Am I retiring From Youtube?

jacksepticeye
5 Apr 202416:48

Summary

TLDRThe video discusses the creator's contemplation of retiring from YouTube after a decade of content creation. Despite the pressures and personal challenges, including clinical depression, ADHD, and the impact of negative comments, the creator is not retiring imminently but is considering a transition to other creative projects. The video serves as a candid insight into the struggles faced by content creators and the creator's desire for a more fulfilling and less stressful creative journey.

Takeaways

  • 🎥 The YouTuber has been contemplating retirement due to the impact of the platform on their life and mental health.
  • 🕒 They have been creating content for a third of their life, which prompted initial thoughts of retiring.
  • 🤔 The YouTuber has had a tumultuous relationship with their channel, struggling with content creation and audience engagement over the years.
  • 🌪️ The changing landscape of YouTube and its algorithm has made content creation more challenging and less enjoyable.
  • 🚫 The YouTuber has grappled with the pressure to appease the algorithm, leading to a sense of burnout and loss of passion.
  • 🧘 Mental health is a significant concern for the YouTuber, who has been open about their struggles with depression, ADHD, and anxiety.
  • 💊 Medication and therapy have been crucial in helping them manage their mental health and continue their work on the platform.
  • 🔄 The YouTuber has considered taking breaks and focusing on other creative pursuits outside of YouTube.
  • 🎨 They have a desire to transition into larger creative projects, such as producing animated shows, games, and writing a fiction novel.
  • 🔗 The YouTuber acknowledges the privilege and position they are in, and expresses gratitude for their audience and the opportunities provided by YouTube.
  • 🤝 They aim to reconnect with their audience and find a balance between their online presence and personal well-being.

Q & A

  • Why did the YouTuber consider retiring from YouTube?

    -The YouTuber considered retiring because they felt overwhelmed by the changes in the platform and the pressure to keep up with content creation. They also experienced a struggle with their mental health, including depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety, which made the job more challenging.

  • How has the YouTuber's relationship with their channel evolved over time?

    -Initially, the YouTuber found content creation easy and enjoyable, but over the years, they began to struggle with keeping up with the evolving demands of the platform, the algorithm, and their audience. This led to feelings of burnout and a desire to retire.

  • What impact did the algorithm have on the YouTuber's content creation process?

    -The algorithm forced the YouTuber to overthink their content and adapt to changing trends, which led to a feeling of disconnection with their original passion and a sense of obligation to appease the system rather than creating content they truly enjoyed.

  • How did taking breaks from YouTube affect the YouTuber's audience engagement?

    -Although taking breaks was beneficial for the YouTuber's mental health, it negatively impacted their audience engagement. The algorithm and business side of things made it difficult for the YouTuber to maintain visibility and connection with their audience when they were not consistently uploading content.

  • What role did mental health play in the YouTuber's contemplation of leaving YouTube?

    -Mental health played a significant role in the YouTuber's consideration of leaving YouTube. They experienced clinical depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety, which made the demands of content creation and maintaining an online presence particularly challenging.

  • How did the YouTuber's father's passing influence their perspective on their career?

    -The passing of the YouTuber's father led to a period of introspection and reevaluation of their priorities. It made them question whether YouTube was causing more harm than good to their mental health and overall well-being.

  • What was the YouTuber's reaction to the meme about their father's death?

    -The YouTuber was deeply affected by the meme, feeling a mix of shock and despair. They initially wanted to stop it but eventually realized that they couldn't control the internet's response and had to ignore it, which was a difficult process.

  • What new directions does the YouTuber want to explore after retiring from their current content creation style?

    -The YouTuber wants to explore more creative and fulfilling projects, such as producing animated shows or games, writing a fiction novel, and working on other endeavors that allow them to express their creativity beyond the constraints of daily content uploads.

  • How has therapy and medication impacted the YouTuber's life?

    -Therapy and medication have been crucial in helping the YouTuber manage their mental health. They have provided tools to deal with their depression and anxiety, and while it's an ongoing process, these resources have been beneficial in maintaining their well-being.

