Transformers: The Last Knight - Cosmonaut Picture Show

so it's been a while yeah uh things have

really gone downhill in my life since we

started with these movies yeah yeah um

like I don't know what it is but like

now I just get car sick so I had to walk

here today and I don't mean like car

sick like I like I can't get in the car

I mean I I can't even look at a car um

but then I got fired for violently

shaking all of our products yelling at

them and asking if they're in Disguise

and you know that made things difficult

at home and you know Jackie's leaving me

cuz like she caught me putting her

lingerie on the Roomba so I've been

living with my

parents and I tell you what it's just

really hard to relax in a race car

bed ah we're back to

this I don't feel safe unless the

Paramount stars make funny robot

sounds ah more r IST history this is

already starting things off strong we've

watched a lot of Transformers movies at

this point there are a few core tenants

racism always alive and well in this

world yes yes yes uh the city of Chicago

must be decimated in every film and

thirdly history is not what you remember

when we went to the moon we found

Transformers when the dinosaurs died

Transformers killed them and now it

appears as though King Arthur maybe

fighting the Vikings during the dark

cages and he may be in cahoots with the

Trans attacked by Decepticons where in

hell is your so-called magician he will

be here where is your magician if

there's a wizard in this movie I'm going

to be so happy cuz I've always said the

Transformers movies would be better with

a wizard I you have I remember you've

gone on record saying this you know what

none of these people are American why

should I care Michael B yeah wait a

minute where's the military is this a

wizard oh he's a drunk we always H one

of the other tenants of Michael B one of

the characters has to be a funny wise

and drunk and funny fun guy fart Stanley

Tucci yep I [ __ ] knew it but he's

already in the movies I can't believe he

came back honestly Stanley Chi is the

key to all of

this and I know that was a joke we made

over and over last time but it is the

truth now I think Stanley Tui is the

most important person in the universe of

transformers this movie added dragons

and wizards I think it might be the best

that's a [ __ ] Hydra what is this is

the coolest one we've ever

seen what the

[ __ ] he casted a a buff on them they've

got I guess all spark infused armor that

Merlin made them I don't think they need

that there's a dragon going [ __ ]

