MADAME WEB is Astoundingly Bad

Elvis The Alien
25 Apr 202435:41

Summary

TLDRThe video script offers a detailed review of the film 'Madam Web,' highlighting the numerous issues faced by the movie. The reviewer expresses skepticism about the demand for such a film and criticizes the character's portrayal, particularly the deviation from the comic book source material. They discuss the film's director, SJ Clarkson, and her limited feature film experience, suggesting it may contribute to the movie's shortcomings. The script also points out the writing credits and the writers' history of poorly received scripts. The reviewer further comments on the casting choice of Dakota Johnson and her apparent disinterest in the Marvel universe, questioning her motivations for participating in the film. Throughout the script, the reviewer uses humor to underscore the film's absurdities and implausibilities, including the plot, the special effects, and the character development. The summary concludes with the reviewer's final thoughts on the film's quality and the broader implications of committee-driven filmmaking.

Takeaways

  • 🎬 The video discusses the challenges of making movies and the mixed outcomes, using 'Madam Web' as an example of a film that did not meet expectations.
  • 🕷️ 'Madam Web' is criticized for its lack of appeal, with the reviewer expressing difficulty in finding any redeeming qualities in the film.
  • 📚 The character Madam Web is described as an old, blind woman with powerful psychic abilities, which contrasts with the film's portrayal.
  • 🎥 SJ Clarkson, the director of 'Madam Web', is primarily known for her work in television, leading to a discussion on the differences between directing for TV and film.
  • 📽️ The video points out the inexperience of the writing team and suggests that their collective track record may contribute to the film's poor reception.
  • 🎭 Dakota Johnson's performance and her real-life actions following the release of the film's trailer are discussed, hinting at a possible disconnect with the project.
  • 🚀 The review includes a sponsored segment for the mobile game 'Raid: Shadow Legends', highlighting the game's features and a special event.
  • 🕹️ The game 'Raid: Shadow Legends' is promoted with an offer of a giveaway for a gaming console and in-game loot, urging viewers to participate.
  • 🧙 The script touches on the typical narrative structure of superhero origin stories and expresses a desire for more innovative storytelling in the genre.
  • 🎉 The video concludes with a reflection on the future and the potential it holds, despite the challenges faced by the characters in the film and the production of the movie itself.
  • 📆 There is confusion about the film's timeline, with inconsistencies suggesting it may not be set in the year it claims to be.

Q & A

  • What is the general sentiment towards making movies as expressed in the video?

    -The video expresses that making movies is a difficult process that takes a lot of time and effort, and there are many ways a movie can go wrong.

  • What is the reviewer's opinion on the movie 'Madam Web'?

    -The reviewer has a very negative opinion of 'Madam Web,' describing it as a 'big pile of [expletive]' and stating that it's nearly impossible to discuss the movie without criticizing it.

  • What is the significance of the character Madame Web in the movie?

    -Madame Web is depicted as an old, blind woman with clairvoyant powers. She is a central character in the movie, although the reviewer expresses skepticism about the need for a movie centered on this character.

  • What is the director's background according to the video?

    -The director, SJ Clarkson, is known primarily for directing TV shows, with only one other movie, 'Toast,' to her name. The reviewer suggests that directing a TV show is quite different from directing a movie.

  • What is the reviewer's view on the writing credits for 'Madam Web'?

    -The reviewer criticizes the writing credits, noting that the director and three other writers, some of whom have a history of working together, are responsible for the movie's script, and implies that their collective work has resulted in a poor quality film.

  • What is the context of the Dakota Johnson's agency switch mentioned in the video?

    -Dakota Johnson switched her agency from WME to CAA shortly after the first trailer for 'Madam Web' was released, which raised speculation that she was not happy with the movie. However, the reviewer mentions that CAA also represents her production company and indie film, suggesting the switch might be business-related rather than a reaction to the movie.

  • What is the reviewer's critique of Dakota Johnson's performance and attitude towards the movie?

    -The reviewer points out that Dakota Johnson appeared to not be fully invested in the movie, citing instances where she made light of it during a press tour and her apparent lack of familiarity with Marvel movies.

  • How does the reviewer describe the plot and character development in 'Madam Web'?

    -The reviewer finds the plot and character development to be lacking, with a focus on origin stories that feel overdone. They also criticize the decision to not portray Madame Web as blind, which deviates from the comic book character.

  • What is the reviewer's opinion on the movie's villain, Ezekiel Sims?

    -The reviewer finds the villain, Ezekiel Sims, to be poorly developed and acted. They describe his portrayal as forced and cheesy, and criticize the suit design as an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of Spider-Man.

  • What are some of the specific scenes or elements criticized in the movie?

    -The reviewer criticizes several scenes, including the use of the camera, the editing, the acting, the dialogue, and the use of a Pepsi Cola sign in the climax. They also mention the implausibility of certain plot points and the lack of logic in the story's progression.

  • What is the final message or theme suggested by the movie according to the reviewer?

    -The movie concludes with a message about the future and the power of belief in oneself. However, the reviewer finds the delivery of this message to be insincere and poorly executed, particularly due to the amateurish writing.

Outlines

00:00

🎬 Introduction to Movie Making Challenges

The speaker begins by acknowledging the complexity and time-consuming nature of movie production, where many things can go wrong. They express skepticism about the existence of a market for 'Madam Web,' a movie they consider to be of poor quality. The speaker also mentions their intention to discuss the film critically, understanding the challenges it presents in finding positive aspects to highlight.

05:02

🕷️ Critique of Madam Web's Production and Writing

The speaker discusses the writing credits of 'Madam Web,' pointing out the lack of successful past works from the writers involved. They also touch on industry reactions to Dakota Johnson's agency switch and her seemingly disinterested behavior during the movie's press tour. The character of Madame Web is described, emphasizing her powers and the potential for an interesting narrative that doesn't rely on an origin story.

10:02

🌿 The Misguided Origin Story of Madame Web

The narrative focuses on the origin story of Madame Web, highlighting the implausibility of certain plot points and the questionable decisions made by characters. The speaker also criticizes the film's editing, acting, and the use of special effects. They express confusion over the character motivations and the disjointed nature of the storytelling.

