MADAME WEB is Astoundingly Bad
Summary
TLDRThe video script offers a detailed review of the film 'Madam Web,' highlighting the numerous issues faced by the movie. The reviewer expresses skepticism about the demand for such a film and criticizes the character's portrayal, particularly the deviation from the comic book source material. They discuss the film's director, SJ Clarkson, and her limited feature film experience, suggesting it may contribute to the movie's shortcomings. The script also points out the writing credits and the writers' history of poorly received scripts. The reviewer further comments on the casting choice of Dakota Johnson and her apparent disinterest in the Marvel universe, questioning her motivations for participating in the film. Throughout the script, the reviewer uses humor to underscore the film's absurdities and implausibilities, including the plot, the special effects, and the character development. The summary concludes with the reviewer's final thoughts on the film's quality and the broader implications of committee-driven filmmaking.
Takeaways
- 🎬 The video discusses the challenges of making movies and the mixed outcomes, using 'Madam Web' as an example of a film that did not meet expectations.
- 🕷️ 'Madam Web' is criticized for its lack of appeal, with the reviewer expressing difficulty in finding any redeeming qualities in the film.
- 📚 The character Madam Web is described as an old, blind woman with powerful psychic abilities, which contrasts with the film's portrayal.
- 🎥 SJ Clarkson, the director of 'Madam Web', is primarily known for her work in television, leading to a discussion on the differences between directing for TV and film.
- 📽️ The video points out the inexperience of the writing team and suggests that their collective track record may contribute to the film's poor reception.
- 🎭 Dakota Johnson's performance and her real-life actions following the release of the film's trailer are discussed, hinting at a possible disconnect with the project.
- 🚀 The review includes a sponsored segment for the mobile game 'Raid: Shadow Legends', highlighting the game's features and a special event.
- 🕹️ The game 'Raid: Shadow Legends' is promoted with an offer of a giveaway for a gaming console and in-game loot, urging viewers to participate.
- 🧙 The script touches on the typical narrative structure of superhero origin stories and expresses a desire for more innovative storytelling in the genre.
- 🎉 The video concludes with a reflection on the future and the potential it holds, despite the challenges faced by the characters in the film and the production of the movie itself.
- 📆 There is confusion about the film's timeline, with inconsistencies suggesting it may not be set in the year it claims to be.
Q & A
What is the general sentiment towards making movies as expressed in the video?
-The video expresses that making movies is a difficult process that takes a lot of time and effort, and there are many ways a movie can go wrong.
What is the reviewer's opinion on the movie 'Madam Web'?
-The reviewer has a very negative opinion of 'Madam Web,' describing it as a 'big pile of [expletive]' and stating that it's nearly impossible to discuss the movie without criticizing it.
What is the significance of the character Madame Web in the movie?
-Madame Web is depicted as an old, blind woman with clairvoyant powers. She is a central character in the movie, although the reviewer expresses skepticism about the need for a movie centered on this character.
What is the director's background according to the video?
-The director, SJ Clarkson, is known primarily for directing TV shows, with only one other movie, 'Toast,' to her name. The reviewer suggests that directing a TV show is quite different from directing a movie.
What is the reviewer's view on the writing credits for 'Madam Web'?
-The reviewer criticizes the writing credits, noting that the director and three other writers, some of whom have a history of working together, are responsible for the movie's script, and implies that their collective work has resulted in a poor quality film.
What is the context of the Dakota Johnson's agency switch mentioned in the video?
-Dakota Johnson switched her agency from WME to CAA shortly after the first trailer for 'Madam Web' was released, which raised speculation that she was not happy with the movie. However, the reviewer mentions that CAA also represents her production company and indie film, suggesting the switch might be business-related rather than a reaction to the movie.
What is the reviewer's critique of Dakota Johnson's performance and attitude towards the movie?
-The reviewer points out that Dakota Johnson appeared to not be fully invested in the movie, citing instances where she made light of it during a press tour and her apparent lack of familiarity with Marvel movies.
