this breakup changed my life.

Mai Pham
1 Apr 202445:07

Summary

TLDRIn this heartfelt video, the creator opens up about their personal journey of self-discovery and growth over the past months. They delve into their experiences with social media, the pressure of public perception, and the pivotal moments that led to significant changes in their life, including a move to New York. The video is an authentic exploration of introspection, vulnerability, and the importance of staying true to oneself amidst external influences.

Takeaways

  • 💭 The importance of taking a step back from social media and external validation to focus on personal growth and self-discovery.
  • 🌟 Recognizing the impact of personal experiences and heartbreaks on shaping one's identity and content creation.
  • 📚 The transformative power of journaling and writing down thoughts to gain clarity and self-understanding.
  • 🚫 The dangers of being overly influenced by external factors such as social media trends and the opinions of others.
  • 🔄 The cyclical nature of seeking external validation and the need to address internal issues rather than running away from them.
  • 🌱 The process of self-reflection leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life, including finding joy in simple pleasures.
  • 🏡 The significance of curating a personal space that reflects one's true preferences rather than societal trends.
  • 💪 The role of discipline and self-care in personal development, including physical fitness, meditation, and a consistent routine.
  • 💔 The acceptance of change and growth, understanding that compatibility and personal evolution may lead to the end of certain relationships.
  • 🌐 The impact of one's beliefs and thoughts on their reality, and the importance of being conscious of what is consumed and absorbed.
  • 💌 The value of expressing love and positivity, even in small interactions, to improve one's own life and the lives of others.

Q & A

  • How did the YouTuber describe their emotional state at the beginning of the video?

    -The YouTuber described feeling nervous, awkward, and like they were making a confession video, indicating a high level of vulnerability and emotional intensity.

  • Why did the YouTuber disable their Instagram?

    -The YouTuber disabled their Instagram because they realized they were overly concerned with how others perceived them and were curating their Instagram to project a certain image, which they recognized as unhealthy.

  • What was the catalyst for the YouTuber's shift in focus from YouTube to their clothing line?

    -The catalyst was the YouTuber's realization that they were seeking external validation and focusing too much on social media opinions, leading them to explore their clothing line as a way to redirect their energy and focus.

  • How did the YouTuber's heartbreak influence their life and content creation?

    -The heartbreak led to a period of introspection and personal growth, which in turn influenced their content to become more focused on self-care, personal development, and aesthetic interests.

  • What was the significance of the number '222' in the YouTuber's experience?

    -The number '222' held significance as a potential angel number, symbolizing balance and the union of masculine and feminine principles. It appeared in their life at a pivotal moment, reinforcing their belief in the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

  • How did the YouTuber's move from LA to New York impact their subscriber count?

    -The move to New York coincided with a significant increase in their subscriber count, growing from 1.8 million to 3 million within a year, suggesting that the change in environment and content focus had a positive impact on their channel's growth.

  • What personal changes did the YouTuber make after their heartbreak and move?

    -After the heartbreak and move, the YouTuber began practicing celibacy, journaling, reading books, learning about spirituality, affirmations, crystals, and meditation. They also started focusing on self-care, including going to the gym, maintaining a regular sleep schedule, and spending time outdoors.

  • What advice does the YouTuber give to their audience regarding self-discovery and personal growth?

    -The YouTuber advises their audience to write down their thoughts and ideas, engage in self-reflection, and be less influenced by external sources. They encourage finding joy in the little things in life and being true to oneself rather than constantly seeking external validation.

  • How did the YouTuber's content evolve after their personal transformations?

    -The YouTuber's content evolved to reflect a greater focus on self-care, personal development, and aesthetic interests. They began creating content that aligned more with their newfound passions and personal style, leading to a shift in their content's tone and subject matter.

  • What impact did journaling have on the YouTuber's life?

    -Journaling had a profound impact on the YouTuber's life, helping them process emotions, gain clarity, and track their personal growth. It allowed them to reflect on their experiences, understand their feelings, and make decisions that aligned with their personal values and desires.

Outlines

00:00

🌟 Personal Reflection and YouTube Hiatus

The speaker begins by sharing their personal struggle with a recent four-month period of life changes and heartbreak. They candidly discuss their decision to take a break from YouTube after a decade of consistent posting, highlighting their feelings of anxiety and fear about how their content might be received. The speaker also talks about their shift in focus from social media to their personal projects, such as their clothing line, and how this change has led to a newfound sense of self and freedom from external validation.

05:01

🎭 The Impact of Social Media on Self-Perception

The speaker delves deeper into the influence of social media on their self-image and the pressure to curate a perfect online presence. They recount the moment of realization that they were excessively concerned with how others perceived them, leading to the deactivation of their Instagram account. The speaker then discusses the liberating effect of stepping back from social media and the importance of focusing on personal growth and authenticity rather than seeking external validation.

10:03

🌆 The Journey from LA to Self-Discovery

The speaker shares their experiences of moving frequently, from LA to different cities, and the pattern of seeking external changes to find happiness. They discuss a pivotal conversation with their therapist that led to the decision to stay put and confront their internal issues. The speaker reflects on their past impulsiveness and the newfound calm and self-awareness that came with taking a step back from social media and focusing on their personal projects.

15:06

💔 Heartbreak and its Role in Personal Growth

The speaker narrates a specific instance of heartbreak and its profound impact on their life. They describe how the emotional turmoil led to a period of introspection and self-discovery. The speaker also talks about the synchronicities they experienced, such as the angel number 222 and its significance in their life, as well as the transformative power of journaling and reflecting on past experiences.

20:08

🌱 Embracing Change and Finding Inner Peace

The speaker discusses the transformative journey they underwent after a heartbreak, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and their values. They share how they learned to embrace change and find inner peace through self-care practices like journaling, reading, and meditation. The speaker also talks about the shift in their content creation after moving to New York and the realization that happiness can be found in the simplicity of daily routines and self-love.

25:10

🌿 Minimalism and Cultivating Personal Style

The speaker explores their journey towards minimalism and the development of a personal style that truly reflects their identity. They discuss the process of decluttering their life and the insights gained from curating a living space with intention. The speaker emphasizes the importance of making decisions based on personal preference rather than external influences and the joy found in the simplicity and authenticity of their new lifestyle.

30:10

💭 The Power of Self-Expression and Introspection

The speaker encourages the audience to engage in self-expression and introspection as a means of personal growth and self-discovery. They share their own experiences with journaling and how it has positively impacted their life. The speaker advocates for the act of writing down thoughts and ideas, regardless of their perceived value, as a way to gain clarity, validate one's self, and foster creativity. They conclude with a message of self-love and the importance of being kind to oneself.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Self-reflection

Self-reflection refers to the process of examining one's own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In the video, the creator engages in deep self-reflection, particularly regarding her social media presence and personal growth. This introspection leads her to make significant changes in her life, such as disabling her Instagram and focusing on her personal development rather than external validation.

💡Personal Growth

Personal growth involves self-improvement and the development of one's character, values, and skills. Throughout the video, the creator discusses her journey of personal growth, which includes moving to New York, starting a clothing line, and learning to be content with a more minimalist lifestyle. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, meditation, and finding joy in the simple things in life.

💡Social Media Influence

Social media influence refers to the impact that social media platforms have on an individual's thoughts, behaviors, and self-perception. In the video, the creator discusses how her social media presence, particularly on Instagram and YouTube, has shaped her identity and influenced her actions. She also explores the negative aspects of constantly seeking external validation through likes and followers.

💡Heartbreak

Heartbreak is a deep emotional pain caused by the end of a romantic relationship or the loss of a loved one. In the context of the video, the creator shares her experience of heartbreak and how it has been a catalyst for significant changes in her life. She uses this experience to grow and learn more about herself.

