Trump LIVID About Trial, Can’t Stop Falling Asleep in Court & Makes Insane Second Term Proclamations

Jimmy Kimmel Live
30 Apr 202413:10

Summary

TLDRThe host of the show kicks off with a humorous welcome and dives into a variety of topics, including Jerry Seinfeld's first appearance on the show, the revelation of Americans sleeping more than in the past 20 years, and a satirical take on Donald Trump's recent court appearances and reactions to them. The host also touches on Trump's potential policies for a second term, including controversial plans for deportation and abortion law enforcement. The segment features commentary on Joe Biden's struggles with eating salad and Taylor Swift's record-breaking achievements. The show also includes a mock political ad from the Governor of California, highlighting absurd propositions and poking fun at state politics. The summary encapsulates the humor and political satire present throughout the script, offering a glimpse into the host's comedic take on current events and pop culture.

Takeaways

  • 📺 The host introduces the show with a thank you to the audience and mentions the first-time guest, Jerry Seinfeld, highlighting his perfect teeth.
  • 😴 A report from The Washington Post is discussed, stating that Americans are sleeping more than they have in the last 20 years.
  • 😂 The host humorously remarks on the audience members who appear to be sleeping during the show.
  • 🤔 Mention of Donald Trump being seen with his eyes closed, implying he might have been sleeping, and the lack of this footage on TV.
  • 👨‍👦 Eric Trump's attendance at a trial involving his father is mentioned, with a humorous comparison to a family pastime.
  • 👨‍⚖️ The first witness of the day, Gary Faroh, is described, and the host jokes about his appearance.
  • 💰 Donald Trump is fined $9,000 by the judge for violating a gag order nine times, which the host finds an unfair punishment.
  • 🚫 The judge threatens to lock Trump up if he continues to violate the gag order, prompting a humorous suggestion to keep violating it.
  • 📰 The Washington Post publishes a story about Trump's anger over the trial, affecting his ability to fundraise.
  • 👨‍👦‍👦 The judge rules to cancel court on May 17th so Trump can attend his son Baron's high school graduation, which was a point of contention.
  • 🤣 The host pokes fun at the right-wing media's focus on President Biden's struggle to eat a salad, implying it's a trivial matter.

Q & A

  • Who is the guest in the studio for the first time mentioned in the script?

    -Jerry Seinfeld is the guest mentioned in the script who is in the studio for the first time.

  • According to the host, what is the significance of the report from The Washington Post?

    -The report from The Washington Post signifies that Americans are sleeping more than they have in the last 20 years.

  • What is the humorous comparison made by the host about people falling asleep while watching the show at home?

    -The host humorously compares the number of people falling asleep to the capacity of large sports stadiums like the Rose Bowl and Dodgers Stadium.

  • What is the context of Donald Trump being mentioned as 'sleepy' in the script?

    -Donald Trump is mentioned as 'sleepy' because a CNN report described him as slumped back in his chair with his eyes closed, which some interpret as sleeping.

  • What event did Eric Trump attend that is mentioned in the script?

    -Eric Trump attended his father's, Donald Trump's, trial related to 'porn star hush money'.

  • What was the outcome of Trump violating the gag order as mentioned in the script?

    -Trump was found in contempt of court for violating the gag order nine times and was fined $1,000 for each violation, totaling $9,000.

  • What is the host's opinion on the fairness of fining Trump for violating the gag order?

    -The host believes it's unfair to fine Trump for violating the gag order when the trial is about him paying a woman to be quiet.

  • What did the judge decide regarding Trump's attendance at his son Baron's High School graduation?

    -The judge decided to cancel court on May 17th so that Trump could attend Baron's High School graduation.

  • Who is Will Sharf, and why is he mentioned in the script?

    -Will Sharf is one of Trump's lawyers on the case, a former Federal prosecutor, a man with a captivating smile, and a Republican candidate for Missouri attorney general.

  • What are some of the priorities for a second term that Trump outlined in his interview with Time Magazine?

