Jon Stewart, Jordan Klepper & Ronny Chieng Cover Trump's Hush Money Trial | The Daily Show

The Daily Show
27 Apr 202434:02

Summary

TLDRThe video script discusses the opening statements in a trial involving Donald Trump, where the prosecution argues that his alleged scheme to silence an adult film actress constitutes election interference. The defense counters that Trump did not violate the law. The trial is portrayed as a test for the American legal system and the media's responsibility. The script also touches on Trump's legal team arguing for presidential immunity at the Supreme Court, his campaign activities, and the handling of protests on college campuses against Israel's actions in Gaza. It criticizes the use of force to quell protests and calls for listening to the protesters' concerns before responding.

Takeaways

  • πŸ“’ The trial of Donald Trump has begun, with the prosecution arguing that his alleged scheme to silence an adult film actress constituted election interference, while the defense claims he did not violate the law.
  • πŸ€” The media's coverage of the trial is being scrutinized for its responsibility and fairness, with a call for a focus on the issues at hand rather than sensationalism.
  • 🚨 Trump's defense lawyer, Todd Blanch, argues that the case is a test of the American legal system's fairness and the media's ability to responsibly cover Trump.
  • πŸ›οΈ The trial is being described as potentially the 'trial of the century,' highlighting its significance and the intense media and public interest.
  • 🚨 The former president is facing legal challenges on multiple fronts, including issues related to a gag order and alleged violations of it.
  • πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ There is criticism of the media's focus on Trump's every movement and expression during the trial, rather than the substance of the proceedings.
  • πŸ’€ Trump's demeanor in court is noted, with mentions of him appearing miserable and even falling asleep during his criminal trial.
  • πŸ’Έ The head of the National Enquirer, David Pecker, testified about his involvement in buying and burying negative stories about Trump to aid in his 2016 election win.
  • 🚨 Trump's lawyers argued for complete legal immunity for any actions taken by the president while in office, a move that could have significant implications for presidential power and accountability.
  • πŸ” The Supreme Court's conservative majority appeared open to the idea of limited immunity for official acts by presidents, which could potentially protect Trump from legal consequences.
  • πŸ—οΈ Trump made a campaign stop at a construction site, engaging with workers and highlighting his connection to New York and its construction industry.

Q & A

  • What is the central issue in the trial mentioned in the transcript?

    -The central issue in the trial is whether Donald Trump's alleged scheme to keep an adult film actress quiet constitutes election interference.

  • What does the defense lawyer, Todd Blanch, argue about the former president's actions?

    -Todd Blanch argues that despite the allegations, the former president did not violate the law.

  • How does the transcript suggest the media should cover Donald Trump?

    -The transcript suggests that the media should cover Donald Trump in a responsible way, focusing on the issues at hand and avoiding speculation and sensationalism.

  • What is the significance of the gag order hearing in the context of the trial?

    -The gag order hearing is significant because it determines whether Donald Trump's actions, such as threatening jurors and witnesses, violate the gag order and if he should face penalties for these actions.

  • What is the role of the National Enquirer's editor in the trial?

    -The editor of the National Enquirer, David Pecker, testifies about his involvement in buying and burying scandalous stories about Trump to help him win the 2016 election.

  • What is the potential penalty for violating the gag order as mentioned in the transcript?

    -The potential penalty for violating the gag order could be up to $1,000 per violation.

  • What does the transcript imply about the media's past performance in covering Donald Trump?

    -The transcript implies that the media has acknowledged performing poorly in the past, often getting distracted and focusing on insignificant details.

  • What is the general sentiment expressed in the transcript about the American legal system?

    -The transcript expresses that the trial will be a test of the fairness of the American legal system.

  • What is the transcript's commentary on the portrayal of Donald Trump in the media?

    -The transcript criticizes the media for potentially creating a spectacle and focusing too much on Donald Trump's every movement and expression, rather than the substance of the trial.

  • What does the transcript suggest about the public's perception of the trial?

    -The transcript suggests that the public may view the trial as a significant historical event, possibly 'the trial of the century,' and that there is a great deal of media attention and speculation surrounding it.

  • What is the transcript's stance on the importance of responsible media coverage?

    -The transcript emphasizes the importance of responsible media coverage, suggesting that it is crucial for the public to receive accurate and significant information about the trial without unnecessary distractions.

Outlines

00:00

πŸ“’ Opening Statements and Media Responsibility

The video script begins with the opening statements in a trial where the prosecution and defense present their cases. The prosecution argues that Trump allegedly interfered with the election by silencing an adult film actress. Trump's defense lawyer, Todd Blanch, claims the former president did not violate the law. The script also discusses the media's role in covering the trial responsibly, criticizing past performance and urging restraint from speculation and sensationalism. The trial is presented as a test for the American legal system and the media's integrity.

05:01

🎨 Artistic License in Courtroom Sketches

The second paragraph focuses on the media's coverage of Donald Trump's courtroom appearance. It humorously questions the depth of an eyewitness account and the value of a courtroom sketch as a source of information. The sketch artist, Christine Cornell, is interviewed about the challenges of drawing Trump from a distance, leading to a satirical discussion about the accuracy and artistic interpretation of the sketch. The paragraph also touches on the media's tendency to focus on trivial details, rather than the substance of the trial.

