The dumbest things I've ever bought for this channel

Drew Gooden
27 May 202420:11

Summary

TLDRIn this humorous and reflective video, the creator revisits past online purchases, ranging from the useless to the surprisingly useful. He humorously critiques products like the 'Tile' tracker that failed to live up to its promises, and praises others like the transformative bidet. The video also features a charity auction of these items, with proceeds going to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund, showcasing the creator's blend of comedy and social consciousness.

Takeaways

  • 😄 The video's host is known for buying and reviewing various online products, often with humorous complaints about their quality or usefulness.
  • 🏠 The host has decided to auction off many of these products and donate the proceeds to charity, as they take up space and are not needed for emergencies.
  • 🔍 The video revisits past purchases, highlighting some that the host still uses and others that have become obsolete or disappeared altogether.
  • 📱 The Tile, a device meant to help find lost items, was criticized for its unreliability and short lifespan, despite its positive reviews on the app.
  • 🧘 The host found a simple solution to the Tile's intended purpose by placing their wallet in a consistent spot at home, rather than relying on technology.
  • 🛋️ A positive review was given to a roadwork ahead tapestry purchased from Redbubble, appreciated for its minimalist design and honest advertising.
  • 🚽 The host highly recommends a bidet as a life-changing purchase, advocating for better hygiene and a more environmentally friendly alternative to wet wipes.
  • 🎮 The 'Chirp Wheel' was initially met with lukewarm reception but has become a daily use item for the host, showcasing its effectiveness for back relief.
  • 👟 The Kizik shoes were praised for their convenience and hands-free design, although the host noted they could be more comfortable.
  • 🌐 Opera browser was endorsed for its built-in AI tool, ad blocker, and other features that streamline the browsing experience.
  • 👕 The 'Work Wonnie', a business-casual attire in one piece, was humorously criticized for its impracticality and the company's failed attempts to stay in business.
  • 🥾 The Moonwalker shoes, an expensive and impractical product, were criticized for their high cost and limited functionality.
  • 🧪 Products like Tom Brady's bundle were called out for being overpriced and offering little to no real value to the consumer.
  • 🚫 The host expresses frustration with companies that exploit anxiety, selling overpriced, ineffective products and using manipulative marketing tactics.
  • 🗑️ The video concludes with a decision to stop giving attention to certain products and companies that have proven to be disappointing or unethical.

Q & A

  • What is the main purpose of the video?

    -The main purpose of the video is to revisit past purchases made by the content creator, discuss their usefulness, and announce an auction to donate the proceeds to charity.

  • What is the creator's opinion on the Tile product mentioned in the script?

    -The creator is disappointed with the Tile product, stating that it never worked properly and was dead within a year, despite being advertised to last three years.

  • Why does the creator criticize the Tile's business model?

    -The creator criticizes the Tile's business model because it requires a yearly subscription for basic features like a warranty and customer service, instead of providing these with the initial purchase.

  • What is the alternative solution the creator found for the wallet problem after the Tile failed?

    -The creator's alternative solution to the wallet problem was to consistently place the wallet in the same spot every time they come home.

  • What is the creator's opinion on the 'Roadwork Ahead' tapestry from Redbubble?

    -The creator finds the tapestry's design to be modest and understated, but also criticizes it for being blurry and overpriced, suggesting it's a poor value for the money.

  • What is the significance of the bidet in the creator's life?

    -The bidet is considered by the creator as the best purchase they've made for the channel, marking a significant change in their life and advocating for better butt hygiene.

  • What is the creator's stance on wet wipes as an alternative to bidets?

    -The creator advises against using wet wipes, stating they clog sewers, cause problems, and are a waste of money compared to the long-term savings offered by a bidet.

  • What is the creator's view on the Chirp Wheel?

    -The creator initially had a lukewarm reaction to the Chirp Wheel, but later found it to be useful almost every day, despite not recommending the specific brand or bundle they purchased.

  • How does the creator feel about the Kizik shoes?

    -The creator appreciates the convenience of the Kizik shoes for quick errands, but notes that they are not as comfortable as they had hoped, especially after extended wear.

  • What is the purpose of the auction mentioned in the video?

    -The purpose of the auction is to sell off the creator's collection of items, with all proceeds going to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund to support aid efforts in Gaza.

  • Why does the creator decide to stop mentioning the Moon Pod company?

    -The creator decides to stop mentioning the Moon Pod company because they feel their negative attention might be inadvertently helping the company's name recognition and they believe the fight is unfair.

  • What is the creator's final decision regarding the CalmiGo product?

    -The creator decides not to include the CalmiGo in the auction due to concerns about bacteria buildup and instead plans to dispose of it in the trash.

  • What is the creator's humorous intention with the items listed on eBay?

    -The creator humorously intends to outbid everyone in the auction to keep all the items for themselves, despite the stated purpose of the auction.

