Am I retiring From Youtube?
Summary
TLDRThe video discusses the creator's contemplation of retiring from YouTube after a decade of content creation. Despite the pressures and personal challenges, including clinical depression, ADHD, and the impact of negative comments, the creator is not retiring imminently but is considering a transition to other creative projects. The video serves as a candid insight into the struggles faced by content creators and the creator's desire for a more fulfilling and less stressful creative journey.
Takeaways
- 🎥 The YouTuber has been contemplating retirement due to the impact of the platform on their life and mental health.
- 🕒 They have been creating content for a third of their life, which prompted initial thoughts of retiring.
- 🤔 The YouTuber has had a tumultuous relationship with their channel, struggling with content creation and audience engagement over the years.
- 🌪️ The changing landscape of YouTube and its algorithm has made content creation more challenging and less enjoyable.
- 🚫 The YouTuber has grappled with the pressure to appease the algorithm, leading to a sense of burnout and loss of passion.
- 🧘 Mental health is a significant concern for the YouTuber, who has been open about their struggles with depression, ADHD, and anxiety.
- 💊 Medication and therapy have been crucial in helping them manage their mental health and continue their work on the platform.
- 🔄 The YouTuber has considered taking breaks and focusing on other creative pursuits outside of YouTube.
- 🎨 They have a desire to transition into larger creative projects, such as producing animated shows, games, and writing a fiction novel.
- 🔗 The YouTuber acknowledges the privilege and position they are in, and expresses gratitude for their audience and the opportunities provided by YouTube.
- 🤝 They aim to reconnect with their audience and find a balance between their online presence and personal well-being.
Q & A
Why did the YouTuber consider retiring from YouTube?
-The YouTuber considered retiring because they felt overwhelmed by the changes in the platform and the pressure to keep up with content creation. They also experienced a struggle with their mental health, including depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety, which made the job more challenging.
How has the YouTuber's relationship with their channel evolved over time?
-Initially, the YouTuber found content creation easy and enjoyable, but over the years, they began to struggle with keeping up with the evolving demands of the platform, the algorithm, and their audience. This led to feelings of burnout and a desire to retire.
What impact did the algorithm have on the YouTuber's content creation process?
-The algorithm forced the YouTuber to overthink their content and adapt to changing trends, which led to a feeling of disconnection with their original passion and a sense of obligation to appease the system rather than creating content they truly enjoyed.
How did taking breaks from YouTube affect the YouTuber's audience engagement?
-Although taking breaks was beneficial for the YouTuber's mental health, it negatively impacted their audience engagement. The algorithm and business side of things made it difficult for the YouTuber to maintain visibility and connection with their audience when they were not consistently uploading content.
What role did mental health play in the YouTuber's contemplation of leaving YouTube?
-Mental health played a significant role in the YouTuber's consideration of leaving YouTube. They experienced clinical depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety, which made the demands of content creation and maintaining an online presence particularly challenging.
How did the YouTuber's father's passing influence their perspective on their career?
-The passing of the YouTuber's father led to a period of introspection and reevaluation of their priorities. It made them question whether YouTube was causing more harm than good to their mental health and overall well-being.
What was the YouTuber's reaction to the meme about their father's death?
-The YouTuber was deeply affected by the meme, feeling a mix of shock and despair. They initially wanted to stop it but eventually realized that they couldn't control the internet's response and had to ignore it, which was a difficult process.
What new directions does the YouTuber want to explore after retiring from their current content creation style?
-The YouTuber wants to explore more creative and fulfilling projects, such as producing animated shows or games, writing a fiction novel, and working on other endeavors that allow them to express their creativity beyond the constraints of daily content uploads.
How has therapy and medication impacted the YouTuber's life?
-Therapy and medication have been crucial in helping the YouTuber manage their mental health. They have provided tools to deal with their depression and anxiety, and while it's an ongoing process, these resources have been beneficial in maintaining their well-being.
What changes has the YouTuber made to their online presence to protect their mental health?
-The YouTuber has made conscious efforts to distance themselves from certain aspects of their online presence that were negatively affecting their mental health. They stopped using Twitter and limited their use of Instagram, focusing instead on creating content in a way that is more enjoyable and less stressful.
How does the YouTuber plan to balance their future creative projects with their current YouTube presence?
-The YouTuber plans to transition gradually from their current content creation style to focus on more creative and fulfilling projects. They aim to reduce the pressure of consistent uploads and explore other avenues of creativity that bring them joy and satisfaction.
