Horrifying Home Design 3 (w/ Chad Chad)

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Hello and welcome back

to Jarvis Johnson! GOLD,

- [disembodied voice] Gooooooold! - The premium channel that is free.

Um. It is. It is free.

But, if you're watching this, you're premium.

And today I need help.

- I'm here. I'm here, hold on,

I'm gonna do the Superman.

- Oh, you're coming!

Is it a bird, - I'm coming!

- Is it a plane?

- No, it's not.

- It kind of looks like you're, like,

- No, I'm flying - [Jarvis] driving a car a little bit.

- Like this?

- Yeah, now it looks like you're, you know, punching I guess?

- Shoot, alright, I'll just book a flight I guess.

- Okay well, in the meantime we can do this remotely.

- This works.

- Chad Chad's here.

It was a year or two ago when we talked about

the horrible home design TikToks.

- Yeah, yeah. We did it in person.

- Do you remember anything about what we watched.

- I remember there being an alternate dimension

that's full of tigers and elephants.

- Like, we don't know that it was an alternate dimension,

but that was just kind of our guess.

- Okay, those were conspiracies.

- Those were conspiracies that we formed

because we couldn't understand why they were making the homes

the way they were making them.

Because oftentimes they would

need to be like, "Okay, so you've got

"20 children that you need to

"put into a room,"

and I'm like, I don't have that.

- That's right, I do have 20 children.

- Exactly, and so I have been inundated recently

with people sending me new, evolved versions of this.

I think they've jumped the shark,

they've jumped the tiger.

- They upped their game.

- Yeah, and so we've got a couple accounts to look at today,

the first of which is called homedesignn3D,

and the bio is "welcome to pay attention and bring you more good design cases."

- Welcome. Pay attention. - Okay.

- More good design cases.

Oh, like cases-cases?

- Not like, lawsuit cases. - Judiciary?

- No, not those types of cases.

Like a design case.

- Like bookcases!

- No, ooh, so close.

There will be bookcases, one would assume.

- Okay, I give up, alright?

- Yeah, this is more like little

situations that they solve with design.

- They designed it.

- (cackles) What is that from?

[flashback music] - [Jarvis] hashtag decoration ideas.

- [Chadx2] designed it. [laughter]

- [both] I designed it.

- That's from us, I just remembered that.

I just remembered looking at the two n's in the name on the page,

for some reason it just came flooding back.

- Designed it! I just remembered that.

- We forgot to say welcome back,

cause this is the, what, the 17th episode in this series?

- Yeah this is the 17th season I think.

- Oh yeah, 17th season, first episode.

- Because we do it every day.

- Because we do it every day and there's a playlist

linked in the description.

- There's a playlist linked in the description

of the 400 or so episodes of us doing

- Four- five now. 500.

- 500, yeah, wow, congrats to us really.

We're really sticking it out and having a really good

- We've been crushing it, we've been grinding.

- And people show up, I mean.

Everyone's just, right 8am, when the video drops,

they're there.

- The numbers are through the roof.

- They're through the roof.

- Which is why we need to watch these,

because we need to figure out how to fix our roof.

- [VO] My wife really enjoyed having kids.

Before we knew it, we had 100 children.

I worked tirelessly day and night

to save money for raising them

and to redesign the bedroom for them.

First, we built the main frame using galvanized square steel.

- You can't hack into my mainframe,

because it's built out of galvanized square steel.

- Galvanized square steel.

- Yeah, whatever that means.

- As opposed to circle steel.

- Yeah, you can't really use circle steel,

that won't hold up to the weight of 100 children, unfortunately.

- No.

- Last time they used circle steel,

and some bad stuff happened, let me tell you.

- But before we get into that,

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this video, now back to the video.

- [VO] Using galvanized square steel

and reuse the walls to divide the mezzanine

into 100 independent beds.

- What is mezzanine?

- Mezzanine is like a loft area that's not a full floor,

but it like, hangs.

- Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

- I also don't know what they

mean by "reuse the walls."

- You know.

Just reuse em.

- Weren't the walls already being used?

- Well yes, they were, that's why they're being re-used.

- Cause you can't take down the walls to then use

the walls to build the mezzanine,

cause then you don't have walls.

- Listen, have you ever built a mezzanine before?

- No.

- You can use it for the mezzanine. It's fun.