  • What changes has the YouTuber made to their online presence to protect their mental health?

    -The YouTuber has made conscious efforts to distance themselves from certain aspects of their online presence that were negatively affecting their mental health. They stopped using Twitter and limited their use of Instagram, focusing instead on creating content in a way that is more enjoyable and less stressful.

  • How does the YouTuber plan to balance their future creative projects with their current YouTube presence?

    -The YouTuber plans to transition gradually from their current content creation style to focus on more creative and fulfilling projects. They aim to reduce the pressure of consistent uploads and explore other avenues of creativity that bring them joy and satisfaction.

Outlines

00:00

🎥 Reflecting on YouTube Journey and Retirement Thoughts

The speaker begins by addressing the topic of retiring from YouTube, a conversation that has been circulating due to other creators like Matt Pat. They acknowledge the tweet they sent following Matt's video, which discussed the significant portion of life spent on YouTube. The speaker admits to having considered retirement, especially after seeing similar videos from other creators, but reassures the audience that they are not retiring yet. They delve into their struggle with content creation over the years, feeling overwhelmed and struggling to keep up with the changing landscape of YouTube. The speaker also discusses the initial ease of creating content and how it has become more challenging due to the evolving demands of the platform and its audience.

05:00

🌧️ Coping with Mental Health and Personal Struggles

The speaker opens up about their mental health struggles, including clinical depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety. They discuss the impact of these conditions on their work and personal life, as well as the coping mechanisms they have developed over time, such as therapy and medication. The speaker also reflects on the negative impact of online criticism and how it has affected their self-esteem and motivation. They share a personal story about the death of their father and the subsequent internet meme, which deeply affected them and made them question their continued presence on YouTube.

10:01

🚫 Balancing Content Creation and Personal Well-being

The speaker continues to discuss the challenges of balancing content creation with personal well-being. They express frustration with the pressure to constantly produce content and appease the algorithm, which they find draining and creatively limiting. The speaker talks about their desire to focus on activities they genuinely enjoy and not just work-related tasks. They mention their various creative projects outside of YouTube and their intention to retire eventually to focus on these pursuits. The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking breaks and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.

15:01

🌟 Looking Forward to New Creative Endeavors

In the final paragraph, the speaker shares their future plans and aspirations beyond YouTube. They express a desire to work on bigger projects, such as producing animated shows and games, as well as writing a fiction novel. The speaker acknowledges the challenges of balancing their all-or-nothing personality with the need to take care of their mental health. They also discuss their renewed interest in connecting with their audience and finding joy in creating content that doesn't feel like a chore. The speaker concludes by acknowledging the complexity of their situation and the ongoing process of finding a balance that works for them.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Retiring from YouTube

The concept of retiring from YouTube refers to a content creator's decision to stop producing and uploading videos on the platform permanently. In the context of the video, the speaker contemplates this decision due to personal struggles and the changing landscape of the platform, but ultimately decides to continue, albeit with a different approach to content creation.

💡Content Creation Struggles

Content creation struggles refer to the challenges faced by creators in maintaining their output, passion, and relevance on platforms like YouTube. The speaker discusses these struggles in terms of keeping up with the algorithm changes, audience expectations, and personal mental health. This reflects the pressure and burnout that can come from the need to consistently produce content that resonates with viewers and the platform's demands.

💡Algorithm

The algorithm, in the context of YouTube, is the system that recommends videos to users based on their viewing habits and preferences. The speaker mentions struggling with the algorithm as it evolved over time, making it more difficult for his content to reach the same audience as before. This highlights the impact of platform changes on creators' visibility and the need to adapt their content strategy to remain relevant.

💡Mental Health

Mental health refers to an individual's psychological and emotional well-being. The speaker candidly discusses his struggles with depression, ADHD, and anxiety, which have affected his motivation, creativity, and overall approach to content creation. This underscores the importance of self-care and the recognition that even successful content creators face personal challenges that can influence their work.

💡Burnout

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. The speaker experiences burnout due to the pressures of content creation, the need to appease the algorithm, and the impact of negative comments. This highlights the toll that high-pressure environments, like social media platforms, can have on individuals and the need for balance and self-care.