15:03

🚨 The Absurdity of the Villain's Actions

The speaker describes the actions of the film's antagonist, Ezekiel Sims, who gains powers from a rare spider and uses them to become wealthy. They ridicule the villain's portrayal, his accent, and the chaotic scenes that ensue. The speaker also comments on the ineffective use of the villain's powers and the cheese factor of his character.

20:05

🚨 The Chaotic Visions and Inexplicable Trust

The summary covers Cassie's struggle with her newfound powers, which are unpredictable and chaotic. The speaker highlights the odd behavior of the girls who trust Cassie despite her kidnapping them and claiming to see the future. The narrative includes a scene where the girls are dancing on a table, and the speaker questions the logic behind their actions and the film's tonal inconsistencies.

25:06

🌐 The Visions, CPR, and a Journey to Peru

The speaker recounts how Cassie teaches the girls CPR and leaves them in the care of her friend Ben while she travels to Peru to find a spider tribe. The trip is based on her mother's research, and the speaker finds it unrealistic that Ben would agree to house the girls without question. The summary also describes the encounter with a man from the spider tribe who shares Cassie's powers.

30:07

🏥 The Hospital, the Firework Warehouse, and the Final Showdown

The summary details a series of events where Cassie has visions of the girls' deaths and repeatedly saves them. The final confrontation with Ezekiel takes place on a Pepsi Cola sign, leading to his downfall. The speaker questions the logic behind the use of fireworks and the illuminated 'S' from the sign, and they end with a critique of the film's writing and the final dialogue, which they find trite and unconvincing.

35:10

🎉 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

The speaker concludes the review by reiterating their negative opinion of 'Madam Web' and encourages viewers to share their thoughts. They also promote their merchandise available at alien.com, providing a light-hearted ending to the critique.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Madam Web

Madam Web is a Marvel Comics character who is depicted as an elderly, blind woman with powerful psychic abilities. In the video, she is the central figure of the movie being reviewed, and her character is criticized for being underdeveloped and not as compelling as she could be in the context of the film's narrative.

💡Spider-People

The term 'Spider-People' refers to the indigenous tribe with spider-like abilities that rescue Madam Web's mother in the film. They are significant as they set the stage for the origin of Madam Web's powers and play a role in the plot's development.

💡Telepathy

Telepathy is the ability to communicate or sense the thoughts of others using the mind. In the context of the video, Madam Web possesses telepathic powers, which she uses to communicate with other characters and to foresee future events, a key element in the movie's storyline.

💡Astral Projection

Astral projection is the concept of the astral self, or consciousness, traveling outside the physical body. Madam Web uses this ability to save the girls and to have a telepathic discussion with the antagonist, Ezekiel, which is a pivotal moment in the film.

💡Ezekiel Sims

Ezekiel Sims is portrayed as the antagonist in the movie Madam Web. He gains superpowers from a spider's venom and becomes a wealthy man, using his powers for evil. His character is criticized in the video for being a poorly developed villain with a forced and over-the-top performance.

💡Origin Story

An origin story is a narrative that explains the background of a character, revealing their roots and the events that led to their current status. The video discusses the overuse of origin stories in superhero films, expressing a preference for more innovative storytelling approaches.

💡Superhero Genre

The superhero genre encompasses films and stories that focus on characters with extraordinary abilities, often fighting crime or saving the world. The video script discusses the genre's conventions, particularly the formulaic nature of many superhero films, and how Madam Web fits within this genre.

💡Visual Effects

Visual effects (VFX) are the processes used in film to create images and video that do not exist in reality, often to enhance the storytelling. The video criticizes the use of visual effects in Madam Web, particularly the unrealistic portrayal of the character's powers and the confusing editing during action sequences.

💡Character Development

Character development refers to the process by which a character's traits, abilities, and beliefs are revealed and evolve over time. The video script laments the lack of character development in Madam Web, noting that the characters' motivations and actions often do not make logical sense.

💡Product Placement

Product placement is a marketing technique where a company's product is incorporated into a video content. The video humorously points out the conspicuous use of a Pepsi sign in the film's climax, suggesting it serves as an advertisement rather than a natural part of the story.

💡Cinematic Tropes

Cinematic tropes are common themes, devices, or clichés in film. The video discusses several tropes found in Madam Web, such as the 'evil Spider-Man' suit and the 'damsel in distress' scenario, which are criticized for being unoriginal and predictable.

Highlights

The speaker acknowledges the difficulty of making movies and the potential for mistakes, yet introduces 'Madam Web' as a particularly poor example.

Madam Web's character is criticized for being an old, blind woman with powers, who doesn't seem to warrant a standalone movie.

The director of Madam Web, SJ Clarkson, is known for TV work, leading to a discussion on the differences between directing for TV and film.

The movie is panned for its writing credits, with the writer's previous works also being criticized.

Dakota Johnson's performance and her comments about the movie and her Marvel knowledge are discussed, highlighting potential disingenuousness.

The plot of Madam Web is summarized, focusing on the character's psychic powers and the speaker's disinterest in yet another origin story.

The speaker mocks the film's use of a non-blind lead character, contrasting with the source material, and the unoriginal approach to the antagonist.

A detailed recount of specific scenes from the movie are criticized for poor editing, acting, and plot development.

The use of product placement, specifically for the game 'Raid: Shadow Legends', is highlighted and briefly described.

The climax and ending of Madam Web are described as bizarre, with a focus on a scene involving a Pepsi Cola sign.

The final scene is critiqued for its implausibility, including the survival of characters and the message about the future.

Dakota Johnson's post-film comments about the movie-making process and her doubts about the film's quality are mentioned.

The speaker concludes with a negative review of Madam Web, inviting viewers to share their thoughts in the comments.

A humorous note is added about the film's setting being ambiguous due to various anachronisms spotted throughout.

The absurdity of certain dialogues and the weak character development are highlighted as significant flaws in the movie.

The speaker emphasizes the lack of suspense or stakes in the film, comparing the repetitive rescue scenes to the movie 'Final Destination'.

The final confrontation's resolution is deemed unsatisfactory, with the Pepsi Cola sign taking an improbable role in the villain's defeat.

