Jon Stewart on America's Decades-Long Battle for Reproductive Rights | The Daily Show

(energetic upbeat music)

- Doctor, Doctor, give me the news,

I've got a bad case of threatening yous.

Militant anti-abortionists, usually rational to a fault,

were ordered to pay $107 million in damages

after a federal jury

found their website's abortion doctor wanted posters

and baby butcher name and address lists

amounted to illegal threats.

Defendant Charles Wysong

of Tennessee's American Rights Coalition

called the decision, "A miscarriage of justice."

- There's nothing in those posters

that's threatening and they know it.

- Wysong then added, "Threatening, I mean, come on,

it's not like we hire snipers with wilderness skills, much."

(audience laughs)

The pro-life defendants claimed nowhere on their website

are there any words which incite violence,

claiming the sentence,

"Ill-kay abortion-ay octors-day ow-nay"

was just a fun Dr. Seuss rhyme for kids.

(audience laughing)

While pleased with the verdict,

pro-choice doctors expressed mixed feelings.

- There is no way to remove or turn back what has occurred.

- Although she appeared distressed,

when asked what she's going to do

now that she's won $107 million,

Dr. Newhall reportedly jumped in the air and yelled,

"I'm gonna perform an abortion at Disney World."

(audience laughing)

(audience members jeer) Settle down.

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Joining me right now

are two senior political correspondents

on "The Daily Show" staff, Mo Rocca and Nancy Walls.

What really struck me about the debates last night

was the abortion issue.

It came to the forefront

and I thought really divided the two candidates.

Mo, what were your impressions about their abortion issue?

- Well, Jon, I can say with certainty

that for countless American women,

the deciding factor in how their vote is cast

depends on whether or not the candidate is pro-choice.

- Yes, Jon, I'd like to-

- Mo, that's an interesting point.

You know, you really,

you feel like abortion is the swing issue this year?

- Absolutely. - Well, Nancy...

You know what, I'm sorry, Nancy.

I've got word that Vance DeGeneres in Tampa

would like to weigh in, Vance.

(bar patrons chattering)

- You know, the next administration

is going to appoint three,

maybe four Supreme Court justices.

Now, all the experts agree that Roe v. Wade

will be a litmus test.

- Well, that's a valid point, Vance, I'd have to say.

- Right, you know, the real issue here, Jon is that-

- Yeah, yeah. Hold that thought, honey.

We've actually got Steve Carell on the phone, I believe.

He's off today, but he's calling in

from his home in New Jersey.

Steve, did you have something you wanted to contribute

to the abortion discussion?

- [Steve] Yes, Jon, if abortions are outlawed,

only outlaws will have abortion.

(audience laughing and clapping)

And I ain't gonna play Sun City.

(audience laughing)

- That's an excellent point, Steve.

I've gotta say that's exactly- - Jon, I really feel

like I have to comment here as-

- [Colbert] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there.

I'll handle this one.

- Yes, I'm sorry, Stephen Colbert.

- Well, Jon, I think there's one thing

that no one is naming.

Last night on that stage, two men stood behind podiums,

two men and talked about whether women

should have reproductive rights.

Now why haven't we, you know, heard from any of the chicks?

(audience laughing)

- Well, that's a valid point.

We've got time for one more comment.

Nancy, what about that?

Why are women dropping the ball on this?

(audience laughing)

- You know, Jon, I've been sitting here

listening to all of you- - Excuse me!

- And the issue- - Excuse me, Jon!

- of whether women should have to-

- I'm sorry, you know what, oh, is that over there?

Our cameraman, Tom, has been waiting very patiently.

Tom, you had something you wanted to say?

- Yeah, I just think that women

should definitely have the right

to decide what happens to their own bodies.

Also, I think prostitution should be legalized.

- All right, well, that's an excellent discussion.

I wanna thank everybody, Mo, Vance, Stephen,

Steve Carell at home, Tom the cameraman, terrific work.

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- The issue is so much more than about abortion.

It's about the fundamental issue

of whether or not every human life

has intrinsic worth and value.

I believe that every life has value.

- [Jon] Right.

- And then the question comes, is it a life?

At what point is it a life?

And at what point is it our responsibility

to give it the same protection

that hopefully would be given to you or to me?

- Right, do you believe...

Here's what I'm always curious about.

- Yeah. - In terms of the rhetoric,

and I'm sure there's complaints

on the pro-life side as well.

Do you think that on the side of choice,

that they don't believe that every human life has value?

'Cause I'm always curious. - Yeah.

- I tend to think that the discussion is painted

in that direction as pro-abortion and this idea

that there's a callous indifference to life,

which doesn't seem to be the- - I don't think

there's anybody that wakes up and says,

"I really think abortion is a wonderful, wonderful thing."