💡Mourning

Mourning is the process of grieving the loss of a loved one. The speaker mentions the death of his father and how it led to introspection about his life choices and career. This event serves as a pivotal moment that influences his perspective on his work and personal priorities, leading him to consider changes in his professional life.

💡Community and Audience

Community and audience refer to the viewers and followers who engage with a content creator's work. The speaker discusses his relationship with his audience, the impact of their feedback, and his desire to reconnect with them on a deeper level. This highlights the importance of audience engagement and the potential for it to shape a creator's content and career trajectory.

💡Creative Fulfillment

Creative fulfillment refers to the satisfaction and sense of purpose that comes from engaging in creative activities. The speaker expresses a desire to pursue other creative projects, such as producing animated shows or writing a novel, as a means to find more fulfillment beyond YouTube. This reflects the need for creators to explore diverse creative outlets to maintain their passion and avoid burnout.

💡All or Nothing Personality

An 'All or Nothing' personality describes someone who tends to engage in activities with intense commitment or not at all. The speaker identifies with this trait, explaining how it affects his approach to work and content creation. This concept illustrates the speaker's struggle with balancing his personal life and professional obligations, as well as his journey towards finding a healthier middle ground.

💡Therapy and Medication

Therapy and medication are two common methods for managing mental health conditions. The speaker discusses his experiences with both, emphasizing their role in helping him cope with his depression and anxiety. This highlights the importance of seeking professional help and using appropriate resources to address mental health challenges, even for those in high-pressure careers.

💡Content Strategy

Content strategy refers to the planning and approach taken to create and distribute content. The speaker talks about changing his content strategy by focusing on 'all-in-one' videos and reducing the frequency of uploads to find a more sustainable and enjoyable approach. This demonstrates the need for creators to adapt and innovate their strategies to stay relevant and maintain their passion for creating content.

Highlights

Retiring from YouTube is a topic of discussion for many content creators, including the speaker, who has considered it at the start of the year.

The speaker has been creating content on YouTube for a third of their life, which led to a moment of reflection and consideration of retirement.

Despite the contemplation of retirement, the speaker confirms they are not leaving YouTube at this moment.

The speaker's relationship with their YouTube channel has been tumultuous over the years, with feelings of struggle and burnout.

The speaker mentions that the YouTube algorithm and ecosystem have changed significantly over the last few years, making it more challenging to fit into the new mold.

The speaker has experimented with different content types to appease the algorithm, but this led to a feeling of inauthenticity and cookie-cutter content.

The importance of mental health and taking breaks is highlighted by the speaker, who has been vocal about their own struggles and experiences.

The speaker discusses their clinical depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety, which have impacted their ability to create content and maintain their channel.

The speaker's father's passing led to a reevaluation of their life and priorities, including the decision to continue or discontinue their YouTube career.

The speaker addresses the negative impact of spam comments and memes, and their efforts to combat them with YouTube's stricter spam system.

The speaker's realization that YouTube may be causing more harm than good to their mental health led to serious thoughts of quitting.

The speaker has a desire to transition to other creative projects, such as producing animated shows, writing a novel, and engaging in more fulfilling endeavors.

The speaker estimates they have about two years left of creating content in their current manner before they retire from YouTube.

The speaker expresses a renewed interest in creating content that they find fun and enjoyable, rather than focusing solely on pleasing the algorithm.

The speaker acknowledges the privilege and position they are in, and their desire to maintain a connection with their audience without overextending themselves.

The speaker concludes by expressing their wish to bridge the gap between themselves and their audience, and to create content that is both enjoyable for them and their viewers.