How does the reviewer describe the plot and character development in 'Madam Web'?
-The reviewer finds the plot and character development to be lacking, with a focus on origin stories that feel overdone. They also criticize the decision to not portray Madame Web as blind, which deviates from the comic book character.
What is the reviewer's opinion on the movie's villain, Ezekiel Sims?
-The reviewer finds the villain, Ezekiel Sims, to be poorly developed and acted. They describe his portrayal as forced and cheesy, and criticize the suit design as an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of Spider-Man.
What are some of the specific scenes or elements criticized in the movie?
-The reviewer criticizes several scenes, including the use of the camera, the editing, the acting, the dialogue, and the use of a Pepsi Cola sign in the climax. They also mention the implausibility of certain plot points and the lack of logic in the story's progression.
What is the final message or theme suggested by the movie according to the reviewer?
-The movie concludes with a message about the future and the power of belief in oneself. However, the reviewer finds the delivery of this message to be insincere and poorly executed, particularly due to the amateurish writing.
Outlines
🎬 Introduction to Movie Making Challenges
The speaker begins by acknowledging the complexity and time-consuming nature of movie production, where many things can go wrong. They express skepticism about the existence of a market for 'Madam Web,' a movie they consider to be of poor quality. The speaker also mentions their intention to discuss the film critically, understanding the challenges it presents in finding positive aspects to highlight.
🕷️ Critique of Madam Web's Production and Writing
The speaker discusses the writing credits of 'Madam Web,' pointing out the lack of successful past works from the writers involved. They also touch on industry reactions to Dakota Johnson's agency switch and her seemingly disinterested behavior during the movie's press tour. The character of Madame Web is described, emphasizing her powers and the potential for an interesting narrative that doesn't rely on an origin story.
🌿 The Misguided Origin Story of Madame Web
The narrative focuses on the origin story of Madame Web, highlighting the implausibility of certain plot points and the questionable decisions made by characters. The speaker also criticizes the film's editing, acting, and the use of special effects. They express confusion over the character motivations and the disjointed nature of the storytelling.
🚨 The Absurdity of the Villain's Actions
The speaker describes the actions of the film's antagonist, Ezekiel Sims, who gains powers from a rare spider and uses them to become wealthy. They ridicule the villain's portrayal, his accent, and the chaotic scenes that ensue. The speaker also comments on the ineffective use of the villain's powers and the cheese factor of his character.
🚨 The Chaotic Visions and Inexplicable Trust
The summary covers Cassie's struggle with her newfound powers, which are unpredictable and chaotic. The speaker highlights the odd behavior of the girls who trust Cassie despite her kidnapping them and claiming to see the future. The narrative includes a scene where the girls are dancing on a table, and the speaker questions the logic behind their actions and the film's tonal inconsistencies.
🌐 The Visions, CPR, and a Journey to Peru
The speaker recounts how Cassie teaches the girls CPR and leaves them in the care of her friend Ben while she travels to Peru to find a spider tribe. The trip is based on her mother's research, and the speaker finds it unrealistic that Ben would agree to house the girls without question. The summary also describes the encounter with a man from the spider tribe who shares Cassie's powers.
🏥 The Hospital, the Firework Warehouse, and the Final Showdown
The summary details a series of events where Cassie has visions of the girls' deaths and repeatedly saves them. The final confrontation with Ezekiel takes place on a Pepsi Cola sign, leading to his downfall. The speaker questions the logic behind the use of fireworks and the illuminated 'S' from the sign, and they end with a critique of the film's writing and the final dialogue, which they find trite and unconvincing.
🎉 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
The speaker concludes the review by reiterating their negative opinion of 'Madam Web' and encourages viewers to share their thoughts. They also promote their merchandise available at alien.com, providing a light-hearted ending to the critique.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Madam Web
💡Spider-People
💡Telepathy
💡Astral Projection
💡Ezekiel Sims
💡Origin Story
💡Superhero Genre
💡Visual Effects
💡Character Development
💡Product Placement
💡Cinematic Tropes
Highlights
The speaker acknowledges the difficulty of making movies and the potential for mistakes, yet introduces 'Madam Web' as a particularly poor example.