💡Content Creation

Content creation involves the production of various forms of content, such as videos, blogs, or social media posts, to engage an audience. The creator discusses her experiences as a full-time YouTuber and the pressures and challenges associated with consistently producing content. She also talks about the shift in her content style after moving to New York and finding new sources of inspiration.

💡Minimalism

Minimalism is a lifestyle and design philosophy that emphasizes simplicity and the reduction of unnecessary elements. In the video, the creator talks about adopting a minimalist approach to her living space and wardrobe, which reflects her desire for a more intentional and meaningful life. This shift towards minimalism is part of her broader journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

💡Self-Care

Self-care refers to the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health. In the video, the creator emphasizes the importance of self-care in her life, including activities like going to the gym, reading books, and meditating. She sees these practices as essential for maintaining her mental and emotional well-being.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being genuine, true to oneself, and not pretending to be anything different from who one really is. In the video, the creator discusses her journey towards living more authentically by embracing her true self and interests, rather than being influenced by external factors like social media trends or other people's opinions.

💡Validation

Validation is the process of confirming, accepting, or recognizing the validity or authenticity of something or someone. In the context of the video, the creator talks about her previous need for external validation through social media likes and followers, and her realization that true validation should come from within.

💡Aesthetic

Aesthetic refers to the appreciation of beauty or good taste, often associated with an artistic or design perspective. In the video, the creator discusses her shift in aesthetic preferences, particularly in her home decor and personal style, as part of her personal growth and exploration of her own tastes and interests.

Highlights

The speaker discusses their experience of taking a break from social media and the impact it had on their mental health and self-perception.

They share an intimate story of heartbreak and how it led to a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

The importance of journaling is emphasized, as it allowed the speaker to reflect on their thoughts and emotions, leading to a better understanding of themselves.

The speaker talks about their move from LA to New York and how it significantly impacted their YouTube career, leading to exponential growth in subscribers.

A shift in content creation is mentioned, where the speaker began focusing more on aesthetics, self-care, and personal interests, reflecting a change in their online presence.

The concept of minimalism is explored, as the speaker describes how they got rid of unnecessary possessions and focused on what truly brought them joy.

The speaker shares a vision they had about their ideal living space, which influenced their decisions and led to a more authentic and curated lifestyle.

The impact of external influences, such as social media and societal trends, on personal beliefs and self-image is discussed, highlighting the importance of self-reflection and critical thinking.

The speaker encourages the audience to write down their thoughts and ideas, emphasizing the transformative power of putting pen to paper.

A call to action is made for the audience to be more intentional with their social media consumption and to curate their online experience to better reflect their true selves.

The speaker reflects on their journey of healing and self-improvement, sharing how they found happiness in the simple things and learned to appreciate the present moment.

The importance of being true to oneself and not being swayed by external validation is stressed, as the speaker shares their personal experiences and lessons learned.

The speaker talks about the transformative power of spring and how it can be a time for renewal and personal growth, encouraging the audience to embrace change.

The value of self-expression and creativity is highlighted, as the speaker shares their desire to make content that resonates with their audience and brings them joy.

The speaker concludes with a message of love and positivity, urging the audience to leave a positive impact on others and to strive for personal authenticity.

Transcripts

00:02

I don't even know I feel like I'm doing

00:03

a confession video right now if you want

00:05

to know this heartbreak and how bad this

00:06

was these past 4 months have been

00:08

life-changing if you're not trying to be

00:09

trauma dumped on right now maybe I do

00:12

run away from all my problems why do I

00:13

care so much about what people think of

00:15

me disabled my Instagram right then and

00:17

there my whole entire life has been

00:18

YouTube didn't realize how much I like

00:20

liked this boy okay is this video about

00:24

to be called like reading out my love

00:28

letters we're

00:31

back I always love opening up these tea

00:33

packets cuz on the back there's a little

00:35

quote and it's like o what am I going to

00:37

get today it says you are the master of

00:39

your judgments your decisions and your

00:41

actions that's so crazy that out of all

00:43

the ones I pulled this is the one that I

00:45

pulled today it's been a month since I

00:47

posted on YouTube and the reason why is

00:49

we're going to get into it today so I

00:51

actually don't know where to start I'm

00:53

going to be so honest with you and I

00:55

feel like well I filmed this video Once

00:56

edited it all and then I realized Miss

00:58

girl was going on a ramble she was she

01:01

was

01:02

speaking and it all made sense in my

01:05

head and then I watched it back and I

01:07

was like babes what happened to story

01:08

structure here like what was

01:21

that okay we're here now filming it

01:24

again and yeah I need to be honest with

01:26

you I don't know where this video is

01:27

going to

01:28

go okay uh

01:33

so there is so much that's going on in

01:35

my head that I have not talked about and

01:39

I

01:40

genuinely don't know what to say because

01:43

I don't know how everything's going to

01:44

connect together and I think that's what

01:46

I'm afraid of right now is that

01:47

nothing's going to connect together and

01:48

people are going to be like what the

01:49

[ __ ] was this video but I think that

01:49

like I can't even think about what I'm

01:51

trying to deliver to you right now or

01:52

how I'm trying to make this make sense

01:54

girl relax this isn't a [ __ ]