Outlines
🎥 Reflecting on YouTube Journey and Retirement Thoughts
The speaker begins by addressing the topic of retiring from YouTube, a conversation that has been circulating due to other creators like Matt Pat. They acknowledge the tweet they sent following Matt's video, which discussed the significant portion of life spent on YouTube. The speaker admits to having considered retirement, especially after seeing similar videos from other creators, but reassures the audience that they are not retiring yet. They delve into their struggle with content creation over the years, feeling overwhelmed and struggling to keep up with the changing landscape of YouTube. The speaker also discusses the initial ease of creating content and how it has become more challenging due to the evolving demands of the platform and its audience.
🌧️ Coping with Mental Health and Personal Struggles
The speaker opens up about their mental health struggles, including clinical depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety. They discuss the impact of these conditions on their work and personal life, as well as the coping mechanisms they have developed over time, such as therapy and medication. The speaker also reflects on the negative impact of online criticism and how it has affected their self-esteem and motivation. They share a personal story about the death of their father and the subsequent internet meme, which deeply affected them and made them question their continued presence on YouTube.
🚫 Balancing Content Creation and Personal Well-being
The speaker continues to discuss the challenges of balancing content creation with personal well-being. They express frustration with the pressure to constantly produce content and appease the algorithm, which they find draining and creatively limiting. The speaker talks about their desire to focus on activities they genuinely enjoy and not just work-related tasks. They mention their various creative projects outside of YouTube and their intention to retire eventually to focus on these pursuits. The speaker emphasizes the importance of taking breaks and maintaining a healthy work-life balance.
🌟 Looking Forward to New Creative Endeavors
In the final paragraph, the speaker shares their future plans and aspirations beyond YouTube. They express a desire to work on bigger projects, such as producing animated shows and games, as well as writing a fiction novel. The speaker acknowledges the challenges of balancing their all-or-nothing personality with the need to take care of their mental health. They also discuss their renewed interest in connecting with their audience and finding joy in creating content that doesn't feel like a chore. The speaker concludes by acknowledging the complexity of their situation and the ongoing process of finding a balance that works for them.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Retiring from YouTube
💡Content Creation Struggles
💡Algorithm
💡Mental Health
💡Burnout
💡Mourning
💡Community and Audience
💡Creative Fulfillment
💡All or Nothing Personality
💡Therapy and Medication
💡Content Strategy
Highlights
Retiring from YouTube is a topic of discussion for many content creators, including the speaker, who has considered it at the start of the year.
The speaker has been creating content on YouTube for a third of their life, which led to a moment of reflection and consideration of retirement.
Despite the contemplation of retirement, the speaker confirms they are not leaving YouTube at this moment.
The speaker's relationship with their YouTube channel has been tumultuous over the years, with feelings of struggle and burnout.
The speaker mentions that the YouTube algorithm and ecosystem have changed significantly over the last few years, making it more challenging to fit into the new mold.
The speaker has experimented with different content types to appease the algorithm, but this led to a feeling of inauthenticity and cookie-cutter content.
The importance of mental health and taking breaks is highlighted by the speaker, who has been vocal about their own struggles and experiences.
The speaker discusses their clinical depression, ADHD, and chronic anxiety, which have impacted their ability to create content and maintain their channel.
The speaker's father's passing led to a reevaluation of their life and priorities, including the decision to continue or discontinue their YouTube career.
The speaker addresses the negative impact of spam comments and memes, and their efforts to combat them with YouTube's stricter spam system.
The speaker's realization that YouTube may be causing more harm than good to their mental health led to serious thoughts of quitting.
The speaker has a desire to transition to other creative projects, such as producing animated shows, writing a novel, and engaging in more fulfilling endeavors.
The speaker estimates they have about two years left of creating content in their current manner before they retire from YouTube.
The speaker expresses a renewed interest in creating content that they find fun and enjoyable, rather than focusing solely on pleasing the algorithm.
The speaker acknowledges the privilege and position they are in, and their desire to maintain a connection with their audience without overextending themselves.
The speaker concludes by expressing their wish to bridge the gap between themselves and their audience, and to create content that is both enjoyable for them and their viewers.
