Michael Cohen Testifies Against Trump & VA Schools Reinstate Confederate Names | The Daily Show
Summary
TLDRThe transcript covers the 18th day of Donald Trump's hush money trial, focusing on Michael Cohen's testimony linking Trump to falsified business records. It also mocks Trump's defense attorneys' attempts to discredit Cohen and highlights Bob Menendez's corruption trial, where he blames his wife for hidden gold bars. The script critiques the Shenandoah County School Board's decision to revert to Confederate names for schools and satirizes the supporters of this move. It ends with a humorous take on the cultural impact of naming a school after Stonewall Jackson.
Takeaways
- π Day 18 of the trial focused on Michael Cohen, former Trump fixer, who is crucial to the case due to his testimony linking Trump to falsification of business records.
- πΈ The 'porn star hush money' aspect is highlighted as a side story but the actual crime is the falsification of business records.
- π€ Trump's defense attorneys are attempting to discredit Cohen by emphasizing his past negative remarks about Trump and painting him as someone seeking revenge.
- ποΈ Cohen's podcast from 2020 is used by the defense to show his anger and potential bias against Trump.
- π£οΈ The defense brings up Cohen's various derogatory terms for Trump, such as 'boorish, cartoon misogynist' and 'Cheeto-dusted cartoon villain', to question his credibility.
- π₯ Other politicians, like Senator Bob Menendez, are also on trial, with Menendez's defense trying to shift blame onto his wife for alleged corruption.
- π° An FBI search of Menendez's home revealed a significant amount of cash and gold bars, which the defense claims were the wife's doing, not his.
- π« Two schools in Virginia are reverting to their old names, those of Confederate officers, marking a controversial move back to a contentious past.
- πΏ The Shenandoah County School Board's decision is criticized as an attempt to restore a legacy that many find offensive and inappropriate.
- π€·ββοΈ Supporters of the name change argue against the removal of Confederate names, comparing it to historical erasure and claiming it's about heritage.
- π The humor in the script suggests that the controversy over school names could be a distraction from more significant issues, like systemic racism.
Q & A
What is the significance of Michael Cohen's testimony in the trial mentioned in the script?
-Michael Cohen's testimony is significant because he directly ties Donald Trump to the falsification of business records, which is the actual crime being tried. His role as Trump's former fixer makes him a crucial witness for the government's case.
How does the script describe the defense attorneys' strategy regarding Michael Cohen?
-The defense attorneys are trying to discredit Michael Cohen by emphasizing his past negative comments about Trump and painting him as a man seeking revenge after their relationship fell apart.
What is the humor used in the script to describe the defense's portrayal of Cohen?
-The script uses humor by comparing the defense's attempt to make Cohen seem less credible to a Boeing in-flight safety video and by making light of Cohen's angry podcast, suggesting it's difficult to maintain anger while reading podcast ads.
What is the Borat defense mentioned in the script, and who is using it?
-The 'Borat defense' is a humorous term used in the script to describe the strategy of Senator Bob Menendez's lawyers, who are trying to shift the blame for his alleged corruption onto his wife.
What was found during the FBI search of Senator Menendez's home, and how does the defense explain it?
-The FBI search found more than $480,000 in cash and gold bars. The defense suggests that Menendez's wife, Nadine, was responsible for the gold bars, claiming they were in her closet and that he did not know about them.
How does the script comment on the defense's argument that Menendez's wife had the gold bars because of her Lebanese heritage?
-The script humorously questions the stereotype that Lebanese people love gold, pointing out that liking gold is not unique to any one culture.
What is the cultural issue discussed in the script regarding Confederate statues and monuments?
-The script discusses the issue of towns in America deciding to revert to using Confederate names for schools, which had been changed in 2020 to move away from the legacy of the Confederacy.
What is the Shenandoah County School Board's decision regarding school names, and what is the community's reaction?
-The Shenandoah County School Board decided to revert to names from before 2020 that honor Confederate officers. The community's reaction is mixed, with some supporting the move to restore heritage and history, while others see it as a racist act.
How does the script satirize the people supporting the Confederate name change?