01:57

interview you know like that's how I

01:58

feel right now it's not that big of a

02:00

deal but to me it's a big deal because I

02:02

have not not posted on YouTube for a

02:05

month straight like I haven't like

02:07

stopped posting for this long in years I

02:10

I I don't take a month off of YouTube

02:12

and if you like don't believe me like

02:14

bro I've been doing YouTube full time

02:16

for like 6 years now I'm 21 it became my

02:18

full-time job when I was 15 and I have

02:21

been doing it for fun ever since I was

02:22

seven me being like you know what I'm

02:25

going to just stop posting and I'm going

02:27

to let myself come back whenever I feel

02:29

like coming back has never happened cuz

02:31

like YouTube is my life so it's like

02:33

when I take a step back it's like it

02:35

it are you ready to understand maybe a

02:38

little bit what I'm trying to talk about

02:39

okay I don't even know I feel like I'm

02:41

doing a [ __ ] confession video right

02:42

now you're going to learn a lot about me

02:44

today so if you're not trying to be

02:46

trauma dumped on right now like and

02:48

about like me don't watch this video

02:50

because this video is going to be a lot

02:51

of me because I think that if I try to

02:54

like say it in a way of like tell you

02:56

guys what I've learned this past month

02:57

it'll turn out like not I just should

02:59

just tell a story I'm like saying these

03:02

thoughts out loud as I'm realizing them

03:04

right now cuz I'm like so awkwardly

03:06

nervous I should just tell you guys a

03:08

story and if you guys connect with the

03:10

story then I hope you do and if you

03:12

don't I hope you're not offended or I

03:14

hope I didn't waste your time okay thank

03:16

you so much for watching I don't know

03:18

how long this video is going to be

03:22

okay I've just been really taking a step

03:26

back and like asking myself like where

03:28

the [ __ ] am I what am I doing like what

03:30

am I doing like what literally like

03:32

that's a question I I like looked at my

03:34

this was the Catalyst this was the

03:36

Catalyst ready for the story I forgot

03:38

about this to right now buckle up we

03:40

have a direction that we're headed into

03:41

right now so oh my God I remember the

03:45

first thought and how this all started

03:47

okay this was this this is it this is it

03:49

I was on my Instagram and at this point

03:51

I had like 400 300 pictures I don't know

03:53

like it's a regular [ __ ] Instagram I

03:55

had Instagram so when was this what day

03:57

is it April 1st I've been gone since

03:58

like what like February yeah February

04:00

was the last time I posted a video it's

04:02

now April but I remember maybe like

04:04

February 17th or something I hit a

04:06

million followers on Instagram so it's

04:08

like you know you're a little bit more

04:09

hyper fixated I just went to the NBA

04:11

All-Star things so I was posting again

04:13

you're a little bit more hyper fixated

04:15

on social media and like what my feed

04:16

looked like like the things that I was

04:18

posting oh my God I just had a million

04:21

and then what happened was I noticed

04:24

myself going on my feed and like going

04:26

to Archive a post because I was like uh

04:28

does this look good like hm how can I

04:30

make this look better and I like

04:31

literally caught myself in the act and I

04:33

was

04:36

like

04:39

wait why do I care so much about what

04:42

people think of

04:45

me that's what I ask myself cuz I

04:48

realized I'm like me curating my

04:50

Instagram to look this certain way to

04:53

make me look cool that meant I gave a

04:55

[ __ ] about how people perceived me and I

04:57

really stopped and I asked myself for a

04:59

second wait wait wait wait wait wait

05:01

this is not healthy this isn't good the

05:03

fact that I'm like on my own Instagram

05:05

being like like should I delete this

05:07

like is H if I delete this like is this

05:09

going to look more or if I have this

05:10

photo

05:11

first

05:13

what it's really not that [ __ ]

05:15

serious it's really not that serious

05:17

girl what are you doing you know I I

05:20

literally disabled my Instagram right

05:22

then and there disabled [ __ ] gone just

05:24

deleted the [ __ ] Instagram disabled

05:26

you can come back but disabled just

05:27

delete y I think I just realized like I

05:30

was curating this life and it's like is

05:32

this even like what I like is this what

05:34

I want or am I doing this for other

05:36

people I I kind of like thought about

05:38

that when I looked at my Instagram I was

05:39

like am I trying to put something on for

05:41

other people to like perceive me a

05:42

certain type of way why am I creating

05:44

this version of myself like is this who

05:46

I actually am because every time I go to

05:48

think about whether or not I like this

05:50

picture whether or not I like the way I

05:51

look in this whether or not this outfit

05:53

is going to get like you know like which

05:55

which outfit is better to post it's like

05:57

every time I do that I'm thinking about

05:58

everybody else and everybody else's

06:00

opinions and what's trending what's not

06:02

trending what's cool what's embarrassing

06:04

do people like this do people like that

06:06

like what kind of story

06:10

what I bet you a lot of y'all watching

06:12

this video haven't [ __ ] posted in

06:13

Instagram in how long so long right yeah

06:16

girl I know why because you're [ __ ]

06:18

scared I would be too it's a Scary World

06:20

out there you don't know it feels like

06:22

such a big identity thing oh my God

06:25

started with my Instagram and then I

06:27

don't know I just I started working on

06:29

alchemi a lot as well so then I just

06:31

started becoming a little bit busier so

06:33

it was just harder for me to get videos

06:34

out and then a week went by and I was

06:37

like oh no Instagram no YouTube and then

06:41

like another couple days went by and I

06:42

was like should I just and then I just

06:45

naturally started getting busy and I put

06:47

my attention into something else for the

06:48

first time ever and it wasn't YouTube

06:50

which was interesting because my whole

06:52

entire life has been YouTube that has

06:54

been my job that has been my hobby that

06:56

has been my life is being a YouTuber and

06:58

making YouTube videos and I've never

07:01

been passionate about anything other

07:03

than YouTube and videos that's the only

07:06

thing I've like I've been passionate

07:07

about other things obviously like I've

07:09

had other hobbies and stuff but I've

07:10

never felt a drive like I felt from

07:12

doing YouTube videos and I've been doing

07:14

that for so so so long now and so I've

07:16

never taken a step back from social

07:18

media and never taken a step back from

07:20

Instagram and Tik Tok and I've never

07:22

taken a step back before because like

07:24

that's the only thing I like had to

07:26

focus on but then I started working on

07:28

my clothing line and and I just never

07:31

really put that much energy into it

07:32

before like to me alchemi was just like

07:34

I just really liked the product so then

07:36

I started to sell it and then I just had

07:38

to think about a design every couple

07:41

months make it and then that was it like

07:43

I didn't put too much thought into it it

07:45

just started out because I wanted to

07:46

make something and I liked the thing

07:48

that I was making and then I just

07:49

dropped it here and there right so when

07:51

I took the attention off of YouTube and

07:53

I started putting it into that I like

07:54

genuinely just stopped thinking about

07:57

what the [ __ ] people thought about me

07:59

because

07:59

wait you want to know why cuz then I

08:01

realized oh my God it is not normal to

08:05

have everybody's opinion on you 24/7 and

08:08

I and I'm sure you relate to this as

08:09

well this is like your family around you

08:11

your friends around you the people that

08:12

you see every single day those people

08:14

are influencing you and me I I wasn't

08:17

really seeing that many people you know

08:19

like I I wasn't hanging out with a lot

08:20

of people this past month so it was

08:22

mostly just me and my thoughts and you

08:24

know obviously sometimes here and there

08:25

I'm hanging out with people but like I'm

08:26

not cons I wasn't consistently

08:28

surrounding myself with anything thing

08:30

and I wasn't I wasn't hearing other

08:32

people for this past month basically

08:34

like I I was just alone in my head and

08:36

with my clothing line and if I made a

08:38

design with my clothing line why am I

08:40

saying my clothing line I can't just say

08:41

alchemi I don't know I just like say my

08:43

clothing line cuz I feel like you guys

08:44

don't know what alchemi is cuz I'm like

08:46

wait what who else would be the

08:47

demographic buying alchemi it' be you

08:49

guys like that's why I'm like girl why

08:51

you saying your clothing line and I've

08:52

been like making the designs and stuff

08:54

but the thing is like doing other things

08:55

like this it's like you don't have to

08:57

[ __ ] post it that same day that same

08:59

week and have thousands of people judge

09:01

your work and your creativity and your

09:03

you know what I mean and that's

09:04

literally what social media is like it's

09:06

like you make a YouTube video you make a

09:07

story you make a short whatever the [ __ ]

09:09

you talk to people in real life you're

09:10

dressed a certain way you go to school

09:13

wearing a whole new outfit you go to

09:14

work with your hair different it's like

09:16

oh my God immediately you have judgment

09:18

right in front of your eyes right and I

09:20

feel like I just deprived myself of that

09:21

for the past month and what the [ __ ]

09:23

like it's been the most insane month

09:25

ever like I feel more myself than I ever

09:27

have before and we're going to get into

09:29

we're going to get into that but yeah I

09:32

just have been able to create and do

09:34

things and do whatever the [ __ ] I want

09:36

to do for the past month without the

09:37

opinions of others and I've just been

09:39

really been able

09:40

to sit with

09:43

myself and figure out where I'm I'm

09:45

going with this I have always been

09:48

somebody that just loves new and and

09:51

different things and I've always been

09:53

like a very impulsive person and I feel

09:55

like that's been the backbone of my

09:56

YouTube channel but I feel like I've

09:57

calmed down a lot in the past like year

09:59

or two and you know I moved a bunch when

10:02

I was younger when I was 15 I moved out

10:04

and by the time I was 18 living in La I

10:06

think I moved to six different houses in

10:08

three different cities like it was a lot

10:10

and when I got to La I was noticing

10:12

myself being like I want to move to New

10:13

York like I want to move to New York and

10:14

then I literally went to like my

10:15

therapist office and she was like girl

10:16

like don't you see a pattern like don't

10:18

you see a cycle well she didn't say that

10:20

but like this [ __ ] incense smoke [ __ ]