Madam Web's character is criticized for being an old, blind woman with powers, who doesn't seem to warrant a standalone movie.
The director of Madam Web, SJ Clarkson, is known for TV work, leading to a discussion on the differences between directing for TV and film.
The movie is panned for its writing credits, with the writer's previous works also being criticized.
Dakota Johnson's performance and her comments about the movie and her Marvel knowledge are discussed, highlighting potential disingenuousness.
The plot of Madam Web is summarized, focusing on the character's psychic powers and the speaker's disinterest in yet another origin story.
The speaker mocks the film's use of a non-blind lead character, contrasting with the source material, and the unoriginal approach to the antagonist.
A detailed recount of specific scenes from the movie are criticized for poor editing, acting, and plot development.
The use of product placement, specifically for the game 'Raid: Shadow Legends', is highlighted and briefly described.
The climax and ending of Madam Web are described as bizarre, with a focus on a scene involving a Pepsi Cola sign.
The final scene is critiqued for its implausibility, including the survival of characters and the message about the future.
Dakota Johnson's post-film comments about the movie-making process and her doubts about the film's quality are mentioned.
The speaker concludes with a negative review of Madam Web, inviting viewers to share their thoughts in the comments.
A humorous note is added about the film's setting being ambiguous due to various anachronisms spotted throughout.
The absurdity of certain dialogues and the weak character development are highlighted as significant flaws in the movie.
The speaker emphasizes the lack of suspense or stakes in the film, comparing the repetitive rescue scenes to the movie 'Final Destination'.
The final confrontation's resolution is deemed unsatisfactory, with the Pepsi Cola sign taking an improbable role in the villain's defeat.
The inexplicable continuation of the fireworks after the characters leave the building is pointed out as a plot hole.
The film's final message about seeing the future and standing up for beliefs is criticized for being trite and unconvincing.
Transcripts
I would like to preface this video by
saying making movies is difficult it
takes a lot of time a lot goes into it
there are many ways someone can mess up
when making a movie that being said
though sometimes you get a movie like
Madam web all right I mean what can I
say that is one big pile of [ __ ] some
movies suck it is what it is you seen
Madam web no I haven't I've seen Madam
web it's good have you yeah is it good
yeah it's pretty good well these matches
say you're
lying I cannot talk about Madam web
without trashing it it's just not
possible so I kind of understand why
Chris Duckman made the video he made on
it I have other thoughts about his video
but we're here to talk about Madame Webb
it's kind of difficult to talk about
this movie and movies like this without
feeling like an [ __ ] the reason I say
that is because this movie has so few
good call ities I don't even think I
have one really which doesn't happen
often normally in the videos I make I
try my very best to say something nice
about a movie most of the time this is
one of those very rare instances where
I'm sorry okay is this real so let's
talk about Madame web first off I refuse
to believe that a single soul on this
planet asked for this movie that is
wrong Elvis I specifically requested
Madame Web come on let's just be real
Madam web this is what she looks like in
the comics she has some pretty cool
Powers but she's ultimately just an old
blind woman that sits in a web chair
thing it's been 84 years I can see how
she could possibly compliment someone
else's movie but a movie about her I
don't know I'm going to be honest I
don't know much about Madame web all
right I haven't read her comics the
small amount of info I know about this
character is from what I've seen on
online this movie baffles me because
it's a theater released Sony Marvel
movie and the director is SJ Clarkson
this person only has one other movie
under their belt it's called toast and
it was released in 2010 and I'm guessing
most of the people watching this video
haven't seen it maybe I'm wrong maybe
everybody loves toast I just I'm the one
person that hasn't seen it SJ Clarkson
is mostly known for directing TV shows
and honestly some pretty great TV shows
at that she's directed episodes of
Dexter succession and house and you
might be thinking well she's made some
great TV obviously she can make a great
movie well I don't think that's the case
with a show there's the showrunners who
decide the direction of the show and
then the directors Who deliver the
individual pieces of that story for