Transcripts

00:00

here's a video I thought I'd make

00:01

because there's been a lot of discussion

00:03

about it this year talking about

00:06

retiring from YouTube because a lot of

00:08

people have asked me over the last few

00:10

months when Matt Pat left rip I put out

00:13

a tweet because in his video he talked

00:15

about doing YouTube for a third of his

00:17

life and I realized that YouTube was a

00:20

third of my life and that kind of like

00:22

freaked me out but I tweeted that kind

00:25

of knowing that people were going to get

00:27

weird about it I poked the nest

00:30

purposefully but just to allay any fears

00:33

no I'm not retiring from

00:37

YouTube at least not

00:40

yet oh come on I do intend on retiring

00:43

at some point but not right now but I

00:46

think it's an interesting discussion

00:47

because I have legitimately thought

00:50

about retiring at the start of this year

00:52

because the matad video came out and Tom

00:54

Scott's video came out and I was

00:56

watching all of these and I could relate

00:58

heavily to what they were saying and

01:00

what they were talking about and being

01:02

in that part of your life where it feels

01:04

like yeah I've kind of done what I

01:05

wanted to do with it I think it's time

01:06

to move on from it but I didn't really

01:08

feel like I was ready to and I've had

01:10

sort of a tumultuous relationship with

01:12

my YouTube channel over the years I

01:14

think within the last 5 years it's

01:16

become apparent that I've struggled

01:18

quite a bit with keeping up with content

01:21

keeping up with the passion Keeping Up

01:23

With the Energy keeping up with my

01:25

audience it's all become it's probably

01:28

been more overwhelming in the last fight

01:30

years than it has been in the first 5

01:32

years of doing it cuz in the beginning I

01:33

was just doing two videos every day 5

01:35

and 1/2 years same time every day and it

01:37

was easier to do because everything just

01:40

felt easier it felt like I just sat down

01:43

was like what do I record today okay

01:45

this and this cool do it upload it went

01:47

to all my subscribers everybody watched

01:49

great and I think in the last 5 years or

01:53

so it feels like the stuff that I used

01:56

to

01:57

do stopped working I had like an analogy

02:00

for it and I I love an analogy this is

02:03

the shape of me and this is the mold of

02:06

YouTube and my shape fit into the mold

02:09

perfectly a lot of stuff was just like

02:10

really clicking gaming was popping off

02:12

that high energy type of content was

02:15

really in demand for a lot of people in

02:16

the audience and over the years the sort

02:19

of mold of YouTube has morphed and

02:21

shifted and evolved and that shape

02:25

didn't really fit the mold anymore so

02:27

things got a little harder to do I had

02:29

to overthink my content a bit more

02:32

algorithm started to become a thing that

02:33

I just never really had to think about

02:35

before so I was struggling quite a bit

02:37

to figure out where I sort of fit in the

02:39

ecosystem and I tried the thing of

02:41

appeasing to the algorithm for a couple

02:43

of years and doing things like reaction

02:45

content a lot more and I just didn't

02:48

really know what I was doing I didn't

02:49

know where I sat in the ecosystem I

02:52

didn't know what type of content I

02:53

wanted to do I didn't know what the

02:54

audience wanted and I struggled really

02:57

heavily with that for a while and sure

02:59

some stuff did do well but it felt

03:00

really cookie cutter and not what I

03:02

wanted to do so I got burnt out in it

03:04

there's a big thing on YouTube about

03:05

taking breaks and like looking after

03:07

your mental health and I feel like I've

03:09

been good at that I feel like I've sort

03:11

of pioneered that in a way of like

03:13

taking breaks healthily for myself and

03:16

being very vocal about my mental health

03:17

and talking about it but what sucks is

03:20

that algorithmically and business-wise

03:23

it feels like it doesn't work sometimes

03:25

it's just like oh the audience forgot

03:27

about you or you stopped uploading so

03:29

you're not in the feeds people realize

03:31

that oh I'm just watching you because

03:33

I've always watched you and I don't

03:34

really want to watch you anymore so you

03:35

taking a break made me realize that and

03:37

they move on to someone else and all of

03:40

that stuff's fine but when it comes to

03:41

me making the content it's like man when