    -Trump's priorities include deportation operations, military involvement in building migrant detention camps, allowing red states to monitor women's pregnancies, personal discretion to withhold funds, firing US attorneys, and considering pardons for those involved in the January 6th Capitol attack.

  • What is the humorous take of the host on President Joe Biden's struggle to eat a salad?

    -The host humorously questions Biden's ability to lead and push back against adversarial nations if he struggles with eating a salad, likening it to a comedic and inconsequential issue.

  • What is the significance of the host's mention of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce in the script?

    -The host uses Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce to highlight the disparity in public and media attention, where significant achievements are sometimes overshadowed by trivial matters.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Show Introduction and Trump's Courtroom Drama

The host kicks off the show with a lively welcome, expressing gratitude to the audience. The host then segues into discussing Jerry Seinfeld's upcoming appearance and humorously comments on Seinfeld's dental perfection. The conversation shifts to a report from The Washington Post, highlighting that Americans are reportedly sleeping more than in the past two decades. The host playfully chides the audience for dozing off during the show and makes a tongue-in-cheek comparison to large stadiums filled with sleeping viewers. The host also touches on Donald Trump's alleged courtroom nap and the presence of his son Eric Trump at a trial concerning hush money paid to a porn star. The host sarcastically questions family loyalty and jests about the judge's decision to find Trump in contempt of court, fining him $9,000 for violating a gag order. The segment concludes with a discussion about the judge allowing Trump to attend his son Baron's high school graduation, despite earlier rumors to the contrary.

05:00

😲 Trump's Second Term Priorities and Biden's Salad Struggles

The host outlines Trump's potential plans for a second term, as shared in an interview with Time Magazine. Trump's proposals include a large-scale deportation operation, military involvement in building migrant detention camps, allowing certain states to monitor and prosecute women's pregnancies, and the personal discretion to withhold funds appropriated by Congress. The host also mentions Trump's consideration of pardons for those involved in the January 6th Capitol attack and his potential disregard for aiding allies if he perceives them as not contributing enough. The segment takes a lighter turn as the host ridicules President Joe Biden's difficulty in eating a salad, suggesting that the right-wing media is focusing on trivial matters. The host then congratulates Travis Kelce for his contract extension with the Kansas City Chiefs and humorously imagines the reaction from his girlfriend, Taylor Swift. The segment ends with a brief mention of Taylor Swift's achievement of occupying all top 14 spots on Billboard's Hot 100 list.

10:02

😂 California's Proposed Legislation and a Satirical Message from Governor

The host discusses a bill introduced in California, AB 2751, which aims to establish a 'right to disconnect' for employees, potentially fining employers for contacting employees outside of work hours. The host humorously contemplates the implications of such a law on his own texting habits. The segment then presents a satirical message from California's 40th Governor, Gavin Newsom, who is portrayed as promoting a fictitious Proposition 18. The proposition is described with absurd measures, such as banning all stoves, mandating a statewide raw vegan diet with exceptions, enforcing carpooling to Burning Man, and introducing a voluntary buyback program for gas guzzlers. The governor's message, filled with sarcasm and exaggeration, is a critique of the perceived excesses of California's legislative process.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, writer, and producer known for his work in stand-up comedy and for creating and starring in the hit sitcom 'Seinfeld.' In the script, he is mentioned as a guest on the show, indicating his significance as a notable figure in the entertainment industry.

💡Washington Post

The Washington Post is a major American daily newspaper that provides coverage of national and international news. In the script, it is referenced as the source of a report on Americans' sleeping habits, which is a key topic discussed in the video.

💡Donald Trump

Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States, is a central figure in the script, with various jokes and commentary related to his actions and public persona. His mention underscores the political satire theme of the video.

💡Gag Order

A gag order is a legal restraint that prohibits certain parties from discussing a case publicly. In the script, it is mentioned that Trump has violated a gag order in court, leading to a fine, which is a significant event in the narrative.