movies the director is in charge of
mostly everything instead of making this
tiny piece of this overarching narrative
you're in charge of the entire narrative
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now back to the review Madam web has
four writing credits one of which is the
director who has only one other writing
credit for a show called Mistresses two
of Madam web's other writers must know
each other pretty well because they've
only worked on the same movies together
and all of them
are bad and I'm not joking match Shaz
Zama and Burke sharpless have both
written the screenplays for Dracula
Untold the last witch hunter gods of
Egypt morbius and Madam web it's kind of
insane that these guys keep getting work
the fourth and final screenwriter for
Madame Webb has only one writing credit
and that's for Madam web they're also an
executive producer for this movie it
looks like they've produced a bunch of
movies before but yeah this is their
first time writing for one and it shows
I'm not saying that it's impossible to
write a good movie your first time
around there's the obvious example of
Robert Edgars who's on an incredible
film streak right now and there are
other examples of people making good
movies on their first go this is just
not one of those cases I'm just going to
say I don't always agree with Rotten
Tomatoes but the 12% for this movie it
makes a whole lot of sense according to
IMDb Dakota Johnson left her agency WME
in favor of CAA less than a week after
the first trailer for this movie dropped
and according to variety this raised
industry eyebrows and generated some
unfounded rumors that Johnson didn't
like the movie especially since she made
fun of it while hosting Saturday Night
Live so it's kind of like if AI
generated your boyfriend's Perfect
movie however The Hollywood Reporter
found that since CAA was also willing to
represent her production company Tea
Time pictures along with her indie film
Daddo it's likely the timing of her
agency switch was nothing more than film
business shuffling Dakota Johnson just
did not give a [ __ ] during her press
tour for this movie it's so funny do you
remember the first Marvel female
character that you fell in love with on
screen H let me think I
[Music]
don't at one point she says she loves
Marvel movies you know I have always
really loved Marvel movies kind of like
in that one video when she said she
loved limes because there were limes
sitting there and she didn't know what
else to say I love limes I love them
they're great and it was a complete lie
what what do you do with all of those
limes it was hard to just ignore them so
I just
lied I love them well guess what in a
different interview she said that she's
only seen 15 minutes of one Marvel movie
before what percent of Marvel movies
have you
seen uh 4% 4% which is like 15 minutes
of one I love Marvel I loved Marvel
movies during this same interview she
was asked if she could name the three
Tom Holland Spider-Man movies and she
completely failed can you name the three
Spider-Man uh Tom Holland
movies yeah Spider-Man and the Goblet of
man this girl doesn't give a [ __ ] about
superhero movies it's hard to blame her
if she just did this movie for the money
so who exactly is madam web anyway
basically she's an old blind Clairvoyant
woman with a ton of Mind Powers she was
born without eyesight and she kind of
reminds me of an OP female version of
Charles Xavier first things first I am a
lady so let's go over her powers she has
astral projection telepathy mind
alteration basically she can make you
think what she wants you to think she
has the ability to sense incidents
before they happen she can perform
surgeries with her mind and she can see
the future again I haven't read the
comics but it looks like she's probably
one of those characters that other
characters seek out for answers to
something you know like that old wise
woman that hangs out in a hut and the
main characters are like oh my god did
you hear about this person they can
probably lead us in the right direction
so they go and have a conversation with
them and then you never see them again
honestly if they didn't make this an
origin story and instead just focused on
an old blind woman I would probably be a
lot more interested in this movie it's
not every day that you see an old woman
as a super superhero and not just any
superhero a psychic Powerhouse give the
role to Merill stre or
something and you've got yourself a
superhero movie that is unlike anything
that's out there right now I would be
interested in seeing that and I'm not
lying as far as how the story would work
out you'd have to have some master
Storyteller to make this compelling I
think I'm just so bored of origin
stories at this point it feels like
every month we're being introduced to