Outlines

00:00

🛍️ Online Purchases and Charitable Auction

The speaker introduces themselves as someone who frequently buys items online and makes videos to critique them. They mention an unexpected consequence of this habit: accumulating a lot of 'dumb garbage'. Instead of discarding these items, the speaker decides to auction them off and donate the proceeds to charity. This will give the products a chance to do some good for the first time. The video also serves as a platform to revisit past purchases, discuss their current status, and express strong feelings about certain items. The first product discussed is a 'tile', bought to solve the problem of misplaced wallets, which unfortunately did not work as intended and is now completely dead.

05:01

🤔 Reflections on Product Reviews and Personal Preferences

The speaker reflects on their experience with various products they've purchased, including a tile that failed to meet expectations, a counterfeit pillow from Redbubble, and a roadwork tapestry that was as low-quality as anticipated. They also discuss a highly praised bidet, which they consider a life-changing purchase, and compare it to wet wipes, which they advise against due to environmental concerns. The speaker also mentions other products like the 'chirp wheel' for back relief, a whiteboard, and 'Kizik' shoes, which have their pros and cons. They emphasize that their reviews are genuine and not sponsored, and they appreciate when companies respond positively to their feedback, as it shows customer care.

10:02

👕 The Rise and Fall of the Work Wonnie

The speaker talks about the 'Work Wonnie', a unique garment designed for the transition between work and leisure. They express disappointment that the company behind this product no longer exists, possibly due to the shift towards remote work or the impracticality of the product's design. Despite the company's attempt to revive the product following the speaker's initial video, it ultimately failed. The speaker humorously suggests that their Work Wonnie has become a rare item and introduces it as the first auction item of the night, promising to wash it before sending it to the winner.

15:03

🥾 Moonwalker Shoes and Other Memorable Products

The speaker reviews a variety of products, including a helmet designed for the early days of the pandemic, the expensive Moonwalker shoes, and Tom Brady's bundle of products, which ranged from a cookbook to resistance bands. They also mention a category of 'forgettable' products that had no significant impact on their life. The speaker expresses skepticism about the future of the Moonwalker company due to its high prices and lack of recent activity on social media. They also criticize the marketing tactics of companies that prey on people's anxiety by selling overpriced 'brain vibrators', which they argue are ineffective and exploitative.

20:03

🤬 Surrenders and Auctions for Charity

The speaker declares their surrender in a long-standing feud with the Moon Pod company, which they believe has used their negative attention to bolster its brand. They vow to stop mentioning the company and focus on a charity auction instead. They list various products on eBay, with all proceeds going to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund. The speaker also pledges to match the total amount raised. They jokingly state their intention to outbid everyone in the auction to keep the items for themselves, ending the video on a humorous note and encouraging viewers to subscribe and like the video.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Tile

A 'tile' in the context of the video refers to a small device that can be attached or placed inside items like wallets to help locate them using a smartphone app. The video's theme revolves around the review of various products, and the tile is one such product that the creator bought and reviewed due to his frequent issue with misplaced items. The tile is supposed to connect to the user's device from up to a hundred feet away, but the creator found it ineffective, as it could only provide a vague location and failed to work as advertised.

💡Counterfeit Merchandise

Counterfeit merchandise refers to goods that are made to resemble well-known brands or products but are not genuine. In the video, the creator discusses purchasing counterfeit items from Redbubble, a platform that the creator humorously suggests is based on this business model. The creator reviews a pillow and a tapestry with the 'Road Work Ahead' design, which he bought as a part of this counterfeit merchandise, highlighting the low quality and deceptive advertising of these products.

💡Bidet

A bidet is a toilet accessory that uses water to clean the user's perianal area after using the toilet, as an alternative to toilet paper. The video's creator considers the bidet he purchased for his channel as one of the best things he has ever bought, marking a significant change in his life. The creator humorously argues against the stigma around bidets and promotes them as a better option for hygiene and cost-effectiveness compared to wet wipes and toilet paper.

💡Yoga Wheel

A yoga wheel is a fitness tool used in yoga and Pilates to assist with stretching and strengthening exercises. The video's creator mentions the 'chirp wheel,' which is a type of yoga wheel, as a product he uses almost daily and finds beneficial for his back. The creator suggests that the shape of the wheel fits well with his body, indicating that the yoga wheel has become a valuable addition to his fitness routine.

💡Whiteboard

A whiteboard is a writable board with a smooth, white surface, often used for presentations, brainstorming sessions, or note-taking. The creator of the video purchased a whiteboard with the initial intention of using it for a single video. However, he found it useful enough to use in multiple videos, thus providing good value for his purchase. The whiteboard serves as an example of a practical item that has become a regular part of the creator's video-making process.

💡Work Wonnie

The 'Work Wonnie' is a humorous and fictional product mentioned in the video, which is a play on the concept of business casual attire. It refers to a garment that combines a professional top with casual bottoms, specifically sweatpants. The creator uses the term to poke fun at the idea of combining work and leisure attire, reflecting the video's theme of reviewing unusual or impractical products.