💡Eric Trump

Eric Trump is the son of Donald Trump and is mentioned in the script as having attended his father's trial. His presence is used as a humorous element, highlighting the family dynamics within the Trump family.

💡Michael Cohen

Michael Cohen is a former attorney for Donald Trump who has been involved in several controversies related to Trump's presidency. In the script, his name comes up in connection with a court case, which is a key part of the narrative being discussed.

💡Contempt of Court

Being held in contempt of court means that a person has disobeyed a court order or behaved disrespectfully towards the court. In the script, Trump is fined for being in contempt of court, which is a pivotal moment in the legal proceedings discussed.

💡Baron Trump

Baron Trump is the son of Donald Trump, and his high school graduation is mentioned in the script. The discussion around whether Trump will be allowed to attend his son's graduation adds a personal and emotional dimension to the political commentary.

💡Will Sharf

Will Sharf is a lawyer and a Republican candidate mentioned in the script as part of Trump's legal team. His inclusion in the narrative underscores the political aspects of the legal proceedings being discussed.

💡Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is a highly popular American singer-songwriter who is referenced in the script in relation to her significant achievements in the music industry. Her mention serves to highlight the contrast between pop culture and the political topics discussed in the video.

💡AB 2751

AB 2751 is a bill mentioned in the script that aims to establish a 'right to disconnect' for employees in California. The discussion around this bill reflects on contemporary issues of work-life balance and labor rights.

Highlights

Jerry Seinfeld makes his first appearance in the studio, with an emphasis on his perfect teeth.

A report from The Washington Post reveals Americans are sleeping more than in the past 20 years.

The host humorously imagines hundreds of thousands of viewers falling asleep while watching.

Donald Trump is seen slumped back in his chair with his eyes closed, leading to speculation about his alertness.

Eric Trump attends his father's trial, which is humorously compared to a family pastime.

Trump is found in contempt of court for violating a gag order and fined $9,000.

The judge threatens to lock Trump up if he continues to violate the gag order.

Trump's anger over the trial is so intense that it's affecting his ability to fundraise.

The judge rules to cancel court on May 17th so Trump can attend his son Baron's high school graduation.

Will Sharf, a lawyer for Trump and a Republican candidate, is introduced with a humorous take on his smile.

Trump outlines extreme priorities for a second term, including deportation and building migrant detention camps.

The host sarcastically suggests Trump should be on the cover of 'Doing Time' Magazine instead of Time Magazine.

A humorous take on President Joe Biden struggling to eat a salad, implying his inability to handle more significant issues.

Travis Kelce signs a contract extension with the Kansas City Chiefs, becoming the highest-paid tight end in the NFL.

Taylor Swift breaks records with 14 songs in the top 14 of Billboard's Hot 100 list.

A satirical take on a California bill aiming to create a 'right to disconnect' for employees, fining employers for out-of-hours communication.

A spoof message from California's Governor promoting a fictional proposition with absurd environmental and societal measures.