03:44

I come back from some breaks it's like

03:46

it feels like people didn't miss me at

03:47

all it feels like the system's kind of

03:49

working against me again I don't know if

03:51

that's just YouTube wide or if that's

03:54

just me and my channel specifically but

03:56

I struggled with that quite a bit as

03:58

well and I was like well maybe I should

04:00

just leave maybe I should just quit it

04:02

sucks because the channel still does

04:03

really well like if you look at the

04:05

videos I'm doing and the stuff that I'm

04:07

uploading things do well it sucks that I

04:10

got into a heads space where whatever's

04:12

going on with my Channel or the system

04:14

it made me feel like the stuff I was

04:16

doing sucked and I think that's why this

04:18

year I was like okay I'm going to quit

04:20

because I just don't really want to have

04:22

to overthink my content I don't want to

04:24

have to like appease a system like that

04:27

I that's not the way I want to do my

04:29

channel but I decided okay I'll give it

04:31

a different shot I'll do it differently

04:33

and that's why I've been doing like Dark

04:35

Souls All in One video fromsoft games

04:37

all in one video I've been doing other

04:39

stuff kind of all in one video because

04:41

it's the type of thing where I get to do

04:43

what I want do it in a way that works

04:46

and also it's just fun it's a different

04:49

way of doing it that I have in the past

04:50

where I would just kind of I called it

04:52

carpet bombing my channel and now it's a

04:54

bit more fun to do it's a bit more

04:56

sustainable I can kind of like take time

04:58

away from doing it but

05:00

there's a lot of other stuff in the

05:02

background not even just for the channel

05:04

and the way I do my content or the

05:06

business side of things the thing that

05:08

made me want to quit first was because I

05:13

don't know if people know this I think

05:14

I've talked about it a lot but a lot of

05:16

people still seem to not know this I am

05:19

horrifically

05:20

depressed and I I say that kind of

05:22

hyperbolically because I like talking

05:25

kind of exaggerative and using

05:26

hyperbolic terms all the time I'm like

05:29

legitimately clinically depressed and

05:31

diagnosed and gone to my doctor for over

05:33

the years and have been seeing a

05:35

therapist for a long time and I'm

05:38

medicated for it and all of that stuff

05:40

it's kind of like putting up guard rails

05:42

for me it's gotten better over the years

05:44

where I've gotten better at dealing with

05:46

it I kind of know what's happening to me

05:48

so I have tools to deal with it and

05:50

going to therapy has helped me quite a

05:51

bit but I've just been kind of knocked

05:54

on my ass I'm terrible at comparing

05:56

myself to other people and wondering why

05:59

my brain brain doesn't work the same as

06:01

other people's why my motivation lacks

06:03

turns out it's because I have ADHD and I

06:06

got diagnosed with that and that helped

06:08

in a way cuz it kind of made me go a bit

06:10

easier on myself but it doesn't help get

06:13

work done and when things go wrong I

06:15

catastrophize and I think that things

06:17

are really going wrong I'm clinically

06:20

diagnosed with like chronic anxiety as

06:22

well like I'm anxious all the time even

06:25

with my medication it helps but I'm

06:27

still anxious constantly I second guess

06:29

everything I do I hate myself five times

06:32

out of 10 like half the time I'm just

06:34

like man I suck why can't I do this I

06:36

have an idea that I want to do but I

06:38

don't have the motivation and the

06:39

ambition and the energy to do it do I

06:41

even want to do this stuff and I'm just

06:43

in my head a lot when I started off

06:45

doing this I was really good at just

06:47

kind of like going with the flow and

06:49

being high energy and just being me and

06:51

after a while you start getting those

06:53

comments which is like man you're so

06:54

loud man you suck man this person's

06:57

better and after doing this for like 11

06:59

years that stuff just really chips away

07:01

at me after a while and again another

07:03

analogy because I love them I used to

07:05

always think of it as like a statue that

07:07

throwing like a couple of stones at it

07:09

it's like that's not going to do

07:10

anything it's a statue it's not going to

07:12

get affected by it but after 11 years of

07:14

doing that eventually the the crack

07:16

start to show and I didn't realize how