10:25

my throat is dry right now I sound like

10:28

I smoke 50 [ __ ] packs a day e why am

10:30

I so vulgar 50 [ __ ] packs a day can I

10:34

get some water one sec I'll come

10:37

back okay okay okay this incense smoke

10:41

is crazy right now so yeah I'm in my

10:43

therapist office she's like girl like

10:44

there's a cycle going on and then I

10:46

realize oh [ __ ] you're right like maybe

10:48

I do run away from all my problems and

10:49

maybe I do seek external validation and

10:52

I seek stuff outside of me to fulfill me

10:54

and I think that that is going to make

10:56

me happier and I think that oh my God if

10:58

I moved here then I would have this

10:59

friend group and I would do this with my

11:01

life and I would have these hobbies and

11:02

if I just had this and if I just had

11:04

that I would just be a little bit more

11:06

happy and so that's why I moved every 6

11:08

months because I would get to where I

11:09

wanted to be and then I'd be like all

11:11

right on to the next on to the next and

11:13

on to the next and I was like oh

11:16

[ __ ] um I don't think it's the city

11:19

problem I think it's a you problem and I

11:21

was

11:22

like caught your ass you're right so

11:25

then what did I do I was like you know

11:27

what Ma you are going to be a big girl

11:29

girl you're going to discipline yourself

11:31

and you're going to say you are not

11:34

allowed to move until you finish your

11:36

lease and I was like you know what yeah

11:38

you're right you're right let's let's be

11:39

responsible here okay so I just lived my

11:43

life I I lived my life and I uh was so

11:46

[ __ ] bored out of my mind because I

11:47

didn't really have friends and I didn't

11:49

really leave my house like I didn't

11:50

really leave past my like community and

11:53

I was like literally 17 years old at

11:55

this time you know so I have like so

11:56

much [ __ ] energy like at the end of

11:58

the day I'm still a [ __ ] teenager

11:59

like like I need something to do I was

12:00

like okay how can I make my life here in

12:02

La entertaining so I just started waking

12:05

up like I wish I was joking guys I

12:07

didn't know what the [ __ ] to do so I was

12:08

like let's just go go go mode so at this

12:10

time I was like going through a little

12:11

bit of heartbreak too and you know when

12:12

you go through a little bit of

12:13

heartbreak you're

12:14

like go time go time it's [ __ ] go

12:18

time granted also if you want to know

12:20

the impact that this had on my life and

12:22

the where the story is going this

12:24

heartbreak was the worst [ __ ]