sickle mode on the battle fell on the

the battlefield I I thought he was going

to come and like just do fire breath but

no he just tripped

and now they're on fire somehow that one

guy how' he end up in that

position I am PR and I'm coming and I

cannot come to the phone right now so I

want everybody to remember the last we

saw of Optimus he was flying into this

into space like a [ __ ] cool guy he's

like I'm coming to [ __ ] you up he um did

freeze entering upon entering low orbit

he is frozen and

he [ __ ] up once again most of the

times when we've seen Optimus flying he

has [ __ ] up I don't think I think this

is why he was de relegated to car form

yeah he's not good at flying except in

Cuba Castro lets them sun on his

Beaches come onos there we go yep got to

have a little bit of racism just a

little bit there he is God he's back I

was just saying in another video how

great of an actor he is and I'm just

glad I get to see him

be in these movies over and

over is that buster Tony yeah Buster

they always throw these [ __ ] people

at us you know

yeah government doesn't want us to go in

here we don't even need shots of these

people talking it's that's a crazy

statement like I Saw the Sign yeah I

don't need him to say the government

doesn't want us to go in there we're not

supposed to be here we're kids man we

get away with anything we're kids man we

can get away with anything no child why

is stuff still on

fire how soon was this I've always said

that this felt like this movies felt

like they're written by 8-year-olds

there has never been more true until

now was that already in wide screen no

no it keeps going in and out of IMAX

mode

turtlebot that's Rock slide it's canopy

canopy could have been anything you know

it's like an Elden ring Transformer yeah

he's kind of crazy the grafted one yeah

he look at him he doesn't need to look

like that that's not part of his body

it's like some sort of weird ghillie

suit of rubble why is he shot in

IMAX it keeps like flopping back and

forth I don't know if it's going to come

through on for you guys but it looks bad

oh [ __ ] it's Kade Jagger and he's

throwing a grenade you know what's crazy

is that we have no context for anything

that's happening there he is Bumbo be

he's very clean he's been in every movie

why is this in nightx I don't know just

wait this one isn't this one's normal

what that last shot was this one is

because the fence we had it had to feel

like the fence was coming right at us

mhm it is so distracting why is every

other shot in wide screen

all

right what the hell I put pressure on

the

wound how long has he been here I'm I'm

really I really don't know we have so

little context for what's happening I

cannot express enough that we shit's

just happening we just have to accept it

I'm like praying for the movie to tell

me what's going on at some point I'm

just praying for there to be a lightning

strike right on your house I love the

new approach these last few movies have'

taken which is start with showing us

something absolutely insane do not

elaborate for about one to two

hours bumblebee you [ __ ] suck wait

this is on purpose it's crazy how he

never does this before or since like

after this point where in the

Transformers Bible is it like oh yes

they have like complete control over all

the limbs like we have been shown that

when they lose their limbs they are dead

yeah when their head comes off they are

dead it's him who white

guy he's been in the other movies we

haven't seen him in a

few oh it's the dwarf the DWF is still

alive I'm so shocked usually we do not

see the side character Transformers ever

again they usually just die they either

die off screen or we just do not see

them I've never seen one like it General

hey this guy hey he's here too yeah this

is bringing back all of our f favorite

characters Lord

Megatron oh yeah he got

resurrected we must have it what are you

doing are you the one who's been setting

these

fires There He Go Optimus [ __ ]

sucks what has happened to my world what

do you think it was in good shape yeah I

thought we've established you know what

happened to cyber

you left for a reason and now Cortana is

here okay okay all right Diablo I was

going to say like we we had our stranger

things now we're enjoying some good old

Doom World of Warcraft Doom Diablo

you're going to fix it or the race of

Transformers dies forever I love that

they are canonically called Transformers

yes they're not called like chutar or

anything no they are just called the

Transformers vom vites yeah like do

something else you know yeah there he is

I'm here I'm the

N they paid me so much [ __ ]

money I wonder if we're going to have a

woman to objectify in this

movie she's not a good driver

I'm sure that'll play in later well I

just I just told you we got to have a

woman who's bad at stuff and and foolish

our

Dragon just a medieval catapult this is

a crazy historical painting by the way

yeah it looks like it looks like Lord of

the Rings concept art yeah pretty sure

it's not real you know what to do don't

you man how much of his career is just

talking to nothing oh oh it's a good

it's an easy life it's easy life I mean

since the beginning you know they put

him in a [ __ ] glass box and insid of

the Lambs and they have talk to one

person probably the the the one actor in

the world who just gets to do the least

amount of work he at army at most is

talking to one

person I think we've cracked the code on

him the racist Samurai is still here is

he still yellow he's still yellow it's

the pirate I'm glad we still have our

funny character a flying machine that's

the least surpris why would a

Transformer need a

vehicle this is so

stupid I love the [ __ ] Transformers

robe the coat the long coat it's so cool

if I was a Transformer I want I want a

[ __ ] clo it is [ __ ] cool rimlock

is still

here I'm so used to them getting rid of

everything that they used in the last

movie who is that yeah wait who is this

that's the dwarf no he's a gnome what I

found in Buffalo star screams head

ladies and gentlemen I got what's that

voice actor it's a very familiar voice

that's Steve

BMI it

is it like it just like activated my

brain I'm like I know who this is what

car brand is Japanese guy he's a

Mercedes okay famously Japanese car

brand going to say

it's either really racist or not and I

don't know which one would be more

racist oh thank God ah thank you lock

put that in GIF format for me please

yeah just uh get that right in the

middle of the shot beer me little

dinosaur my favorite thing about these

movies about these Michael Bay movies is

every movie puts him on an arc where he

ends up in a better place by the end of

the movie but the beginning of every

movie has to have him

in the worst possible low it happened

with Sam Whit Wiki he would always end

the movie in a place emotionally at a

high place and then the next movie would

establish no his life is still sucks wor

the thing is I think it's just that

whoever writes these movies is incapable

of not writing a loser our main

character is always a [ __ ] loser i'