💡Moonwalker Shoes

Moonwalker shoes, as mentioned in the video, are an expensive and futuristic product that allows the user to 'walk' on air with the help of a motorized mechanism. The creator positions these shoes as one of the most expensive products he has reviewed, highlighting their limited practical use and the company's questionable marketing strategy. The shoes represent an example of a product that may have novelty value but lacks in practicality and affordability.

💡Anxiety Relief Products

Anxiety relief products in the video refer to a category of items designed to help alleviate anxiety or stress, such as the Mendi, Sensate, and CalmiGo devices. The creator criticizes these products for their high prices and lack of effectiveness, accusing the companies of exploiting people's mental health concerns for profit. These products exemplify the video's theme of scrutinizing items that are marketed as beneficial but may not deliver on their promises.

💡Auction

An auction, in the context of the video, is a public sale method where goods are sold to the highest bidder. The creator plans to auction off the products he has reviewed, with all proceeds going to charity. This action reflects the creator's intention to give these items a 'loving home' and to do some good with the products that have been a source of content for his videos. The auction also serves as a way for the creator to engage his audience and contribute to a charitable cause.

💡Minimalism

Minimalism is a lifestyle trend where individuals strive to own and use as few material possessions as possible, focusing on simplicity and essential items. The video's creator reflects on his accumulation of various products and how it contrasts with the minimalist philosophy. He suggests that the clutter from his purchases has led him to reconsider the value of owning many items, aligning with the theme of evaluating the usefulness and necessity of the products he reviews.

💡Moon Pod

The Moon Pod is a beanbag chair that the video creator has a strong negative opinion about, considering it overpriced and of poor quality. The creator's 'vendetta' against the Moon Pod is a recurring theme in the video, where he expresses his frustration with the product and the company's marketing tactics. The Moon Pod serves as an example of a product that the creator finds infuriating due to its perceived lack of value and deceptive sales practices.

Highlights

The creator of the video has a humorous approach to reviewing products they've bought online, often with a critical slant.

An unexpected outcome of making complaint videos is the accumulation of many 'dumb garbage' products.

The decision to auction off the reviewed products and donate the proceeds to charity is a way to give them a 'loving home'.

The creator revisits past purchases to discuss their continued use or the disappearance of the companies behind them.

A 'tile' product was bought to help locate a lost wallet but failed to work effectively, highlighting the gap between promise and performance.

The tile's app received many positive reviews, which contrasts with the creator's own negative experience.

The tile product died after less than a year, contradicting its advertised three-year lifespan.

The creator suggests that subscribing to a product's premium service might have provided a better experience and customer support.

A counterfeit 'Road Work Ahead' tapestry from Redbubble is both criticized for its poor quality and appreciated for its minimalist design.

A bidet, considered the best purchase for the channel, has significantly improved the creator's quality of life.

The video humorously criticizes the stigma around bidets and the environmental impact of wet wipes.

The 'Chirp Wheel', initially received with lukewarm interest, has become a daily use item for the creator.

The creator recommends the 'Chirp Wheel' but advises against the specific bundle they purchased, suggesting cheaper alternatives.

A whiteboard, initially thought to be a one-time use item, has proven to be valuable in multiple videos.

Kizik shoes, easily put on without using hands, received a positive review despite some comfort issues.

The creator's positive review of Kizik shoes led to the company sending them a free pair, demonstrating good customer service.

The video includes a sponsored segment for the Opera browser, highlighting its features and benefits.

The 'Work Wonnie', a business-leisure combo outfit, is both a rare item and a symbol of the work-from-home era.

The 'Microclimate Filtered Helmet' is a pandemic-era product that the creator still uses regularly.

The 'Moonwalker' shoes, a high-ticket item, are criticized for their price, noise, and limited availability.

Tom Brady's bundle of products is criticized for being overpriced and of questionable utility.

The creator expresses frustration with products that are forgettable or have no impact on their life.

The 'Moon Pod' beanbag chair is a recurring subject of criticism for its price, quality, and marketing tactics.

Anxiety-relief products like the 'CalmiGo' are called out for their high prices and lack of effectiveness.

The creator plans to auction off most of the products discussed in the video, with proceeds going to charity.

The video concludes with the creator jokingly planning to outbid everyone in the auction to keep the products.

Transcripts

00:00

- Hey, Bim Bim.

00:00

Guess what? I put you on a shirt again.

00:02

How does that make you feel? I think she likes it.

00:06

Hi, I'm that guy who buys a bunch of dumb garbage online

00:09

so I can make videos complaining

00:10

about all the dumb garbage I bought.

00:12

Well, it turns out an unexpected side effect

00:14

of these videos is that I now have in my possession

00:17

a bunch of dumb garbage.

00:19

But what do you expect me to do?

00:20

Just throw this away.

00:22

What if there's an emergency

00:23

and I need to use it for whatever it is that it does?