another superhero from the comics that
were buried in there somewhere that they
haven't gotten around to yet oh yeah
Dakota Johnson's character in this movie
isn't blind remember how I said that she
was born blind she was born without
eyesight not anymore and it's not like
they would be copying Daredevil because
he wasn't born blind instead they decide
to copy Daredevil it's a lot more
interesting when someone becomes blind
because of something and what makes her
blind it's very very funny okay that
would also piss people off the movie
starts by by focusing on a scientist
named constants this is Madame web's
mother she's taking pictures and notes
on a spider web in the rainforest
they're searching for a very rare breed
of spider because it has this super
Venom that can do all sorts of crazy
things and they tell us that nobody has
ever captured One Alive before which
seems pretty improbable if you ask me
and it's not like the spider is super
tiny or something like nobody has ever
found it before you want to see what the
spider looks like this is the spider
it's huge and bright red her security
guard is named Ezekiel Sims and he's the
bad guy in this movie when I say I
[ __ ] your mom you best believe I
actually [ __ ] your mom he says this to
her I agreed to provide security for you
because I thought thought you were close
to finding the spider what why would he
say that to her why would he be so overt
about his intentions he might as well
have told her I want this spider for
some reason and I'm not going to tell
you why but hurry up because I'm not
going to steal it from you but I totally
will also it's raining in this scene and
they even point out the rain because
Constance takes his umbrella in the next
shot Ezekiel is in the same rainforest
but the rain has just stopped I suppose
so that's strange and then Constance
immediately finds the spider that nobody
has been able to find until just now and
it's this giant bright red spider how
has nobody found this thing Ezekiel
picks up a gun and shoots everybody and
then tries to steal the spider Constance
watches this happen and says I don't
understand over and over I don't
understand oh you don't do you the guy
who clearly wants the spider shot you
and the other people around as soon as
you found the spider and you don't
understand she also says you're making
the wrong decision when he had already
shot two people like [ __ ] he already
made the decision what are you talking
about you need to give him the spider
you're pregnant think of your child the
acting during this sequence is terrible
although we do find out later in the
movie that she went to the for is to
find the spider to cure her child like
that was the whole purpose of finding
the spider right because this spider's
venom could potentially cure her unborn
child's disease so it kind of makes
sense that she doesn't want him to take
it but if he's going to kill you is it
really worth it you found one I'm sure
there's another one right around the
corner this woman is not acting like she
just got shot and then suddenly
mysterious spider people of the forest
swing down and save constant as she's
lying there dying the eding and shot
composition here is so confusing there's
this one guy who climbs down a tree and
another who's carrying two giant what
are those things they look like huge
nails or something they cut back and
forth between these spider people so
awkwardly it's so clumsily edited it's
insane and then they show this guy who's
carrying Clarence away and he's bouncing
off of trees like he's straight out of
Twilight it's pretty obvious when you
watch it that they just sped up the
footage and it looks so bad the camera
spins around constantly in this movie
and it's super disorienting the spider
people give Clarence a sort of
ritualistic spider bath where they help
deliver her baby after one of these
super spiders bites her it's followed up
with some terrible ADR she is strong she
will come back when she needs answers
these people are in a cave but there's
barely any Echo to his voice he sounds
awkwardly clear when he's barely opening
his mouth to speak it sounds like they
just plopped the raw audio on top of
this scene and then called it a
day I will be here for her we fast
forward in time and were introduced to
paramedics Cassie web and her friend Ben
played by Dakota Johnson and Adam Scott
respectively they really love to spin
the camera around in this movie and
sometimes they do it for no reason and
it's kind of distracting normally when
the camera does stunts like this it's to
emphasize the scene if someone's doing a
stunt the camera follows them and it's
like oh God that's so cool but in this
movie it feels very out of nowhere most
of the time so Cassie helps someone out
of a car but then gets trapped in it
herself as it plummets into the ocean we
