Jordan Peterson: STOP USING THESE BULLSH*T DATING APPS

Beyond Exceptional
8 Sept 202207:46

TLDRThe video script discusses the manipulative strategies used by some dating apps, such as creating fake profiles to attract users, particularly men, and the impact of these apps on social dynamics. It highlights the gender disparity in match rates and the concept of 'hypergamy,' where women are more selective in their choices due to the potential risks associated with sex and pregnancy. The script also touches on the transformation of monogamy to polygamy facilitated by dating apps, leading to social instability and the rise of 'psychopathic' behaviors in some users who receive minimal rejection and engage in short-term sexual gratification without emotional intimacy or commitment.

Takeaways

  • 🔥 Tinder is perceived as a platform that 'starts fires', not just sexually, but also in terms of initiating various interactions.
  • 💡 Some dating apps use manipulative strategies, such as creating fake attractive profiles to attract and retain male users.
  • 🤔 The concept of 'chasing the dragon' is applied to the user experience, where a small initial reward leads to continuous pursuit of similar satisfaction.
  • 🎯 Women are more selective on dating apps, liking only 4% of the profiles they see, compared to men who like over 60% of the profiles they encounter.
  • 🧐 Hypergamy is a noted phenomenon where women tend to seek partners who are more successful or higher in the social hierarchy.
  • 👶 Women's preference for older, successful, and personable men is influenced by the need to equalize the potential risks associated with sex and pregnancy.
  • 🚀 Tinder and similar apps are seen as transformative technologies that can potentially alter traditional monogamous relationships.
  • 🏆 A small subset of highly successful men on dating apps may develop psychopathic tendencies due to the lack of rejection and constant availability of sexual encounters.
  • 📈 The success of some male users on dating apps can lead to them being given additional perks and advantages by the app, further enhancing their success rate.
  • 💔 The use of dating apps can lead to social instability by creating a Pareto distribution of sexual opportunities, with a minority of men having the majority of the encounters.
  • 🌫️ Ghosting, the act of suddenly cutting off all communication after a sexual encounter, is becoming more common and is seen as a reflection of a more psychopathic approach to relationships.

Q & A

  • What is the main concern about the naming of Tinder as discussed in the script?

    -The main concern is that Tinder, like its namesake, acts as a 'fire starter', potentially causing various forms of heartbreak and frustration among its users, not just in a sexual context but also due to manipulative strategies employed by tech companies.

  • What is 'seating' in the context of dating apps?

    -Seating refers to the practice of placing fake profiles of attractive women on dating apps to attract male users. These profiles are used to give new male users a sense of accomplishment and engagement, encouraging them to continue using the app.

  • Why are men reportedly more likely to pay for premium profiles on dating apps?

    -Men are more likely to pay for premium profiles because they are the primary target demographic for dating apps. The apps create a sense of reward and validation by matching new male profiles with attractive women, thus incentivizing them to pay for more features.

  • What is the significance of the 4 percent and 60 percent figures mentioned in the script?

    -The 4 percent figure indicates that women on Tinder only like the profiles of 4 percent of the men they see, showing a high selectiveness. On the other hand, men are shown to like more than 60 percent of the female profiles they see, highlighting a significant difference in the way both genders interact with the app.

  • Why do women seek partners who are older and more successful?

    -Women seek older and more successful partners to equalize the economic disparity that arises from the greater risks and costs they face from sex and pregnancy. This hypergamy is a cross-cultural phenomenon aimed at securing a provider who is competent, generous, and able to offer support in times of vulnerability.

  • How does the script describe the impact of Tinder on traditional monogamous relationships?

    -The script describes Tinder as a transformative technology that is shifting the dynamics of traditional monogamy towards polygamy. It suggests that a small minority of men accumulate most of the sexual opportunities, leading to social instability and changing the nature of romantic and sexual interactions.

  • What is the term used to describe the pattern of behavior where individuals continually seek short-term sexual gratification without emotional intimacy or commitment?

    -The term used to describe this pattern of behavior is 'chasing the dragon', which is originally a term from drug usage, specifically heroin, to describe the constant pursuit of a high or sense of reward.