07:18

much that sort of stuff was affecting me

07:20

and that's not to say like people

07:21

shouldn't be saying that stuff some

07:23

people are just not going to like you

07:24

even knowing that that's fine I didn't

07:27

realize how Insidious it was and it was

07:28

like getting under my skin and how much

07:30

it was changing the way I did stuff and

07:32

I realized that the comments were

07:33

affecting me way more than I thought

07:35

they were and I struggled with that a

07:36

lot as well I'm not impervious to

07:38

criticism nor do I think I should be

07:41

exempt from it that's fine to do because

07:43

that is what we're doing I know that's

07:45

part of the job and then the real kicker

07:48

for me was when my dad died and I'm not

07:51

trying to like Farm sympathy with this

07:53

but it is a really good sort of teaching

07:55

moment for me it happened and I was

07:57

never terribly close with my dad I never

07:59

really had this super strong bonded

08:02

connection with him because he was so

08:03

much older and I talked about it before

08:05

where I didn't think it would affect me

08:07

as much as it did and then when he

08:09

passed I kind of extrapolated out my

08:12

life and was like okay what what do I

08:15

actually want to be doing and I thought

08:17

about it more and more and I'm like is

08:19

doing YouTube like causing me more harm

08:21

than it's doing good for me lately for

08:23

my mental health and then the stuff with

08:28

the meme of it was a meme going around

08:30

if you weren't around back then or just

08:32

weren't aware of it it was everywhere

08:35

where it turned into Jack Septic guys's

08:37

dad is burning in hell was the spam

08:39

comment that would show up and at first

08:41

I was like I can't believe this is

08:43

happening how do I stop this from

08:44

happening and then I realized well it's

08:46

the internet you can't stop it from

08:47

happening if you talk about it it's

08:49

going to make it worse cuz now people

08:51

know that that affects you so you kind

08:54

of have to just write it out and hope

08:56

that it goes away and eventually it did

08:58

it's not around anymore and spam

08:59

comments I I'm happy that I communicated

09:03

with YouTube to bring in a stricter spam

09:06

system because this was happening to me

09:08

so they let me kind of like test out

09:09

some features on my channel for spam and

09:12

it kind of worked it didn't really but

09:15

that comment was everywhere it would be

09:17

like a Mr Beast profile picture or

09:18

another YouTuber and it would be like

09:20

Jack Sepp the gu's dad is burning in

09:21

Hell click here for something I remember

09:23

seeing them on like Charlie's Channel

09:24

like critical Channel and commentary and

09:26

drama channels were picking it up and

09:28

news Channel were talking about it and I

09:30

was like how did this awful thing that

09:32

happened to me turn into a meme on the

09:35

internet and thankfully a bunch of other

09:36

people pointed out how ridiculous it was

09:39

and how awful it was and how

09:41

reprehensible it was and I didn't have

09:43

to speak up about it but at the time man

09:46

I was struggling so much seeing that all

09:48

the time I was like I don't want to

09:50

[ __ ] do this that's it I'm done I'm

09:52

leaving I can't do this job where so

09:55

many people are allowed to say such

09:56

horrible things about me and I'm just

09:58

supposed to like sit there and take it

10:00

this [ __ ] sucks I just want to make

10:02

content and have people have fun I was

10:04

legitimately like hovering over the nuke

10:07

button where I was like I'm done my dad

10:09

died I want to make sure that I'm not

10:12

working all the time stressed out about

10:14

what's going to work stressed out about

10:15

my titles my thumbnails what content is

10:18

going to like click for an algorithm and

10:20

I was like that's not how anybody should

10:22

be living their life and I don't enjoy

10:23

that and I thought I'm going to leave

10:26

and I'm just going to do the things I

10:27

want to do I'm going to paint Miniatures

10:28

I'm going to read a book I'm going to

10:30

watch movies I'm going to play games in

10:32

my spare time I'm going to go outside

10:33

more and then going to therapy helped

10:36

quite a bit to be like okay it doesn't

10:37

have to be all or nothing and I'm

10:40

absolutely an All or Nothing personality

10:42

I either do everything all at once or I

10:44

do none of it I can't split my focus and

10:47