10:03

😴 Trump's Composure and Gag Order Hearing

This paragraph discusses Donald Trump's behavior during his trial, noting that he fell asleep on multiple days. It covers the testimony of the National Enquirer's editor about burying scandalous stories to aid Trump's 2016 election. The paragraph also highlights a hearing regarding a gag order, where Trump's lawyer, Todd Blanch, argues Trump's caution, leading to a tense exchange with an evidently frustrated judge. The discussion then sarcastically explores the concept of 'freedom of movement' in relation to Trump's trial.

15:05

πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ The Irony of 'Cruel and Unusual' Punishment

The script humorously addresses the idea that forcing Trump to sit through his trial is a form of cruel and unusual punishment, comparing it to keeping an Old English sheepdog cooped up. It satirizes the notion that Trump, who has been described as obese for years, needs exercise and sunlight. The paragraph also touches on Trump's public schedule and the perceived danger of disclosing his location, contrasting it with theι«˜θ°ƒ (high-profile) nature of his rallies.

20:06

πŸ›οΈ Legal Immunity and Presidential Powers

The fifth paragraph delves into the concept of legal immunity for a president, with hypothetical scenarios presented in a courtroom discussion. It covers the debate over whether certain presidential actions, such as ordering an assassination or staging a coup, would qualify for immunity. The paragraph also mentions Trump's legal team using the immunity argument to delay trials and the Supreme Court's conservative majority signaling a willingness to grant some form of immunity for official acts.

25:08

🀝 Trump's Campaign Stop and College Protests

The final paragraph describes Trump making a campaign stop at a construction site, interacting with workers, and receiving endorsements. It also addresses the issue of protests on college campuses against Israel's actions in Gaza, the challenge of anti-Semitism within these protests, and the need for a balanced approach to maintain safety for Jewish students while respecting the rights of protesters. The script criticizes the use of force to quell protests and the involvement of right-wing politicians in escalating tensions.

Mindmap

Keywords

πŸ’‘Jury Selection

Jury selection is the process of choosing eligible individuals to serve on a jury. In the context of the video, it refers to the initial stage of a trial where potential jurors are selected to hear the case against Donald Trump. The video mentions that after a week of this process, opening statements were finally made.

πŸ’‘Opening Statements

Opening statements are the initial addresses made by attorneys at the start of a trial to present the case to the judge or jury. They outline the legal arguments and the evidence that will be presented. In the video, opening statements mark the beginning of the court proceedings in the trial involving Donald Trump.

πŸ’‘Election Interference

Election interference refers to the act of disrupting or influencing the outcome of an election, often through illegal or underhanded means. The video discusses the prosecution's argument that Trump's alleged scheme to silence an adult film actress constituted election interference, which is a serious legal charge in the context of the trial.

πŸ’‘Legal Immunity

Legal immunity is a doctrine that exempts certain individuals from prosecution or liability for their actions. The video mentions a Supreme Court hearing where Trump's lawyers argued that he should have complete legal immunity for anything he did while president, which is a contentious issue in the context of the rule of law and presidential powers.

πŸ’‘Gag Order

A gag order is a legal restraint on the public disclosure of information about a case, often issued to protect the integrity of a trial. In the video, it is mentioned that there was a hearing to determine if Trump violated a gag order when he allegedly threatened jurors and witnesses, which is a critical aspect of ensuring a fair trial process.

πŸ’‘Media Coverage

Media coverage refers to how news outlets report on events and issues. The video discusses the media's role in covering the trial of Donald Trump and the challenge of doing so responsibly without sensationalism. It also touches on the criticism that the media has received for past coverage of Trump.

πŸ’‘Donald Trump

Donald Trump is the 45th President of the United States and the central figure in the video's narrative. He is portrayed as being on trial, with discussions around his legal challenges, media portrayal, and public reactions. The video also mentions his past actions and statements, which are relevant to the ongoing trial.

πŸ’‘Supreme Court

The Supreme Court is the highest court in the United States and has the final say on legal matters. In the video, it is mentioned in the context of a hearing where Trump's lawyers argue for presidential immunity. The Supreme Court's decision on this matter could have significant implications for the balance of power between the executive and judicial branches.

πŸ’‘College Protests

College protests refer to demonstrations by students on college campuses, often related to political or social issues. The video discusses protests against Israel's actions in Gaza, the challenge of anti-Semitism within these protests, and the response by university administrations and politicians, which raises questions about free speech, safety, and ideological conflict.

πŸ’‘Anti-Semitism

Anti-Semitism is discrimination against, prejudice, or hostility toward Jewish people. The video touches on the issue of anti-Semitism in the context of protests on college campuses against Israel's actions. It highlights the need to address genuine instances of anti-Semitism while also respecting the rights of students to protest and express their political views.

πŸ’‘National Guard

The National Guard is a reserve military force that can be called upon for various situations, including maintaining civil order. In the video, the mention of the National Guard refers to a controversial call by politicians to use this force in response to college campus protests, which raises questions about the appropriate use of military force in civilian law enforcement.

Highlights

The prosecution argues that Trump's alleged scheme to silence an adult film actress constitutes election interference.

Trump's defense lawyer, Todd Blanch, claims the former president did not violate the law.

The trial is seen as a test of the American legal system's fairness and the media's responsibility in covering Trump.

Cable news networks are criticized for providing Trump with excessive free airtime and speculation.

Sketch artist Christine Cornell's depiction of Trump in the courtroom is questioned for its artistic interpretation.

The media is cautioned against sensationalizing Trump's every movement and focusing on the trial's substance.

Trump's gag order hearing becomes a point of contention, with discussions on juror safety and Trump's social media behavior.