then get a scene of Cassie experiencing
her powers for the first time I guess
she's a late bloomer she's in this web
very clever and then she touches a
balloon that explodes full of blood and
then she sees this huge illuminated s
sign is that an S for spider she's then
saved by Ben we see Ezekiel Sims again
but this time he's is a rich man oh jeez
he has a lot of money and he gets the
women he must have gotten Rich by
selling that very rare spider just
kidding he kept it in a cage apparently
he let it bite him so he got superpowers
and he used those powers to become rich
I always forget how hot it gets in here
with the light and everything so I have
to take my hoodie
off and then Ezekiel has a nightmare and
this scene is so bad I don't know if it
was just bad direction or what but tahar
raheem's acting in this movie is pretty
terrible he has this forced accent and
he's trying way too hard to be this evil
guy where's my spider it comes across
way too forced they took my SPID and I
think it was an overall detriment to the
character this nightmare consists of a
choly and chaotically edited scene of
these spider women beating him up using
various powers and abilities and then he
falls out of a window screaming and it's
so funny
he wakes up and then he injects Venom
into the woman he just slept with he
secretes the Venom into her with like
his skin oils or something it's very
very clever basically he used this woman
to get information from her so he could
find the underage spider girls from his
dreams that he keeps having over and
over because he watches them kill him
every single night the scene that
follows this one isn't terrible it shows
Cassie adjusting to her new found
abilities she Witnesses things that have
happened and will happen we just did
this she watches As Time folds in on
itself she's desperately trying to
control her chaotic environment only to
find that she can't control everything
even with this power I I don't know I
just have a weird feeling the next scene
however is terrible God the villain in
this movie is so cheesy I can't handle
it it's so bad and not in like the
endearing way I just can't stand the way
he talks was it worth the trouble also
apparently they were able to make a
digital render of the three girls in his
dreams like his assistant was able to
make these images of these three girls
from his dreams based entirely on his
memory it's kind of insane how accurate
they are [ __ ] those are just pictures
of the girls this next part is slightly
cheesy but I kind of liked it Cassie is
watching A Christmas Carol because
there's that scene of Scrooge visiting a
different reality and Cassie can relate
to that hate to break a te Scrooge you
can't change anything and then she
learns that she can change what's about
to happen because she has a vision of a
pigeon Dying by flying into her window
but she's able to save its life by
opening the window but it seems like her
powers are mostly random and chaotic she
has very little control over them they
just happen sporadically so I'm not sure
how they could help her at all although
she is developing her powers so she
won't know how to use them right away I
guess that kind of makes sense then we
see Cassie on the subway and she sees
flashes of things that could have
happened or things that will happen
which are all pretty violent and show
Ezekiel killing the girls and Cassie is
trying to figure out if what she's
seeing is real or not she then realizes
that this is what's going to happen so
she intervenes she forces the girls off
the train before Ezekiel can get to them
Sydney Sweeney in this movie is meant to
be a teenager and they make her look
younger by putting glasses a skirt and a
wig on her why not just put a pacifier
in her mouth I mean it wasn't really
necessary I don't think they're being
pursued by a Spider-Man looking
character this is evil Spider-Man you
know how it was the thing to make
Superman evil for the longest time
whenever you would see him he was the
evil version well I guess it's spider
man's turn even though this isn't Peter
Parker it's uh this random guy named
Ezekiel and he's uh the evil Spider-Man
and I'm saying that because his suit is
basically just a evil Spider-Man suit
it's so weird because he has very little
connection to the actual Spider-Man they
just gave him the Spider-Man suit so
they could use it in the marketing to
fool people into thinking that
Spider-Man might be in this movie
Spider-man sells in the comics Ezekiel
Sims is this old guy with super bushy
eyebrows brows I kind of wish they used
his Earth four suit instead of this
black spider suit I know black is like
the evil color although if they use the
Earth four suit people would probably
confuse him with actual Spider-Man it
just looks cooler it's got like the
buttons on the side so then Cassie