- Can you read what the caption currently says?

He hasn't quite said this part yet.

- [Chadx2] I drove a semi trailer to my aunt's house.

[laughter] - Alright, let's see where this go-

I have no- do you have any clue where this is gonna go from here?

- I'm assuming to pick up supplies or something

from his aunt?

- Right, who's got all the supplies.

- Maybe she works at Home Depot,

she gets discounts or something.

- What's funny is that they're clearly in a skyscraper,

cause you can see that they have a great view.

- [Chadx2] This is like an apartment.

- Yeah, I don't know why his aunt's house would have

supplies that he would need.

She's got extra wall.

- Right, well she works at Home Depot.

- She works in the steel beam aisle.

- [VO] I drove a semi trailer to my aunt's house

to borrow 100 mattresses,

added soft cushions against the walls,

- Okay, she has beds.

she has a lot of beds.

- How do you get a semi trailer

up to the 11th floor of your skyscraper,

and drive it through the wall.

- That's what the circle galvanized steel is for.

- Mm. I see.

But they're not using circle galvanized steel,

they're using square.

- They make the Peter Pan children

lift it on their shoulders up to the floor.

- I guess when you've got 100 - [Chadx2] Cause they have 100 of them.

- Yeah, you can really do anything

with 100 children.

- It's like the Up house, it's like one balloon, you know,

- [Jarvis] Right. - but 100 balloons?

There you go.

- 100 balloons, there you go.

That's Up.

- (laughs) Yeah.

- [VO] Added soft cushions against the walls for comfortable sleep,

and installed iron guard rails

to prevent the kids from falling at night.

I went back to my aunt's house

to get leftover renovation scraps for decorative walls.

- I went over to my aunt's house

to get leftover renovation scraps,

but it's like full walls.

- Maybe it's from the other projects that we haven't seen.

- His aunt's house is another skyscraper that they're just

gutting for parts.

- It's just full of other rooms that they've tried to design

and that they don't use anymore.

- They've just gotta reuse everything,

it's like Legos to them.

- [VO] Renovation scraps for decorative walls,

and wrote each kid's name on their door

so we wouldn't forget anyone.

- They wrote each kid's name on

the door so they wouldn't forget?

Like their own name?

- Right, cause otherwise...

otherwise they would forget what their names were.

- I think that it would be a little bit more, I guess,

plausible that one of the 99 children would forget

one of their siblings' names.

But what do I know.

I don't have 100 kids yet.

- I thought it was so that they

could do like a roll call at night

when they're walking through the prison halls and they're like,

they're there, they're there, they're there, they're there.

- Yeah, right.

- [VO] We replaced the traditional door with a large iron gate

for easy entry and exit.

- What?

- (laughs)

We replaced the easily open-able door with one that you can't

open at all and has many locks on it.

- A bank vault.

- For ease of access.

- Ah, yes. So easy.

So easy to access this door.

So glad we got rid of that hard to access handle

and knob system.

- [Chadx2] It looks like the back of a semi truck.

- [Jarvis] It does!

Probably got it from the aunt- the aunt's house.

- She has a bunch of semis laying around.

- She has a bunch of everything lying around.

- [VO] With a karaoke room next door

to foster the children's' artistic talents,

- (laughs) - They said karaoke room and

then it was a telephone box.

- You never done karaoke in a telephone box?

- I haven't, is that something I should put on my list?

- Yeah, put it on your list.

I mean, you've gotta try it.

- Okay. I've been doing karaoke wrong.

- [VO] I borrowed bookshelves from my second aunt,

placed them along the walls,

and added desks and chairs to create a study area.

- I borrowed bookshelves from my second aunt.

So there's two hoarder aunts.

- And they've got everything.

- They have everything.

Everything's secondhand.

- Everything is secondh'aunt.

- Second aunt, secondhands.

- They're not disclosing the fact

that their aunt is the CEO of Home Depot.

- [VO] Set up a statue of Confucius at a critical gas station

where the kids pray every night and do morning radio gymnastics together.

- (chuckles) Confucius in a critical gas station.

- Okay, I was on board with a statue of Confucius,

you did lose me at "a critical gas station."

- Isn't every gas station critical?

Oh, cause the statue is so gas.

- Oh, it's so gas.

And Confucius's teachings are so gas.

Where do they eat?