00:25

No, I decided if I'm gonna be getting rid

00:27

of all my hard-earned internet treasure,

00:29

I need to make sure it's going to a loving home.

00:31

I need to auction it off and donate all the proceeds

00:34

to charity, which means for most of these products,

00:37

it'll be the first time they've ever done anything good.

00:38

But I also wanted to use this video as an excuse

00:40

to revisit some of my past purchases,

00:42

talk about the things that I like and still use,

00:45

the companies that have gone on to disappear

00:47

from the face of the planet.

00:48

And also just some things I bought from online ads

00:50

in my own personal life that I've gone on to develop

00:53

strong feelings about is starting with this.

00:55

This thing is called a tile.

00:56

And I bought this a few years ago

00:58

because of how often I'd be about to leave the house

01:00

and then realize I don't know where I put my wallet.

01:02

So then I spent 10 minutes trying

01:04

to find it and now I'm running late.

01:05

'Cause I didn't think to just look in the pocket

01:07

of the last pair of pants I wore in the first place.

01:09

But what this thing is supposed to do is go inside

01:12

of your wallet so you can use an app that'll tell

01:15

you where it is.

01:16

And this would've been so helpful

01:19

if it ever worked even one time.

01:21

Now, whenever I tried to use this thing,

01:23

it would just say, searching.

01:27

Searching.

01:30

Shit, I don't know, man. I tried.

01:32

All it would ever be able to tell me

01:34

is that it was somewhere in my house,

01:36

which was usually the only bit of information I already had.

01:40

If you want us to tell you exactly where it is,

01:42

you're gonna have to get closer to it,

01:44

which obviously you can't do

01:46

because you don't know where closer is.

01:49

- [Announcer] Your tile can connect to your device

01:50

from up to a hundred feet away.

01:53

So if your tile is nearby,

01:54

but your app says it's out of range,

01:56

you might be a little bit confused.

01:58

- The only time it would ever play the sound

02:00

it was supposed to would be several minutes

02:02

after I had already found it.

02:03

Like I'd be in the car already driving

02:06

and my pants start playing a little song.

02:08

Hilarious comedic timing, no doubt.

02:10

But that's not what I spent $30 on.

02:12

Also, the reason I'm referring to this product

02:14

in the past tense is because as of last January,

02:18

it is completely dead.

02:19

There's no way to charge it.

02:21

There's not a battery I can change. It's just done.

02:24

It called in sick to work every day of its life

02:27

and then retired at the age of one.

02:30

It's advertised as lasting three years,

02:32

and I didn't even get half of that.

02:34

But what's really weird to me is that their app

02:36

has close to a million positive reviews.

02:40

Does this thing work for everyone but me?

02:43

In hindsight, it's probably my fault

02:45

for just buying a product and expecting it to work.

02:47

What I should have done is sign up for tile premium,

02:51

their yearly subscription service,

02:52

then I would've gotten a warranty,

02:54

then I would've gotten customer service.

02:56

How stupid of me to expect access to basic features

02:58

for just one $30 payment when I should have been paying $30

03:02

every year forever.

03:04

If you're wondering what my solution

03:05

to the wallet problem is, since this one didn't pan out,

03:08

I've just started putting it in the same spot

03:10

every time I come home.

03:11

Probably should have tried that first, huh?

03:12

Not everything I buy online is bad though.

03:14

There was a video I started working on a few years ago

03:16

where I was gonna review a bunch

03:18

of my counterfeit merch from Redbubble,

03:20

which is weirdly kind

03:21

of the entire business model of Redbubble.

03:23

And I never ended up making it,

03:25

but I did buy some of the things that I saw.

03:26

One of them is this beautiful pillow

03:29

that I've had in my office ever since.

03:31

Road work ahead. It's me.

03:33

Can you tell if you're wondering,

03:34

it's exactly as scratchy as it looks.

03:36

But the other thing I bought was something I was certain

03:38

was too good to be true.

03:39

A roadwork ahead tapestry.

03:41

Now, there were so many to choose from somehow

03:44

over 10,000, what the fuck?

03:48

But the one that caught my eye was this.

03:50

Never have I seen such efficient use of space on a product.

03:54

So modest, so understated.

03:56

This design has no desire to be the star of the show.

03:58

And I respect that.

04:00

But also I kind of assumed it was just an error

04:02

with the graphic on the website

04:03

and there's no way it would actually

04:05

look like that in real life, right?

04:06

No, it does. Now that's honest advertising.

04:09

And even with the graphic just taking up one inch of space,

04:11

it's still managed to be blurry as hell.

04:14

The PNG file they used for this was a screenshot

04:17

of a screenshot of a screenshot.

04:19

And for just $64, that's a steal,

04:23

in that they are stealing from anyone

04:25

who actually bought this.

04:26

And now to rank the products I've bought for this channel

04:28

on a scale of pretty good to infuriate

04:31

and number one goes to a fucking bidet.

04:34

The best thing I've ever bought

04:36

for this channel is a toilet accessory.