steals a taxi and they all Drive Away
these three girls get in a stolen taxi
with a strange woman because there's
this strange person in an edgy
Spider-Man suit after them and they're
all like oh jeez thank you weird lady
for saying saving us nothing weird about
this at all feels like a kidnapping
Cassie then throws madd's cell phone out
the window out of fear of them tracking
it Cassie stops the taxi and she's like
all right you guys can leave if you want
Maddie responds okay that sounds good to
me bye but before she can leave Cassie
then says uh actually never mind you
can't leave sorry no you can't so she
drives off with all of them in the car
still she brings them all into the
middle of the woods and none of them are
freaking out for some reason they all
have this nonchalant conversation Cassie
even tells them that she can see the
future and none of them freak out I can
see the
future as far as these girls are aware
they were just kidnapped by a mentally
ill woman and she drove them into the
middle of the woods and she's probably
going to leave you there so they should
be so sketched out by all this I know
they're being chased by this spider
person but still I think I would have a
lot of questions and they do they do ask
her some stuff I think I would ask to be
brought home what I wouldn't do is trust
this random person that just kidnapped
me especially when they say they can see
the future and they're saving me
apparently they've all interacted before
in some way like Maddie gave her the
finger one time who flips off an
ambulance if anything that should make
it weirder right like Cassie was picking
out targets or something it's just weird
okay what makes it even funnier is that
Cassie leaves them there she drives away
with the taxi and leaves them stranded
in the woods in the middle of nowhere
and tells them to wait my God what are
they doing she does this because one of
the girls makes a connection between
spiders and you know the spider guy who
is chasing them a
spider person and Cassie has this light
bulb go off in that moment like oh my
God my mom researched spiders there
might be a connection there never mind
the man who's chasing me who can crawl
on the walls and has spider webs all
over his suit so she drives home to read
her mom's research on spider and
immediately she flips to the right page
about the spider super Venom from spider
venom don't you guys think that's so
weird in movies when someone's about to
do research on something they pick up a
book and they flip a page and oh my God
it's right there of course here it is
she could have easily just brought the
girls with her to her place they decide
to go to a nearby Diner to get food and
Cassie is surprised when she comes back
6 hours later and they're gone did you
expect them to sit in the woods and play
Rock Paper Scissors for the next 6 hours
Cassie finds her way to the diner and
the girls are all standing on a table
dancing for a bunch of guys very normal
behavior and this is before Tik Tok or
Vine or YouTube now I might be wrong but
I don't think people were doing dumb
[ __ ] like this before internet clout was
a thing Ezekiel the evil Spider Guy
arrives he assaults this random guy and
then snaps Sydney Sweeney's neck the
camera does more of those sweet totally
not jarring flips as Toxic by Britney
Spears plays in the background it's kind
of kind of strange watching this scene
listening to Toxic by Britney Spears as
this guy in a Spider-Man suit kills a
bunch of teenage girls it's kind of
weird right is it just me or what
intoxicate me now tonally it's all over
the place you know the deaths of teenage
girls Toxic by Britney Spears Spider-Man
costume guy then we're back in the woods
with Cassie it was all a vision so
Cassie speeds off to the diner in hopes
of saving them the girls hop up on the
table and start dancing just like in her
vision this is so weird because why
aren't any of the diner workers stopping
them at mostly any restaurant or Diner
in the world You' be stopped almost
instantly if you did this but these
girls dance up on this table for a
couple minutes without anybody doing
anything so then Cassie drives the taxi
into the diner hitting Ezekiel she saves
the girls and drives away as Cassie's
driving away with the girls in her car
after driving directly into a diner mind
you and hitting someone she said says to
these girls oh my God you guys are so
stupid your futures were almost so
different you're lucky I was there why
are these girls going along with this
psycho it makes no sense I know the
spider guy was there okay but still so
these girls are just blindly putting
their faith in Cassie they have no idea
why this guy's after them Cassie has no
idea why he's after them it just makes
very little sense that these girls would
be like okay cool you can see the future