Transcripts
here's a video I thought I'd make
because there's been a lot of discussion
about it this year talking about
retiring from YouTube because a lot of
people have asked me over the last few
months when Matt Pat left rip I put out
a tweet because in his video he talked
about doing YouTube for a third of his
life and I realized that YouTube was a
third of my life and that kind of like
freaked me out but I tweeted that kind
of knowing that people were going to get
weird about it I poked the nest
purposefully but just to allay any fears
no I'm not retiring from
YouTube at least not
yet oh come on I do intend on retiring
at some point but not right now but I
think it's an interesting discussion
because I have legitimately thought
about retiring at the start of this year
because the matad video came out and Tom
Scott's video came out and I was
watching all of these and I could relate
heavily to what they were saying and
what they were talking about and being
in that part of your life where it feels
like yeah I've kind of done what I
wanted to do with it I think it's time
to move on from it but I didn't really
feel like I was ready to and I've had
sort of a tumultuous relationship with
my YouTube channel over the years I
think within the last 5 years it's
become apparent that I've struggled
quite a bit with keeping up with content
keeping up with the passion Keeping Up
With the Energy keeping up with my
audience it's all become it's probably
been more overwhelming in the last fight
years than it has been in the first 5
years of doing it cuz in the beginning I
was just doing two videos every day 5
and 1/2 years same time every day and it
was easier to do because everything just
felt easier it felt like I just sat down
was like what do I record today okay
this and this cool do it upload it went
to all my subscribers everybody watched
great and I think in the last 5 years or
so it feels like the stuff that I used
to
do stopped working I had like an analogy
for it and I I love an analogy this is
the shape of me and this is the mold of
YouTube and my shape fit into the mold
perfectly a lot of stuff was just like
really clicking gaming was popping off
that high energy type of content was
really in demand for a lot of people in
the audience and over the years the sort
of mold of YouTube has morphed and
shifted and evolved and that shape
didn't really fit the mold anymore so
things got a little harder to do I had
to overthink my content a bit more
algorithm started to become a thing that
I just never really had to think about
before so I was struggling quite a bit
to figure out where I sort of fit in the
ecosystem and I tried the thing of
appeasing to the algorithm for a couple
of years and doing things like reaction
content a lot more and I just didn't
really know what I was doing I didn't
know where I sat in the ecosystem I
didn't know what type of content I
wanted to do I didn't know what the
audience wanted and I struggled really
heavily with that for a while and sure
some stuff did do well but it felt
really cookie cutter and not what I
wanted to do so I got burnt out in it
there's a big thing on YouTube about
taking breaks and like looking after
your mental health and I feel like I've
been good at that I feel like I've sort
of pioneered that in a way of like
taking breaks healthily for myself and
being very vocal about my mental health
and talking about it but what sucks is
that algorithmically and business-wise
it feels like it doesn't work sometimes
it's just like oh the audience forgot
about you or you stopped uploading so
you're not in the feeds people realize
that oh I'm just watching you because
I've always watched you and I don't
really want to watch you anymore so you
taking a break made me realize that and
they move on to someone else and all of
that stuff's fine but when it comes to
me making the content it's like man when
I come back from some breaks it's like
it feels like people didn't miss me at
all it feels like the system's kind of
working against me again I don't know if
that's just YouTube wide or if that's
just me and my channel specifically but
I struggled with that quite a bit as
well and I was like well maybe I should
just leave maybe I should just quit it
sucks because the channel still does
really well like if you look at the
videos I'm doing and the stuff that I'm
uploading things do well it sucks that I
got into a heads space where whatever's
going on with my Channel or the system
it made me feel like the stuff I was
doing sucked and I think that's why this
year I was like okay I'm going to quit
because I just don't really want to have
to overthink my content I don't want to
have to like appease a system like that
I that's not the way I want to do my
channel but I decided okay I'll give it
a different shot I'll do it differently
and that's why I've been doing like Dark
Souls All in One video fromsoft games
all in one video I've been doing other
stuff kind of all in one video because
it's the type of thing where I get to do
what I want do it in a way that works
and also it's just fun it's a different
way of doing it that I have in the past
where I would just kind of I called it
carpet bombing my channel and now it's a
bit more fun to do it's a bit more
sustainable I can kind of like take time
away from doing it but
there's a lot of other stuff in the
background not even just for the channel
and the way I do my content or the
business side of things the thing that
made me want to quit first was because I
don't know if people know this I think
I've talked about it a lot but a lot of
people still seem to not know this I am
horrifically
depressed and I I say that kind of
hyperbolically because I like talking
kind of exaggerative and using
hyperbolic terms all the time I'm like
legitimately clinically depressed and
diagnosed and gone to my doctor for over
the years and have been seeing a
therapist for a long time and I'm
medicated for it and all of that stuff
it's kind of like putting up guard rails