12:25

heartbreak ever like I think let me let

12:27

me grab the journal

12:34

I promise you guys this story is going

12:36

somewhere please believe me

12:40

okay if you want to know this heartbreak

12:42

and how bad this was and how pivotal

12:44

this was for my life this was a book

12:48

called It's like literally faded to all

12:51

the boys I've ever given a [ __ ] about

12:53

and it like had his name here in pepp in

12:55

pen and I crossed out to all the like

12:57

boys I wrote to all the and I wrote his

13:00

name and like you can see this journal

13:02

is [ __ ] used

13:06

bro like there's so much in here and

13:10

it's a whole book and it's like

13:12

literally almost done and it

13:17

starts this book starts in New York City

13:20

because I was traveling to New York City

13:22

while I was living in LA in August 28th

13:25

2021 I said I have so much to write

13:28

about I don't even know where to start

13:30

first of all this is just the start of a

13:31

new Journal wow this is my first time

13:34

finishing a journal oh my gosh what no

13:37

way I guess my journaling this is what I

13:39

mean when I say guys like this point in

13:41

my life when I lived in La was like the

13:42

most pivotal point of my life because do

13:44

you see how many journals I've done

13:46

since 2021 like I I I wow like when I

13:51

explain to you where this story is going

13:53

like you guys can really see my inner

13:54

thoughts and like how like what was

13:56

going on this is my first time finishing

13:59

Journal it feels so good I can't wait to

14:02

go back and be able to read all of these

14:06

no

14:09

way I can't believe this is my first

14:11

time rereading it oh my God oh my God oh

14:13

my God okay

14:18

okay oh my God I was listening to the

14:21

song make you mind like I literally

14:22

wrote on on here what song I was

14:26

listening

14:27

to okay

14:29

this plane ride is finally over and dude

14:31

I was thinking about you the whole

14:37

time I'm thinking back to the night we

14:40

both told each other we liked each other

14:42

and G that moment was a moment I will

14:44

always

14:46

remember I don't know what was in the

14:48

[ __ ] air that

14:55

night you know that I want to be with

14:58

you all the

15:02

time damn bro I really liked this boy um

15:06

sorry I like literally didn't realize

15:08

how much I like liked this boy and now

15:10

that I think about it I'm like oh my God

15:13

girl I literally wrote 222 I said I

15:15

don't know if I believe in angel numbers

15:17

but it's so crazy what happened today so

15:19

I was I so I post this whole thing about

15:23

about this guy on Instagram and I had a

15:24

fan DM me 222 she noticed I mentioned it

15:27

three times in the story and then oh

15:29

okay I get it so I guess I was talking

15:30

about something and then I mentioned the

15:32

number two and the number of times that

15:34

I mentioned two in the story was three

15:36

times so it turned out to 222 and this

15:38

girl sent me this thing about 222 and

15:40

she says she sends a link and I read it

15:42

222 and a sense of balance the state of

15:45

Perfect Balance according to Carl Jung

15:48

it is the union of masculine and

15:50

feminine principles or the meeting place

15:52

between the conscious and subconscious

15:54

mind therefore 222 can signify where a

15:56

Time Everything feels right and that

15:58

this could be a moment when you were

15:59

able to come to terms with your past and

16:01

move on from it and then I said the guy

16:03

that I was talking about was literally

16:05

talking to me about that last night

16:07

exactly like oh my God I remember she

16:09

sent me the link and then it had a

16:10

reference to Carl Jung and like what it

16:12

means and then this guy that I was

16:13

talking to the night before was

16:15

literally talking to me about Carl Jung

16:16

for the first time so I go on my spam

16:18

account story to talk about this guy and

16:20

like the things that he was talking

16:21

about you know what I'm going to try to

16:23

find the stories but but but but I guess

16:25

she sent me this link and it just

16:26

started talking about the same thing

16:27

that this guy was talking about and the

16:28

reason why she found this link was

16:30

because I mentioned 222 nothing to do

16:32

with the Carl Jung thing but it's

16:33

because the 222 and you know what's so

16:35

crazy I don't like I don't know what the

16:37

f okay I'm just going to be so honest

16:38

with you guys like I know some people

16:39

are going to think I'm crazy for this

16:40

whole Angel Number [ __ ] cuz like I don't

16:42

know what I believe in and stuff but I

16:43

do think that whatever you believe in

16:45

and whatever you your like genuine

16:47

belief and faith is in your reality is

16:49

going to shift to be whatever you

16:50

believe in because like whatever you

16:52

have in your head you're going to start

16:54

seeking things out to validate yourself

16:56

and and I think that if your your mind

16:57

is on you believe something like this

16:59

then you're going to try to find some

17:00

sense of meaning right understand and

17:01

it's like the stronger you believe

17:03

whatever it is you believe in the

17:04

stronger you believe the more the belief

17:06

will happen basic principles so this

17:08

whole Tut three thing why the [ __ ] did I

17:10

write about this and like literally a

17:12

month ago not even 3 weeks ago I was

17:14

going to book this flight because I was

17:16

just so like I was at this turning point

17:18

in my life not this turning point I

17:20

didn't realize it was a turning point

17:22

until right now in this moment when I'm

17:23

realizing that it's a turning point

17:25

because I'm reading this okay we're you

17:27

guys are probably like this girl is

17:28

[ __ ] crazy why am I watching a 30

17:30

minute podcast at this point of this

17:32

girl time is currently 6:30 a.m. and

17:35

tell me why my first thought this

17:36

morning was let me get on a plane and go

17:38

to the Bahamas did something happen yes

17:40

something did happen am I upset a little

17:42

like I let myself sleep on it okay girl

17:44

that price just bumped up I'm going to

17:46

go check this on my laptop cuz what the

17:48

[ __ ] they are taxing me right now call

17:50

to book I don't want to call to bit let

17:53

me just try to get a one way because

17:54

what the [ __ ] all of a sudden oh my God

17:55

oh my God oh my God look it says $199 it

17:58

says $199

17:59

$9 we're getting a flight right now that

18:02

the flight is at 8:30 a.m. though okay

18:04

okay okay to literally get in the Uber

18:05

right after this to try to catch this

18:06

fight girl where are my credit cards

18:09

yikes where is my other credit card oh

18:12

my God my laptop just died it just died

18:14

it just died [ __ ] I'm not seeing no

18:16

sign from the universe today mm- it

18:18

doesn't work like that look at this it

18:19

says laptop dead mm- my P is telling me

18:22

to go I think the universe is trying to

18:24

tell me be mature stay back deal with

18:27

your emotion stop running away and I

18:29

said [ __ ] you just kidding I love you

18:31

listen A girl's got to do what she's got

18:33

to do oh my God look at this guys look

18:35

at this look at this you can't tell me

18:37

that's

18:38

insane and then like literally I was so

18:42

anxious and I remember like sitting on

18:44

the train and being like Oh my God like

18:46

God please give me a sign like [ __ ]

18:51

anything please because I was talking to

18:52

my friend the other day and they were

18:53

like yeah you just need to like anyways

18:56

anyway and then my receipt you know what

18:59

oh my God I have film pictures of us in

19:02

here oh my God speaking about signs

19:04

literally on November 27th I literally

19:06

wrote I'm so confused I need a sign I

19:08

don't know what's meant to happen I'm

19:10

getting so many signs I just don't

19:12

understand I guess please just give me a

19:14

sign wow what I was just talking about

19:16

right there about like Signs and if you

19:18

seek things out and the fact that I just

19:20

found this page that says the end I'm so

19:23

confused I need a sign like I guess I

19:25

finished this journal off like oh my God

19:28

and then this soundtrack I was listening

19:29

to I played in the background it says

19:31

falling in love with someone you can't

19:35

havea I said damn it's been a full week

19:37

since I've written about you I'm

19:39

listening to the music that I used to

19:43

write so many I wrote essays what I I

19:47

went I wrote essays because I meant like

19:48

I used to write so many pages about like

19:50

how I was feeling about him so I said

19:52

I'm listening to the music that I used

19:53

to listen that I used to write essays

19:55

about you too this feels so weird I want

19:58

to cry because this brings me back to

19:59

New York when I wrote about you Non-Stop

20:01

and now I'm starting to forget about you

20:04

oh my god at this point it had been

20:05

since August from March April May June

20:08

July August September October November

20:11

August September October at this point

20:13

it had been like only 2 months and I was

20:15

like just like writing about how like

20:17

I'm starting to forget about

20:25

it honestly I think that we might be

20:27

done

20:31

I I know I shouldn't be manifesting this

20:33

but I truly believe that we are not

20:35

right for each

20:38

other there's going to be lots more

20:40

people out there that'll treat me like

20:42

the queen I

20:44

am holy [ __ ] I'm having a full circle

20:49

moment right now and like I don't know

20:50

if this is too vulnerable to share but

20:52

like I shouldn't have to beg for the

20:55

bare minimum from you I want my

20:59

future boyfriend to be excited to call

21:01

me and be excited to text

21:04

me I

21:14

guess but we were just not compatible

21:17

and that's okay we were not good with

21:20

each other most definitely learned a lot

21:22

from you but we were not compatible and

21:24

that's okay LOL wow and I was just

21:27

saying in my video to day literally that

21:29

I filmed today and I was saying like you

21:32

just have to be compatible with the

21:33

person and this is no wrong or right on

21:35

anybody this is literally just like we

21:36

were not compatible and you got to make

21:38

sure that you feel good around the

21:40

people that you're with and that they

21:41

should uplift you and like be there

21:43

anyway and I can't believe I wrote

21:53

that honestly whatever is the first word

21:56

that came to my head what happened

21:58

happened what a fun chapter in my age of

22:00

18 that was a fun four months that

22:02

changed my life one day I'll read these

22:04

all back and laugh obviously a little

22:06

upset but it's different I'm not

22:08

thinking I want you it's more like a

22:11

wait I'm crying it's more like wait I

22:13

guess I was crying in this moment but

22:15

it's different I'm not thinking I want

22:17

you it's more like a wait I'm crying

22:20

it's more like a we were two teens

22:23

having fun there was innocence about it

22:25

which I don't know if I'll find again

22:27

but I don't know if that's what I want I

22:28

just know that it was one of a kind I

22:31

know I won't love like that again a oh

22:35

wait this is my first time reading

22:38

this and I was literally talking about

22:41

this today in my get ready with me video

22:45

which maybe I'll play maybe I'll post

22:47

that after this

22:49

actually but like I was just trying to

22:51

find a story time to tell and I was like

22:53

let me tell this story time about how

22:54

like um I self-sabotaged myself when I

22:57

was like a teenager like and I was just

22:58

telling this story but like now I'm like

23:01

reading my inner thoughts for the first

23:02

time and I'm like this is so crazy sorry

23:04

not to cry but I like haven't felt these

23:08

emotions I love being a girl okay okay

23:12

is this video about to be called like

23:14

reading out my love

23:18

letters

23:22

okay I know I won't love like that

23:27

again I found my age with you I felt

23:31

like this was a chapter I skipped over

23:32

and went back

23:34

to it felt so good being a teen just

23:38

blindly in love oh my God I wrote about

23:40

that because I grew up really fast I

23:43

need to stop

23:46

crying oh my god

23:50

wow okay I wrote that because like I

23:54

grew up really fast so I never really

23:55

got to experience like what it was like

23:57

going to college and what it was like

23:59

like having a teen romance like I didn't

24:01

like have a boyfriend in high school I

24:02

like never really had a boyfriend like

24:05

once in Middle School in six grade but

24:06

like I never had a boyfriend up until

24:08

like I was out of high school so I never

24:10

got to experience what it was like like

24:11

going to the mall or like just going out

24:13

to eat with your boyfriend or like just

24:14

sitting in bed and watching TV like I

24:16

never got to experience that and like I

24:19

wrote in here like I felt my age with

24:21

you and I felt like this oh my God so I

24:23

never really knew you God I really tried

24:28

to

24:29

I felt my age with you I felt like this

24:31

was a chapter I skipped over and went

24:32

back to it felt so good being a teen

24:35

just blindly in love but it was what I

24:37

needed in my life it's crazy how meant

24:40

to be everything was I can't believe you

24:41

were all I can't believe you were all

24:43

meant to be just 2 months ago you were

24:46

laying where I am now and we were

24:48

confessing our feelings to each other

24:51

now looking back at it it's like we

24:53

never

24:54

had it's like we never had what we

24:57

had

25:03

I used to wake up next to you I can't

25:06

believe I used to fall asleep next to

25:07

you hands

25:10

interlocked I wasn't expecting to write

25:12

this much blank thank you I learned so

25:15

much from you I learned to

25:17

unapologetically be myself I learned

25:20

about spirituality I journaled because

25:22

of you I started reading books because

25:25

of you I learned about affirmations

25:27

because of you I learned about crystals

25:29

in meditation because of you learned

25:32

Love Languages and I learned words of

25:34

affirmation I learned so much thank you

25:37

these past four months have been

25:39

life-changing I hope to see you succeed

25:41

in life and achieve everything you want

25:43

I oh my God girl I was like literally

25:46

only like 18 I know you go through a lot

25:50

I hope one day you can work through

25:55

everything I know you battle with your

25:57

thoughts and I hope you get over it and

25:59

you kill it out there and I hope you

26:02

kill it out there [ __ ]