cutter eyes the artery and re channel

the central flow into the the

Whatchamacallit the the tube with said

do hickey thing yeah not bad she's

techno savvy just like him he's she's

everything he wanted his daughter to be

you see that's why his daughter is not

in the movie A lot of this movie is not

taking place in good old America I just

got to say yeah what is all this stuff I

want to see the military oh my

God he is not there he is so far away

from there he might as well be in a real

desert oh my God that's how far from the

studio most obvious green screen I've

ever seen like this right here Michael

Bay ass shot yeah that that's a desktop

right right there [ __ ] sun in the

background look at this Michael B ass

shot let's get more characters please

yeah we need more characters yeah it it

it's weird that we have a blend of

reoccurring characters that I never

expected to see again like this is the

[ __ ] guy that said surrender or you

will be killed that's the oldest joke

we've had in this series and he's back

but also we need more humans somehow

because everybody's only agreed to be in

this movie for a total of 15 minutes K

right now oh no all right so we have

moved up from Doom and Destiny and now

we are in Quon Tarantino

Borderlands

dreadbot dreadbot these are getting

Dumber by the second what is this some

kind of suicide Squad Nitro Zeus nitus

that is not his

name you got John deio for two different

characters can't be can't be it can't be

it can't be I'm checking but it can't

[Music]

be what do you really want Megatron what

anyone wants human to go home do we

trust Megatron like if he actually wants

to go home very different do we trust

Megatron it's venom it's venom from GI

Joe we didn't have that much military

prop again in the last one these shots

right here this is core Transformers for

me just Dusty [ __ ] Dragon Ball

Wasteland but with cars it's crazy to me

that it might be the case that bumblebee

can speak he simply chooses not to cuz I

know in bumblebee they establish why

he's like that but across these movies

sometimes he just talks like no no like

radio or movies or yeah was it the last

one where he just like stra the first

one the world has gotten really shitty

like they need to play that up we are

entering well I mean they kind of are

trying to at this one they are saying

like oh you know my town is decimated my

family's dead yet I still love those

Transformers I feel like that character

should really hate Transformers I

shouldn't feel like the time that's

passed between every movie is like a

decade I think the Transformers have

overall given our world a net

negative in Impact it's it's at the

point now where I don't think the

military is wrong for Banning robots

from the world every movie they destroy

countless cities they kill thousands of

people I think I'm anti- Transformer

that's transphobic yeah you're

right you're absolutely right screaming

at gun get those vile beam I'm on

him get those

villains they want to stop us from going

home Optimist can just straight up fly

home yeah where is Optimus [ __ ] he

flew home why don't they just do

that why the green

blood damn I don't know which one that

was but he's

dead dropped his gun what's your gun

going to do giant robots what's yeah but

why do you drop in the middle of the

road what's an M4 going to do other it

to Mark wber I think that the M4 could

definitely take this thing

out never mind he's

dead hope you didn't get too attached I

was about to say get him out of the

movie I really wish I had said

it my Lord that did not look good why

does it look so bad sometimes you have a

fly Cuba airplanes are from the 1940s so

look up at the script again cyber I

found it yep yeah he's look again he's

read the script he's read the script

zoom in further uh what that who's

editing this [ __ ] shot on iPhone why is

it blind screen some shots and not wide

screw the other shots make it make

[ __ ] sense what is happening this

isn't even funny for you guys yeah if I

I'm making fun of the actual film making

it's not funny if my copy of the [ __ ]