  • How does the script relate the concept of 'ghosting' to the use of dating apps?

    -Ghosting, the act of suddenly cutting off all communication with someone without explanation, has become more common due to the use of dating apps. These apps allow for discreet encounters with people outside one's social circle, making it easier to engage in ghosting without any perceived social consequences.

  • What is the concern raised about the potential psychological effects of using dating apps like Tinder?

    -The concern is that the repetitive use of dating apps, where individuals engage in short-term, superficial interactions, may lead to the development of psychopathic tendencies. This is because such interactions lack emotional intimacy and long-term commitment, potentially normalizing a pattern of using others for personal gratification.

  • How does the script suggest that Tinder and similar apps are influencing societal norms and behaviors?

    -The script suggests that Tinder and similar apps are acting as broad-scale social experiments that are reshaping societal norms and behaviors around dating, relationships, and sexual interactions. These apps are seen as promoting a shift towards polygamous tendencies, increasing the ease of infidelity, and normalizing behaviors like ghosting.

  • What is the broader societal impact of the described dating app dynamics?

    -The broader societal impact includes potential social instability due to the concentration of sexual opportunities among a small group of men, increased difficulty in forming meaningful relationships, and a general shift away from traditional monogamous relationships towards more casual, non-committal interactions.

Outlines

00:00

🔥 Tinder's Impact and Manipulative Strategies

This paragraph discusses the widespread use of Tinder and its impact on social interactions. It highlights the manipulative strategies employed by dating apps, such as creating fake profiles of attractive women to lure male users into the platform. The speaker talks about the concept of 'seating', where these profiles are matched with new users to give them a false sense of success and keep them engaged. The paragraph also delves into the gender dynamics on the platform, explaining that women are more selective due to the potential risks and consequences of sexual encounters, while men tend to swipe right more frequently. The speaker criticizes these practices as they create a lot of heartbreak and frustration, and potentially contribute to the normalization of predatory behavior.

05:02

💔 Tinder's Role in Changing Monogamy and Social Dynamics

The second paragraph focuses on how Tinder and similar dating apps are transforming traditional monogamous relationships into polygamous ones. It explains the Pareto distribution of sexual opportunities, where a small percentage of men receive the majority of matches, leading to social instability. The paragraph also touches on the ease of infidelity and the rise of 'ghosting' as a consequence of these apps. The speaker expresses concern about the long-term effects of such behaviors, suggesting that the lack of meaningful connections and the focus on short-term gratification can lead to a pattern of psychopathic tendencies in users.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Tinder

Tinder is a popular online dating app that facilitates communication between mutually interested users, allowing them to like or dislike other profiles based on a small amount of information. In the script, Tinder is discussed in the context of its role in changing dating dynamics, implying that its design and usage can significantly influence social interactions and relationships. The app is metaphorically associated with starting fires, suggesting its potential to ignite romantic or sexual connections quickly but also highlighting the unintended consequences of such rapid engagements.

💡Manipulative strategies

Manipulative strategies refer to the deliberate actions taken by companies, such as dating apps, to influence user behavior and engagement in a way that benefits the platform, often at the expense of the user's genuine interests. The script mentions the use of 'seeding' fake profiles to engage users, especially new ones, by creating an illusion of immediate success on the platform. This tactic is designed to hook users from the beginning, likening it to drug addiction where users chase the high of initial success.

💡Hypergamy

Hypergamy is a concept mentioned in the script referring to a perceived tendency among women to prefer mates of higher social, economic, or physical status than themselves. The script discusses hypergamy in the context of Tinder and online dating, suggesting that such platforms amplify selectiveness, particularly among women, leading to a disproportionate focus on a small percentage of men deemed to have higher 'value.' This concept is tied to evolutionary and social theories about mate selection.

💡Success hierarchy

The success hierarchy is a concept related to social stratification where individuals or groups are ranked according to various criteria deemed important, such as wealth, status, and attractiveness. In the script, this concept is applied to the dating world, especially on Tinder, where a small subset of men is highly selected by women, creating a disparity in dating success. The discussion points to broader social implications, including the potential for increased competition and dissatisfaction among those lower in the hierarchy.

