more so the

people who like me versus the people

that hate me right I would so much

rather get less views with less people

watching and feel like I'm in a safe

place I telling you I chose peace over

prosperity and that is priceless I don't

think about it in a weird way I really

don't think about it at all and on paper

that sounds kind of sad but I'm telling

you this is the best thing that ever

happened to me this channel

fully is the best thing that ever

happened to me I will tell you one thing

though that I think that the people did

be dirty the last video that I ever

posted on my main channel that just sent

me over the edge was when I went to the

am clinic to get a brain scan and people

[ __ ] railed me people were so so mad

it was

pandamonium pandemonium and I'm not sure

if I just posted the wrong thing at the

wrong time like maybe I should have read

the room a little bit maybe I should

have just not posted that it did not

occur to me once that that would be a

problem I thought I'm a person that is

severely depressed that just went

through a very traumatic event I want to

go see what the [ __ ] going on in my

brain and they offered they were like

you want to come get a brain scan I said

sure Logan Paul's done it David D's done

it I'm not a mad scientist I not part of

the dark web I was just doing it for

kicks and Giggles I thought this would

be fun this would be silly I want to see

the inside of my brain when is when if

someone ever offered you to see a

picture of the inside of your brain for

free like come on I was a piece of

spinach that got thrown into a blender

and completely dismantled over that

video and that's when I gave up posting

on my main Channel because I just

couldn't do it I sobbed for days and now

people do it all the time it was on the

Kardashians I saw the same doctor that I

went to live on the Kardashians and

everyone thought it was so cool and so

exciting oh where do I go to get that oh

Kendall Jenner has anxiety you can see

it in her brain and that's so cool I was

like where was where was this crowd to

all of the people who hate me for the

brain scan video I want you to know I

wasn't trying to give you medical advice

I wasn't trying to sell my soul I wasn't

trying to be a part of the dark web I

just wanted to see a picture of the

inside of my brain but anyway that was

the best thing that ever happened to me

because that is what led me to making

this Channel and I always look back on

things right and think the worst things

that happen always lead to something

good example number two

when I tell all of you this just know

this is something that I've been nervous

to tell you pretty much the moral of the

story is that Lucas lives

here and before you get carried away

with that I want you to know that he has

his own room and I believe in my heart

of all hearts that I am just a girl that

was destined to live with boys I have

been trained my entire life to live with

boys and maybe that's just because I

grew up with Brothers I live with Ryan

and Shane everything was amazing I live

with Marcus and Vincent everything was

amazing I with Lucas everything is

amazing I just do really well with boy

roommates

so I just love having boy roommates

okay he was just my

[Music]

roommate all these things that feel so

life-altering and so traumatic and so

end of the

world eventually eventually without

doubt I I always look back and think

this is exactly how things were supposed

to happen this is 100 million per in

whatever you believe in way something

was looking out for me like this is how

things were supposed to happen with that

I have found more mental peace than I've

ever experienced so that is the vital

lesson that I've learned no we were on a

completely different question what

question were we

on I forgot the

question so someone said hey girl hey

what's the most embarrassing thing to

ever happen to you I have plenty I have

plenty a little benefit blush I saw

someone on Instagram using this and they

used it as an ey Shadow and a top coat

to their

blush it's amazing it's amazing the most

embarrassing thing to ever happen to me

you may ask well how do these stories

always start it always starts with I met

a guy I met a guy is a prehistoric story

this was when you still added people on

Facebook I had to add him on Facebook to

get the tea I was probably 19 and I was

going in for the Deep dive if you've

ever heard my story about how I found

out the guy that I was dating also had

another girlfriend because we got

sentenced to the same jury

duty this is the same guy at this point

in my life I was not an amateur on doing

I got to go I sorry I have to go blow my

nose

okay I'm back at this point in my life

it was not my first rodeo and I had

already learned the hard way that

LinkedIn tells you when you look at

someone's profile I think looking at

someone's Facebook innocent looking at

someone's Instagram innocent them

knowing that you looked at their

LinkedIn maybe to the right kind of man

that would be really flattering and

maybe that's my kind of man my type of

man wouldn't mind they'd be like oh she

was just checking all her boxes she was

making sure I wasn't a serial killer she

was making I was legit she is thorough

she has effort inside of her and she has

Drive I was going to get ahead of the

curve I was getting ahead of the game I

thought I'm going to make a fake

LinkedIn profile you've heard of a Fina

you've heard of a burner account do you

have a fake LinkedIn profile because I

think you need one I think you need one

no you don't I think now at my grown age

I would just accept that someone knows

that I'm looking at them on LinkedIn and

I would just swallow that pill for what

it is so I get home from my little

restaurant job one night and I'm

thinking I'm going to go into my full

deep dive mode I make a fake LinkedIn

account I pay for the premium one I

don't want to look like a burner account

I don't want to look like a Spam account

of course my name is John of course I

live in Washington of course if I live

in Washington I work at Amazon Finance

Bros of the world are going to eat my

[ __ ] up my profile is looking good it's

looking legit I go and I do my deep dive

with this guy did I find anything good

no no tea no drama nothing that was

worth my hour nothing that was worth my

$15 I find Jack [ __ ] nothing and I'm

like okay well at least I know he's