The inexplicable continuation of the fireworks after the characters leave the building is pointed out as a plot hole.

The film's final message about seeing the future and standing up for beliefs is criticized for being trite and unconvincing.

Transcripts

00:00

I would like to preface this video by

00:02

saying making movies is difficult it

00:05

takes a lot of time a lot goes into it

00:08

there are many ways someone can mess up

00:10

when making a movie that being said

00:13

though sometimes you get a movie like

00:16

Madam web all right I mean what can I

00:21

say that is one big pile of [ __ ] some

00:23

movies suck it is what it is you seen

00:25

Madam web no I haven't I've seen Madam

00:28

web it's good have you yeah is it good

00:31

yeah it's pretty good well these matches

00:32

say you're

00:34

lying I cannot talk about Madam web

00:38

without trashing it it's just not

00:40

possible so I kind of understand why

00:43

Chris Duckman made the video he made on

00:45

it I have other thoughts about his video

00:48

but we're here to talk about Madame Webb

00:50

it's kind of difficult to talk about

00:51

this movie and movies like this without

00:54

feeling like an [ __ ] the reason I say

00:56

that is because this movie has so few

00:59

good call ities I don't even think I

01:01

have one really which doesn't happen

01:04

often normally in the videos I make I

01:07

try my very best to say something nice

01:10

about a movie most of the time this is

01:12

one of those very rare instances where

01:15

I'm sorry okay is this real so let's

01:18

talk about Madame web first off I refuse

01:21

to believe that a single soul on this

01:23

planet asked for this movie that is

01:26

wrong Elvis I specifically requested

01:28

Madame Web come on let's just be real

01:31

Madam web this is what she looks like in

01:33

the comics she has some pretty cool

01:35

Powers but she's ultimately just an old

01:38

blind woman that sits in a web chair

01:41

thing it's been 84 years I can see how

01:44

she could possibly compliment someone

01:47

else's movie but a movie about her I

01:50

don't know I'm going to be honest I

01:52

don't know much about Madame web all

01:54

right I haven't read her comics the

01:56

small amount of info I know about this

01:58

character is from what I've seen on

01:59

online this movie baffles me because

02:02

it's a theater released Sony Marvel

02:04

movie and the director is SJ Clarkson

02:08

this person only has one other movie

02:10

under their belt it's called toast and

02:12

it was released in 2010 and I'm guessing

02:15

most of the people watching this video

02:17

haven't seen it maybe I'm wrong maybe

02:19

everybody loves toast I just I'm the one

02:21

person that hasn't seen it SJ Clarkson

02:23

is mostly known for directing TV shows

02:26

and honestly some pretty great TV shows

02:28

at that she's directed episodes of

02:30

Dexter succession and house and you

02:32

might be thinking well she's made some

02:34

great TV obviously she can make a great

02:36

movie well I don't think that's the case

02:38

with a show there's the showrunners who

02:40

decide the direction of the show and

02:42

then the directors Who deliver the

02:44

individual pieces of that story for

02:46

movies the director is in charge of

02:48

mostly everything instead of making this

02:50

tiny piece of this overarching narrative

02:53

you're in charge of the entire narrative

02:55

it's quite different who wants a free

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now back to the review Madam web has

05:16

four writing credits one of which is the

05:18

director who has only one other writing

05:20

credit for a show called Mistresses two

05:23

of Madam web's other writers must know

05:25

each other pretty well because they've

05:26

only worked on the same movies together

05:28

and all of them

05:30

are bad and I'm not joking match Shaz

05:32

Zama and Burke sharpless have both

05:35

written the screenplays for Dracula

05:37

Untold the last witch hunter gods of

05:39

Egypt morbius and Madam web it's kind of

05:43

insane that these guys keep getting work

05:45

the fourth and final screenwriter for

05:47

Madame Webb has only one writing credit

05:49

and that's for Madam web they're also an

05:52

executive producer for this movie it

05:54

looks like they've produced a bunch of

05:55

movies before but yeah this is their

05:57

first time writing for one and it shows

06:00

I'm not saying that it's impossible to

06:03

write a good movie your first time

06:04

around there's the obvious example of

06:07

Robert Edgars who's on an incredible

06:09

film streak right now and there are

06:10

other examples of people making good

06:12

movies on their first go this is just

06:14

not one of those cases I'm just going to

06:16

say I don't always agree with Rotten

06:19

Tomatoes but the 12% for this movie it

06:21

makes a whole lot of sense according to

06:24

IMDb Dakota Johnson left her agency WME

06:28

in favor of CAA less than a week after

06:31

the first trailer for this movie dropped

06:32

and according to variety this raised

06:35

industry eyebrows and generated some

06:37

unfounded rumors that Johnson didn't

06:39

like the movie especially since she made

06:41

fun of it while hosting Saturday Night

06:43

Live so it's kind of like if AI

06:46

generated your boyfriend's Perfect

06:48

movie however The Hollywood Reporter

06:51

found that since CAA was also willing to

06:53

represent her production company Tea

06:55

Time pictures along with her indie film

06:57

Daddo it's likely the timing of her

07:00

agency switch was nothing more than film

07:02

business shuffling Dakota Johnson just

07:04

did not give a [ __ ] during her press

07:06

tour for this movie it's so funny do you

07:08

remember the first Marvel female

07:10

character that you fell in love with on

07:12

screen H let me think I

07:17

[Music]

