SNL Weekend Update BRUTALLY MOCKS Trump Waving at Migrants & McConnell Stepping Down
Summary
TLDRThis video script presents a comedic take on current events, featuring satirical commentary on political figures and societal issues. From President Biden's unexpected visit to the southern border alongside Trump, leading to humorous insights on immigration policies, to light-hearted jabs at public figures like Nick Cannon's Disneyland expenses and Mitch McConnell's political career. The script also touches on controversial topics with a mix of humor and sarcasm, such as racial issues in America, climate change priorities, and the dynamics of gender and politics. It cleverly wraps up with witty observations on cultural phenomena, ensuring viewers are entertained while reflecting on the absurdities of modern life.
Takeaways
- 😂 President Biden and Trump coincidentally visited the southern border on the same day, humorously described as the setup for an odd romantic comedy.
- 👩⚕️ A new report indicates that the gender death gap is widening, with men dying an average of 6 years before women, humorously attributed to men dying a bit every time they listen to boring stories.
- 💸 Nick Cannon spends up to $200,000 yearly taking his 12 children to Disneyland, humorously criticized as a commentary on the discomfort of condoms.
- 🌎 President Biden expresses willingness to shut down the border if granted the power by Congress, showcased as an unexpected policy shift.
- 👨🏻🎓 The Biden campaign's efforts to appeal to Black voters amid declining support are humorously depicted, with a joke about only having support from Obama's white half.
- 🚩 Mitch McConnell's decision to step down as the Republican leader in the Senate is humorously tied to his long political career and a fictional fiddle contest loss to the devil.
- 🚶 New York Mayor Eric Adams's denial of illegal donations humorously described with a reference to a flying carpet.
- 🌏 John Kerry stepping down as US climate envoy to focus on Biden's re-election campaign is humorously considered a sign of the campaign being a bigger emergency than climate change.
- 💃 A woman in Utah competing in the Mrs. World beauty pageant shortly after giving birth to her eighth child is humorously presented as unable to resist crowning experiences.
- 🦄 A humorous take on Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith blocking a bill on IVF in Mississippi, with a joke about conception difficulties and cousins.
Q & A
What was the key event mentioned in the script that both President Biden and Donald Trump coincidentally attended?
-According to the script, both President Biden and Donald Trump coincidentally visited the southern border on the same day, which is described as 'the setup for the weirdest romcom of all time.'
What significant statistic was mentioned regarding the gender death gap?
-The script mentions that a new report shows the gender death gap is rising, with men dying an average of 6 years before women.
What surprising revelation did Nick Cannon make about his expenses related to his children?
-Nick Cannon revealed that he spends up to $200,000 every year taking all 12 of his children to Disneyland.
What drastic policy change did President Biden reportedly consider regarding immigration?
-According to the script, President Biden made a drastic change in his immigration policy, saying he would be willing to shut down the border if given the power by Congress.
What controversial statement did Nikki Haley make on Fox News regarding racism in America?
-In an interview on Fox News, Nikki Haley said that America has 'never been a racist country' because if Americans were so racist, 'why do they have sex with their slaves?'
What announcement did Disney make regarding the Frozen franchise?
-Disney announced that they'll be making two more sequels to Frozen, but the script jokes that by the time they come out, 'the only thing Frozen will be Elsa's eggs.'
What significant announcement did Mitch McConnell make regarding his role in the Senate?
-Mitch McConnell announced that he will step down as the Republican leader in the Senate after almost 20 years in that position.
What allegation did New York mayor Eric Adams respond to regarding donations from Turkey?
-Eric Adams responded to allegations that he accepted illegal donations from Turkey, saying he has 'not been accused of wrongdoing and I will continue to cooperate.'
What medical incident involving Mitch McConnell was mentioned in the script?
-The script mentions that Mitch McConnell appeared to freeze up and become unresponsive on two occasions but claims to have recovered, although 'suspiciously he made the comments while being held up by two guys in beachwear.'
What controversial image did Donald Trump post involving Nikki Haley?
-Donald Trump posted an image of Nikki Haley made up to look like Hillary Clinton, and the script comments that it 'couldn't tell if it was bad Photoshop or a good picture of Mark Cubin in a wig.'
Outlines
🤣 Border Crisis, Gender Gap, and Controversial Remarks
This paragraph covers several current events and controversial topics. It highlights President Biden's visit to the southern border, where he witnessed the influx of migrants, criminals, and rapists. It also mentions President Trump coincidentally visiting the border on the same day. The paragraph then shifts to discussing the rising gender death gap, with men dying an average of 6 years earlier than women. It also includes Nick Cannon's revelation about spending $200,000 annually to take his 12 children to Disneyland. The paragraph touches on Biden's potential change in immigration policy, his campaign's efforts to appeal to Black voters, and Nikki Haley's controversial statement about America never being a racist country.