💡Predatory males

Predatory males are described in the script as men who use Tinder and similar platforms to engage in short-term sexual gratification without emotional intimacy or long-term commitment. This behavior is suggested to be facilitated and even encouraged by the mechanics of the app, leading to a learning environment that could potentially foster psychopathic traits, as interactions are purely transactional and devoid of deeper relational elements.

💡Rejection

Rejection in the context of the script refers to the denial or non-reciprocity of romantic or sexual interest. It is highlighted that Tinder, by its design, reduces the experience of direct rejection since interactions that do not result in a match simply result in no communication. However, this aspect of Tinder is critiqued for contributing to a shallow dating culture where rejection, a natural part of human relationships, is obscured, potentially leading to unrealistic expectations and behaviors.

💡Ghosting

Ghosting is described as the act of suddenly ending all communication with someone the individual has been dating, without any explanation, leading to confusion and hurt. In the script, ghosting is presented as a common outcome of the impersonal and transient interactions facilitated by dating apps like Tinder, reflecting a broader cultural shift towards more superficial and non-committal relationships.

💡Polygamy

Polygamy, in the context of the script, is used metaphorically to describe a shift in dating patterns facilitated by apps like Tinder, where a small number of individuals (predominantly males) engage with multiple partners, leaving a larger portion of the user base with significantly fewer opportunities. This comparison is used to critique the societal and relational impacts of dating apps, suggesting they contribute to a destabilization of traditional monogamous norms and increase social inequality within the dating sphere.

💡Socioeconomic hierarchy

Socioeconomic hierarchy refers to the arrangement of individuals or groups in society based on their economic and social status. The script discusses how women, through hypergamy, seek partners who can provide economic stability, especially in the context of the potential costs of sex and pregnancy. This search for stability is portrayed as a rational strategy to mitigate the risks and inequalities faced by women, particularly in the context of raising children.

💡Consent

Consent is briefly touched upon in the script as a critical issue within the context of campus debates and broader societal discussions about sexual relationships. It reflects concerns over the clarity and ethics of consenting to sexual activity, especially in environments where transient and impersonal encounters, like those facilitated by dating apps, have become more common. The script suggests that the evolving nature of dating and sexual norms, partly influenced by technologies like Tinder, complicates the understanding and practice of consent.

Highlights

Tinder is named aptly as it starts fires, not just sexually, but in various aspects of social interaction.

Tech companies, including some dating apps, use manipulative strategies to attract and retain users.

The practice of 'seating' involves introducing fake profiles, usually of attractive women, to entice male users.

The intention behind seeding fake profiles is to give users a 'hit' of satisfaction, akin to chasing the dragon in drug use, to keep them engaged.

The gender disparity in dating apps is highlighted by the fact that women like only 4% of the profiles they see, while men like over 60%.

Women tend to be more selective in their mating choices due to the potential risks associated with sex and pregnancy.

Women seek men who are successful, personable, and generous to balance the economic disparity that can result from childbearing.

Tinder and similar apps are seen as transformative technologies that can create 'hyper-successful predatory males'.

The reduction of rejection in dating apps can lead to a shift from monogamy to polygamy, potentially causing social instability.

The ease of cheating has increased with dating apps, as one can match with strangers outside their social circle and have discreet encounters.

Ghosting, or disappearing after a sexual encounter, has become more common due to the impersonal nature of dating apps.

The practice of ghosting and short-term relationships can lead to the development of psychopathic behaviors in individuals.

Repeated use of people for personal gain can establish a pattern of shallow interaction that hinders meaningful relationships.

The transcript discusses the impact of dating apps on societal norms, relationships, and the potential for creating predatory behaviors.

The discussion highlights the potential negative consequences of dating apps, such as increased heartbreak and frustration.

The transcript suggests that the design of dating apps may inadvertently promote a small group of highly successful males, leading to an imbalance in sexual opportunities.

The interviewee shares insights into the strategic use of fake profiles to manipulate user behavior and the broader social implications.