-The script uses humor to describe the supporters as looking like they just lost a civil war and suggesting that they are living in the past, feeling victorious only in the first half of a civil rights movie.
What is the script's suggestion on how to deal with the issue of racism in America?
-The script humorously suggests that America should direct its baseline of racism toward trivial matters, like school names, to prevent more significant issues like hate marches.
What is the script's final take on the Confederate name change for Stonewall Jackson High School?
-The script humorously concludes that it's okay to go back to the old name because 'Stonewall Jackson' sounds like a name that could belong to someone who got snakes off a plane, implying that the historical significance is lost on many.
Outlines
π Trump's Hush Money Trial and Cohen's Testimony
The script discusses Day 18 of Donald Trump's trial involving hush money paid to a porn star. Michael Cohen, Trump's former fixer, is central to the case as his testimony implicates Trump in the falsification of business records. The trial has seen Trump's defense attorneys attempting to discredit Cohen by highlighting his history of negative comments about Trump and his angry podcast from October 2020. They've also pointed out Cohen's various insults directed at Trump over the years, suggesting Cohen is motivated by revenge. Despite this, the script humorously notes that many people who have worked with Trump end up disliking him, hinting at a broader pattern.
π Confederate Statues and School Name Reversal
This paragraph addresses the cultural war over Confederate statues and names in America. In 2020, many towns removed such monuments, but now some are reinstating them. Specifically, two schools in Virginia are being renamed after Confederate officers, with the Shenandoah County School Board leading this reversal. The script satirizes those supporting the name changes, suggesting they are clinging to a bygone era and misinterpreting heritage. It humorously proposes alternative names for schools that honor universally liked white figures, like Paul Rudd or Dolly Parton, to make a point about the absurdity of honoring divisive historical figures. The script also touches on the irony of middle-aged men trying to reclaim their glory days through school names and the broader cultural shifts that have occurred since the Civil War.
π Satirical Take on Confederate General School Names
The script continues its commentary on the renaming of schools to honor Confederate generals, using humor to critique the decision. It suggests that the people advocating for these changes appear to be stuck in the past, likening them to having 'lost a civil war.' The narrative includes a live report from a school named after Stonewall Jackson, where the reporter, Josh Johnson, humorously argues that the advocates for the name change are out of touch with current culture. He sarcastically suggests that having a school named after a Confederate general could be seen as a minor form of racism, and that it might be better to direct such sentiments toward trivial matters to avoid more significant societal conflicts. The segment ends with a joke about the irony of the name Stonewall Jackson, implying that without historical context, the name could be misinterpreted in a positive light.
Mindmap
Keywords
π‘Donald Trump
π‘Michael Cohen
π‘Hush Money
π‘Falsification of Business Records
π‘Boeing In-flight Safety Video
π‘Podcast
π‘Bob Menendez
π‘Confederate Statues
π‘Cultural War
π‘Racism
π‘Stonewall Jackson High School
Highlights
Day 18 of Donald Trump's porn star hush money trial featured Michael Cohen, former Trump fixer, as a key witness tying Trump to falsification of business records.
The porn star hush money aspect is a minor element compared to the falsification of business records which is the actual crime.
Trump's defense attorneys are attempting to discredit Cohen by emphasizing his past negative statements about Trump.
Cohen's podcast from October 2020 was played, showing his anger towards Trump.
Cohen admitted to calling Trump derogatory names such as 'boorish, cartoon misogynist' and 'Cheeto-dusted cartoon villain'.
Trump's lawyers are using Cohen's past insults to suggest he is seeking revenge.
Senator Bob Menendez is also on trial for corruption and is using a defense strategy of blaming his wife.
Menendez's defense claims his wife Nadine was responsible for gold bars found in their home.
The defense for Menendez suggests Lebanese cultural affinity for gold as a reason for the gold bars.
Two schools in Virginia are reverting to their old names, those of Confederate officers.
The Shenandoah County School Board is the first to revert names from before the racial reckoning of 2020.
Supporters of the name change argue against erasing history and restoring heritage.
Critics of the name change liken it to Adolf Hitler's erasure of history and argue it's about racism.