04:38

This is gonna sound a little hyperbolic,

04:40

but I truly think this purchase acts as a dividing line

04:43

between two distinct eras of my life.

04:46

I feel like a caveman

04:48

for having spent 27 years without one.

04:52

Seriously, what are we doing in this country?

04:54

Why is there a stigma

04:56

around getting your butt a little bit wet?

04:58

I feel like the only consistent critique

05:01

I've seen of bidets is from men who see it as a threat

05:04

to their masculinity to have water sprayed into their ass.

05:07

But then what's the alternative?

05:08

Sticking your little fingers up

05:10

there for five straight minutes.

05:11

Yeah, what do you look in the mirror buddy?

05:13

As a human race, we need not be divided on this.

05:16

We should all stand together on the side

05:19

of good butt hygiene and yet the war rages on.

05:22

But Drew, what about wet wipes?

05:24

You mean the wet wipes that only say the word flushable

05:27

on them because they technically can be flushed,

05:30

but you absolutely shouldn't.

05:31

Please don't buy these.

05:32

They clog up sewers and cause a bunch of problems

05:34

for other people in your city.

05:36

They're also a huge waste of money,

05:37

which you can save a lot of on both toilet paper

05:40

and wet wipes by investing in a bidet.

05:42

And if all of this is starting to sound

05:43

like I'm doing an ad for this company, don't worry, I'm not.

05:47

I don't care which bidet you buy.

05:49

They all do the same thing.

05:51

This one randomly starts leaking every few months

05:53

and that's pretty annoying.

05:54

If I were starting from scratch,

05:55

I'd probably get a toilet with the bidet

05:57

already built into it along with other cool features

05:59

like a seat warmer so it can always feel

06:02

like you're sitting on it immediately

06:03

after someone else did.

06:04

Number two, the chirp wheel.

06:06

If I remember correctly, my reaction

06:08

to this was pretty lukewarm, but to be honest,

06:10

I use this thing almost every day.

06:13

It is incredible for me.

06:15

For whatever reason, the shape of the wheel

06:17

and the shape of my dumb up back

06:19

seemed to coalesce perfectly.

06:21

But again, you don't have to opt for this specific brand.

06:23

I have no loyalty to them.

06:25

I'm pretty sure it's just a PVC pipe with some foam over it.

06:28

If you search yoga wheel on Amazon,

06:30

there's a bunch of cheaper alternatives.

06:31

They might break in half as soon

06:33

as you take it outta the box, but they are cheaper.

06:35

And even though I do love this thing,

06:36

I definitely wouldn't recommend the bundle that I got.

06:39

Pretty sure it came with some kind of neck strap

06:41

that doesn't do anything.

06:42

And a carrying case that I've never once used

06:45

because the only place I've carried these things

06:47

is from one room of my house to another.

06:49

If you are gonna buy one of these,

06:50

just save yourself some money

06:51

and get this six inch wheel by itself.

06:53

The big one is too big and the small one is too small.

06:55

Plus you don't need three different wheels anyway.

06:58

You only have one back.

06:59

Number three, this whiteboard.

07:01

When I bought this a few months ago,

07:02

I thought for sure I'd only use it in one video.

07:05

But now if you include this one, we're up to two videos.

07:08

That's a pretty good value. Number four, the Kizik shoes.

07:12

I don't know why I wrote the k like that.

07:13

Actually, all of those letters look bad, not just the k.

07:15

These shoes are built in a way that you can step into them

07:18

without having to use your hands,

07:20

which you could also do with most pairs of shoes,

07:22

but not as easily as you can in these.

07:24

Now I'm definitely a little biased towards this company

07:26

'cause after I mentioned in that video

07:28

that the pair of shoes that I wanted was out of stock,

07:31

they actually emailed me and asked

07:33

if they could send me some and then they did.

07:35

And that was really cool.

07:36

I've mentioned so many products in so many videos

07:39

and no other company has ever reached out to me afterwards,

07:42

at least not with something nice to say.

07:45

I would say my biggest critique

07:46

is that they're not quite as comfortable

07:48

as I hoped they would be, especially this pair.

07:50

I don't know if I've just worn down the inside,

07:52

but they really dig into my heel

07:54

if I'm walking in them for a while.

07:55

But if I just want something that I can throw on real quick

07:57

to go run a couple errands, I think they're great.

07:59

But again, this is not an act.

08:01

Whenever I make these videos,

08:02

I always feel weird being too positive about a product,

08:05

even if it's something I do like

08:06

because I'll get comments from people

08:08

assuming I was doing an undisclosed ad,

08:10

which is very much against YouTube's guidelines.

08:12

Trust me, if I'm doing an ad for something,

08:15

you will know it's an ad

08:17

because I'll say something like this portion

08:18

of the video is sponsored by opera.

08:20

The smarter way to browse the way.

08:21

You ever go to a website that has way too many words on it

08:24

and feel the sudden overwhelming urge

08:26

to not read any of them.