I don't truly believe that even people

who would consider themselves pro-choice like abortion.

I think that they haven't thought through the implications

and the logical conclusion.

For example, if we train a generation coming up after us

that it is okay to take a human life

because that life represents to us an interference

or an interruption to our lives, either economically

or socially or whatever the reason.

And by the way, 93% of abortions are elective abortions.

Then what happens when our children one day look at us

and we're old, and we're gonna get there, Jon, we are.

- What? - Someday.

- Not if we keep talking about this.

- I do not want to give... (audience laughing)

But, you know, I do not want to give my kids the opportunity

to say, "Dad, you are an interference.

Coming to see you in the nursing home

is really messing up my social life.

You are very expensive, Dad.

Your long-term care bill is breaking us."

- But you're not at that point living inside your kids.

In other words, the... - No.

(audience applauding) - But I don't mean that for...

You know, and I think there's a...

And I don't mean to make light of it

because I think my personal feelings about it,

look, I have kids and I think it's very difficult

when you look at an ultrasound of your child

and you see a heartbeat, you are filled with that wonder

and love and all those things.

I just don't feel personally

that that's a decision I can make for another person.

- I think one of the fundamental questions

that we would have to come to is,

does a person have a right to own another person?

- Whoa. - That really is the issue.

Can a person own another person?

Can the mother totally own the child?

Can the father own the child? - Can the government

totally own the mother? - No.

I don't think the government

should completely own anybody. - Isn't it the same thing?

But isn't that the same argument?

- But our Founding Fathers, Jon, said that,

"We hold these truths to be self-evident,

that all people are created equal

and are endowed by their creator

with certain inalienable rights,

among these life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

- Right. - The concept was

that there is an equality about each human life

that no one is worth more than another,

no one is worth less than another.

- Isn't it the decision that's been made,

or at least tried to be made is that the progression

of that life, there becomes a point

where the state has an interest in protecting that life,

but at a certain point on its cellular level,

there is time built in for those types of decisions.

- Even if there was a concession for that,

there's a heartbeat at 21 days.

Many abortions happen well after the heartbeat.

Late-term abortions, where many people are saying,

"Look, no one should be able to intervene."

- What about embryonic research.

You know, are you against IVF? Is that-

- You know, the interesting thing is that now more

of the really credible research

is happening toward adult stem cells.

There was such a political issue.

- No, no, no, IVF is not,

that's not stem cell. - Oh, I'm sorry.

- That's in vitro fertilization,

which is- - Oh, you're talking about-

- People that are having difficulty

having children go in and-

- You're talking about like, frozen embryos.

- Well, they're not frozen. - In vitro.

- Sometimes when a man loves a woman.

- Yes. (laughs) (audience laughing)

Is that what happens? I've always wondered how it was.

- But they've smoked a lot of pot

and can no longer produce sperm.

- Yeah. - They go to a doctor.

And what happens is they, it's sort of,

it's conception outside of the body.

- I understand what you're saying.

I thought you were talking about the frozen embryos.

I carry in my wallet a photo of a little girl.

She's four years- - I thought you were gonna say

"A frozen embryo." - No, no, no, no, no.

(audience laughing) - What? You carry what?

- No, that's in my other pocket I have, anyway.

- Right, right, right. All right, I'm sorry.

- Just in case. You never know when that might come in.

- No, no, no. I understand.

- But it's a four-year-old girl.

I met her and her mother in Seattle, Washington,

and she was the reason, I guess, it's triggered,

she was a frozen embryo. - Right.

- Implanted into her mother.

A beautiful, beautiful child.

And the mother approached me and said,

"If anyone ever says to you that, you know, these embryos

are just sort of tissue or they're just cells," said,

"look at the picture of my child

and tell me my child isn't real."

It was a powerful moment for me to see

and to actually physically hold this child and to realize-

- And here's where it's so complex.

That child would not be born without embryonic research.

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Let's begin tonight with the battle

between religious leaders and the Obama administration

over contraception in our ongoing coverage of

(logo swooshing) The Punanny State.

Now, for those of you (audience laughing)

who haven't been following the story,

let me bring you up to speed.

Years ago, Adam and Eve lived in a garden.

Nah, all right, let's just,

let's just scroll up and then, okay, okay, okay.

Ah, Martin Luther nailed 95 theses.

Let's just scroll up a little bit. Okay, here we go.

Two weeks ago, the Obama administration found itself

at the center of a controversy over its decisions

to make religious-affiliated institutions

or their insurers cover contraception

as part of their government-mandated healthcare.