The host humorously suggests alternative white names for the schools, like Paul Rudd High or Dolly Parton Elementary.
The host and Josh Johnson discuss the irony of middle-aged men trying to revert to the glory days of the Confederacy.
Johnson humorously suggests that having a school named after a Confederate general could be seen as 'pretty Black'.
The host and Johnson joke about directing racism toward trivial matters to prevent more significant issues.
Transcripts
Day 18 of Donald Trump's porn star hush money trial
was another star turn for Michael Cohen,
former Trump fixer and all of Long Island distilled
into one man.
Cohen is the linchpin of the government's case
because his testimony directly ties Trump to the falsification
of business records, which, remember,
is the actual crime here.
The porn star hush money part is just a little thing we
keep saying 'cause it's fun.
So for the last few days, Trump's defense attorneys
have been doing their best to make
Cohen seem less credible than a Boeing in-flight safety video.
And they have a lot to work with.
Today, Trump's defense has pressed Michael Cohen, Trump's
former lawyer and fixer.
The defense has also highlighted
some of the various insults that he has lobbed
against Trump over the years, painting him
as a man out for revenge after their relationship fell apart.
At one point, the defense played this clip from Cohen's
podcast in October of 2020.
Wow.
That is an angry podcast.
It must be hard to keep that level of anger
when you also have to read podcast ads.
I'm hungry for vengeance, and also for one of Blue Apron's
delicious home-cooked meals.
I mean, honestly, I feel bad for the jurors.
As if jury duty isn't bad enough,
now they have to listen to a dude's podcast.
And who is Michael Cohen's podcast even for?
Do the people who hate Trump not have enough content?
Is there some guy who's like, I love MSNBC,
but it's only on 24 hours a day.
And it's not just his podcast.
Trump's lawyers are dredging up all the nastiest
things he's ever said about Trump, and right
in front of his face.
REPORTER: "You referred to President Trump a boorish
cartoon misogynist, didn't you?" defense
attorney Todd Blanche asked.
"It sounds like something I would say," Cohen responded.
"A Cheeto-dusted cartoon villain?"
"That also sounds like something I said."
REPORTER: "You referred to President Trump as dictator
d-bag, didn't you?"
Cohen says, "Sounds like something I said."
Damn, Trump is just sitting there while his own lawyer
roasts him.
And did you also call the president Mr. Bitch Tits?
Yes.
Uh, how about Resting Ballsack Face?
That's a good one.
Commander-in-Cheesedick-- you never said that, but you could.
Is that true?
[LAUGHTER]
Look, I get the defense's argument
that you can't trust Michael Cohen
because he hates Donald Trump.
But to be fair, everyone who's ever worked with Donald Trump
hates Donald Trump.
At some point, you got to be like, I think it's Trump.
Let's change gears because Trump's not the only politician
on trial right now.
There's also Bob Menendez, New Jersey Senator and
grown-up Cabbage Patch Kid.
[LAUGHTER]
He's facing corruption charges, and now we know he's
going with the Borat defense.
(ACCENTED) Muh wife.
REPORTER: Lawyers for Senator Bob Menendez
trying to shift the blame for his alleged corruption
onto his wife.
REPORTER: An FBI search of the Menendezes' home in Englewood
Cliffs, New Jersey, in June of 2022
turned up more than $480,000 in cash, along with gold bars.
REPORTER: And the Menendez defense
suggesting his wife, Nadine, was
responsible for the gold bars found in their home,
saying they were in her closet.
"He did not have a key to that closet--
and did not know of the gold bars in that closet,"
the defense attorney said.
This is shocking, OK?
This tall, blonde woman who lives in New Jersey
and has a locked closet full of gold bars
is not a real housewife?
Andy Cohen, wake up.
So Bob Menendez's argument is that his wife was secretly
orchestrating a corrupt international bribery
scheme and hoarding gold bars in his own house,
and he never knew it.
And that, gentlemen, is why you need to ask
your wife about her day.
OK?
[LAUGHTER]
Ask your wife about her day.
Just ask.
[APPLAUSE]
It's the little things.
Seriously, though, the balls on this
guy to throw his own wife under the bus.
Is anyone buying this?