🗣️ Political Transitions and Retirement Plans
This paragraph focuses on various political figures and their retirement or transition plans. It discusses John Kerry stepping down as the US climate envoy to focus on President Biden's re-election campaign. It also mentions Mitch McConnell's announcement of stepping down as the Republican leader in the Senate after almost 20 years in the role. The paragraph touches on allegations against New York mayor Eric Adams regarding illegal donations from Turkey. Additionally, it covers Mitch McConnell's stance on threats from Donald Trump regarding his Senate leadership position, portraying McConnell in humorous and satirical scenarios.
🌍 Global Issues and Societal Trends
This paragraph covers a range of global issues and societal trends. It discusses President Biden's campaign fundraising efforts and his narrow avoidance of tripping on Air Force One. It also mentions a woman in Utah competing in a beauty pageant shortly after giving birth to her eighth child. The paragraph touches on topics like surrogate motherhood, Nikki Haley's potential presidential campaign, and Donald Trump's sale of limited edition gold sneakers. It also covers President Biden's call for an assault weapon ban in the wake of the Nashville shooting, as well as his annual physical at Walter Reed Medical Center. Additionally, it mentions issues faced by Tesla owners during sub-zero temperatures and a man trapped in an airplane bathroom. The paragraph also includes references to Mitt Romney's stance on voting for Donald Trump over Joe Biden and a study on the impact of screens on children's emotional control.
🗽 Miscellaneous Events and Trends
This paragraph is a collection of miscellaneous events and trends. It covers a new trend among parents choosing baby names that sound like TikTok handles, the death of the beloved owl Flo from the Central Park Zoo, and an apology from Michigan State after an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a stadium video board. It also mentions Southwest Airlines introducing a new feature to track bags, a separate St. Patrick's Day parade on Staten Island welcoming LGBTQ groups, and a report on the future global population. Additionally, the paragraph includes viral photos, such as a 98-year-old woman meeting her great-great-great-grandchild and KFC's introduction of a fried chicken and pizza combo. It also touches on a study finding New York City rats carrying COVID-19, a woman convicted of throwing a burrito bowl at a Chipotle worker, and a British woman blaming her actions on feeling menopausal.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Border Crisis
💡Gender Gap
💡Nick Cannon
💡Immigration Policy
💡Racial Issues
💡Political Rivalries
💡Physical Aging
💡Social Controversies
💡Political Satire
💡Inappropriate Humor
Highlights
President Biden visited the southern border on Thursday and was horrified to discover it is being swarmed by criminals and rapists.
A new report shows that the gender death Gap is rising with men dying an average of 6 years before women which is, yeah it's actually scientific proof that men are actually dying a little every time we have to listen to your boring ass stories.
Nick Cannon revealed that he spends up to $200,000 every year taking all 12 of his children to Disneyland that's how bad condoms feel.
President Biden made a drastic change in his immigration policy saying he would be willing to shut down the Border if giving the power by Congress.
The Biden campaign is trying to appeal to Black voters as polls show their support for Biden has declined, it's getting so bad he now only has support from Obama's White half.
John krey announced that he is stepping down as the US climate invoy, and is expected to focus on President Biden's re-election campaign and it's not a great sign that Biden's campaign is a bigger emergency than climate change.
In an interview on Fox News, presidential candidate Nikki Haley said, that America has quote never been a racist country because if Americans were so racist why do they have sex with their slaves.
Disney announced that they'll be making two more sequels to Frozen but by the time they come out the only thing Frozen will be Elsa's eggs.
Mitch McConnell announced that he will step down as the Republican leader in the Senate, McConnell has been leader for almost 20 years but he first got involved in politics back in 1968 when he lost a fiddle contest to the devil.
Many are saying he is leaving because of his bad relationship with Donald Trump but come on just because you hate somebody does it mean you can't still have a very successful working relationship with them, I almost feel like that was about me.
Mitch McConnell seen here watching someone get injured at the Special Olympics said that he is not concerned with threats Donald Trump makes at his rally to remove him as Senate minority leader in fact McConnell says the threats make him laugh harder than his favorite comedy show.
Mitch McConnell seen here watching the bank foreclose on a single mother, says that he has completely recovered after two incidents where he appeared to freeze up and become unresponsive but suspiciously he made the comments while being held up by two guys in Beachwear.