Trump's legal team argues for presidential immunity before the Supreme Court, even for extreme hypothetical actions.

The Supreme Court's conservative majority appears open to the idea of limited immunity for official acts by presidents.

Trump makes a campaign stop at a construction site, interacting with workers and discussing his background in New York construction.

College campuses face protests against Israel's actions in Gaza, with concerns about anti-Semitism and student safety.

University administrations are criticized for escalating tensions by involving law enforcement in campus protests.

The importance of listening to students' concerns is emphasized over responding with force.

Trump's former Attorney General, Bill Barr, endorses him despite past criticisms, displaying Trump's penchant for pettiness.

David Pecker, head of the National Enquirer, testifies about his involvement in burying negative stories about Trump.

Trump's lawyers argue for his complete legal immunity for actions taken while president, a notion met with skepticism.

The potential for the Supreme Court to grant the president immunity from the law sparks debate on the principle of 'no Kings' in America.

Transcripts

00:00

[Music]

00:03

after a week of jury selection today it

00:05

was finally time for opening statements

00:07

and it turns out the prosecution and the

00:09

defense do not see ey to eye the

00:13

prosecution arguing that Trump's alleged

00:15

scheme to keep an adult film actress

00:17

quiet is election interference pure and

00:21

simple in those words Trump defense

00:22

lawyer Todd blanch told the jury that

00:24

the former president though did not

00:26

violate the

00:28

law that's that's right this is a

00:31

classic case of the state of New York

00:32

versus

00:35

nuh-uh oh no

00:38

didn't I think it's pretty clear he did

00:40

it anyway this trial will obviously be a

00:43

test of the fairness of the American

00:45

legal system but it's also a test of the

00:47

media's ability to cover Donald Trump in

00:50

a responsible way a task they have

00:52

acknowledged they've performed poorly in

00:55

the past I think to the degree that the

00:58

media had lesson turned they seem to

01:00

have been learned it's irresponsible for

01:02

cable news networks to give Donald Trump

01:05

hours and hours of free air time way too

01:07

much speculation and liberal wishful

01:08

thinking and attempts to connect dots

01:10

that did not connect it's the media's

01:12

responsibility to not get distracted I

01:14

think we were much too busy chasing

01:16

after shiny objects all of us have

01:18

learned some very valuable lessons from

01:20

the last couple of years um and

01:22

delineating what's significant what's

01:24

important so brave

01:30

[Applause]