26:06

wow oh my God I feel like I haven't like

26:08

I I haven't opened up this book guys how

26:12

did we get

26:16

here I hope you work on yourself further

26:18

because you are great we may not have

26:21

worked out but we were both young and

26:23

this was an amazing chapter in my life I

26:26

hope everything goes amazing for you I

26:28

will always remember you as the boy that

26:30

changed my life and I will be telling my

26:32

kids about you you were dope the sound

26:35

of your laugh I hope I remember forever

26:38

oh my God I don't remember the sound of

26:40

his laugh oh [ __ ] that was the most

26:43

precious thing to me genuinely hearing a

26:46

laugh from you I think I have love for

26:50

you I love you but for now it's bye I'm

26:54

crying I actually love you and I can't

26:56

wait to come back and read this

26:58

I love you my oh my God oh my God oh my

27:02

God oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my

27:04

God and that's why I wrote the

27:07

end oh my God

27:18

a it's crazy cuz like I don't even like

27:20

this boy anymore or anything it's

27:21

literally just like I feel like I'm like

27:24

my old self

27:26

again you know what I mean and feel like

27:28

I'm like young and in love again reading

27:30

this I'm like oh my God I didn't realize

27:31

I felt so many

27:33

emotions sometimes I would think oh my

27:36

God sometimes I think I wish I never met

27:38

you but I wouldn't be the person I am

27:40

today bro I'm like literally crying

27:43

editing

27:45

this

27:47

wow wow okay hopefully I Chapter this

27:51

video out so you can skip to wherever

27:52

you want to go cuz I'm not going to make

27:54

you watch through this all hi so if you

27:56

just skip through all that sorry if I'm

27:57

crying

27:59

we uh just went through a lot

28:02

but so during this time as you guys can

28:06

see I was going through a lot and I

28:07

wanted to move to New York and like I

28:08

was like going through a lot and I was

28:10

like moving to New York would solve my

28:11

problems I was traveling to New York a

28:13

little here and there and so like we got

28:15

to the point where it's like November I

28:17

want to move to New York vlogmas is

28:18

happening I'm waking up at 5:00 a.m.

28:20

every day editing a video till 10:00

28:21

going to the gym you know seeing the

28:23

same people seeing the same trainers

28:24

walking my dog going to sleep at 9:00

28:25

drinking tea reading books meditating

28:27

crystals because I just learned so much

28:28

much and at this point I was [ __ ]

28:29

heartbroken so I told myself that I was

28:31

going to be celibate for a year and like

28:33

literally not entertain any boys not

28:34

flirt with any boys not kiss with any

28:35

boys literally nothing for one year

28:38

straight and I'm like 18 bro like I'm

28:39

like 18 living in La about to move to

28:41

New York like I'm like you know what I

28:42

mean like that was a good discipline to

28:45

me okay and I wasn't seeing very many

28:46

people and I think during this time I

28:48

was consuming a lot of like books and

28:52

like in hindsight like there's this

28:54

podcast it's in hindsight I've like

28:55

watched every single episode of his is

28:57

and during this time I remember I saw

28:58

this video and it was just talking about

29:00

like him going Cate or whatever I'm

29:02

saying like or whatever cuz like this

29:03

video isn't trying to push anything on

29:04

you I'm just trying to tell you like my

29:06

story and I know that that can I don't

29:07

know that just sounds like yeah like sex

29:10

is bad but that's not what I'm trying to

29:11

say at all guys that's not what I'm

29:13

trying to get across but you can just

29:15

see how much I was like just focusing on

29:18

myself here right so then my lease is up

29:21

and then I moved to New York and I think

29:23

that my content changed a lot from me

29:26

moving from LA to New York for cont when

29:28

I moved from La like literally the day

29:30

before I moved or something like that

29:32

same week to New York from La like I hit

29:36

1.8 million subscribers I think and

29:39

within a year of moving to New York I

29:41

hit 3 million so how did it take me like

29:44

10 years to build up to 1.8 million and

29:47

then only 11 years to get to 3 million

29:50

like that one year of me moving really

29:52

did a lot and I think that it was more

29:54

than just the move though because like

29:56

my content just shifted because I just

29:58

started like making more videos about

30:00

like the [ __ ] that I like to watch you

30:03

know like I like watching aesthetic home

30:04

content so I started posting about

30:06

aesthetic home content and also like I

30:08

just started going to the gym more doing

30:10

more self-care I was doing my

30:12

affirmations more I was meditating I was

30:14

going outside I started to appreciate

30:16

nature more that is one of the really

30:18

big things that started happening are

30:20

you guys seeing the dots connect here

30:21

like we we like you seeing had a

30:23

heartbreak he taught me books crystals

30:26

meditation [ __ ] being myself all

30:28

unapologetically like he was really into

30:31

fashion and stuff like that so then I

30:32

like started to really just start

30:33

experimenting with fashion and like

30:35

seeing what I liked like I like went on

30:37

that journey by myself do you see the

30:40

emotions and the feeling that I had and

30:42

see how strongly I started pouring into

30:45

myself do you see this is this is how

30:47

I'm trying to explain it do you see how

30:49

how much I just started like going back

30:52

into myself I started journaling

30:53

realized that this this journal was

30:54

because I started journaling and I

30:56

started writing down my thoughts and I

30:57

started being with my thoughts and I

30:58

started being with my feelings and I

31:00

started you know focusing on myself I

31:02

started going to the gym I started

31:04

waking up and going to sleep at the same

31:05

time every single night I started going

31:06

outside I started going on walks I

31:08

started maybe doing some meditations

31:10

here and there you know what I mean oh I

31:12

and then I also started minimalism like

31:13

I literally got rid of all my [ __ ]

31:15

clothes everything and I literally had

31:17

like sorry sorry for the literally I had

31:19

like a closet and like that was it I had

31:21

like maybe five shirts two jackets like

31:23

I that I I just and I stopped buying

31:26

[ __ ] I literally stopped buying [ __ ] for

31:28

like full 6 months when I moved to New

31:30

York like anything that was unnecessary

31:32

like I slept on a mattress topper for

31:34

the first like month living in New York

31:36

like I just

31:37

went berserk but in the best way

31:40

possible what that made me realize was

31:43

like what do I actually like need in

31:45

life to like be content with myself and

31:48

then I realized after doing the routine

31:50

and everything that I did like maybe

31:52

life isn't about like waking up every

31:54

single day and like thinking about oh my

31:55

God what's the next big thing I'm going

31:57

to do where am I trying to go where am I

31:58

trying to move what job am I trying to

31:59

get what's the next thing after you

32:01

achieve you want the next and you want

32:02

the next and you want the next and I was

32:03

like oh my God maybe it's not about cuz

32:06

the what the next to me was moving to

32:08

New York impulsively cuz I thought that

32:09

that's what I needed you know what I

32:11

mean to like jump to the next and I was

32:13

like no like it's okay to like just be

32:15

in calm State you don't have to always

32:18

be ah ah ah like girl you can like live

32:22

and live a normal life and like not have

32:24

to do something different all the time

32:26

you know so then I realized throughout

32:28

all this like okay I'm content with

32:30

doing the same things every single day I

32:32

actually really do find fulfillment and

32:33

joy in going to sleep at night knowing

32:35

that I'm going to do my skincare and I'm

32:38

going to get to read my book and I'm

32:39

going to get to you know wake up the

32:42

next day and go to the gym and make my

32:44

favorite breakfast like I started to

32:45

find the joy in the little things in

32:47

life because I was [ __ ] bored as [ __ ]