08:27

Well, good thing with opera.

08:28

I can use Aria, their built-in AI tool to summarize

08:30

the whole thing in a few sentences,

08:31

all I have to do is hit control slash

08:33

and then tab and it'll gimme the TLDR my dumb little

08:36

brain desperately needs.

08:37

You can also ask it questions

08:39

or even have it write an email on your behalf.

08:40

One of the best things about opera is it comes with a free

08:42

ad blocker built directly into the browser.

08:45

You don't have to download any extensions

08:46

to be able to use it, which is great

08:48

'cause that's what I had to do to get an ad blocker

08:50

on the browser I used to use.

08:51

And I swear to God, every time I would open the internet,

08:54

that extension pop up and ask me to give it money,

08:58

which ironically is an ad.

09:00

Opera also has a sidebar that I use all the time

09:02

to listen to music through Spotify

09:04

or reply to some messages.

09:05

And I love their built-in screenshot tool

09:07

that makes video editing even faster for me.

09:09

I've been using opera for a few months now

09:10

and I genuinely think it's a huge improvement

09:12

over the browser I was using before.

09:14

So check it out for yourself.

09:15

You can download Opera for free using the link

09:17

in my description or the pinned comment.

09:19

It's also a great free way to help support my channel

09:21

if that's something you're interested in doing.

09:23

Thank you to opera for sponsoring this portion of the video.

09:25

I'd say something like that.

09:26

Number five, and our first entry into the bad category,

09:29

we've got the work wonnie.

09:30

This is of course the business on top,

09:32

leisure on bottom combo.

09:34

That is only possible to wear

09:36

if the two pieces come already sewn together.

09:39

This is not an outfit that can be assembled separately

09:41

if you already have a button down shirt

09:43

and a loose pair of sweatpants.

09:44

The work wanting is a one of a kind contraption

09:46

that is both necessary and fashionable,

09:48

which is why it brings me much dismay to break the news

09:51

that this company no longer exists.

09:53

Maybe it's because the work from home era

09:55

unfortunately ran its course once commercial

09:57

real estate investors saw their property values plummeted,

10:00

needed to force everyone back into the office

10:01

to justify their existence.

10:03

Or maybe it's because you have to hold the butt flap open

10:05

with both hands in order to shit through it.

10:07

Either way, the work wonnie is no more.

10:09

Technically this is the second time this has happened

10:11

because they had already shut down their website

10:13

before I uploaded the initial video.

10:15

But then I think because I made a video,

10:17

they tried to put it back up and capitalize

10:19

off the attention only to give up once more.

10:22

The good news is this just makes my work wonnie

10:24

that much rarer.

10:25

Who knows how many of these even exist in the world?

10:27

Two, three.

10:29

I'm not gonna say a higher number

10:30

'cause I already feel like I'm overestimating.

10:32

And that's why I think this makes perfect sense

10:34

as our first auction item of the night.

10:36

Let's hear it for the work one everyone..

10:37

(audience clapping)

10:39

Don't worry, I will wash it before mailing it out.

10:41

And number six, we've got another relic

10:43

from the earlier days of the pandemic.

10:44

The microclimate filtered helmet.

10:46

Weird, I'm not sure how this ended up so low on the list.

10:49

I wear this all the time whenever I run errands

10:52

or go to the moon, but I suppose I am willing

10:54

to part with it if it's for a good cause.

10:56

Plus version three is supposed to come out any day now,

10:59

as of a year ago.

11:00

And even though they haven't given a single specific

11:03

as to what's new about this version,

11:04

I trust these guys, after all who wouldn't?

11:07

So what makes this one different

11:09

from the previous ones you had?

11:10

Lighter, more durable, scratch resistant,

11:12

waterproof can tolerate the elements.

11:14

Okay, but what about drinking?

11:15

How can you drink?

11:17

I want.

11:17

Me too Serg. Me too.

11:19

At number seven, we've got by far the most expensive product

11:22

I've ever reviewed the Moonwalker shoes.

11:24

Why number seven?

11:25

Well, because the top speed is seven miles per hour

11:28

and the average range is seven miles.

11:30

And the stopping distance is one human step.

11:33

Kinda curious why they felt the need to specify human step

11:37

as if there's some other kind of step we could take.

11:39

Coming in at a market value of $1,400.

11:42

These are gonna be the highest ticket item in the auction

11:45

unless of course nobody bids on them,

11:47

in which case you might get them for 40 bucks.

11:49

That's the fun of an auction baby.

11:50

I've got no clue how this will go.

11:52

I'm not sure what the future holds for this company.

11:54

I worry for their sake.

11:56

They've already botched the initial release

11:57

by making them way too expensive

11:59

and only available in a country where nobody walks anywhere.

12:02

They've gone from being pretty active on social media

12:05

to radio silent for like four months now.