It was reported that President Biden's campaign ended its January fundraising with 56 million in the bank, now if he can only remember his ATM code while boarding Air Force One this week Biden narrowly avoided tripping and falling on the stairs again and in instead did a forward roll before inviting everyone inside the Chocolate Factory.
A woman in Utah who gave birth to her eighth child just two weeks ago is competing in the Mrs World beauty pageant I guess she just can't get enough crowning.
Republican senator Cindy hymith blocked a bill that would protect access to invitro fertilization because as they say in Mississippi if you're having trouble conceiving just try with a different cousin.
Transcripts
Michael
Chay I'm Colin
Joe President Biden visited the southern
border on Thursday and was horrified to
discover it is being swarmed by
criminals and
rapists that's right both Biden and
Trump coincidentally visited the border
on the same day which sounds like the
setup for the weirdest romcom of all
time a new report shows that the gender
death Gap is rising with men dying an
average of 6 years before women which is
yeah it's actually scientific proof that
men are actually dying a little every
time we have to listen to your boring
ass
[Applause]
stor Nick Cannon
revealed that he spends up to
$200,000 every year taking all 12 of his
children to Disneyland that's how bad
condoms
feel my my favorite part of the visit
was when Trump who looks good Behind
Bars by the
way finally came face to face with his
sworn enemies the migrants and he had a
pretty harsh message for them take a
look they like Trump could you
believe hey
President Biden made a drastic change in
his immigration policy saying he would
be willing to shut down the Border if
giving the power by Congress is the kind
of unexpected shift in Direction Biden
usually only makes in the middle of a
sentence the Biden campaign is trying to
appeal to Black voters as polls show
their support for Biden has declined
it's getting so bad he now only has
support from Obama's White
half
they like Trump could you believe
it no I can't believe it the migrants
don't like you they just walked a
thousand miles to get to edge of this
River and they're probably thinking is
that weirdo in a trump costume waving us
into the
country John krey announced that he is
stepping down as the US climate invoy
and is expected to focus on President
Biden's re-election campaign and it's
not a great sign that Biden's campaign
is a bigger emergency than climate
change in an interview on Fox News
presidential candidate Nikki Haley said
that America has quote never been a
racist country because if Americans were
so racist why do they have sex with
their
slaves that was in confidence Disney
Disney announced that they'll be making
two more sequels to Frozen but by the
time they come out the only thing Frozen
will be Elsa's
eggs
she wants a
career
what Mitch McConnell seen here catching
up on news from the Middle
East announced that he
will announced that he will step down as
the Republican leader in the Senate
McConnell has been leader for almost 20
years but he first got involved in
politics back in 1968 when he lost a
fiddle contest to the
devil he going to win yeah
New York mayor Eric Adams responded to
allegations that he accepted illegal
donations from Turkey saying I have not
been accused of wrongdoing and I will
continue to cooperate then he put on his
Fez and sped away on a flying
carpet many are saying he is leaving
because of his bad relationship with
Donald Trump but come on just because
you hate somebody does it mean you can't
still have a very successful working
relationship with them
I almost feel like that was about
me Senator Mitch McConnell seen here
watching someone get injured at the
Special
[Applause]
Olympics said that he is not concerned
with threats Donald Trump makes at his
rally to remove him as Senate minority
leader in fact McConnell says the
threats make him laugh harder than his
favorite comedy show
dmer Mitch
McConnell Mitch McConnell seen here
walking out of a theater after watching
12 Years a
Slave Mitch Mitch McConnell seen here
watching the bank foreclose on a single
mother
says says that he has completely
recovered after two incidents where he
appeared to freeze up and become
unresponsive but suspicious he
spe but suspiciously he made the
comments while being held up by two guys
in
Beachwear announc announced he will step
down in November he'll be replaced by
the current number two Republican in the
Senate a frozen embryo holding an
assault rifle
Mitch McConnell seen here after
rearranging a blind woman's
Furniture it was reported that President
Biden's campaign ended its January
fundraising with 56 million in the bank
now if he can only remember his ATM
code while boarding Air Force One this
week Biden narrowly avoided tripping and
falling on the stairs again and in
instead did a forward roll before
inviting everyone inside the Chocolate
Factory G gave a moving speech on the
senate floor announcing his retirement
which Honestly made me start to admire
Mitch McConnell seen here watching a
single mother sell her blood for diaper
money a woman in Utah who gave birth to
her eighth child just two weeks ago is
competing in the Mrs World beauty
pageant I guess she just can't get
enough
crowning Miss Mississippi Republican
senator Cindy hymith blocked a bill that
would protect access to invitro
fertilization because as they say in
Mississippi if you're having trouble
conceiving just try with a different
