Intel's Battle Has Just Begun

our Tech news is gluten-free and organic

but it's far from crueltyfree we've been

keeping a clone of Mark Zuckerberg in a

cage under the studio for study we just

pad the wall so you can't hear him

trying to be relatable two new

mysterious Intel gpus have been spotted

on the soft Benchmark database and

enthusiasts are speculating they might

be a part of Intel's upcoming battl Mage

lineup of gaming graphics cards the

listing was spotted by Michael on

Twitter you know Michael who implied

that these chips may be more in the mid

or budget range given that their 8

megabytes of L2 cache and core counts of

20 and 24 Z cores respectively are

pretty low compared to Intel's existing

Alchemist gpus however both of the

alleged Battle Mages feature about 12 GB

of vram a configuration not shared by

any existing Intel gaming card but if

the leaked performance numbers are to be

believed what battle mage does share

with Alchemist is Underdog syndrome

because both of the leaked gpus

performed significantly worse than both

the ark a770 and a750 but they kind of

had to how else are they going to

generate headlines like new Intel driver

brings 120% performance boost in Octodad

back at CES 2024 Intel's Tom Peterson

said most of the Ark GPU team had

already moved on to the next Generation

code named Celestial with about 30% of

the team fine-tuning battle mage so it's

all ready to launch in Q2 2024 that's

this year unfortunately we have no idea

what he actually meant by that due to

the fact that Intel apparently made up

their own language in which some dates

translate to other dates that are 8

months later Florida has officially

passed a law Banning children under 14

from having social media accounts and

requiring 14 and 15year olds to have

parental consent before joining the ban

isn't guaranteed to go into effect

similar laws have been passed in Utah

and Arkansas requiring parental

permission for anyone under 18 to access

social media but these have been met

with significant legal challenges that's

not just because there's a lot of

corporate money riding on this issue but

also because requiring users to provide

official documents for age verification

in order to access Facebook is arguably

a pretty substantial burden on their

First Amendment right to freedom of

assembly and speech Florida legislators

hope to avoid some of these hurdles by

focusing on The Addictive features

endemic to social media platforms rather

than the content that they contain

children are vulnerable and there's a

strong argument that social media is

harmful to them I mean just look at what

it's doing to their parents gangs of

moms roaming the streets they've been

radicalized that's only partially a joke

the new law also contains language that

would require similar age verification

systems for accessing adult websites

something which numerous other states

have already done and which has been

criticized by entities like who else

PornHub for potentially pushing users to

sketchier and sketchier sites rather

than actually preventing children from

accessing pornography it's unclear

however if the same principle applies to

social media whether 12-year-olds who

can't participate in the latest Tik Tok

Trend will simply turn to obscure

underground social media Rings just to

get their fix yeah like Twitter speaking

of Snapchat according to recently

unsealed documents between 2016 and 2019

Facebook had a secret program called

project Ghostbusters where it spied on

network traffic from Snapchat and later

Amazon and YouTube the documents were

revealed as part of the discovery phase

in a California class action lawsuit

accusing meta of using deceptive

practices to collect user information

back in 2016 Facebook was apparently

looking to get an advantage over its

competition by studying how users

interacted with rival companies of

course those companies used encryption

which was very inconsiderate of them so

instead Facebook got its VPN like

subsidiary onavo to create a wiretapping

tool for Android and iOS that could be

used to intercept and decrypt data from

search

subdomains you know totally cool

stuff is this malware I need somebody to

tell me if this is malware to quote

Pedro canahuati Facebook's then head of

security engineering I can't think of a

good argument for why this is okay onavo

incidentally shut down in 2019 after it

was uncovered that they were secretly

paying teenagers to use the service in

order to spy on them

and meta thought that Rebrand worked

hey yes we spied on teenagers but we

paid them meta did not respond to

requests for comment as at press time

Mark Zuckerberg was busy emailing

employees in Google's AI division asking

them if they want to be his friends

instead we give him Wi-Fi access oh wait

no we have a clone it's not the real one

Speaking of friends speaking of friends

R and I aren't but ug Green's nyn dxp

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after we're not friends stop inviting me

to I didn't want to say this in front of

the quick bits but during the sponsor

break the Zucker clone 8 Linus Google

has officially released a native version

of Chrome for arm-based Windows PCS 2

months after an early version was

spotted in Chrome's experimental Canary

channel the release comes ahead of this

Summer's expected release of Microsoft

Surface devices powered by by qualcomm's

much anticipated Snapdragon X Elite

chips or so the rumors go now users of

arm-powered Windows devices like the

Surface Pro X can also experience the

speed of Google's browser and the

ensuing popups begging them to use Bing

tiny Corp has decided to make both AMD

and Nvidia versions of its Tiny Box AI

server the company initially wanted to

exclusively use amd's radon RX 7900 XTX

criticizing nvidia's price and the

closed Source nature of Cuda but after

running into multiple driver and

firmware issues using amd's cards tiny

Corp are now also selling Team Green

tiny boxes you can save 10 grand by

going with the AMD version though

provided you quote like to Tinker and

feel pain finally a win for masochists

the exact opposite of what masochists

want a they hate this but they love it

ah it's perfect a judge has ruled that

the SEC can proceed in its lawsuit

against cryp exchange coinbase for

allegedly trading in the unregistered

sale of financial securities though in

this case the allegedly is less about

whether or not the crypto that coinbase

sells is unregistered and more about

whether or not crypto is a type of

Financial Security and thus subject to

SEC regulation coinbase's Chief legal

officer Paul Gall has stated that the

company will continue to fight the SEC

in court and that they are confident in

their legal arguments arguments such as

these aren't secur

because the buyer doesn't gain any

rights like they do when they buy stocks

and cryptocurrencies are just

Collectibles like Beanie Babies I think

people used to call those Investments

too canva Inc has acquired the Affinity

design Suite which is a lot like Adobe

if Adobe wasn't an overpriced

subscription con job

okay it's true since its release

Affinity has offered Perpetual licenses

to customers under the crazy belief that

people should own what they pay for what

are you doing what are you talking about

but the buyou from canva has some users

afraid the software will switch to an

adobe like subscription model canva has

since pledged that Perpetual licenses

for Affinity will always be offered and

you can trust them because no company

not a single one has ever broken a

promise they've made in the past go

ahead name

100,000 and Amazon released a report

detailing its fight against counterfeit

products which had the perhap perhaps

unintended consequence of also revealing

just how bad the site's counterfeiting

problem really is according to Amazon

they blocked over 700,000 suspicious

attempts to create seller accounts and

identified over 7 million counterfeit

products last year up from 2 million in

2020 as part of these efforts Amazon has

partnered with Brands and law

enforcement both foreign and domestic

it's honestly even got me nervous given

my lucrative side hustle in

Handbags and la la lemon leggings they

just go with my style I mean they're

you're so oh you are a Googy guy and

you should side hustle on back this

Friday for more Tech news now come quick

or it'll get cold the Zucker clone it's

Escape

no he's still hungry okay nice job guys

um can we just oh my God what the