for me it's gotten better over the years
where I've gotten better at dealing with
it I kind of know what's happening to me
so I have tools to deal with it and
going to therapy has helped me quite a
bit but I've just been kind of knocked
on my ass I'm terrible at comparing
myself to other people and wondering why
my brain brain doesn't work the same as
other people's why my motivation lacks
turns out it's because I have ADHD and I
got diagnosed with that and that helped
in a way cuz it kind of made me go a bit
easier on myself but it doesn't help get
work done and when things go wrong I
catastrophize and I think that things
are really going wrong I'm clinically
diagnosed with like chronic anxiety as
well like I'm anxious all the time even
with my medication it helps but I'm
still anxious constantly I second guess
everything I do I hate myself five times
out of 10 like half the time I'm just
like man I suck why can't I do this I
have an idea that I want to do but I
don't have the motivation and the
ambition and the energy to do it do I
even want to do this stuff and I'm just
in my head a lot when I started off
doing this I was really good at just
kind of like going with the flow and
being high energy and just being me and
after a while you start getting those
comments which is like man you're so
loud man you suck man this person's
better and after doing this for like 11
years that stuff just really chips away
at me after a while and again another
analogy because I love them I used to
always think of it as like a statue that
throwing like a couple of stones at it
it's like that's not going to do
anything it's a statue it's not going to
get affected by it but after 11 years of
doing that eventually the the crack
start to show and I didn't realize how
much that sort of stuff was affecting me
and that's not to say like people
shouldn't be saying that stuff some
people are just not going to like you
even knowing that that's fine I didn't
realize how Insidious it was and it was
like getting under my skin and how much
it was changing the way I did stuff and
I realized that the comments were
affecting me way more than I thought
they were and I struggled with that a
lot as well I'm not impervious to
criticism nor do I think I should be
exempt from it that's fine to do because
that is what we're doing I know that's
part of the job and then the real kicker
for me was when my dad died and I'm not
trying to like Farm sympathy with this
but it is a really good sort of teaching
moment for me it happened and I was
never terribly close with my dad I never
really had this super strong bonded
connection with him because he was so
much older and I talked about it before
where I didn't think it would affect me
as much as it did and then when he
passed I kind of extrapolated out my
life and was like okay what what do I
actually want to be doing and I thought
about it more and more and I'm like is
doing YouTube like causing me more harm
than it's doing good for me lately for
my mental health and then the stuff with
the meme of it was a meme going around
if you weren't around back then or just
weren't aware of it it was everywhere
where it turned into Jack Septic guys's
dad is burning in hell was the spam
comment that would show up and at first
I was like I can't believe this is
happening how do I stop this from
happening and then I realized well it's
the internet you can't stop it from
happening if you talk about it it's
going to make it worse cuz now people
know that that affects you so you kind
of have to just write it out and hope
that it goes away and eventually it did
it's not around anymore and spam
comments I I'm happy that I communicated
with YouTube to bring in a stricter spam
system because this was happening to me
so they let me kind of like test out
some features on my channel for spam and
it kind of worked it didn't really but
that comment was everywhere it would be
like a Mr Beast profile picture or
another YouTuber and it would be like
Jack Sepp the gu's dad is burning in
Hell click here for something I remember
seeing them on like Charlie's Channel
like critical Channel and commentary and
drama channels were picking it up and
news Channel were talking about it and I
was like how did this awful thing that
happened to me turn into a meme on the
internet and thankfully a bunch of other
people pointed out how ridiculous it was
and how awful it was and how
reprehensible it was and I didn't have
to speak up about it but at the time man
I was struggling so much seeing that all
the time I was like I don't want to
[ __ ] do this that's it I'm done I'm
leaving I can't do this job where so
many people are allowed to say such
horrible things about me and I'm just
supposed to like sit there and take it
this [ __ ] sucks I just want to make
content and have people have fun I was
legitimately like hovering over the nuke
button where I was like I'm done my dad
died I want to make sure that I'm not
working all the time stressed out about
what's going to work stressed out about
my titles my thumbnails what content is
going to like click for an algorithm and
I was like that's not how anybody should
be living their life and I don't enjoy
that and I thought I'm going to leave
and I'm just going to do the things I
want to do I'm going to paint Miniatures
I'm going to read a book I'm going to
watch movies I'm going to play games in
my spare time I'm going to go outside
more and then going to therapy helped
quite a bit to be like okay it doesn't
have to be all or nothing and I'm
absolutely an All or Nothing personality
I either do everything all at once or I
do none of it I can't split my focus and
my attention and it's a thing that I'm
working on as well but going to therapy
helped me quite a bit to be like okay
you can distance yourself from some
aspects of it and then not have to give
it up enti L and that's why I don't
really go on Twitter anymore I don't
have Twitter on my phone I deleted it
over a year ago I haven't gone back to