my attention and it's a thing that I'm

10:50

working on as well but going to therapy

10:53

helped me quite a bit to be like okay

10:54

you can distance yourself from some

10:56

aspects of it and then not have to give

10:58

it up enti L and that's why I don't

11:01

really go on Twitter anymore I don't

11:02

have Twitter on my phone I deleted it

11:04

over a year ago I haven't gone back to

11:06

it I check Instagram very sparingly I

11:09

don't really use it I thought about it a

11:10

lot where I'm like do I even enjoy this

11:12

job do I even like doing this anymore is

11:16

my passion even there and so much of why

11:18

I started doing it in the first place

11:20

had kind of like morphed and shifted and

11:22

disappeared and so many people look at

11:23

my channel are like man you can upload

11:25

whatever you want and it'll always do

11:26

well and that used to be the case and I

11:28

was so proud of that but that's not

11:29

really the case anymore like I have to

11:31

think about what I'm doing more than I

11:33

ever have in the past and that's not

11:36

necessarily a bad thing either like the

11:38

standards on YouTube have risen like

11:40

stuff evolves and changes and you have

11:41

to adapt to that and the production

11:43

values on YouTube and everything have

11:44

just shifted and the editing Styles have

11:46

all shifted so I just decided I want to

11:49

do it in a way that is a bit more fun

11:52

again I have more stuff going on outside

11:54

of my channel now that gives me joy I do

11:57

top of the morning which is a bit bit

11:59

more fun to do I have like the iris

12:01

stuff the ego stuff we did Comics I

12:04

can't see them they're on pictures on my

12:06

wall I do Comics now I have a podcast I

12:10

have a lot more things that are kind of

12:11

like creatively fulfilling me and I know

12:13

when to take time away I want to take

12:15

time for myself and not have it sort of

12:17

[ __ ] me but I will retire eventually

12:22

at the start of this year and I talked

12:23

to matpat in private about this where I

12:24

was like man I'm this close to like

12:26

doing the same thing I even had it in my

12:28

head where I was like I'm going to quit

12:30

this year I'm going to do the things

12:33

that I wanted to do and then I'm just

12:35

going to like peace out and do other

12:37

things like it would be the quitting

12:39

type like Matt's doing or Tom Scott's

12:40

doing where I would quit but it would

12:42

just give me more time to do the other

12:44

things that I want to do I definitely

12:45

think I probably have about two years

12:48

left of me at the very Max of doing

12:51

things the way I am currently doing them

12:54

I want to springboard to other stuff do

12:56

other creatively fulfilling things I

12:58

want make bigger projects I want to make

13:01

like I want to produce stuff I want to

13:04

make animated shows of games that I'm

13:08

big into I want to I want to do my own

13:11

creative projects my own stories my own

13:14

characters eventually I want to write a

13:16

book and not like a book about my life

13:18

but like a novel sort of like fiction

13:20

book and I just want to do things that

13:21

are a bit more creative than just

13:24

uploading content all day every day and

13:26

I thought about it for a while where I

13:28

thought I had to keep my relevance on

13:30

YouTube like uploading consistently

13:33

brings in money to do other bigger

13:35

projects but I just don't I don't enjoy

13:39

doing stuff in such a busy way I think

13:41

it takes the creativity out of me and it

13:43

takes the Artistry out of the things

13:45

that I'm doing and I think that's why I

13:47

get so burnt out on doing what I'm doing

13:49

a lot of the time

13:51

but yeah just so you know I have been a

13:55

minute to midnight closer than people

13:58

even realize so that tweet where I was

13:59

like man I have been doing it a thir of

14:01

my life and people are like oh dear God

14:02

no not you to it was closer than it

14:05

wasn't to me just being like yeah I'm

14:07

done I'm leaving I I don't really want

14:09

to do this anymore and the more I do it

14:12

the more I understand Jenna

14:14

Marbles and why she left um and it is

14:19

kind of like a

14:20

tantalizing thought but I do think I

14:22

have more stuff that I want to get done

14:24

and more things that I want to do with

14:26

my time and I I have that personality

14:27

where I always want to create

14:29

but I don't enjoy it all the time it's

14:33

not even a case of like it's as fun as