32:49

in La that's basically what I'm trying

32:51

to say here like I was just like you

32:52

know what how the [ __ ] can I how else

32:53

can I be excited about my life but not

32:55

have to move myself across the country

32:56

you know like let's find the little

32:57

things my and so after all this getting

33:00

rid of all my things only having a

33:01

couple pieces of clothing I really just

33:03

started to just have me in my thoughts

33:05

and it was just like I really just

33:06

started to like it kind of made me kind

33:09

of go back to what I was saying at the

33:10

beginning of this video is that like I

33:13

took a step back from Instagram and

33:15

YouTube and I was like what am I doing

33:16

like where is this going like where you

33:18

know and that's kind of like what what

33:20

happened throughout the years like

33:21

naturally as people we change and like

33:23

we grow into new people and stuff but

33:26

when we step back to really like look at

33:27

it's like are we changing and like

33:29

becoming new versions of ourselves

33:31

because that's truly like who we are and

33:32

that's who we are evolving as we like

33:34

grow up and go through life and learn

33:36

things or is it because that we're

33:37

letting other people influence the way

33:39

that we think that we need to be you

33:41

know and that's kind of like what

33:43

happened when I moved to New York like I

33:45

I never really had like a style uh for

33:48

my house like I never had like an

33:49

interior decorating Vibe or curation or

33:52

style like every time I moved I would

33:53

have different Aesthetics and different

33:55

eras and then when I moved to New York I

33:58

I had this Vision once and I was just

34:01

imagine myself sitting in this house in

34:03

Japan okay cuz one day I'll look back at

34:05

this you're in Japan you are in Japan

34:07

right now absolutely nothing like they

34:09

live in little minimalist like Japanese

34:11

houses and that's why they have such

34:12

good lives they have their little bamboo

34:14

mats just like you're sitting right

34:16

now and it was so clear to me like I

34:20

could just imagine I like was sitting on

34:22

like a wooden floor with like a tatami

34:25

mat and it was just all glass walls and

34:28

and I could just see the outside and I

34:29

could look at the roof and it was like

34:31

this and I just like saw myself there

34:33

and I was just like oh my gosh like I

34:34

really love this and then I had the

34:35

thought where I was like wait being like

34:37

low to the floor and like grounded like

34:39

must be good for you that's why people

34:41

in Japan live so long is because they're

34:43

constantly getting up and going down and

34:44

getting up and going down and and like

34:46

it just feels so relaxing and it just

34:48

feels like H like you're you know so I

34:49

had that thought and that that thought

34:51

it wasn't the outside influence or a

34:53

picture I saw on Instagram it was me

34:54

questioning my thoughts in my head and

34:56

being with myself and allowing room to

34:58

like be with myself in the space to be

35:00

with myself because of all these

35:01

compounding effects the little decisions

35:03

that I made made me start being a little

35:05

bit more in tune with myself and I had

35:07

that thought and I questioned it and I

35:09

started thinking about it more and I let

35:10

it influence my decisions right and so

35:13

now I started like then like when I

35:16

moved to New York I got like this

35:17

outdoor couch like I went on Wayfair and

35:20

I bought an outdoor couch and I didn't

35:22

drill the [ __ ] arms on it cuz I was

35:24

like I don't know I just like the look

35:26

you know I just started going on

35:27

Facebook Market place and buying random

35:28

[ __ ] I I something that I really started

35:30

to ask myself is like instead of

35:32

thinking what's the vibe that I'm trying

35:33

to make like what like what picture am I

35:35

trying to recreate just think about what

35:37

individual pieces that I like like do I

35:39

like this piece on its own if I like

35:41

this piece on its own then buy it and

35:43

put it in my house and it'll probably

35:45

mix and if it doesn't mix and [ __ ] but

35:47

it's like you're curating your own Vibe

35:49

by looking at individual things and

35:52

going based off of do I like this or do

35:54

I not not is this going to go with this

35:57

picture that I found is this kind of

35:59

going towards the inspo is this what

36:00

this person would like is this what this

36:02

person would do it's like more

36:04

like why do you want to do it now you

36:08

can see my house it's just like a mix of

36:09

[ __ ] random [ __ ] that I bought random

36:12

things which you guys will see in the

36:13

next Vlogs but we need to stop being so

36:16

easily influenced I feel like we're all

36:19

so

36:20

gullible me included where it's like I

36:23

don't think we realize that the content

36:24

that we consume online and the people

36:27

that we surround ourselves with and like

36:28

what we see on social media how much

36:30

that is affecting who we are today and

36:32

who we show up as that's why Trends

36:34

exist on Tik Tok that is why Tik Tok is

36:36

what Tik Tok is is because us as humans

36:39

us as humans yeah we naturally want to

36:41

connect with people whether that's in

36:43

real life or not in real life we are

36:45

constantly trying to be validated and

36:49

like have us be heard and Tik Tok does

36:52

that you know like you your algorithm is

36:54

so finely attuned to your thoughts and

36:56

what you think so it's going to push the

36:58

same content to you and it's going back

36:59

to the me point that I mentioned before

37:01

that like your beliefs like your reality

37:03

is going to show up as what you believe

37:05

let's say I believe the Earth was

37:08

flat that's crazy to say but let's say

37:11

that I believe that the Earth was flat

37:12

if we were homies I would probably try

37:13

to convince you that the Earth was flat

37:14

as well and maybe you would start

37:16

believing that the Earth is flat you

37:17

know because naturally as humans we say

37:18

our ideas in hopes that people connect

37:20

with us and feel the same you have your

37:22

idea of what your dream life is maybe

37:24

you want to [ __ ] do the cottage core

37:26

life live on a farm take care of your

37:28

goats with your 10 children truly deep

37:30

down you watch that content and you're

37:32

like oh that seems pretty nice you say

37:34

this out loud to your friend Stacy

37:35

you're like Stacy I think that I want to

37:37

live this life isn't this so cool and

37:39

she goes uh yeah I don't know like I

37:41

don't think I could ever do that like I

37:43

think that like I really want to like

37:44

live in like a really nice home in like

37:46

California go to the beach every single

37:48

day you wouldn't miss like going to a

37:50

coffee shop and then what's that going

37:51

to make you start doing being like Oh

37:53

like yeah like maybe maybe she she is an

37:55

aun about something maybe she is right

37:57

yeah does make sense it's a little bit

37:58

far and like what happens if there's an

38:01

emergency that's what I mean when I say

38:03

stop being so easily influence are you

38:06

still listening to this if you are can

38:09

you comment rice

38:11

ball please I just realized I've been

38:13

recording for like an hour straight and

38:15

I feel like with this spring season

38:17

changing and and and the weather getting

38:19

nicer I feel like this is like the

38:21

perfect time for transformation and it's

38:23

like the physical world and the physical

38:25

thing that we're seeing right now it's

38:27

like l Lally changing the seasons are

38:29

changing the weather is changing the

38:31

plants are changing the trees are

38:33

changing everything is changing so we as

38:35

people are also changing like we're a

38:37

part of nature as well and like life the

38:40

animals are coming out of hibernation

38:42

you know what I mean like the sun's

38:43

coming out we're going to start feeling

38:44

better about ourselves it's time for

38:46

that spring cleaning we're going to feel

38:47

more energy like if you have been

38:50

sleeping in if you haven't been eating

38:52

the best if you haven't been working out

38:53

if you haven't been studying if you

38:55

haven't been your sharpest if you

38:56

haven't been hanging out with people as

38:57

much that is okay y'all we just went

39:00

through a season of winter okay our year

39:03

starts now our year can start now

39:06

something that I really think that we

39:07

can start doing to feel validated and to

39:10

feel you know comfortable in our own

39:11

skin and expressing ourselves and just