07:19

don't at one point she says she loves

07:22

Marvel movies you know I have always

07:24

really loved Marvel movies kind of like

07:27

in that one video when she said she

07:29

loved limes because there were limes

07:31

sitting there and she didn't know what

07:32

else to say I love limes I love them

07:35

they're great and it was a complete lie

07:37

what what do you do with all of those

07:39

limes it was hard to just ignore them so

07:42

I just

07:43

lied I love them well guess what in a

07:46

different interview she said that she's

07:48

only seen 15 minutes of one Marvel movie

07:51

before what percent of Marvel movies

07:53

have you

07:54

seen uh 4% 4% which is like 15 minutes

07:59

of one I love Marvel I loved Marvel

08:03

movies during this same interview she

08:05

was asked if she could name the three

08:07

Tom Holland Spider-Man movies and she

08:10

completely failed can you name the three

08:13

Spider-Man uh Tom Holland

08:15

movies yeah Spider-Man and the Goblet of

08:18

man this girl doesn't give a [ __ ] about

08:21

superhero movies it's hard to blame her

08:23

if she just did this movie for the money

08:25

so who exactly is madam web anyway

08:28

basically she's an old blind Clairvoyant

08:31

woman with a ton of Mind Powers she was

08:33

born without eyesight and she kind of

08:36

reminds me of an OP female version of

08:39

Charles Xavier first things first I am a

08:42

lady so let's go over her powers she has

08:44

astral projection telepathy mind

08:47

alteration basically she can make you

08:49

think what she wants you to think she

08:50

has the ability to sense incidents

08:52

before they happen she can perform

08:54

surgeries with her mind and she can see

08:56

the future again I haven't read the

08:58

comics but it looks like she's probably

09:01

one of those characters that other

09:02

characters seek out for answers to

09:05

something you know like that old wise

09:06

woman that hangs out in a hut and the

09:08

main characters are like oh my god did

09:10

you hear about this person they can

09:12

probably lead us in the right direction

09:14

so they go and have a conversation with

09:16

them and then you never see them again

09:18

honestly if they didn't make this an

09:19

origin story and instead just focused on

09:22

an old blind woman I would probably be a

09:24

lot more interested in this movie it's

09:26

not every day that you see an old woman

09:28

as a super superhero and not just any

09:30

superhero a psychic Powerhouse give the

09:33

role to Merill stre or

09:37

something and you've got yourself a

09:39

superhero movie that is unlike anything

09:42

that's out there right now I would be

09:43

interested in seeing that and I'm not

09:45

lying as far as how the story would work

09:47

out you'd have to have some master

09:49

Storyteller to make this compelling I

09:50

think I'm just so bored of origin

09:53

stories at this point it feels like

09:55

every month we're being introduced to

09:56

another superhero from the comics that

09:58

were buried in there somewhere that they

10:00

haven't gotten around to yet oh yeah

10:01

Dakota Johnson's character in this movie

10:03

isn't blind remember how I said that she

10:07

was born blind she was born without

10:09

eyesight not anymore and it's not like

10:12

they would be copying Daredevil because

10:13

he wasn't born blind instead they decide

10:16

to copy Daredevil it's a lot more

10:18

interesting when someone becomes blind

10:21

because of something and what makes her

10:23

blind it's very very funny okay that

10:26

would also piss people off the movie

10:28

starts by by focusing on a scientist

10:30

named constants this is Madame web's

10:32

mother she's taking pictures and notes

10:35

on a spider web in the rainforest

10:36

they're searching for a very rare breed

10:38

of spider because it has this super

10:40

Venom that can do all sorts of crazy

10:42

things and they tell us that nobody has

10:45

ever captured One Alive before which

10:47

seems pretty improbable if you ask me

10:50

and it's not like the spider is super

10:51

tiny or something like nobody has ever

10:53

found it before you want to see what the

10:55

spider looks like this is the spider

10:58

it's huge and bright red her security

11:00

guard is named Ezekiel Sims and he's the

11:03

bad guy in this movie when I say I

11:05

[ __ ] your mom you best believe I

11:07

actually [ __ ] your mom he says this to

11:09

her I agreed to provide security for you

11:12

because I thought thought you were close

11:13

to finding the spider what why would he

11:15

say that to her why would he be so overt

11:18

about his intentions he might as well

11:20

have told her I want this spider for

11:22

some reason and I'm not going to tell

11:24

you why but hurry up because I'm not

11:25

going to steal it from you but I totally

11:27

will also it's raining in this scene and

11:30

they even point out the rain because

11:32

Constance takes his umbrella in the next

11:34

shot Ezekiel is in the same rainforest

11:37

but the rain has just stopped I suppose

11:39

so that's strange and then Constance

11:42

immediately finds the spider that nobody

11:44

has been able to find until just now and

11:47

it's this giant bright red spider how

11:49

has nobody found this thing Ezekiel

11:52

picks up a gun and shoots everybody and

11:54

then tries to steal the spider Constance

11:56

watches this happen and says I don't

11:58

understand over and over I don't

12:01

understand oh you don't do you the guy

12:03

who clearly wants the spider shot you

12:05

and the other people around as soon as

12:07

you found the spider and you don't

12:09

understand she also says you're making

12:11

the wrong decision when he had already

12:13

shot two people like [ __ ] he already

12:16

made the decision what are you talking

12:17

about you need to give him the spider

12:20

you're pregnant think of your child the

12:23

acting during this sequence is terrible

12:25

although we do find out later in the

12:27

movie that she went to the for is to

12:29

find the spider to cure her child like

12:32

that was the whole purpose of finding

12:34

the spider right because this spider's

12:35

venom could potentially cure her unborn

12:38

child's disease so it kind of makes

12:40

sense that she doesn't want him to take

12:42

it but if he's going to kill you is it

12:44

really worth it you found one I'm sure

12:46

there's another one right around the

12:47

corner this woman is not acting like she

12:50

just got shot and then suddenly

12:52

mysterious spider people of the forest

12:54

swing down and save constant as she's

12:57

lying there dying the eding and shot

13:00

composition here is so confusing there's

13:02

this one guy who climbs down a tree and

13:05

another who's carrying two giant what