Transcripts

00:00

jimia I am the host of the show thank

00:02

you for watching thank you for coming

00:05

you did it your made dreams really do

00:07

come we have uh much to get to tonight

00:10

including Jerry Seinfeld who's here in

00:12

our studio for the first time which is

00:16

wait until you see his teeth they're

00:18

perfect you will be amazed and delighted

00:20

here here's some good news I think

00:22

according to a new report from The

00:24

Washington Post Americans are sleeping

00:26

more than we ever have or at least since

00:29

scientists started sneaking into our

00:31

rooms and measuring how much we're

00:32

sleeping but we're sleeping more than uh

00:34

we have in the last 20 years and as I

00:37

look around I see some of you are

00:38

sleeping right now right before my eyes

00:40

I do think about that some you know

00:41

people watching at home falling asleep

00:43

all you know we work on the jokes and

00:45

then people not just a few people

00:48

probably hundreds of thousands of people

00:50

like imagine the Rose Bowl and and

00:52

Dodgers stadium and the like Cotton Bowl

00:54

filled to capacity with sleeping people

00:56

that's who I'm talking to right now and

00:59

it's rude it is hey speaking of sleepy

01:01

Donald Trump um I guess Teddy

01:08

doeltgen today uh CNN reported Trump is

01:11

slumped back in his chair with his eyes

01:13

closed which is what some call sleeping

01:16

why is this not on TV by the way I want

01:18

to see the drool the good news for Trump

01:21

is that one of his family members

01:22

finally showed up at court today the bad

01:25

news is it was uh Eric Eric Trump

01:29

attended his his dad's porn star hush

01:31

money trial today which in the Trump

01:33

family is it's as close as you get to

01:35

play and catch in the yard here's a

01:38

question if Eric was on trial do you

01:40

think Trump would be there in court for

01:42

him best case scenario he pulls up in a

01:46

limo yells witch hun out the window and

01:47

drives back home for a taco B the first

01:50

witness of the day today was Michael

01:52

Cohen's former Banker Gary faroh who

01:54

according to this courtroom sketch I've

01:55

not seen him in person but looks like a

01:57

Lego man who came to life and GR ears

02:00

but the judge judge Maran today found

02:03

Trump to be in contempt of court for

02:06

violating his gag order nine times he

02:09

finded Trump $1,000 a piece for a total

02:12

of

02:13

$9,000 which that should shut him up

02:15

that's uh Trump spends $9,000 at the

02:18

Wendy's drive-thru it I have to say I

02:21

don't I really honestly I even though

02:23

I'm not on Trump's side I don't think

02:25

it's fair this trial is about the fact

02:27

that he paid a woman to be quiet now if

02:29

he isn't quiet has to pay them it makes

02:31

no sense they're using his thing against

02:32

him it's like like Jesus a carpenter who

02:36

they nailed to a cross I mean think

02:38

about it read about it in your Trump

02:41

brand Bibles okay the judge also told

02:45

Trump that if he continues to violate

02:46

the gag order he might lock him up

02:48

Milani was like don't let the judge tell

02:51

you what to do

02:52

keep violating it's be a man The

02:57

Washington Post

03:00

The Washington Post has published a

03:02

story that says Trump is so Furious

03:04

about this trial he's too livid to

03:06

fundraise which is very livid I mean

03:08

that's uh that's livid lavito Loca livid

03:12

level liviing Trump is annoyed he's

03:15

angry he's flatulent and worst of all

03:18

he's cold so I'm going to go into this

03:21

trial I'm going to sit in a freezing

03:23

cold ice box for 8 hours 9 hours or so

03:27

so uh I appreciate you being here thank

03:30

you very much and I'm going to go into

03:31

the ice box

03:33

now well that's where leftover meatloaf

03:36

belongs

03:37

it's the

03:41

um incidentally the ice box is also what

03:45

he calls milania's

03:47

bedroom I have to say though I don't

03:49

understand this if Trump is cold why not

03:51

add layers is that not masculine why not

03:55

bundle up so we have another day Court

03:58

in a freezing Court has it's cold there

04:02

for on purpose I believe they don't seem

04:05

to be able to get the temperature up

04:08

[Music]