01:32

well done and I think for this trial we

01:35

will see the seeds of that inpection

01:38

bear

01:39

fruit or we will learn that learning

01:42

curves are for here we go it's

01:46

on it's happening history will be made

01:49

shaping up to be the trial of the

01:50

century maybe the trial of the century

01:52

the trial of the century but just might

01:54

be the trial of the century the tax man

01:56

is here Donald Trump he will finally be

01:58

forced to face the music the legal walls

02:01

closing in around Donald Trump the legal

02:03

walls are starting to close in on Donald

02:06

Trump yes this time Mr

02:11

Bond it truly is your doom now if you'll

02:14

excuse me I'm going to leave this room

02:16

obviously when I leave I'm not going to

02:18

press this button right here that opens

02:20

all the doors and dismantles the killing

02:22

machine I've

02:24

established don't follow me Mr

02:27

Bond perhaps if we limit the coverage to

02:30

the issues at hand and try not to create

02:32

an all-encompassing spectacle of the

02:34

most BAL of details perhaps that would

02:37

help you're looking at live pictures in

02:39

New York City of Donald Trump's motor

02:41

cave it's about a 20-minute Drive

02:43

between Trump Tower and the court

02:45

building Trump leaving Trump Tower on

02:47

Fifth Avenue they're now making their

02:48

way across town along 57 Street they

02:51

just cross Park Avenue making their way

02:53

up towards lexingon Avenue he's heading

02:55

down the FDR to the Manhattan courthouse

02:57

on Chamber Street arriving at this

02:59

intersection of American history with

03:05

Defiance arriving at the intersection of

03:08

American history with Defiance the

03:12

brilliant ju opposing of the gravitas of

03:14

the moment with simple traffic terms

03:19

was he arrived at the intersection of

03:22

American History where he put a quarter

03:25

in the parking meter of

03:28

Destiny leaving in the

03:31

car looking to avoid stepping in the

03:34

urine puddle of Juris

03:37

Prudence seriously are we going to

03:39

follow this guy to court every day are

03:44

you trying to make this OJ it's not a

03:46

Chase he's

03:50

commuting so the media's first attempt

03:54

the very first attempt on the first day

03:56

at self-control

03:58

failed and I'm sorry to say that it I'm

04:01

sorry hold on we're getting breaking

04:03

news you know he wanted to get a jury

04:04

seated so we had a lady Bill I'm sorry

04:06

interrup a perspec for one second I'm I

04:08

apologize we're just showing the first

04:10

image of Donald Trump from inside the

04:12

courtroom it's a still photograph uh

04:14

that we're showing there just I want to

04:16

make sure our viewers uh know what

04:17

they're looking

04:27

at yes for our viewers who are are just

04:30

waking up from a 30-year

04:34

coma uh this is what Donald Trump has

04:38

looked like every day for the past 30

04:40

years same outfit so we have a

04:43

photograph of Donald Trump in the

04:45

courtroom but do we really know what he

04:48

looks like the man is a mystery a Yeti

04:51

if you will anything could be a deep

04:53

fake do we have an eyewitness account

04:55

perhaps from a dismissed juror would you

04:58

describe to me what you saw

05:00

with Donald Trump while you were sitting

05:01

inside of that courtroom not very much

05:04

um he was a bit ahead of me and off to

05:09

the left I didn't have a complete view

05:11

of him

05:20

today wait did I have jury duty this

05:26

week what the

05:41

BR

05:44

brother mother dresses like me too this

05:52

is anyway coming up more of our

05:54

three-part interview with a guy who

05:55

nearly saw Donald Trump in the

05:57

courtroom so we have a photograph this

06:00

freaking me out that picture we have a

06:02

photograph and we have eyewitness

06:04

accounts but do we have anything in a

06:07

pastel a courtroom sketch that we're

06:09

getting in uh right now I'm looking at

06:11

the courtroom sketch and Mr Trump looks

06:13

like he is glowering I'm not sure if

06:15

that's supposed to be a glow or just a a

06:17

glance I don't know how uh it's it's

06:19

it's art it's not necessarily it's

06:21

artistic journalism but it's not a

06:27

photograph why are you showing it to us

06:31

it's a sketch why would anyone analyze a

06:34

sketch like it was it'd be like looking

06:36

at the Last Supper and going why do you

06:39

think Jesus looks so sad

06:42

here what do you think he's what do you

06:44

think it's because of

06:45

Judas what if we interview one of the

06:47

waiters at one of the tables from like a

06:49

different section of the restaurant who

06:50

maybe didn't actually see him but well

06:53

you know we got time to

06:55

kill well I guess we'll never know

06:57

unless we could talk to the person who

07:00

drew the sketch but do we have the time

07:04

nothing but Christine Cornell who's in

07:07

the court room today the official sketch

07:09

artist I want to show one of your

07:10

sketches today we're going through some

07:11

of them but this one it appears in this

07:14

one that his eyes are closed what was

07:18

happening

07:20

here my apologies ma'am I was sitting 50

07:24

ft away I was having such a struggle to

07:26

try and get those eyeballs in

07:30

damn it

07:32

woman does Donald Trump have eyeballs or

07:35

no man does he or no you are in the room

07:39

tell

07:41

me or I will not come to your trinket

07:44

shop in

07:47

Newports tell me

07:51

woman

07:53

look what the are we

07:57

doing uh I noticed here his head is

07:59

perfectly

08:02

round why is that well I like drawing

08:06

circles at this point you're probably

08:08

saying to yourself how many television

08:09

hours have they devoted to a Donald

08:11

Trump a man who has not been off any of

08:13

our screens for more than 30 seconds in

08:14

the last eight years looks like the

08:16

answer is not nearly as many hours as

08:19

describing his every movement Trump

08:22

craned his neck to eye perspective

08:24

jurors and flashed a tight lip smile

08:26

leaning to the left um a little bit

08:28

quiet his arm crossed as well hunched

08:31

over with his elbows on the desk looked

08:33

through papers and periodically

08:34

whispered to his attorneys fidgeted and

08:36

leaned back the scowl fixed to his face

08:39

while he sat squinting he was actually

08:40

biting his lip during today's

08:42

proceedings his lips pursed in that

08:44

characteristic Trump

08:50

way his eyeballs

08:54

gone the hulking former president stood

08:56

up slowly he walked towards me with a

08:58

mixture of Desire scorn and let's call

09:01

it age related

09:04

confusion it was then that I realized

09:06

that this former president of the United

09:08

States has a front

09:12

[Applause]

09:15

butt look at some point in this trial

09:20

something important and revelatory is

09:22

going to happen but none of us are going

09:25

to notice because the hour spent on his

09:27

speculative facial ticks if the media

09:29

tries to make us feel like the most

09:31

mundane is Earth shattering we

09:34

won't believe you when it's really

09:36

interesting it's your classic Boy Who

09:40

Cried Wolf

09:53

Blitzer look it's a trial it's boring

09:59

most ly I've been on jury duty and I can

10:03

that's not

10:04

me that's a different guy why are you

10:09

it's not

10:12

me it may be

10:15

me look trials are a lot of procedural

10:19

and side conferences and sidebars

10:21

and what's exhibit 372a and you're not

10:24

out of order this whole CT is out of

10:27

look the one person who's had the most

10:29

normal reaction to the trial so far is

10:31

Donald Trump Donald Trump fell asleep on

10:35

multiple days during his criminal trial

10:39

as he

10:40

should I mean he's been up since 2 a.m.

10:42

rage tweeting he needs his anger

10:45

sleep today was the second day of

10:47

Trump's hush money trial and the first

10:49

witness was the editor of the national

10:51

Inquirer he testified that to help Trump

10:54

win the 2016 election he would buy

10:56

scandalous stories about Trump and then

10:58

bury them and what a great job he did I

11:01

can't think of a single Trump

11:04

scanner before they could even get into

11:07

that they had to hold a separate hearing

11:09

to find out if Trump violated a gag

11:11

order when he threatened jurors and

11:12

Witnesses and that hearing did not go

11:15

well for trump it was a pretty wild and

11:19

intense hearing on Donald Trump's gag

11:20

order it all turned into a very heated

11:23

exchange between the judge and Trump

11:25

lawyer Todd blanch who argued that Trump

11:27

is being very careful while a clearly

11:31

frustrated judge Maron responded Mr

11:33

blanch you're losing all credibility

11:35

with this court minutes after the

11:36

hearing ended Trump attacked the judge

11:38

on social media calling him a kangaroo

11:42

[Applause]