13:07

are those things they look like huge

13:09

nails or something they cut back and

13:11

forth between these spider people so

13:13

awkwardly it's so clumsily edited it's

13:16

insane and then they show this guy who's

13:18

carrying Clarence away and he's bouncing

13:21

off of trees like he's straight out of

13:23

Twilight it's pretty obvious when you

13:25

watch it that they just sped up the

13:27

footage and it looks so bad the camera

13:29

spins around constantly in this movie

13:31

and it's super disorienting the spider

13:33

people give Clarence a sort of

13:35

ritualistic spider bath where they help

13:37

deliver her baby after one of these

13:39

super spiders bites her it's followed up

13:41

with some terrible ADR she is strong she

13:44

will come back when she needs answers

13:47

these people are in a cave but there's

13:49

barely any Echo to his voice he sounds

13:52

awkwardly clear when he's barely opening

13:54

his mouth to speak it sounds like they

13:56

just plopped the raw audio on top of

13:58

this scene and then called it a

14:00

day I will be here for her we fast

14:03

forward in time and were introduced to

14:06

paramedics Cassie web and her friend Ben

14:08

played by Dakota Johnson and Adam Scott

14:11

respectively they really love to spin

14:13

the camera around in this movie and

14:15

sometimes they do it for no reason and

14:17

it's kind of distracting normally when

14:19

the camera does stunts like this it's to

14:22

emphasize the scene if someone's doing a

14:24

stunt the camera follows them and it's

14:26

like oh God that's so cool but in this

14:28

movie it feels very out of nowhere most

14:31

of the time so Cassie helps someone out

14:33

of a car but then gets trapped in it

14:35

herself as it plummets into the ocean we

14:37

then get a scene of Cassie experiencing

14:39

her powers for the first time I guess

14:42

she's a late bloomer she's in this web

14:45

very clever and then she touches a

14:47

balloon that explodes full of blood and

14:49

then she sees this huge illuminated s

14:51

sign is that an S for spider she's then

14:54

saved by Ben we see Ezekiel Sims again

14:57

but this time he's is a rich man oh jeez

15:00

he has a lot of money and he gets the

15:03

women he must have gotten Rich by

15:04

selling that very rare spider just

15:07

kidding he kept it in a cage apparently

15:09

he let it bite him so he got superpowers

15:11

and he used those powers to become rich

15:14

I always forget how hot it gets in here

15:16

with the light and everything so I have

15:17

to take my hoodie

15:19

off and then Ezekiel has a nightmare and

15:22

this scene is so bad I don't know if it

15:24

was just bad direction or what but tahar

15:27

raheem's acting in this movie is pretty

15:29

terrible he has this forced accent and

15:31

he's trying way too hard to be this evil

15:34

guy where's my spider it comes across

15:36

way too forced they took my SPID and I

15:39

think it was an overall detriment to the

15:41

character this nightmare consists of a

15:43

choly and chaotically edited scene of

15:46

these spider women beating him up using

15:48

various powers and abilities and then he

15:50

falls out of a window screaming and it's

15:52

so funny

15:59

he wakes up and then he injects Venom

16:01

into the woman he just slept with he

16:03

secretes the Venom into her with like

16:05

his skin oils or something it's very

16:08

very clever basically he used this woman

16:10

to get information from her so he could

16:12

find the underage spider girls from his

16:14

dreams that he keeps having over and

16:16

over because he watches them kill him

16:18

every single night the scene that

16:20

follows this one isn't terrible it shows

16:22

Cassie adjusting to her new found

16:24

abilities she Witnesses things that have

16:26

happened and will happen we just did

16:28

this she watches As Time folds in on

16:31

itself she's desperately trying to

16:33

control her chaotic environment only to

16:35

find that she can't control everything

16:36

even with this power I I don't know I

16:38

just have a weird feeling the next scene

16:41

however is terrible God the villain in

16:43

this movie is so cheesy I can't handle

16:45

it it's so bad and not in like the

16:48

endearing way I just can't stand the way

16:50

he talks was it worth the trouble also

16:53

apparently they were able to make a

16:54

digital render of the three girls in his

16:56

dreams like his assistant was able to

16:58

make these images of these three girls

17:00

from his dreams based entirely on his

17:03

memory it's kind of insane how accurate

17:05

they are [ __ ] those are just pictures

17:07

of the girls this next part is slightly

17:09

cheesy but I kind of liked it Cassie is

17:12

watching A Christmas Carol because

17:13

there's that scene of Scrooge visiting a

17:15

different reality and Cassie can relate

17:17

to that hate to break a te Scrooge you

17:19

can't change anything and then she

17:21

learns that she can change what's about

17:23

to happen because she has a vision of a

17:26

pigeon Dying by flying into her window

17:28

but she's able to save its life by

17:29

opening the window but it seems like her

17:31

powers are mostly random and chaotic she

17:34

has very little control over them they

17:36

just happen sporadically so I'm not sure

17:39

how they could help her at all although

17:41

she is developing her powers so she

17:43

won't know how to use them right away I

17:45

guess that kind of makes sense then we

17:46

see Cassie on the subway and she sees

17:49

flashes of things that could have

17:50

happened or things that will happen

17:52

which are all pretty violent and show

17:54

Ezekiel killing the girls and Cassie is

17:56

trying to figure out if what she's

17:57

seeing is real or not she then realizes

17:59

that this is what's going to happen so

18:01

she intervenes she forces the girls off

18:03

the train before Ezekiel can get to them

18:05

Sydney Sweeney in this movie is meant to

18:07

be a teenager and they make her look

18:09

younger by putting glasses a skirt and a

18:11

wig on her why not just put a pacifier

18:13

in her mouth I mean it wasn't really

18:15

necessary I don't think they're being

18:16

pursued by a Spider-Man looking

18:18

character this is evil Spider-Man you

18:20

know how it was the thing to make

18:22

Superman evil for the longest time

18:24

whenever you would see him he was the

18:25

evil version well I guess it's spider

18:28

man's turn even though this isn't Peter

18:30

Parker it's uh this random guy named

18:33

Ezekiel and he's uh the evil Spider-Man

18:37

and I'm saying that because his suit is

18:39

basically just a evil Spider-Man suit

18:42

it's so weird because he has very little

18:44

connection to the actual Spider-Man they