12:07

So hopefully they're just in the lab cooking up version two

12:10

of these that isn't so god damn loud

12:12

every time you take a human step.

12:14

(Moonwalker shoe buzzing)

12:16

Final entry into the bad tier is Tom Brady's bundle of crap,

12:20

which offers varying degrees of uselessness.

12:22

I bought so much from this man.

12:25

There was a cookbook that jump scares me every time

12:27

I walk into my kitchen at night.

12:28

Protein powder that only tastes good

12:30

when I put it in an oatmeal

12:31

and I don't even eat oatmeal anymore.

12:32

A water bottle too unwieldy to ever take anywhere.

12:35

Vitamins, I've never touched.

12:37

Electrolytes that taste okay.

12:39

And a giant bag of resistance bands that's been sitting

12:41

in the corner of my office so long, it'll probably leave

12:44

a permanent dent in the carpet.

12:46

And out of all of these,

12:47

the one thing that I actually used regularly,

12:50

the shaker slowly started to change shape over time

12:55

until eventually the lid wouldn't stay on anymore.

12:58

Which is not ideal for something that's supposed to keep

13:00

liquid inside of it while you shake it around.

13:02

Goodbye misshapen TB 12 bottle.

13:05

I'm sorry my dishwasher turned you into a hideous monster.

13:08

But maybe your death can get them to update

13:10

the description on the website,

13:12

at least then your sacrifice won't be in vain.

13:15

In between, bad and infuriating is what I'm calling

13:17

the forgettable category because one of the only things

13:20

worse to me than a product that sucks

13:21

is a product that's boring.

13:23

A product whose existence is so benign

13:25

I can't even muster the energy to get mad at.

13:27

And there's been a lot of these over the years.

13:30

I bought a big bag, a tiny bag, a spine deck

13:33

and a spine neck, a plastic hand to cosplay as 2016

13:37

El Alfred Peyton, a sleep mask with headphones

13:40

that I never bothered to connect to anything.

13:42

A tripod that spins on its own,

13:44

but I've only ever used it in a stationary position,

13:46

an inversion table that did not make me any taller.

13:49

A calendar puzzle.

13:50

I'm still too stupid to solve.

13:51

A belt that works fine, but I never wear it

13:53

'cause I bought it in bright red.

13:55

This purchase was doomed from the start.

13:57

All of this stuff has had no tangible impact on my life

14:00

since the moment I finished

14:01

whatever video I bought them for.

14:03

And the sheer quantity of clutter that I ended up

14:06

with is part of the reason I stopped making these videos

14:08

and also 'cause they were getting repetitive.

14:10

It's funny, as YouTubers, I think we're all trying to find

14:12

something easily replicable that we enjoy making

14:15

and our audience enjoys watching.

14:17

And that's what this series was for me for a long time

14:19

until randomly one day I was just like, actually,

14:21

I never wanna make one of those videos ever again.

14:23

And maybe I still will at some point.

14:25

I'm not ruling it out forever.

14:26

I like reviewing things, I like complaining about stuff

14:29

and I like when I can direct those complaints at a company

14:31

rather than an individual.

14:32

But every time I walk into my closet

14:34

and I see this drop ship lime green wrapping paper cutters

14:38

sitting at the top of a bucket of junk

14:40

that only takes up space, I start to wonder

14:43

if those minimalism guys were onto something.

14:45

Maybe to get back at me for making a video about them.

14:47

They started targeting me with ads so insane,

14:50

they knew I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to buy it

14:52

for a video and then another video and then another video.

14:56

Until before long I had surrounded myself

14:58

with the worst thing you can.

15:00

Stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff.

15:02

They destroyed my life from the inside

15:05

without ever lifting a finger.

15:07

It's the perfect crime.

15:08

And finally we've arrived at the infuriating category.

15:11

I've only got two things in here and I'm sure

15:12

you can guess what one of them is.

15:14

It's of course nemesis of the channel, the moon pod,

15:17

which I don't have anymore 'cause I gave it to my friends

15:19

who just moved into a new apartment

15:21

and now it's their problem. (upbeat music)

15:24

Those fools.

15:25

My ongoing vendetta with this stupid beanbag chair

15:28

is pretty well documented at this point.

15:30

I've tried escalating things every time

15:32

I bring it up hoping that maybe once and for all

15:34

I could finally bring this company down.

15:37

And I'm here today to give up.

15:40

I am surrendering to the moon pod.

15:42

Does that mean I no longer think

15:43

it's an overpriced piece of garbage?

15:45

Of course not. It sucks.

15:47

Do I still think it's to pretend that a product

15:49

that has never cost more or less than $300

15:52

is somehow 25% off?

15:55

Absolutely.

15:56

Better hurry up guys, the Memorial Day sale's

15:58

almost over then we're gonna have to wait

16:01

for the next Memorial Day sale, which is exactly the same.

16:04

And we'll start immediately afterwards.

16:06

This graphic is edited into the product photo.

16:09

I don't think the sale's ending anytime soon.