11:44

court wow this guy is incapable of

11:47

keeping his mouth shut for 2

11:49

minutes has Trump ever considered paying

11:52

himself hush money but think about it

11:55

but this this is a complicated issue

11:57

about balancing rights BAS basically the

12:00

prosecution's argument is that a juror

12:01

has the right to feel safe while serving

12:03

on Donald Trump's jury while Donald

12:05

Trump's argument is that that juror

12:07

lives at 34 West 52nd Street and maybe

12:11

someone should pay that juror a visit

12:13

and straighten him

12:14

out this gag order serious Trump might

12:17

have to pay up to

12:19

$1,000 per violation yeah $1,000 that's

12:23

not going to stop Trump from talking

12:24

okay you got to deal with this like any

12:26

other tantrum you got to give Trump an

12:28

iPad with melon on it and let him zone

12:30

out

12:32

okay then he's going to expect Coco

12:34

melon whenever he's upset okay well

12:36

we'll do have that later all right we

12:38

just need him to stop now it's so noisy

12:39

I can't even think in this house

12:42

okay it's not what Dr Becky would want

12:45

anyway for more on the results of the

12:47

gag order hearing let's go to Desi

12:51

liic

12:53

Desi D

12:55

now now that the gag order hearing is

12:58

over can get back to focusing on the

13:00

actual trial right uh unfortunately no

13:03

because during the gag order hearing

13:05

Donald Trump made a jerk off motion so

13:08

they needed a gag order hearing to see

13:10

if that violated the gag order before

13:12

they could get back to the first gag

13:13

order oh oh but then after that it's all

13:17

set uh no because during that gag order

13:20

hearing the judge heard Trump saying I'm

13:22

judge peee

13:24

head and when the judge asked did you

13:27

just call me judge peee head Trump said

13:29

he was just rehearsing for a community

13:31

theater production where he plays a

13:32

judge named pee head so then they had to

13:36

have a hearing about that but but once

13:38

that's done the actual case yes but no

13:42

because during that hearing Trump made

13:44

another jerk off motion but then he said

13:47

it wasn't a jerk off motion so they need

13:49

a quick hearing to determine how he

13:50

jerks

13:52

off then a hearing about whether he made

13:55

the jerk off motion then judge PP head

13:57

then the first jerk off hearing then the

13:59

gag order and then the actual case what

14:02

case the

14:04

hush the hush money case

14:07

oh nobody remembers that keep up with a

14:10

news cycle Jordan you're at the desk for

14:12

God's sake yes uh thank you Desi we'll

14:14

check back in with you

14:18

later

14:19

now clearly Trump thinks he's being

14:23

treated unfairly in this trial and he's

14:25

not the only one something to get order

14:27

is just the start of the oppress Trump

14:29

is

14:30

facing okay Jesse let me start with you

14:33

and the prosecution says this is

14:35

election fraud and they say pure and

14:37

simple is it I I call it pure evil so

14:40

they've taken away his freedom of speech

14:43

and now they've taken away his freedom

14:45

of movement I mean they had more

14:48

allowances for khed shik Muhammad oh

14:52

okay that sounds wild but I think Jesse

14:55

Waters is a reasonable man because I was

14:58

kicked in the head by a horse last week

15:01

so let's hear him out how is Trump being

15:04

treated worse than the Mastermind of 911

15:07

the guy needs exercise he's usually

15:09

golfing and so you're going to put a man

15:11

who's almost 80 sitting in a room like

15:13

this on his butt for all that time it's

15:15

not healthy he needs sunlight and he

15:17

needs activity he needs to be walking

15:19

around he needs action it's really cruel

15:21

and unusual pun punishment to make a man

15:24

do that

15:25

[Laughter]