18:46

just gave him the Spider-Man suit so

18:48

they could use it in the marketing to

18:50

fool people into thinking that

18:51

Spider-Man might be in this movie

18:53

Spider-man sells in the comics Ezekiel

18:55

Sims is this old guy with super bushy

18:58

eyebrows brows I kind of wish they used

19:00

his Earth four suit instead of this

19:02

black spider suit I know black is like

19:05

the evil color although if they use the

19:07

Earth four suit people would probably

19:09

confuse him with actual Spider-Man it

19:11

just looks cooler it's got like the

19:13

buttons on the side so then Cassie

19:15

steals a taxi and they all Drive Away

19:17

these three girls get in a stolen taxi

19:20

with a strange woman because there's

19:22

this strange person in an edgy

19:24

Spider-Man suit after them and they're

19:25

all like oh jeez thank you weird lady

19:28

for saying saving us nothing weird about

19:30

this at all feels like a kidnapping

19:33

Cassie then throws madd's cell phone out

19:35

the window out of fear of them tracking

19:37

it Cassie stops the taxi and she's like

19:39

all right you guys can leave if you want

19:41

Maddie responds okay that sounds good to

19:43

me bye but before she can leave Cassie

19:46

then says uh actually never mind you

19:48

can't leave sorry no you can't so she

19:50

drives off with all of them in the car

19:52

still she brings them all into the

19:54

middle of the woods and none of them are

19:56

freaking out for some reason they all

19:58

have this nonchalant conversation Cassie

20:00

even tells them that she can see the

20:02

future and none of them freak out I can

20:05

see the

20:07

future as far as these girls are aware

20:10

they were just kidnapped by a mentally

20:12

ill woman and she drove them into the

20:14

middle of the woods and she's probably

20:15

going to leave you there so they should

20:17

be so sketched out by all this I know

20:19

they're being chased by this spider

20:21

person but still I think I would have a

20:24

lot of questions and they do they do ask

20:26

her some stuff I think I would ask to be

20:28

brought home what I wouldn't do is trust

20:30

this random person that just kidnapped

20:32

me especially when they say they can see

20:34

the future and they're saving me

20:36

apparently they've all interacted before

20:38

in some way like Maddie gave her the

20:40

finger one time who flips off an

20:42

ambulance if anything that should make

20:44

it weirder right like Cassie was picking

20:46

out targets or something it's just weird

20:49

okay what makes it even funnier is that

20:52

Cassie leaves them there she drives away

20:54

with the taxi and leaves them stranded

20:56

in the woods in the middle of nowhere

20:59

and tells them to wait my God what are

21:02

they doing she does this because one of

21:04

the girls makes a connection between

21:05

spiders and you know the spider guy who

21:08

is chasing them a

21:11

spider person and Cassie has this light

21:13

bulb go off in that moment like oh my

21:15

God my mom researched spiders there

21:17

might be a connection there never mind

21:19

the man who's chasing me who can crawl

21:21

on the walls and has spider webs all

21:24

over his suit so she drives home to read

21:26

her mom's research on spider and

21:29

immediately she flips to the right page

21:31

about the spider super Venom from spider

21:34

venom don't you guys think that's so

21:35

weird in movies when someone's about to

21:37

do research on something they pick up a

21:39

book and they flip a page and oh my God

21:41

it's right there of course here it is

21:43

she could have easily just brought the

21:45

girls with her to her place they decide

21:48

to go to a nearby Diner to get food and

21:50

Cassie is surprised when she comes back

21:53

6 hours later and they're gone did you

21:55

expect them to sit in the woods and play

21:57

Rock Paper Scissors for the next 6 hours

22:00

Cassie finds her way to the diner and

22:02

the girls are all standing on a table

22:03

dancing for a bunch of guys very normal

22:06

behavior and this is before Tik Tok or

22:09

Vine or YouTube now I might be wrong but

22:11

I don't think people were doing dumb

22:13

[ __ ] like this before internet clout was

22:15

a thing Ezekiel the evil Spider Guy

22:17

arrives he assaults this random guy and

22:19

then snaps Sydney Sweeney's neck the

22:21

camera does more of those sweet totally

22:23

not jarring flips as Toxic by Britney

22:26

Spears plays in the background it's kind

22:28

of kind of strange watching this scene

22:30

listening to Toxic by Britney Spears as

22:33

this guy in a Spider-Man suit kills a

22:35

bunch of teenage girls it's kind of

22:37

weird right is it just me or what

22:40

intoxicate me now tonally it's all over

22:43

the place you know the deaths of teenage

22:45

girls Toxic by Britney Spears Spider-Man

22:48

costume guy then we're back in the woods

22:51

with Cassie it was all a vision so

22:53

Cassie speeds off to the diner in hopes

22:56

of saving them the girls hop up on the

22:58

table and start dancing just like in her

23:00

vision this is so weird because why

23:01

aren't any of the diner workers stopping

23:04

them at mostly any restaurant or Diner

23:07

in the world You' be stopped almost

23:09

instantly if you did this but these

23:11

girls dance up on this table for a

23:13

couple minutes without anybody doing

23:14

anything so then Cassie drives the taxi

23:17

into the diner hitting Ezekiel she saves

23:19

the girls and drives away as Cassie's

23:22

driving away with the girls in her car

23:24

after driving directly into a diner mind

23:26

you and hitting someone she said says to

23:28

these girls oh my God you guys are so

23:30

stupid your futures were almost so

23:32

different you're lucky I was there why

23:34

are these girls going along with this

23:36

psycho it makes no sense I know the

23:39

spider guy was there okay but still so

23:42

these girls are just blindly putting

23:43

their faith in Cassie they have no idea

23:45

why this guy's after them Cassie has no

23:48

idea why he's after them it just makes

23:50

very little sense that these girls would

23:52

be like okay cool you can see the future

23:54

this guy is trying to kill us for no

23:56

reason let's go and hang out with in the

23:58

woods for 6 hours while we wait for this

24:01

mentally ill woman to come back and do

24:03

whatever she wants with us definitely

24:05

not the opening of a horror film so then

24:07

Cassie drives the girls to a motel and

24:09

then astral projects to the diner where

24:11

she has a telepathic discussion with

24:13

Ezekiel there's this strange flashing

24:15

light in the background during the scene

24:17

like there's a guy back there taking

24:18

pictures with the flash on over and over