- They don't need to eat food,

they uh, they run on prayer.

- And knowledge.

So, the first video showed us how we might-

a design case where, if we pay attention,

we can learn how to create

a living environment for 100 kids.

So let's see what this has in store.

- [VO] How to design a bedroom for one billion children.

- (laughs)

- Okay.

- Is this the same woman, she just kept going?

- I don't even wanna do the math on that.

I think it's gonna require more than just one mother.

- Are there a billion children?

- For sure.

- There has to be, yeah.

- But it is a good chunk of the children on earth.

- Yeah, that's like all of them.

So they're all living in this apartment complex.

- [VO] The wife who loves having children

has more and more of them.

- It's still her!

- [VO] One billion children were born accidentally.

- They were all an accident?

- That's awkward.

- There's stuff you can do.

Like after the- after the first 100,

I feel like it's kind of on you to figure out.

- I would even give you the first hundred thousand.

- That's understandable.

- I do wonder if doctors would be interested in studying this person,

because all of these kids do seem like the same age.

- They do seem to be from the same, um, litter.

- I think that's... (laughs)

I think that's safe to say.

- (laughs)

- [VO] The room is so full that they can't even fit inside.

The husband uses the long lost secret of martial arts

and directly penetrates the entire floor to expand

- (intense laughter)

- (chuckles) He used his martial arts?

- And then martial arts is flying on an eagle upward.

- This is groundbreaking stuff.

- It's ceiling-breaking, actually.

But I get it, cause what's a ceiling to one might be a ground to another.

- That's so deep.

- I would call it groundbreaking, actually.

- I would call it that too.

- Okay. Well I said it first, so.

- [VO] Construct a sturdy frame

with horizontal and vertical welding.

Wrap the frame with environmentally

friendly solid wood boards for durability.

- I'm glad we're thinking about the environment.

- I love that they're environmentally conscious when it comes to

what type of wood they're using,

but not when they're having a billion children.

- Right, when they're significantly contributing to

the population of earth by a lot.

The carbon footprint...

- Crazy.

- [VO] Purchase soft mattresses from the secondhand market

to provide comfortable beds for each of the 1 billion children.

Ensuring they have their own separate sleeping space.

- Oh, the- okay, the floors are infinite.

You see how it's going down?

It's just got infinite floors. - Ohhhhhh. Okay.

- [VO] Install a ladder next to the bed

to facilitate easy access for children.

- I feel like in a world where there's a billion of you,

there's no way for anyone to have easy access to anything.

- [Chadx2] There's also no ladders to the different floors.

- Some of these kids have to jump down 100 floors

in order to get to the bottom

- It's like, at the bottom is one of those indoor skydiving thingies.

- (laughs) yeah, and they like-

- So they jump off and then - They're just floating

- they dive down until they get-

They're like-

- [VO] Sitter installing living rooms, similar to those

found in shopping malls, between floors.

Prioritize the needs of the one billion children,

making it easier and more convenient for them

to navigate between floors.

- I don't know, I was trying to make sure that you can

actually access all of these escalators from floor to floor.

You would need them on all sides.

- Right, you need one that goes up and one that goes down.

- [Chadx2] It's just like your bed, and then down.

There's no way to even get to the escalators

unless you are directly in front of the escalators.

- I'm starting to think the skydiving

option was better than this.

- I think it was more economical,

cause this just doesn't work.

- No. So that was homedesignn3D,

but that's not the only account in this space.

visionofluxury08.

- Ohh, but they have the same costume on.

- [Jarvis] Yeah, they have the same dad.

- [Chadx2] That's the same guy.

- [VO] David save a thousand of dollars to buy a house.

- (laughs)

- I just first off want to say congrats to David.

- I saved $10,000 building this house so that

I could buy this outfit.

- [Jarvis] So I could have the best floral jumpsuit in the game.

- [VO] David happily goes to open the door,

and this 0.1 square meter coffin room even feels a bit cramped.

And in the end, he collapses and needs to be reinstalled.

- (laughs) - (laughing) what????

He as a person needs to be reinstalled?

- Have you ever been reinstalled?

- I feel like that's just a...

a different way to say sleep.

Like, I need to go to sleep.

- No, sometimes I get like a blue screen of death.

He saved thousands of dollars for a house,

but then it's so small that even

a cockroach would be cramped there.