cousin
Donald Trump posted an image of Nikki
Haley made up to look like Hillary
Clinton and honestly I couldn't tell if
it was bad Photoshop or a good picture
of Mark cubin in a
wig Pope Francis called for a ban on
surrogate motherhood which he says
violates the Dignity of the woman and
the child plus the Catholic Church
doesn't want extra kids around while
they're trying to
quit after Nikki Haley's poror showing
in Michigan pressure is mounting for her
to drop out of the race but mostly
because the dishes are piling up at
home Donald Trump announced he is
selling limited edition gold sneakers
for $400 you can check them out on the
feed of the guy getting dragged off your
flight and the waake in the wake of the
Nashville shooting President Biden once
again called on Congress to pass an
assault weapon ban or hear me out
stoping Frisk for
whites how long before these kids earn a
stereotype thank you thank you thank you
President Biden went to Walter Reed
Medical Center for his annual physical
doctors said Biden was fit as a fiddle
in that he's old timey and held together
by
strings Tesla owners are complaining
that during the Sub-Zero temperatures
that swept through the country they
couldn't get their cars to charge but on
the plus side they were able to stay
warm in the battery
fires a man on a plane in India who was
trapped in the bathroom for the whole
flight says the crew slipped him a piece
of paper reading do not panic then he
slipped them a piece of paper back
reading more paper
please
a 25-year-old from Florida will become
the first gen Z member of Congress
younger said Matt
gates in an interview Senator Mitt
Romney said that he will not vote for
Donald Trump over Joe Biden now some of
you may remember Mitt
Romney a new studies found that using
screens to stop a child's Tantrums can
harm their ability to control their
emotions the study is titled Elon
Musk last month Beyonce posted a photo
on Instagram of herself in a chrome
Versace dress and platinum blonde hair
that many people online described as too
white in fact Beyonce looked so white
that I was finally attracted to
her
a new report shows that South Korea now
has the world's lowest birth rate
despite the efforts of South Korean
Entertainer Nick
canun Nick Nick yeah I know we got heard
you according to a new poll 57% of New
Yorkers agree with mayor Adams's claim
that the migrant crisis could definitely
destroy the city well I don't know in my
building the migrants fix
everything maybe you guys not living
around a new a new trend among parents
is to choose baby names that sound cool
as Tik Tock handles great news for
little baby trickshot Co
hoax Flo the Beloved owl that escaped
from the Central Park Zoo died last week
after he flew into a building Flo will
be remembered for his famous last words
oh cool another
owl Michigan State apologized after an
image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a
stadium video board at a football game
even more upsetting it was during the
kiss
cam Southwest Airlines is introduced a
new feature on its app that lets
passengers track their bags Southwest
why don't you tell us where your bag
is Staten Island
officials Staten Island officials are
holding a separate St Patrick's Day
Parade that will welcome lgbtq groups
who are banned from the official parade
cuz sadly on Staten Island lgbtq stands
for let's go bully the
queers I know that's a that's a that's
not what it should stand
for I feel
attached according to a new report by
2035 more than half of the world's
population will be just how I like him a
photo a photo has gone
viral of a 98-year-old woman in Kentucky
meeting her first great great great
grandchild well I wish I had gotten to
meet my great great great grandmother so
I could have told her don't get on that
boat KFC has introduced a new item
that's a combo of fried chicken and
Pizza called cheet though they warn it
could also cause a combo reaction called
vomaria a new study claims fremon
California is the happiest city in
America while the saddest city in
America is once again puppy grave
[Applause]
Indiana which incidentally is the
favorite vacation spot of Mitch
McConnell
Wednesday was International women's day
I said was next joke a new study
finds a new study finds that some New
York City rats carry the virus that
causes covid which is why I always order
mine well
done March is women's History Month
which
is
W which is always nice except for that
one week where it's a huge
remember when you cheered from the
beginning a woman in
Ohio convicted of throwing a burrito
bowl at a Chipotle worker has been
sentenced to spend 2 months working in
fast food restaurants fast food where
your job is other people people's
[Applause]
jail
Michael a British woman who was arrested
for keying several parked cars blamed
her actions on quote feeling
menopausal incidentally feeling menop
pule was also the working title of and
just like
that tomorrow is the New York City
marathon or as Fox News will report it
un documented Africans one wild in
streets of New
York Senator Mark Kelly defeated
Challenger Blake Masters in the Arizona
Senate race Masters can now return to
his true passion of I'm going to guess
strangling
hitchhikers President Biden said that he
plans to run again in 2024 but won't
make a final decision until early next
year because it's like his doctor told
him I wouldn't plan too far
ahead
for
is
some
for
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)
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