24:21

it's not just to Har raheem's acting

24:23

that's bad in this movie the lines they

24:25

give him are terrible as well so you put

24:27

two shitty things together it's like

24:29

super shitty like during this scene for

24:32

example just listen to these lines those

24:34

girls cannot exist how come you get to

24:36

decide because I'm the one with the

24:38

powers did you think you could beat me

24:40

with your mind oh my God those girls

24:43

cannot exist how come you're the one to

24:45

decide because I'm the one with the

24:47

powers and honestly it feels like a

24:51

12-year-old wrote this after reading

24:53

their first comic book Cassie learns

24:55

exactly how ezekiel's poison works

24:57

because he had this during their

24:59

telepathic discussion no one survives

25:01

once enough poison enters their system

25:03

so yeah she shouldn't know anything

25:05

about how it actually works right maybe

25:07

he has the Venom in his mouth or

25:08

something he has to bite you how do you

25:10

know what it does huh so she explains it

25:12

to the girls the next morning and then

25:14

teaches them CPR so remember Cassie's

25:16

friend Ben well she has him look after

25:19

the girls so she can take a vacation to

25:21

Peru to go find this spider tribe in the

25:24

jungle somewhere that she learned about

25:25

through her mom's research so yeah she

25:28

goes to Peru and she uses a map that her

25:30

mom Drew to find them I'm sorry I don't

25:32

care how good of a friend you are to

25:34

someone if they come out nowhere and

25:36

they're like all right I'm housing these

25:38

three random girls and they're in

25:40

trouble and you don't really have a

25:42

choice they're going to stay at your

25:44

place so here you go here are these

25:46

three random teenagers even if you were

25:49

like all right fine you think you would

25:51

have some questions who are these people

25:53

why are they in trouble what's going on

25:55

why do you have to go to Peru I'm so

25:57

confused used but no Ben's like all

26:00

right sure I can't pretend to understand

26:03

what's going on here he's probably just

26:04

a massive s or something maybe if I do

26:06

this she'll notice me it's already

26:08

insane because he's brother-in-law to

26:11

someone who's pregnant like 9 months

26:13

pregnant basically she's going to burst

26:15

at any moment and then he'll have to

26:17

look after a literal newborn while

26:19

having these three random teenagers in

26:21

his house I mean okay sure while in Peru

26:24

there's this terrible edit and then

26:26

Cassie runs into the same man that saved

26:28

her mother all those years ago but this

26:30

time he's not wearing his tribal spider

26:32

gear he's just in Regular Guy clothes

26:34

now he had a change in fashion sense

26:36

over the years I suppose he can also see

26:38

the future so he knew that she would be

26:40

there so these two people literally just

26:42

met okay and then he asks her do you

26:45

trust me do you trust me um no no I

26:48

don't I don't know you who are you and

26:50

then he pushes her soul into the same

26:54

like little pool that her mother gave

26:56

birth in and she experiences visions of

26:58

her mother's life we learn that she went

27:00

to the forest in the first place in

27:02

order to find a spider that has venom

27:04

that has the ability to cure her

27:05

daughter's genetic neuromuscular

27:07

disorder I'm sorry to tell you that your

27:09

baby has Myasthenia despite what the

27:12

film tells us according to IMDb

27:14

myasthenia gravis what Cassie was

27:17

supposedly diagnosed with is not

27:19

something that can be diagnosed before

27:20

birth and it's not a genetic condition

27:23

but an autoimmune disorder Cassie tells

27:25

her mother that she succeeded in curing

27:27

her in the astral plane and then they

27:29

hug and then this random guy that she

27:31

just met in the rainforest tells her

27:33

that she's destined for great power but

27:35

her mother didn't have these same Powers

27:37

when they met in the astral plane or

27:39

whatever so she just believes that she

27:41

saw her 30-year-old daughter from the

27:43

future that's normal I would think I was

27:45

going insane so Cassie arrives at Ben's

27:48

house after her holiday in the

27:49

rainforest and she finds that they're

27:51

all missing Ben's sister-in-law was in

27:54

labor so he took her and the three girls

27:57

to the hospital Cassie gets a vision

27:59

that they all die again so she rushes to

28:01

save them and this is like a full-time

28:02

job for her now isn't it getting a

28:04

vision that these girls die intervening

28:06

and saving them and that just happens

28:07

over and over and over it's like Final

28:09

Destination you can't escape it unless

28:11

there's a Pepsi Cola sign there to save

28:13

the day you might be confused by what I

28:15

just said but just wait also thank God

28:18

nothing happened to these girls when uh

28:20

Cassie was on holiday in the rainforest

28:23

because that would have been bad thank

28:25

God their impending doom occurred only

28:28

after she got back Ezekiel the evil

28:30

Spider-Man is about to blow up the girls

28:32

with a grenade yes he's going to kill

28:34

them with a grenade I think killing them

28:36

with this super Venom would be a lot

28:37

easier than killing them with a grenade

28:39

just take your suit off and approach

28:41

them and be like hey how are you put

28:43

your hand out and shake their hands one

28:45

by one wow they're all dead now but no

28:47

this guy's filled with rage so he has to

28:49

go out with a bang I suppose how does

28:51

Cassie stop aiel this time she hits him

28:53

with a vehicle again but this time it's

28:55

even more ridiculous she steals an an

28:58

ambulance only to drive it through the

28:59

wall of a parking garage so it flies in

29:02

his Direction the funniest part is that

29:04

the vehicle would have flown over him

29:06

but he decides to jump so it hits him in

29:08

midair oh my God so that worked out well

29:11

you could have just sat there and

29:13

watched it fly over your head I guess

29:14

he's kind of like a cat you know

29:16

whenever something scary happens he

29:17

can't help but just bounce you know oh

29:20

[ __ ] if I had a dime for every time

29:22

Cassie hits Ezekiel with a vehicle in

29:24

this movie I would have two dimes which

29:26

is not a lot but it's strange that it

29:27

happened to twice the end of this movie

29:29

is so bizarre Cassie and the three girls

29:32

end up in a firework warehouse and they

29:34

start putting flares into the crates of

29:36

fireworks in order to distract Ezekiel

29:38

there's a helicopter watching the chaos

29:41

as Cassie blocks random fireworks from

29:43

hitting them with a piece of Broken