And then the cockroach falls off to its death.

But luckily David, before he falls to his death,

- [Chadx2] The eagle saves him. - [Jarvis] Saved by an eagle, yeah.

- [Chadx2] Why is he being so dramatic?

he's literally- he got saved.

- That's true.

Honestly, he should shut up.

- Honestly, he should shut the hell up,

it's not that big of a deal.

- Doesn't he have a billion children to look after?

- What are you gonna do?

Cry about it?

- [VO] Make a bed cabinet to store

rarely worn clothes and luggage boxes.

Spread soft mattresses on top,

and both David and his girlfriend can sleep well.

- Do they know that they're about to have all of the children?

- (chuckles) This a prequel.

- Yeah, it's like an origin story.

It's like wow, we used to live in that tiny little shoebox,

and look at us now.

- If we have a billion kids,

we'll have to have more space.

- Maybe someone bet them that they could have a billion children,

and they were like, I'll show you.

And they were like, I'll bet you this whole skyscraper.

- Yeahhhh. It was Elon Musk. - Right.

- I'll give you this entire skyscraper

if you can birth a billion children.

- And they said no problem.

David called his eagle and they got to work.

- [VO] Install a wall mounted toilet.

Now David enjoys the fun.

- (laughs)

- Hell yeah.

- Now David enjoys the fun.

- Give me a wall mounted toilet and I'm enjoying the fun.

- Now David's gonna enjoy the fun.

- I just want to drop through the ceiling onto the toilet, you know?

That's how I know he's living the life.

- He thinks he's got all the money in the world

cause he saved that- that 10k.

- He does, and he has no clue what's coming.

He has no clue how many children

he's about to have to provide for.

- How could you?

How could you know?

- [VO] It is more comfortable to take a shower here.

Don't forget to make a water tank to block smoke.

- So you can take a shit and take a bath at the same time.

- Two birds, one stone.

- Two turds, one- one stone.

Two turds, one.... throne!

- That's it. Two turds, one throne.

That's actually beautiful.

- [VO] At the end, look at this very beautiful tiny bedroom.

- Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.

- [Chadx2] Why did he just walk off a ledge?

- It's fine, David.

- What happened to all that fun we were having David?

Remember all the fun we had.

- I think he's just gotten cocky with that eagle

that he's just walking off in the nothingness,

and he's like, my eagle will catch me.

- My eagle's got it, my eagle's good.

- Yeah, don't even worry about me.

- [VO] The clever husband opts for

a single bed in the bedroom for his son.

- He's strong.

- He's strong. Phase through the bed,

holding the bed by himself,

and where does he have time to do this

when he has to interview guests on Hot Ones.

- I was gonna say he looks like Hitman.

- (laughs) Yeah.

- [VO] Clothes and toys scattered everywhere,

and no place for a study desk.

The frustrated wife decides to renovate the entire room.

- Oh my God. - Woah.

- [Jarvis] And she did it in a red dress.

- [Chadx2] And heels.

Now that's a woman.

- Now that's a woman.

I'm glad you said it.

- [VO] Upon entry, the husband gets a punch.

- Oh no, we don't like that.

I'm- now- No, sorry, we take it all back.

Please do not do domestic violence.

- We can't do domestic violence, this is not-

- Even if your husband is Agent 47,

- You can't punch him.

- Yeah, and he has a bunch of toys everywhere.

- [VO] While a thin cabinet stores essentials and provides a

handy spot for hanging coats.

- [Chadx2] He's got like, business casual...

- He's on his Andrew Tate tip,

he's been watching manosphere TikToks.

- (laughs) - He's been going to the gym

and trying to get his style up.

- He's been drinking not sparkling water.

- Right, he can't drink sparkling water,

that's messed up.

- [VO] Decorative wooden box is inset

for storing the son's favorite novels and comics.

Don't forget to add sockets near the bed for convenient charging.

- Don't forget.

- Don't forget to stick the socket onto the wall.

- Just stick it on there. Easy.

- [VO] Utilize the other side for a spacious study desk,

promoting high study efficiency.

- Okay. I don't know if this desk is promoting high study efficiency.

- High study efficiency.

It's just a desk, it's not like a crazy efficiency desk.

- [Jarvis] Well that's the last thing

- [Chadx2] Oh, I don't like that. - [Jarvis] you see before you die.