15:29

are we talking about Donald Trump or an

15:30

Old English sheep

15:32

dog you can't keep him cooped up all day

15:34

he needs time outside or he'll pee on

15:36

the

15:37

couch look we all know how Donald Trump

15:39

loves exercise because of this trial

15:42

he's been morly obese for the last 40

15:43

years yeah I mean though would Trump

15:46

even want fresh air and exercise these

15:49

actually sound like the punishments the

15:50

judge would give Trump if he's convicted

15:53

yeah I know he's like fresh a and

15:54

exercise just give me the death penalty

15:56

but listen I'll give Jesse Waters the

15:58

benefit of the doubt because I was also

16:01

kicked in the head by the same horse so

16:03

let's let him continue this isn't law

16:06

fair it's torture they're making a 77y

16:10

old man sit inside a dingy room for8

16:12

hours straight 4 days a week

16:16

wow8 hours a day four days a week it's

16:18

literally torture or as the rest of the

16:21

world calls it a

16:24

job a a a part-time job to be fair I

16:28

mean this is the same guy who's asking

16:30

to be president of the United States I

16:32

mean that's got to be at least a 40 hour

16:33

a week gig I mean is he going to get

16:35

overtime also I thought Trump was

16:37

supposed to be the young vigorous

16:39

candidate in the race now what he needs

16:41

sympathy suddenly he's a poor elderly

16:43

man crippled by the weight of his own

16:45

body pulverizing his bones into dust

16:46

against the

16:48

chair you know what get that horse back

16:51

out here

16:52

because I want to give Jesse one more

16:55

chance they're telling the entire world

16:57

all the wackos this is where the former

16:59

president's going to be at this date at

17:01

this time surrounded by high-rise

17:04

buildings yes it's very dangerous for

17:06

people to know Trump's exact location

17:08

which is why he lives in a non-descript

17:09

building with his name on the

17:12

front the Trump campaign also tells us

17:15

where he's going to be and exactly when

17:17

they're called Trump rallies and it's

17:20

how I know where to go to get yelled at

17:22

and uh you know the worst part um about

17:25

him being on trial is that they're just

17:27

treating him like some he's some kind of

17:28

criminal defendant today the former

17:30

president of the United States if he

17:32

leaves Court to go to the restroom jail

17:35

if he calls the prosecutor corrupt jail

17:39

if Trump moves or says anything they

17:41

scream jail if he makes us recycling

17:45

jail if he scratches his crotch jail

17:49

yeah he gets a high score on the SAT

17:52

Jail uh his favorite Batman Christian

17:55

Bale yeah his favorite vegetable fries

18:00

yeah yeah let's begin with a major

18:01

announcement from the president of the

18:04

United States it's a good day for

18:06

America it's a good day for Europe and

18:08

it's a good day for World Peace oh a a

18:11

good day for World Peace I've wanted one

18:14

of

18:15

those I wonder what happened did the

18:17

nations of the world finally band

18:19

together to Outlaw war did they finally

18:21

buy everyone in the World a Coke is

18:24

there is there finally peace between

18:26

Kendrick and Drake what is it

18:29

moments ago at the White House President

18:31

Biden signed a long awaited Aid package

18:34

for Ukraine Israel and Taiwan into law

18:37

in total about $95 billion will go

18:40

toward assisting Ukraine and Israel's

18:43

war efforts and money to counter China's

18:45

aggression in the Indo

18:47

Pacific oh oh World Peace okay okay is

18:54

peace the one with the tanks is that the

18:56

one I I went to public school that

18:58

wasn't funded because they spent all

19:00

that money on peace so yeah I I mean

19:03

that maybe he's he's

19:06

being right yeah maybe maybe the

19:09

president is being sarcastic you know

19:11

like it's a good day for World Peace

19:14

everybody right right yes yes yes but

19:17

yes after months of delay President

19:19

Biden today signed a military aid

19:22

package for Ukraine Israel and Taiwan

19:25

yes Taiwan now there we not at War yet

19:30

but you got to book a reservation in

19:32

advance just to save your

19:34

spot and even though even though this

19:37

bill passed easily it had been held up

19:39

for six months because right-wing

19:41

Republicans threatened to kick speaker

19:42

Mike Johnson from office if he helped

19:44

Ukraine but now that he let it go

19:47

through everyone's been talking about

19:49

him like this I applaud speaker

19:52

Johnson's courage what you're witnessing

19:54

here is moral courage a profile and

19:56

courage is putting the nation above of

19:59

yourself and and that's what he did not

20:01

only put this up for a vote but he also

20:03

separated the bills which I thought was

20:06

a courageous did the right thing made

20:08

his own decision made his own decision

20:10

put his job on the line and that's

20:13

courage file and courage in this case

20:15

that's courage courage it's courage you

20:19

the word is courage profiling courage

20:22

courage profile of Courage there's a

20:24

courage thing being profile courage

20:29

so courage yeah okay thank

20:32

you so apparently Mike Johnson is the

20:35

hero here sure a couple of Ukrainian

20:38

cities fell while he decided whether or

20:40

not to be courageous but he got around

20:43

to it I mean we're always praising the

20:45

First Responders what about the eventual

20:48

responders

20:49

huh the ones who jump in their fire

20:52

truck and say hey let's stop for fro you

20:54

on the way huh where's their tick or

20:56

tape parade I salute you my John son I

20:59

mean not now but 6 months from now I

21:02

woke up the courage to do it but let's

21:04

move on to a problem that

21:07

America hasn't solved gun violence a lot

21:11

of people think the answer is reducing

21:13

the amount of guns but Tennessee

21:15

lawmakers are going in the opposite

21:18

direction chaos erupting in Tennessee

21:20

state capital where lawmakers just

21:22

passed a bill that would allow teachers

21:24

to carry concealed handguns in schools

21:27

if signed by the governor the Tennessee

21:29

law would allow teachers to carry guns

21:31

in schools where top administrators

21:34

agree the teachers would be required to

21:36

have a permit do training and get a

21:39

background check and mental health

21:41