04:10

should that's fine that's just fine put

04:13

some yarn on it's fine one of the bigly

04:16

talking points around the crazy sphere

04:18

has been about the judge not letting

04:19

Trump go to his son Baron's High School

04:21

graduation next month even though the

04:23

judge hasn't ruled on that subject at

04:26

all the Maga media was absolutely

04:29

outraged as you know my son has

04:31

graduated from high school and it looks

04:33

like the judge will not let me go to the

04:36

graduation of my son who's worked very

04:39

very hard it's always tough when you

04:41

can't go to your son's graduation I

04:43

think it's outrageous that the court

04:45

can't allow him a day to go see one of

04:47

the most significant events uh you know

04:49

in his son's life so he can't he can't

04:51

go to Baron's uh graduation seems a

04:53

little severe he can't go to Baron

04:55

Trump's uh High School graduation Donald

04:58

Trump won't be able to go to Baron High

05:00

School graduation could you believe this

05:02

judge you're not even allowing a father

05:06

never mind a former president but a

05:07

father attend his son's graduation it's

05:11

absolutely ludicrous it shows his bias

05:14

um it shows actually his hatred towards

05:16

Donald Trump yeah well today the judge

05:19

ruled that he will cancel court on May

05:21

17th so Trump can go to Baron's High

05:23

School graduation which is funny because

05:25

now Trump has to go to Baron's High

05:27

School graduation

05:31

it's

05:34

like he woke up he woke up from a dead

05:37

sleep in court and yelled

05:39

objection one of Trump's lawyers on this

05:42

case is a guy named will sharf he's been

05:45

making the rounds on the news channels

05:47

and you can very quickly see why because

05:49

will sharf is a man whose smile

05:51

absolutely lights up a room he's also a

05:53

republican candidate for Missouri

05:55

attorney general Mr Shar welcome good to

05:57

have you here today well sharp he is on

05:59

the legal team representing former

06:01

president Trump will sharf in North

06:03

Carolina lieutenant governor us not talk

06:05

about it will sharf will sharf former

06:07

Federal prosecutor will sharf former

06:10

Federal prosecutor will sharf will sharf

06:12

he's also a republican candidate Mr

06:14

sharf good to see you

06:15

again he's he's the first human attorney

06:18

to be generated by

06:19

[Applause]