Menendez's lawyers are actually arguing that his wife had
the gold bars because she's of Lebanese descent,
and the Lebanese love gold, which is a stereotype
I did not know even existed.
Like, doesn't every culture like gold?
No one's ever like, oh, I couldn't possibly
accept your gold bars.
My parents are Canadian.
[LAUGHTER]
Let's turn to some news from the culture war.
Back in 2020, towns across America
decided to take down Confederate statues
and monuments because it was time to move on.
Well, now they've decided it's time to go back.
Two schools in Virginia are getting new names--
actually, their old names, the names of Confederate officers.
The Shenandoah County School Board
is the first in the nation to revert
to names from before the racial reckoning of 2020.
REPORTER: Mountain View High School
will be renamed for Confederate General Stonewall Jackson,
while Honey Run Elementary School will bear
the names of two Confederate generals, Robert
E. Lee and Turner Ashby.
Guys, come on.
After all that effort to remove that disgusting legacy,
we're just putting the Confederate names back now?
It's like asking your doctor to reattach that hairy mole.
Oh, like, I'm the only one who's ever had a hairy mole.
[LAUGHTER]
Come on.
You know you're out there.
And if you're wondering who are the people who would support
this type of move, well, they're exactly the people
that you think it would be.
Tearing down statues and monuments
and erasing history while indoctrinating children is
exactly what Adolf Hitler did.
Whites are not racists, and we've been--
we have been pegged that we are just because we
want a name back on a school.
Please, do what's right for Shenandoah County
to restore our heritage, our history, and our school names.
OK, let's be honest here.
This isn't about restoring your heritage.
If it was, then you would name it, Hey, My Cousin's Kind
of Hot High School.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING]
I can make that joke because I'm from Kentucky,
and my cousin is kind of hot.
[LAUGHTER]
We know what you really mean by this.
But if you want to honor white people,
why can't you at least pick white people
that everybody likes?
What about Paul Rudd High or Dolly Parton Elementary?
Yeah.
Hey, we'll even be happy with white people
that are just, meh.
Like, how was graduating from Justin Long High?
It was fine.
It wasn't great, but it was fine.
For more on the Confederate name change,
we go live to Stonewall Jackson High School with Josh Johnson.
[CHEERING]
Josh, what is the-- what's the mood out there?
Desi, I've been talking to a lot
of people who want to change the name back
to the Confederacy.
And, honestly, I think we should let them have it.
But let them have it?
Yeah, I mean, have you seen the guys who are
arguing for the name change?
Like, look at them.
They look like they just lost a civil war.
[LAUGHTER]
Like, this morning.
Plus, if you're a middle-aged man
trying to unrename your old high school,
you don't have much.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
These men are at school board meetings
like, we got to go back to the glory days when I won state.
Do you guys remember that?
Anybody-- please remember that.
Yeah, but they have to accept that the culture has changed.
Yeah, sure, but the culture has changed,
whether they accept it or not.
I mean, these people are living in a time
where all the best musicians are Black.
All the best athletes are Black.
The only living president with a functioning brain is Black.
[CHEERING]
What Black people do is literally called the culture,
all right?
The only place these guys feel like they're winning
is the first half of a civil rights movie.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, but having a school named after a Confederate general
is racist.
Exactly.
It's just racist enough.
Look, America is always going to have
some baseline of racism.
You just have to direct it toward stuff that
doesn't really matter, OK?
If you keep them squabbling over school names,
they're not going to have the energy
to go March in Charlottesville again, you know?
For example, while they were fighting over a Black
Little Mermaid, I was able to slip into a bank
and get a mortgage.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING]
Doing pretty good.
OK.
So you're OK with Stonewall Jackson High?
Yeah, I mean, Stonewall Jackson
sounds pretty Black anyway.
[LAUGHTER]
Like, if you didn't know history,
you would think that he was the one who got all those snakes
off that mother-[BLEEP] plane.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, so I guess going back to the old name is good.
Wow, Desi, that's racist.
Oh, sorry.
But just a little, the right amount.
OK.
[CHEERING]
Nice, good to know.
Josh Johnson, everyone.
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)
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