- I don't like that!

- So like here, this is a young Vladimir Putin (laughs).

- (laughs) It looks exactly like him!

- It really does.

I think these people would really benefit from

not living in a city center.

Because they have so little space,

but they require living in a fucking 25th floor apartment.

- Yeah, they're like, we have to live in the city

to the point that we live in a closet.

- Yeah, but it's like, not even living in the city,

it's like, you don't need to live in this big, tall building.

You could live in a normal apartment.

- [Chadx2] Putin said he wanted that.

- True, he did say he needed to promote high study efficiency.

- [VO] Promoting high study efficiency.

With a staircase made of wooden crates,

conveniently store the child's smelly socks.

- Okay. - Alright.

- Why are his feet catching a stray here?

- Why are they roasting him?

- [Jarvis] These socks were like in their packaging still.

- Then we put this little shit's stinky socks in the drawer.

- His stinky ass socks.

- Stinky ass little kid.

- [VO] At the end, look at this stylish and beautiful bedroom.

- Do you have any final thoughts

on Vladimir Putin and his bedroom?

- I think it promotes high study efficiency.

- Wait, so like. He put in this gigantic bed for a child,

and then is like, oh there's not any room for anything else,

and then his wife got really mad at him,

so she destroyed it all.

- She's just like, this is fucked up.

Fix it.

- [Jarvis] It's kind of a very nice bedroom for a young boy

living in his high rise New York apartment.

- That's a bigger room than I had growing up.

- Oh yeah.

Way higher study efficiency too.

- I didn't have like, walls though.

So this is way better than my room.

- You didn't have walls?

- No. (chuckles)

- They got reused to the mezzanine?

- They got reused to build my aunt's house.

I'm actually serious, I didn't have-

we had like- the upstairs of our house wasn't finished,

and so our rooms were separated by curtains.

- Oh, okay.

- [VO] In this small living room,

instead of the typical setup

with a bulky couch and a cumbersome coffee table,

- Hold on.

What's wrong with a bulky couch and a cumbersome coffee table?

I quite like my bulky couch.

- Those are the main staples of a living room,

so I think it's okay if they take up a lot of space.

- In fact, when people sit on my couch,

they're like, good thing this couch is so bulky.

- Good thing this couch is so bulky

and this coffee table is so cumbersome.

- Yeah. Cause it holds all the things

and comforts me in the ways that I need.

- [VO] Which often accumulates dust

and becomes a hiding spot for secrets.

- (mimicking VO) Becomes a hiding spot for secrets.

How much am I sounding like the guy?

Wait, I'm practicing.

- I actually thought you resumed the video.

- Oh really? I don't believe you.

- (laughs)

- (mimicking) Which often accumulates dust.

- That's really good.

- Dust is always going to be a problem.

- Not if you do what they're about to tell you to do though.

- Okay, well. What do I know?

I don't have an account dedicated to this.

- [VO] Which often accumulates dust

and becomes a hiding spot for secrets.

- What sort of secrets do you think they're hiding in the living room?

Under the couch.

- Financial ones, government ones,

- Government ones, like the nuclear launch codes?

- Putin ones, yeah.

- Did you say Putin ones?

- Putin ones.

- Are those the types of secrets when you have in the diarrhea,

you have pootin'.

- That you write down in your diarrhea.

- Yeah you- pootin' secrets. Pooting.

- Pooting secrets in your diarrhea.

- Ye- yeah.

[crickets chirping]

And you have great fun.

- Good job.

- Thank you.

- [Chadx2] No, it's a fist.

- Hey, whoa whoa whoa.

I didn't- hey, I'm not a husband over here, I'm not-

- But- I-

- Okay, I'll bring it slow.

- Yeahhhh.

- Nice.

- [VO] Utilize the space efficiently

by turning the platform's edge into a functional desk

for tea drinking and office work.

- Why do we need a desk in every single room?

- If you're on your grindset,

if you're hustling hard,

you never know when you're gonna have to bust out the tea

and the laptop and get to work.

- I don't get it.

Cause I'm not on my grindset.

- You wouldn't understand.

- Not on the grind.

- So you can't really criticize those on their grindset

if you are not yourself on thine grind.

- Thine grind?

- Thine grind.

- Thine grind.

- (laughs)

- Place thick cushions on the platform for comfortable seating.