movie that I'm going edit this on

doesn't have these like weird changes in

uh in aspect ratio we're going to have

to reshoot the whole thing yeah it's

it's not going to come through so just

know that every other shot changes the

aspect ratio for some

reason Hogwarts joke come in now this is

the most British like this is Michael B

weird British Whimsy is like I think I

know everything that I need to know

about the UK yeah she's going to be

whisked away to a magical

land first she receives a letter saying

you've been invited and her life was

Chang changed

forever oh beautiful I'm really curious

I'm really curious to see if he's onet

with these people I really need to know

I'm so fascinated by this like I really

I am so fixated on analyzing if he's in

this movie or not again why is the

aspect ratio changing between shots I'm

going to rip my own head off it's

driving me crazy it's making me remember

I'm watching a movie I'm not immersed at

all did they only have two cameras they

only have two cameras and they didn't

change like the the settings on any of

them what's happening I don't know I

don't know it's driving me [ __ ] crazy

I am going to lose my [ __ ] mind shall

I take his head off Madam tempting but

um was he did he say something UNC to

her I mean I have to imagine he probably

got the time for tea wrong oh yeah yeah

he probably called them cookies instead

of

biscuits he probably said french

fries that's the watch that killed

Hitler don't screw with it that's the

watch that killed hit

the [ __ ] how long has the [ __ ] have the

Transformers been what the [ __ ] hold on

you're going too fast through these when

earlier I need to look at these I need

to know har tman did the Transformers

build the underground [ __ ] railroad

like I need to know what's going on

right now what is happening this is too

slow down s Wiki your father was a

member your father was a member of the

wit wikin was Sam Whit Wiki related to

Merlin related to this lady if Merlin is

the ancestor of the other Stanley Tucci

character that means he's also related

to Sam hold on hold on hold on what's

Happening Here why can't hold on hold on

why what is going on

now we in World War II they just said

that bumblebee helped take out

Hitler I feel like happening I feel like

this would have come up a lot sooner

B yeah he's so nice behind the lines

during the war they called him many

things nice was never one of

them no no no no no no because I've seen

bumblebee I've seen the

movie and this is not canon when this

movie ends in complete destruction of

the known universe then you'll

understand [ __ ] JoJo's Bizarre

Adventure reset cuz that's what's going

to have to happen right now it cannot be

Canon that this happened end of bay

Evangelion I just this really makes

anthropologists and historians look like

[ __ ] idiots that they never figured

this [ __ ] out yeah you know yeah no what

what I'm getting from all this is that

humans were never really in control of

anything humans were never paying

attention humans never even got anything

right now Legend held that one last

night would someday be chosen the

struggle he is the last night I thought

the last night would be Optimus Prime

but no it is Cade the legend last night

Jager It's like Star Wars the the

title's meant to throw you off why is he

the chosen one qualities of a knight

purity of heart Valor honor virtue

Integrity I have those he American I we

we have met we've known this

man he has none of these qualities he is

not pure of heart he has rage he has a

lot of sins actually are Merlin's Last

Descendant here on Earth and as such you

are our last hope Merlin's Last

Descendant she's the last night wait

wait wait so Sam Whit Wiki is the

descendant of Merlin where is Sam right

now is he dead Sam is just like in a

[ __ ] hole some somewhere he doesn't

matter

anymore what is going on up there you

checking behind pictures just rip it rip

it apart what is wrong with with this

guy I thought he was pure of heart

patient

Noble finds a room start smashing [ __ ]

enough just tell me now St up

yourselves he's having fun I appreciate

that like all the actors are just told

you know what everybody in the series is

a funny guy so just do whatever you want

as Unicron one day his horns will rise

to fight the Mad goddess

quintessa she will

Ender what I don't I don't know I don't

know I don't know why I don't know I

don't know why he did

[Music]