evaluation

21:44

congratulations now your shop teacher is

21:46

going to have two stories about how he

21:48

accidentally lost a

21:50

finger look I mean can the students at

21:53

least vote on which teacher gets the gun

21:55

cuz uh you know my gym teacher was

21:57

already on a mive Power Trip and all he

21:59

had was a whistle

22:01

so today was a big day for Donald Trump

22:04

versus Johnny Law with the former

22:06

president fighting the man at every

22:08

level of the legal system but things

22:11

actually started off pretty good for

22:12

Trump uh after months of calling him

22:15

unfit for office Trump's former Attorney

22:17

General Bill bar said he's voting for

22:19

him anyway and Trump responded with as

22:22

much grace as you would expect so the

22:24

former president posting a truth social

22:26

this quote wow former attorney attorney

22:28

general Bill bar has just endorsed me

22:30

for president despite the fact that I

22:32

called him weak slow-moving lethargic

22:35

gutless and lazy based on the fact that

22:37

I greatly appreciate his wholehearted

22:39

endorsement I am removing the word

22:41

lethargic from my statement thank you

22:45

Bill

22:49

Donald Donald Trump is the king of

22:53

pettiness I am positive in an ALT

22:55

Universe Trump was a sorority president

22:57

just dripping dripping with shade like

23:00

wow bill I love that bikini you're so

23:02

brave to be wearing that you go girl I

23:06

mean it does look like Trump hates Trump

23:09

ass kisses as much as the rest of us do

23:11

because he'll be like uh Kiss the Ring

23:13

and then when they do he's like I can't

23:15

believe you kiss the ring you little

23:18

so Trump was riding that sick burn

23:21

high this morning all the way into court

23:23

where he was confronted with testimony

23:26

from the head of the national Inquirer

23:27

who wasn't afraid to spill some tea

23:29

publisher David pecker returned to the

23:32

witness stand this morning and explained

23:34

how he engineered a deal to buy The

23:36

Silence of Karen McDougall a Playboy

23:38

model who claimed she had an affair with

23:41

Trump pecker claims he had a deal with

23:43

Trump and his attorney Michael Cohen to

23:45

be on the lookout for damaging stories

23:47

about Trump he would buy stories that

23:49

were unflattering to Trump and then he

23:52

would kill them to make sure they didn't

23:54

become public was today a bad day for

23:56

Donald Trump he l look I I can't read

23:59

his mind but he looked pretty

24:04

miserable really he looked miserable

24:07

he's not one of those jovial criminal

24:09

defendants yeah coming to court with a

24:12

smile on his face and a spring in a step

24:14

as he stares down a future full of

24:15

prison gangs public pooping and shoty

24:17

heroin balloons migrating up his colon

24:20

shocker but yes David pecker pun

24:24

intended testified that he brought up

24:26

and buried negative stories about Donald

24:28

Trump that help him win the 2016

24:30

election which sounds crazy but you got

24:32

to remember this was way back in 2016

24:35

when negative stories were a bad thing

24:38

MH now we know that every new Scandal

24:41

just cancels out a different Scandal

24:43

until you become

24:45

president but because this is Donald

24:48

Trump he wasn't involved in just one

24:50

court case today while he was in New

24:51

York his lawyers were in front of the

24:53

Supreme Court arguing that Trump should

24:55

have complete legal immunity for

24:57

anything he did while president and I do

24:59

mean complete immunity if the president

25:03

decides that his rival is a corrupt

25:08

person and he orders the military or

25:12

orders someone to assassinate him is

25:15

that within His official acts that for

25:17

which he can get immunity it would

25:19

depend on the hypothetical but we can

25:21

see that could well be an official

25:24

act I object to this guy's voice

25:29

can we someone gave him a Lin or

25:31

something but I mean but sorry sorry you

25:33

may continue How about if a president um

25:37

orders the military to Stage a coup uh I

25:39

think it would depend on ime I think it

25:41

would depend on the circumstances

25:43

whether it was an official act if it

25:44

were an official act if a president

25:46

sells nuclear secrets to a foreign

25:49

adversary is that immune well I don't

25:52

know in the hypothetical whether or not

25:53

that would be an official act okay look

25:56

can we stop giving Trump IDE years

25:59

okay yeah he's listening to this like oh

26:02

selling nuclear secrets I should write

26:03

this down yeah it it sounded like they

26:06

were loose pitching Netflix action

26:08

thrillers in the room like in order to

26:11

save his Nation the president must

26:12

strangle an opponent in a public

26:14

Deathmatch Liam niss is immune from

26:21

prosecution

26:25

now very good very good very good there

26:28

we go now the Trump legal team doesn't

26:30

really believe the total immunity

26:33

argument they're just bringing it up to

26:34

delay his trials it's kind of like when

26:37

your kid asks for water at bedtime and

26:39

you know they're just trying to delay

26:40

bedtime because kids don't need

26:44

water wait so I'm pretty sure kids do

26:46

need water uh no you're thinking of

26:49

plants the wild thing is that the

26:51

Court's conservative majority seems like

26:54

it's actually going to accept at least

26:56

part of Trump's argument by the end of

26:59

the hearing the conservative majority

27:00

seemed to express a desire to create

27:02

some kind of limited immunity for

27:04

official acts for presidents so this is

27:07

where we're at the conservative justices

27:09

think Trump should have immunity the

27:11

liberal justices don't how about we meet

27:14

halfway instead of complete immunity

27:17

presidents get a hall pass of five

27:19

crimes that are totally okay if you have

27:21

the chance for example mine would be

27:24

bribery Insurrection wire fraud perjury

27:27

and Lenny krabit money

27:29

laundry I mean money laundry I got my

27:31

All Passes mixed up right yeah I mean it

27:34

is kind of crazy the Supreme Court might

27:36

actually make the president immune from

27:38

the law I mean isn't this America's

27:41

whole thing is no Kings I mean that's

27:43

why those people threw the tea in the

27:44

river I mean what a waste they could

27:46