29:45

Steel or something that came out of

29:47

nowhere remember the random red s in her

29:50

vision earlier well it's from a massive

29:52

Pepsi Cola sign a rogue firework blows a

29:55

hole in the top of the building I guess

29:58

and another is shot directly at Ezekiel

30:00

so he punches it at the helicopter and

30:02

the helicopter goes down I don't even

30:04

think he meant to do that he just

30:05

punches it and it hits the helicopter

30:07

wow okay Ezekiel takes his mask off at

30:09

the end of the movie for no reason other

30:11

than for more screen time Maddie uses a

30:13

piece of metal to skate like legless

30:15

from low of the Rings for a second

30:17

because she can do that I guess Sydney

30:19

Sweeney runs at him only to get laid out

30:22

so she's now hanging on for dear life

30:24

wow thanks Sydney that was a huge help

30:27

all three of these girls are in danger

30:29

so Cassie has to make a choice instead

30:31

of saving one she decides to save all

30:33

three with her mind Powers she like

30:36

Astro projects her body to all three

30:38

girls to help them but she can't move

30:40

while doing this so I guess she's just

30:42

hoping that Ezekiel will be a good boy

30:45

and let her do it obviously he doesn't

30:47

do that and he punches her I don't know

30:49

what Cassie was thinking you might want

30:51

to take care of the threat first before

30:53

you try and save someone oh what the

30:57

hell see she didn't see that coming I

30:59

think he might try and stop you just

31:02

he's kind of been trying to do that for

31:04

the entire movie the final confrontation

31:07

the climax of the movie takes place on a

31:09

giant Pepsi Cola sign you might be

31:12

wondering how Cassie defeats Ezekiel

31:14

well she doesn't the Pepsi sign does it

31:17

falls apart in such a way where it pins

31:20

him down and then the giant s swings

31:23

down and makes him fall to his death

31:25

which mirrors his dream with the same

31:27

awful screen he then gets squished by

31:29

the giant pee from Pepsi so you can see

31:32

him as the camera zooms out with his

31:34

little face in the pee hole why is the

31:36

end of this movie a giant Pepsi ad

31:38

Cassie falls into the water below with a

31:40

ton of fireworks shooting down isn't it

31:42

kind of strange that these fireworks are

31:44

shooting literally everywhere they were

31:46

confined in a building but the

31:48

characters are outside of this building

31:50

but the fireworks are shooting

31:52

everywhere everywhere I don't get how I

31:56

get that maybe some might shoot out wind

31:57

windows or something but come on dude

32:00

where are all these fireworks coming

32:02

from like the fireworks are up here in

32:04

this building Cassie fell in the water

32:06

down here way way down how are the

32:09

fireworks shooting down this way into

32:12

the water like what it's just you know

32:14

it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to

32:16

be honest one of these fireworks even

32:18

hits her in the face while she's in the

32:20

water then we see the giant s from the

32:22

sign fall into the water why is this s

32:24

still illuminated what is powering this

32:26

s maybe the fire works are doing it or

32:28

maybe she's doing it with her mind

32:30

powers and the the vision I'm trying to

32:32

find find some sort of solution to this

32:34

I don't know why in this video in

32:36

particular I'm leaning to this side so

32:38

much I I'll I'll change it up and lean

32:40

over here Sydney Sweeney swims down and

32:43

saves her and they use CPR to revive her

32:45

and it's cute because you know she

32:46

taught them how to do that oh I guess

32:48

Cassie is blind now because of the

32:50

underwater firework that hit her in the

32:52

face the writing in this movie is so

32:54

amateur and uninspired and perun at the

32:57

very end of the this movie Sydney asks a

32:59

newly blind woman how is your eyesight

33:02

how's your eyesight what the [ __ ] do you

33:04

think to which Cassie responds I can see

33:07

better than I ever have I can see better

33:09

than I ever have and then one of the

33:11

other girls asks oh yeah can you see us

33:13

in the future and Cassie responds yeah I

33:16

can see you standing up for what you

33:18

believe in never giving up whatever the

33:20

future holds we'll be ready and you know

33:23

the best thing about the future it

33:24

hasn't happened yet God Dakota Johnson

33:27

tried to best all right but at the end

33:29

when she's trying to sound all serious

33:30

and wise it comes across so fake and

33:33

forc like oh my God she's blind now so

33:35

she's automatically a 80-year-old wise

33:38

woman that has been doing this for

33:39

decades like what also I should mention

33:42

that I think this movie was meant to

33:43

take place in 2004 they say it takes

33:45

place in 2003 but that doesn't make a

33:47

lot of sense because we see a PSP in one

33:50

scene which wasn't released in Japan

33:52

until 2004 and the Britney Spears song

33:54

Toxic didn't play on the radio until

33:56

2004 and the computer that ezekiel's

33:59

assistant is using is definitely not

34:01

from 2003 and in one shot outside the

34:04

Grand Central Station you can see the

34:06

one vanderbild building a skyscraper

34:08

that completed Construction in 2020

34:11

honestly I don't know what year this is

34:12

meant to take place in now that I think

34:14

about it it's kind of crazy how much

34:16

Dakota Johnson trashed her own movie

34:18

pretty much immediately after it

34:20

released she said this I've never really

34:22

done a movie where you're on a blue

34:24

screen and there's fake explosions going

34:26

on and someone's going explosion and you

34:28

act like there's an explosion that to me

34:31

was absolutely psychotic I was like I

34:33

don't know if this is going to be good

34:35

at all I hope that I did an okay job she

34:37

also said that movies like this are bad

34:39

because they're being made by committees

34:41

and art does not do well when it's made

34:43

by a committee I think I agree with this

34:45

I don't think that's always the case but

34:47

I think when there's too many cooks in

34:49

the kitchen most of the time it results

34:51

in a Messier outcome so yeah that's my

34:54

review of Madam web I thought it was

34:58

bad let me know what you thought of this

34:59

movie in the comment section down below

35:01

if you like this shirt you can get at

35:03

alien.com same with this hat in the

35:05

hoodie I was wearing in the beginning of

35:06

the video that's a y l en.com you can

35:10

get a whole bunch of stuff there like

35:12

this this this this this yeah that's

35:14

going to do it thanks for watching bye

35:28

the

35:37

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