39:13

really like just being more in tune with

39:15

ourselves to kind of guide us where we

39:16

need to go and like kind of just trust

39:18

ourselves more and like be confident in

39:20

our ideas and be confident in where we

39:22

want to go in life and you know like

39:24

just really tune back into ourselves and

39:27

what we want and what our younger self

39:29

would have wanted for us is to just

39:32

start writing down your thoughts writing

39:33

down your ideas like it doesn't even

39:35

have to be just journaling like you know

39:37

you guys saw like how much journaling

39:38

changed my life like clearly that was

39:40

the first I was writing about how I

39:41

finished my first Journal when I open

39:43

that so like I hadn't been getting into

39:45

it long now and fast forward 3 years

39:46

later you know writing down my thoughts

39:48

has completely changed my life like you

39:49

don't have to journal you could you

39:50

could sticky note it write it in your

39:52

notes I do all types of journaling like

39:54

if I'm out and about I'm on my phone or

39:55

I don't want to grab my journal I just

39:56

write it in my not right away anytime I

39:58

get an idea it goes in my notes if I see

40:00

something on social media like I

40:01

screenshot and then later on I can

40:02

organize my screenshots into like a

40:03

vision board or something like that's

40:05

what all this is or you know if I like

40:07

have thoughts like a to-do list to ask I

40:09

put it on my whiteboard if I have new

40:11

ideas anything I Journal I write I just

40:14

what that does is it allows you to like

40:15

validate your thoughts and it allows you

40:17

to you know ideate on your ideas a

40:20

little bit and it's like it could be any

40:21

form of just getting your thoughts out

40:24

voice memos like literally anything

40:26

because you don't know how impactful it

40:29

is when you write things down it shows

40:31

yourself this is important like this is

40:33

an idea like this is okay you know

40:36

you're writing it out and like even if

40:37

it's a bad idea good idea you won't know

40:40

what's a bad idea or what's a good idea

40:41

if you don't write it out when you write

40:43

it out it's like you know that it's

40:44

there and it's going to be there and you

40:46

know and it allows new thoughts to come

40:47

in and new ideas to come in and allows

40:49

you compare different things just write

40:51

it out it'll clear your brain up you'll

40:53

have so many new thoughts you'll realize

40:54

like how many ideas that you have

40:56

yourself whatever you're questioning

40:57

something in your life you don't know

40:58

how to do something you have more mental

41:00

Clarity or like just you know to just

41:03

let more ideas flow through you and I

41:05

feel like for me personally joy in my

41:08

life and what brings me like happiness

41:11

is like just being able to create and

41:14

that doesn't mean videos that doesn't

41:15

mean a specific thing it's just being

41:18

able to get my thoughts out into the

41:20

world and whether that just be typing it

41:22

down or or doing a little more research

41:24

on it or or you know making a vision

41:26

board or if I see something on social

41:28

media and I and I and I like it then I

41:30

can screenshot it and I'm like H what

41:32

what what do I like about this thing

41:34

like why do I like this picture so much

41:35

like being intentional about like

41:36

scrolling on social media and the

41:37

content that I'm consuming because like

41:39

this goes back to like instead of just

41:41

scrolling and through [ __ ] and like not

41:44

thinking at all at least like if we're

41:45

going to scroll like start asking

41:47

ourselves questions this is all about

41:49

asking ourselves questions and like

41:50

introspection and like figuring out why

41:52

we like things and why we don't like

41:53

things because that then later on leads

41:56

to you know your house being pretty

41:58

because you genuin and like you not

42:00

having to like buy new house furniture

42:01

all the time because you genuinely like

42:03

like the pieces in your house because

42:04

you really ask yourself questions same

42:05

thing with your wardrobe you won't be

42:07

buying new pieces of clothing all the

42:08

time because you started to buy things

42:10

that you actually like so I was just

42:12

rambling for an hour and 22 minutes

42:14

straight all this to say start running

42:16

your ideas Down Start believing yourself

42:18

you know the next time that you have an

42:20

idea just write it down don't even try

42:21

to you don't have to try to correct your

42:23

thoughts and be like positive or

42:25

anything like I know it's hard just

42:26

write your thoughts down and that's all

42:27

you need to do that's all I'm asking you

42:29

just write your thoughts down you have

42:30

no idea how much that's going to change

42:32

your life seriously just write down your

42:35

thoughts bad good no one's going to see

42:37

them bro no one's going to see them

42:38

they're for yourself and you're going to

42:39

thank yourself later because look at the

42:40

[ __ ] emotional impact that the

42:42

journal just had on me and I hope to be

42:43

able to come back to YouTube and just be

42:46

able to make videos that I love making

42:48

and I hope that you enjoy them as well

42:50

and I just want my videos to just make

42:54

somebody feel something it doesn't

42:56

necessarily mean have to be talking like

42:58

this or anything I'm just going to still

42:59

do my regular Vlogs but I just want you

43:01

to feel something when you watch my

43:02

videos you know what I mean and like

43:03

being able to just like sit with my

43:05

thoughts and sit with my ideas and be

43:07

able to ideate on things and realize

43:08

what do I like and what do I not like

43:10

and just now I'm going to be able to

43:11

show up and just be more myself and I'm

43:14

going to have so much more fun making

43:15

videos so much more fun doing alchemi so

43:17

much more fun just with my life I hope

43:21

because I'm just doing I'm just being me

43:23

you know without having to think like

43:25

how do I look on Instagram and all this

43:28

[ __ ] I'm going to try to be nicer to

43:30

myself about the way that I like cuz I'm

43:32

probably going to look back on this

43:33

video and be like cringe cringe like bro

43:35

I recorded a whole video had it edited

43:36

and then I was like cringe yeah well I

43:38

love you and if you enjoyed this video

43:39

and you stayed this long comment um I

43:42

love I love I love let's comment if

43:45

you're reading this I love you just if

43:47

you're reading this I love you if you

43:48

stayed this long at the end of this

43:49

video comment um if you if you're

43:51

reading this I love you because imagine

43:53

being somebody that clicks on this video

43:54

they're just right at the one minute

43:56

Mark and they see all the comments

43:57

saying if you're reading this I love you

43:59

like how are you not going to feel a

44:01

little bit better you know I was reading

44:04

this book they were talking about how

44:05

you know when you think about like

44:06

having an interaction with a person or

44:08

like just doing anything like that like

44:10

think about how you can make it more

44:11

positive or like at least leave it

44:13

neutral but like never have somebody

44:16

walking away feeling negative like so

44:18

whenever I like go throughout my day

44:21

recently I've just been like making sure

44:23

that like if I'm like speaking to the

44:25

cashier at the bodega I'll like Sprite

44:27

spark up a conversation or not even that

44:28

just say please and thank you really

44:30

nicely or give a smile like and you know

44:32

somebody's going to click on this video

44:33

and they're going to see that if you're

44:35

reading this I love you and they're

44:36

going to feel better so let's all

44:38

tomorrow make our intentions or whenever

44:40

you're reading this try to make one of

44:41

your intentions and you can keep this in

44:43

your back pocket for whenever you need

44:45

just an intention is to just make sure

44:47

that you're leaving the person that you

44:49

see or whatever you do a little bit more

44:51

positive leave it the same or leave it a

44:53

little bit more positive but never leave

44:55

something more negative or worse you

44:57

know and that all goes back to we should

45:00

leave nature how we found it and pick up

45:03

our trash okay bye

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Связанные теги
Self-DiscoveryHealing JourneyPersonal GrowthContent CreationEmotional HonestySocial Media InfluenceLife ChangesHeartbreak ExperienceNew York MoveMinimalist Living
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