have kept all that tea yeah that's my

27:48

main concern as well

27:51

Ronnie with all this there is still a

27:54

presidential race going on so this

27:56

morning Donald Trump made a a campaign

27:58

stop on his way into court and Fox News

28:01

was there to drink it up breaking this

28:04

morning former president Donald Trump

28:05

making a surprise campaign stop in the

28:07

last hour at a construction site in

28:09

Midtown he's taking his time with

28:11

everyone talking to people shaking hands

28:13

taking selfies look at him with this man

28:15

with the hard hat taking a picture

28:17

thanking him for being there patting his

28:19

back he grew up in New York grew up in

28:21

construction on these sites and now he's

28:23

talking to the men and women that build

28:25

New York that build all these buildings

28:27

he knows a lot about about that he's one

28:29

of

28:32

them wow he was clearly excited to be on

28:35

a construction site shake a few hands

28:37

Pat a few backs show them some Advanced

28:39

cat calling techniques you know the

28:40

whole

28:41

nine and those construction workers

28:43

appeared to really love Trump either

28:46

that or they showed up with all their

28:48

unpaid invoices so hey can I get your

28:50

autograph on this yeah can you initial

28:52

here and here please it's been years now

28:55

in recent weeks colleges across the

28:57

country have become from the site of

28:58

mass protests against Israel's war in

29:01

Gaza and this presents a challenge for

29:03

the colleges loud and even disruptive

29:05

protests are cherished tradition on

29:07

campuses and college investments in

29:09

Israel are a legitimate issue for

29:11

students but at the same time there's a

29:14

real element of anti-Semitism among some

29:16

protests and Jewish students have the

29:19

right to feel safe at their own schools

29:21

so it's a delicate balance that requires

29:24

keeping a cool head and listening

29:26

respectfully and above all the colleges

29:29

should not escalate the tension Columbia

29:32

University's president asked the NYPD to

29:35

break up a tent encampment 150

29:37

protesters were arrested at NYU in a

29:40

demonstration the university says it

29:42

asked the police to intervene okay okay

29:45

Ju Just to be clear I said

29:47

deescalate

29:50

deescalate Chaos on the campus of USC as

29:53

Pro Palestinian protesters clash with

29:55

school security and police LA police

29:57

officers in r gear move in and there are

29:59

a number of confrontations as the police

30:01

force encircles the center of Campus

30:03

okay does deescalate not mean what I

30:06

think it means uh un escalate

30:10

reverse escalate at least don't make it

30:13

worse officers were sent in at the

30:16

request of the university and under the

30:18

direction of Governor Greg Abbott Abbot

30:21

posted a social media quote the

30:23

protesters belong in jail send in the

30:26

National Guard and wake these kids

30:29

up do these ever think of a solution

30:32

besides Force I mean when this guy's

30:35

Wi-Fi goes down is he like get the

30:36

National Guard in here we need to my

30:40

modem by the way that man is Senator

30:42

joshh Holly you might remember him as

30:45

the man who riled up a mob on January

30:47

6th and then ran like a once they

30:49

showed

30:51

up

30:56

personally personally I might think

30:59

twice the next time I endorsed violence

31:01

but that's just me yeah and also Jordan

31:04

you don't use the national God because

31:06

students are camping on the quad you use

31:08

them for when aliens invade and you want

31:10

to test the aliens weapon capabilities

31:13

you know you're like how strong at La

31:14

are sending a National Guard to find out

31:17

also you're not going to resolve tension

31:19

by adding violence I'm spitballing here

31:22

maybe instead of armed soldiers why not

31:24

try sending in the college improv troop

31:27

you know a group of communication majors

31:29

in bright colored shirts asking for a

31:31

suggestion should clear out a crowd in

31:33

no

31:34

time no Jordan everybody knows that our

31:37

College improv makes everything worse

31:40

okay and as well right-wing politicians

31:42

showing up on campus to yell at the

31:44

students house Speaker Mike Johnson

31:47

visiting the Columbia campus today the

31:49

cherish traditions of this University

31:51

are being overtaken right now by radical

31:53

and extreme ideologies I am here today

31:56

joining my colleagues and calling on

31:58

President chaik to resign if she cannot

32:01

immediately bring order to this

32:05

chaos go back to class and stop the

32:07

nonsense stop wasting your parents

32:10

money yes stop wasting your parents

32:13

money be like Mike Johnson get into

32:15

government and waste everyone's

32:18

money and by the way

32:22

Mike if your problem is with

32:25

anti-Semitism I completely agree with

32:27

you that that it's completely

32:28

unacceptable but maybe start with your

32:31

coworker who believes in Jewish space

32:33

lasers I mean just I will say it's quite

32:36

a flip-flop for Republicans to be

32:38

telling New York college kids to go back

32:40

to their woke ideology

32:43

classes you shouldn't be intense you

32:45

should be studying essays on pornography

32:47

by radical feminist Andrea

32:49

dworin honestly I can't think of anybody

32:52

worse to give their opinions on how to

32:54

protest the war in Gaza well there is

32:58

one guy what's happening in America's

33:00

college campuses is a rip anti-semitic

33:04

mobs have taken over in leading

33:06

University it's unconscionable it has to

33:09

be stopped oh thanks for taking the time

33:11

to give your feedback Benjamin

33:13

Netanyahu is there nothing else going on

33:16

with you yeah I know this guy is like

33:18

the situation in US college campuses is

33:21

unacceptable do you see how the

33:22

buildings are not Rubble I am

33:25

disgusted here's the point the there's a

33:27

lot of noise and plenty of Bad actors

33:30

but fundamentally what's driving these

33:32

protests is anger over Israel's

33:34

disproportionate use of force so before

33:37

we respond to the protests with

33:39

disproportionate Force maybe we should

33:42

listen to what they have to say and then

33:44

if we still don't agree with the

33:45

students then we can send in the college

33:48

improv Troop

33:50

[Music]