16:12

Now this is just a lame marketing tactic rivaled

16:14

in cheapness only by the materials they use to make these.

16:17

No, I'm not giving up because I finally came around

16:20

and changed my tune.

16:21

I'm holding this grudge forever.

16:23

I'm giving up because I lost.

16:25

I've seen Moon Pod commercials during NFL playoff games.

16:30

They've clearly made so much money off these,

16:33

and have such a massive marketing budget

16:35

that I'm clearly just outgunned in this fight.

16:38

And what can you even do about it

16:39

when they've only allowed one negative review

16:42

on their entire website?

16:44

You're telling me 1200 people agreed with this,

16:47

and not one of them wrote a one star review of their own,

16:50

suck my ass Moon Pod.

16:53

So no, I'm done.

16:54

I refuse to continue fighting a fight

16:56

that I just don't think is fair.

16:58

And I'm starting to wonder if all my yapping

17:00

has had the opposite effect.

17:01

I worry that years of attention, no matter how negative,

17:04

has only helped bolster

17:05

the name recognition of this company.

17:07

So I'm not gonna mention them anymore.

17:09

I'm not giving them any more free advertising.

17:11

I don't think I should even talk about them in this video.

17:13

In fact, I'm probably gonna edit out this entire section.

17:17

And finally, the worst of the worst.

17:18

It's been almost two years since I made a video

17:21

getting mad at a bunch of $300 brain vibrators

17:23

made to prey on people with anxiety.

17:26

And I was disappointed to see that all of these companies

17:29

are still very much alive and well.

17:31

In fact, most of these products

17:33

have only gotten more expensive.

17:35

The Mendi went up $30, the Sensate went up $50

17:39

and added a subscription service.

17:41

The CalmiGo, went up $110 for this piece of shit.

17:47

What are we doing?

17:48

Of course wanted these things to be cheaper,

17:50

but it cost so much money

17:53

to make a piece of plastic that smells bad.

17:55

If any of these companies actually cared about people,

17:57

they would do everything in their power

17:59

to make these things as affordable as possible.

18:01

They wouldn't jack up the price every time

18:04

their profit margins fall below 90%.

18:06

They don't care about your mental health,

18:08

they don't care about you.

18:10

They just want your money.

18:11

The audacity of the company that has almost doubled

18:14

the price of their device to try to guilt you

18:16

into buying it anyway by saying,

18:18

"Well, how much is your mental health worth?

18:20

This is nothing compared to how much people normally spend

18:23

on stuff like this."

18:24

Can we get a citation on that

18:25

or do I just have to take your word for it?

18:27

"Hey, but don't worry, this thing has zero side effects,"

18:30

because it doesn't do anything.

18:32

The best thing I can say about the CalmiGo

18:33

is that the last time I tried to use it,

18:35

I was having a really bad panic attack and I thought,

18:38

"Hey, not to worry, I've got my lavender inhaler."

18:41

So I grabbed it outta my drawer, started sucking on it

18:45

and almost immediately felt so stupid

18:48

that I started laughing.

18:49

So I guess in that way it did its job.

18:51

I don't know if that fully counts

18:53

'cause that's not really what they were going for,

18:56

but credit where credit's due.

18:57

But also that was over a year ago

18:58

and I haven't touched it since.

19:00

So I'm a little grossed out thinking

19:02

about all of the bacteria that is almost definitely

19:04

built up inside of it.

19:06

For that reason, I will not be including it in the auction.

19:09

I will be putting it in the trash.

19:11

Hey, speaking of the auction,

19:12

I should probably explain how that's gonna work.

19:13

I've got everything listed on eBay

19:14

where they'll run for the next week.

19:16

A hundred percent of the money from each item sold

19:18

will go directly to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund,

19:20

which is currently working in Gaza,

19:22

to provide aid to Palestinians

19:23

who have been displaced from their homes and their families.

19:26

The link that charity is in the description

19:27

along with all of the items that are for sale.

19:29

When all the auctions are done, next week I will be mailing

19:31

everything out myself along with some personalized

19:34

thank you notes.

19:34

And then whatever the total amount ends up being

19:36

for all the products combined,

19:37

I will personally match so we can double our donation.

19:39

You may notice I haven't listed every single item

19:42

I've ever bought 'cause some of these products

19:44

truly are just worthless junk.

19:45

But to make up for it, I've thrown in some other fun things.

19:47

A roadwork ahead sign, hot dog toaster, the usual.

19:50

So definitely check that out.

19:51

Hopefully we can raise some money.

19:52

And also good luck.

19:53

You're gonna need it because I'm going to outbid all of you.

19:56

You thought I'd actually let all this stuff go? Hell no.

19:59

I'm buying it all back.

20:00

Wow, congratulations on making it to the end

20:02

of the YouTube video.

20:03

You did a great job.

20:04

Be sure to smash that subscribe button and smash

20:07

that like button and subscribe to my channel

20:09

and like the video.

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