The move was seen by some religious leaders

as Obama's biggest misstep since the time he set aside

a chair for Elijah Wood at the Passover Seder.

(audience laughing) Elijah Wood.

Oh, there are a couple of Orthodox Jews

that really got that. (audience laughing)

And everyone else does not understand it.

(audience laughing)

So we have ourselves an old-fashioned liberty standoff.

On the one hand, the Catholic Church,

they do not want to be forced to pay money

for insurance plans that cover contraception

for even their non-Catholic employees,

although they do pay those employees money,

so I guess the argument could be made

that by paying these employees,

church money ends up being used for contraception anyway,

and pornography and dildos rolled in glitter

and entrance fees to clubs where cats have sex with dogs.

8th Street and 3rd Avenue, it's called Collarz. (mumbles)

On the other side...

They've been there. They know. (audience cheers and applauds)

Meow, meow, meow!

Ruff! (audience laughing)

A lot of other names for that, though.

On the other side are women who, for some reason,

would like their preventative healthcare costs

provided by their healthcare insurance provider.

Tough case because the sides are the Catholics and women,

and both are infallible, am I right?

(audience laughing)

So last Thursday, Congressman Darrell Issa

convened a panel to settle the issue.

And while no ladies were actually allowed to speak

until the afternoon session,

and no ladies actually ever spoke on behalf of ladies,

some of these fellas were wearing gowns,

so that's something. (audience laughing)

Let's hear the reasoned tone that the sausage fest struck

in this effort to find balance between religious liberty

and the realities of the secular world.

- I don't normally quote from Joseph Stalin.

- Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.

(audience laughing)

We're just gonna move on to the next guy,

if that's all right.

Anyone have a slightly less hyperbolic take on this?

- The violation of a person's religious conscience

was nothing less than the rape of the soul.

(audience reacts and boos)

- That's a quote from Roger Williams,

and I believe the worst "Law & Order" spinoff yet.

(audience laughing)

Ice-T, Belzer, and Markie Post, where's the chemistry?

Listen, no one loves their insurance plan, but soul rape?

Well, you may not realize this, but the Catholic Church

actually offers health plans that already cover Viagra,

AKA boner pill! (audience laughing)

AKA das stiff macher! (audience laughing)

AKA four-hour Johnson juice.

I'm guessing that that doesn't rape the soul,

that some of your employees, I guess,

are getting that subsidized Viagra,

and I guess some of them are single, unmarried men.

What do you think they're doing with their erections?

Seriously? We'd love to know.

Send your responses to Brian Williams

care of NBC Nightly News RE that question

you had about men's erections. (audience cheers and applauds)

So how is it that...

I can't wait to find out! (audience laughing)

How is it that women can't get their pill,

but men can get their pill?

Well, as it happens,

the church answered that very question 12 years ago.

- Viagra actually answers a medical problem.

Contraception is a choice that somebody may make,

but it doesn't answer a particular healthcare need.

- Two things, why, one,

does 12 years ago look like the '70s on television?

(audience laughing)

Has it really advanced that far in 12 years?

And two, so the Catholic Church says a boner is a need,

but not getting pregnant is more of a want.

(audience laughing)

By the way, while I was surprised

that the Catholic church is pro medically-induced boners,

I was even more shocked at the ad it ran

to show its support.

Now, you never know (audience laughing)

when the spirit will move you.

Anyway, I digress. Yeah. (audience applauding)

I don't know why they both get to wear nice hats,

but anyway, back to the hearing.

We've already heard from the Stalin and rape people.

Could someone please put this in terms

that are a little more relatable?

- For my testimony today, I would like to tell a story.

Let's call it the parable of the kosher deli.

- Go on. (audience laughing)

- Once upon a time, a new law was proposed

so that any business that serves food must serve pork.

Can a customer come to a kosher deli,

demand to be served a ham sandwich, and if refused,

bring down severe government sanction on the deli?

In a nation committed to religious liberty and diversity,

the answer is no. (audience laughing)

(audience cheers and applauds)

(audience laughing)

- Do you gots my pickle? (audience laughing)

Sir, your parable about the kosher deli, while delicious.

makes no (beep) sense. (audience laughing)

Nobody's forcing the kosher deli owner to serve a ham.

In the metaphor, it's more like the owner of the kosher deli

is refusing to pay taxes

because his money could go to food stamps,

which someone might theoretically use to buy ham.

Although, to be fair to Darrell Issa at the hearings,

a woman was put forth to speak on behalf of someone

who needed contraception to help with a medical condition,

and that speaker was denied a spot.

'cause you know, Stalin rape.

Anyway.

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