that move [ __ ] get out of my way move

[ __ ] get out of my way oh Lord I

understand the plot is we need to find

Merlin's

staff yeah I just don't know why there

had to be so many different little

moving parts to do that and this museum

is closed for eternity all you boys and

girls off the sub now off the sub now

he's having a

blast I do like this character Hopkins

is still doing the goofy wacky Michael

bake character but the fact that it's

him makes it

[Music]

funnier what oh he's going to make food

he beat the [ __ ] [ __ ] out of those

fish why why is it Sushi or is he

cooking it you shouldn't you shouldn't

cook down here with your limited oxygen

Boom the candles shouldn't even be going

no absolutely not wh wickens with

wickens yes but um they all died out not

all of them not yet they all died

out does that imply that Sam is

[Music]

Dead what is all the Blue glowy Water

this is just undiscovered

great every inch of the earth that we've

seen in this universe has had a dead

Transformer in it why are you here I

don't understand what purpose you're

serving they want the Transformers off

the planet they made to deal with

Megatron Megatron wants the staff and

he's claims he'll go home if he gets the

staff the military is stupid enough to

[ __ ] believe Megatron the man who did

blow up Chicago twice they're accepting

him they're they're taking him at his

word they're going to help him attack

Kade Jagger possibly kill kill him so

that they can leave the planet cuzz the

military wants the robots gone K Jagger

knows that it is his Destiny as the last

night to acquire Merlin's staff and save

the

world that's the

lore

[Laughter]

okay why wait what is that oh hold on

the this would [ __ ] up our planet

completely oh for sure you can't just

break the surface of the

Moon if as if we didn't have enough

going on uh now we have more plot the

moon is going to crash into the

Earth and and all of our heroes again

are in the ocean y it looks like they're

in Skull Island like the pressure the

hollow Earth yeah they

to fire yeah why is there's so much

[ __ ] fire for some reason the last

place I'd expect to see R random little

fires is underwater in a place that no

one's been in for years what's really

shocking is we're about 2 hours in very

very little Optimus Prime in the final

Transformers movie what if Uncharted and

Tomb Raider work together to save the

human race from Megatron it basically is

that it basically is Nathan Drake and

Lura Croft in an ancient cybertronian

ruin finding the corpse of

Merlin played by Stanley Tucci guys

meters are

freaking I got thermals everywhere it's

like somebody's setting a lot of

fires no Merlin what purpose are you

serving I'm here to protect this I'm

here to protect things after they're

taken oh it's because she's it's because

she's a

Wiccan

it is

found Sam Whit Wiki's cousins daughter's

roommate it is written that the newest

actress SL love interest will have the

power to shape the world except when the

next movie comes out everything will be

worse

again oh

[ __ ] oh no Nemesis Prime no this isn't

you prime give me the staff

human I will kill you he said his

catchphrase I'll kill you and I love

that that's supposed to be evil Optimus

says that he has said that in every

movie all

right into my shirt pocket his little

pocket what part of the truck is that

it's his cup

holder who we're fighting what is h

bumblebee fighting this should have been

a more epic

moment this should be given more

weight can we see the robots fighting

thank you I appreciate it I'm glad the

movie heard can you say that more often

cuz I think it listens to

you this doesn't even look good look at

oh my God it looks bad it looks bad I am

bumblebee your oldest friend he can

[ __ ] talk bumble bee your

voice bumblebee I have not heard it

since Cybertron fell not true uh

literally not true bumblebee I have not

heard your voice since the first movie

now you will watch Earth

die Warhammer [ __ ] going on here what he

do oh my God me you chose the wrong side

The Guardian Knights are going to kill

[Music]

me the funniest line he's ever said I'm

going to attack you with my

sword no just like King Arthur would

have wanted he has [ __ ]

Excalibur Mark Walberg

Excalibur this movie is hilarious they

just don't make him like this

anymore I love this what do you think

those guys were talking about holy [ __ ]

you see that down there I love this

[ __ ]

movie The World Is Dead by the way like

oh Jesus yeah it's a a little too late