it I check Instagram very sparingly I
don't really use it I thought about it a
lot where I'm like do I even enjoy this
job do I even like doing this anymore is
my passion even there and so much of why
I started doing it in the first place
had kind of like morphed and shifted and
disappeared and so many people look at
my channel are like man you can upload
whatever you want and it'll always do
well and that used to be the case and I
was so proud of that but that's not
really the case anymore like I have to
think about what I'm doing more than I
ever have in the past and that's not
necessarily a bad thing either like the
standards on YouTube have risen like
stuff evolves and changes and you have
to adapt to that and the production
values on YouTube and everything have
just shifted and the editing Styles have
all shifted so I just decided I want to
do it in a way that is a bit more fun
again I have more stuff going on outside
of my channel now that gives me joy I do
top of the morning which is a bit bit
more fun to do I have like the iris
stuff the ego stuff we did Comics I
can't see them they're on pictures on my
wall I do Comics now I have a podcast I
have a lot more things that are kind of
like creatively fulfilling me and I know
when to take time away I want to take
time for myself and not have it sort of
[ __ ] me but I will retire eventually
at the start of this year and I talked
to matpat in private about this where I
was like man I'm this close to like
doing the same thing I even had it in my
head where I was like I'm going to quit
this year I'm going to do the things
that I wanted to do and then I'm just
going to like peace out and do other
things like it would be the quitting
type like Matt's doing or Tom Scott's
doing where I would quit but it would
just give me more time to do the other
things that I want to do I definitely
think I probably have about two years
left of me at the very Max of doing
things the way I am currently doing them
I want to springboard to other stuff do
other creatively fulfilling things I
want make bigger projects I want to make
like I want to produce stuff I want to
make animated shows of games that I'm
big into I want to I want to do my own
creative projects my own stories my own
characters eventually I want to write a
book and not like a book about my life
but like a novel sort of like fiction
book and I just want to do things that
are a bit more creative than just
uploading content all day every day and
I thought about it for a while where I
thought I had to keep my relevance on
YouTube like uploading consistently
brings in money to do other bigger
projects but I just don't I don't enjoy
doing stuff in such a busy way I think
it takes the creativity out of me and it
takes the Artistry out of the things
that I'm doing and I think that's why I
get so burnt out on doing what I'm doing
a lot of the time
but yeah just so you know I have been a
minute to midnight closer than people
even realize so that tweet where I was
like man I have been doing it a thir of
my life and people are like oh dear God
no not you to it was closer than it
wasn't to me just being like yeah I'm
done I'm leaving I I don't really want
to do this anymore and the more I do it
the more I understand Jenna
Marbles and why she left um and it is
kind of like a
tantalizing thought but I do think I
have more stuff that I want to get done
and more things that I want to do with
my time and I I have that personality
where I always want to create
but I don't enjoy it all the time it's
not even a case of like it's as fun as
you make it I just think the personality
type that I have and the way my brain
works struggles quite a bit with just
existing and lumping stuff on top of it
where so many people have access to me
is something that I wasn't really
prepared for and I'm only now learning
how to deal with but therapy's been
great and medication has been great and
going to my doctor about my anx
anxieties has been great I'm even trying
like new inhalers right now and it's
causing me to like Tremor all the time
and my health over the last few years
has been dog [ __ ] where my asthma's been
bad I get migraines now that I've never
gotten before my eyesight had issues and
my doctor was like it's probably because
you sit at a computer all the time I'm
like maybe I shouldn't be doing that so
but just so you know that's where I'm at
the people you watch online and the
people you look up to and the people
that you're watching on movies and
everything are not bulletproof but I'm
also very well aware of the privilege
and the position I'm in and I don't want
to ever seem like I'm ungrateful for
what I'm doing it's just it's hard to do
it comes with a lot more than just
putting in the hours and getting stuff
done and I do really care about the
audience that have AC crude and I want
to connect more with you guys again I'm
All or Nothing where I like dump myself
completely into my audience and then
it's very parasocial and then it gets to
me or I'm completely absent and I I'm
using this year as kind of a way of
bridging that Gap a bit more and the
fromsoft games all-in-one video idea has
been really fun to do and I I quite
enjoy that and like the Happy Wheels all
in one video for April fools was a
really fun idea to do so I want to do
more stuff like that where I'm not sort
of overthinking what I'm doing and
second guessing everything and then
committing to stuff that I end up
regretting later I don't know anyway my
mind's a mess and I don't really know
how to deal with it most of the time but
hopefully some of you out there can can
relate to it and maybe other YouTubers
can relate to it as well I don't really
have anything else to say I've probably
missed out on a lot of the stuff that I
prepare to talk about and once I start
talking I can't bring my thoughts all
into a cohesive Manner and it's up to my
Editor to fix this thank you editor
hopefully this was interesting to watch
okay bye-bye now
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