06:21

AI oh we're getting more details on what

06:24

former years of of trump might look like

06:27

courtesy of trump himself he sat for an

06:29

interview with Time Magazine where he

06:30

laid out his priorities for a second

06:32

term and it's quite a his comp I tell

06:35

you Trump says all true what I'm about

06:38

to inform this he says he would carry

06:40

out a deportation operation to remove

06:43

more than 11 million people from the

06:45

country he says he would use the

06:47

military to build migrant detention

06:49

camps he would let red States monitor

06:51

women's pregnancies and prosecute those

06:54

who violate abortion bans he would at

06:56

his personal discretion withhold funds

06:58

appropriated by Congress he would fire

07:01

any us attorney who wouldn't carry out

07:03

his order to prosecute he's weighing

07:05

pardons for everyone who attacked the

07:07

capital January 6th he said he might not

07:10

come to the aid of an ally in Europe or

07:12

Asia if he felt that country wasn't

07:14

paying enough he would gut the Civil

07:16

Service he would close the White House

07:18

pandemic preparedness office and staff

07:20

his administration only with those who

07:22

believe the election was stolen from him

07:24

and when they asked about dictatorship

07:26

he said I think a lot of people like it

07:31

and he's on the cover of Time Magazine

07:33

he should be on the cover of Doing Time

07:35

Magazine that's the that's this

07:40

is 's Maniac of the year and while Chet

07:45

musolini is laying out his terms for

07:47

surrender these insane proclamations

07:49

that coming from any other candidate

07:51

would set off air raid sirens his

07:53

buddies in the right-wing media are

07:55

focused on this here's the president of

07:58

the United States the man with the

08:00

nuclear codes at his fingertips

08:03

grappling with a bowl of lettuce he can

08:07

barely feed

08:10

himself just watch this for a second

08:13

this isn't slowed down this isn't edited

08:16

this is Joe trying to eat a bite of

08:19

salad just

08:22

watch just

08:23

watch this man has a nuclear Co

08:27

look that's the pr

08:30

that's the president of the United

08:32

States the man who's going to push back

08:34

on Russia China North Korea are you

08:37

kidding me he can't even take a bite of

08:40

his own salad at least he's had a bite

08:43

of a

08:45

salad what is going on here what

08:50

is is Joe Biden really doing such a

08:53

great job that you have to focus on his

08:55

croutons I mean by the way

08:57

congratulations uh to Travis Kelsey

09:00

Travis Kelce signed a 2-year contract

09:01

extension with the Kansas City Chiefs he

09:03

is now the highest paid tight end in the

09:06

NFL deservedly so it's new contract is

09:10

worth $34 million or as Taylor Swift

09:12

calls it gum money can you imagine being

09:15

in a relationship where you make $34

09:16

million you're still the broke

09:18

boyfriend another weird thing about

09:20

dating Taylor Swift is you could be one

09:22

of the great players of all time and

09:24

this is the reaction you get to your

09:25

contract extension um this baby his eyes

09:29

full of tears he's so baby girl cutie

09:31

pie sweet boy Pooky as

09:34

Pooky I'm not sure if he's a football

09:36

player or a kitten but meanwhile Taylor

09:39

Swift is having a good week too Taylor

09:41

Swift is now the first artist in history

09:43

to occupy all of the top 14 spots on

09:46

Billboard's Hot 100 list she has 14

09:50

songs in the top

09:53

14 about how much people don't like her

09:56

29 of the 31 tracks on her new album are

09:59

in the top 50 which is very sad for the

10:02

two tracks that aren't in the top 50 I

10:04

feel like Taylor Swift at this point if

10:06

she wanted to could win the Kentucky

10:09

Derby here in California we have

10:11

Shenanigans of foot lawmakers in our

10:14

state have introduced a bill that would

10:16

make it easier for workers to not work

10:19

from home this bill AB 2751 intends to

10:23

create a better work life balance for

10:26

employees by establishing what they call

10:28

a right to disconnect rule this means

10:30

employers could be fined for calling

10:32

texting or emailing outside of work

10:35

hours K could you imagine if it was

10:37

against the law for me to every night I

10:39

text gam a little angel Emoji before he

10:41

goes to bed I could actually be fine for

10:45

that no it's one of those weird ideas

10:48

that make people wonder what's going on

10:50

in California and while our governor

10:51

Gavin newon waits for the bill to get to

10:53

his desk he's busy working on new

10:55

propositions that actually benefit our

10:58

state message from the 40th Governor of

11:01

California hey hey it's your boy the

11:05

gavor what's this HTI State's number one

11:07

natural

11:08

resource natural resources a yes vote on

11:12

prop 18 will protect them prop 18 will

11:14

also protect California's historic

11:16

monuments like the pool where Phoebe

11:18

Kates took off a bikini top Fast Times

11:21

at Ridgemont High from now on that's a

11:23

federally protected

11:25

Wetland this bill also ban stoves of all

11:28

kinds to help California's transition to

11:30

a Statewide raw vegan diet with a

11:34

special exemption for the In-N-Out by

11:36

LAX that you hit after flying back from

11:38

a sick weekend of shredding big pow and

11:41

tell youde 18 promises that by 2032 80%

11:45

of the cars on California's roads will

11:47

be required to run off of upcycled

11:49

macadamia nut oil car pools to Burning

11:53

Man will be mandatory for everyone from

11:56

the nepo bronies to the trust afari and

11:58

Molly

12:00

dealers to the Tech Pro narcs who make

12:02

everyone pretty uncomfortable on the

12:05

plier I don't know what I'm doing here

12:07

okay this bill also institutes a

12:10

voluntary buyback program for truck

12:12

owners to replace their gas guzzlers

12:14

with clean burning Pride

12:17

floats drought resistant Lawns are not

12:20

enough we need drought resistant

12:22

families where both children and all

12:24

three parents can survive without water

12:27

instead relying on on reverse osmosis

12:30

for lifegiving

12:34

hydration finally prop 18 will protect

12:36

La skate parks from falling victim to

12:38

greedy Community activists who want to

12:40

see them turned into green spaces and

12:42

affordable

12:43

housing not on my solar powered watch

12:46

all right now who wants to see some

12:50

[Music]

12:51

[Applause]

12:55

sick

12:56

ow come on Governor better than this

12:59

paid for by the content moderators at TH

13:01

Gates wik

13:08

[Applause]

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