this guy is trying to kill us for no
reason let's go and hang out with in the
woods for 6 hours while we wait for this
mentally ill woman to come back and do
whatever she wants with us definitely
not the opening of a horror film so then
Cassie drives the girls to a motel and
then astral projects to the diner where
she has a telepathic discussion with
Ezekiel there's this strange flashing
light in the background during the scene
like there's a guy back there taking
pictures with the flash on over and over
it's not just to Har raheem's acting
that's bad in this movie the lines they
give him are terrible as well so you put
two shitty things together it's like
super shitty like during this scene for
example just listen to these lines those
girls cannot exist how come you get to
decide because I'm the one with the
powers did you think you could beat me
with your mind oh my God those girls
cannot exist how come you're the one to
decide because I'm the one with the
powers and honestly it feels like a
12-year-old wrote this after reading
their first comic book Cassie learns
exactly how ezekiel's poison works
because he had this during their
telepathic discussion no one survives
once enough poison enters their system
so yeah she shouldn't know anything
about how it actually works right maybe
he has the Venom in his mouth or
something he has to bite you how do you
know what it does huh so she explains it
to the girls the next morning and then
teaches them CPR so remember Cassie's
friend Ben well she has him look after
the girls so she can take a vacation to
Peru to go find this spider tribe in the
jungle somewhere that she learned about
through her mom's research so yeah she
goes to Peru and she uses a map that her
mom Drew to find them I'm sorry I don't
care how good of a friend you are to
someone if they come out nowhere and
they're like all right I'm housing these
three random girls and they're in
trouble and you don't really have a
choice they're going to stay at your
place so here you go here are these
three random teenagers even if you were
like all right fine you think you would
have some questions who are these people
why are they in trouble what's going on
why do you have to go to Peru I'm so
confused used but no Ben's like all
right sure I can't pretend to understand
what's going on here he's probably just
a massive s or something maybe if I do
this she'll notice me it's already
insane because he's brother-in-law to
someone who's pregnant like 9 months
pregnant basically she's going to burst
at any moment and then he'll have to
look after a literal newborn while
having these three random teenagers in
his house I mean okay sure while in Peru
there's this terrible edit and then
Cassie runs into the same man that saved
her mother all those years ago but this
time he's not wearing his tribal spider
gear he's just in Regular Guy clothes
now he had a change in fashion sense
over the years I suppose he can also see
the future so he knew that she would be
there so these two people literally just
met okay and then he asks her do you
trust me do you trust me um no no I
don't I don't know you who are you and
then he pushes her soul into the same
like little pool that her mother gave
birth in and she experiences visions of
her mother's life we learn that she went
to the forest in the first place in
order to find a spider that has venom
that has the ability to cure her
daughter's genetic neuromuscular
disorder I'm sorry to tell you that your
baby has Myasthenia despite what the
film tells us according to IMDb
myasthenia gravis what Cassie was
supposedly diagnosed with is not
something that can be diagnosed before
birth and it's not a genetic condition
but an autoimmune disorder Cassie tells
her mother that she succeeded in curing
her in the astral plane and then they
hug and then this random guy that she
just met in the rainforest tells her
that she's destined for great power but
her mother didn't have these same Powers
when they met in the astral plane or
whatever so she just believes that she
saw her 30-year-old daughter from the
future that's normal I would think I was
going insane so Cassie arrives at Ben's
house after her holiday in the
rainforest and she finds that they're
all missing Ben's sister-in-law was in
labor so he took her and the three girls
to the hospital Cassie gets a vision
that they all die again so she rushes to
save them and this is like a full-time
job for her now isn't it getting a
vision that these girls die intervening
and saving them and that just happens
over and over and over it's like Final
Destination you can't escape it unless
there's a Pepsi Cola sign there to save
the day you might be confused by what I
just said but just wait also thank God
nothing happened to these girls when uh
Cassie was on holiday in the rainforest
because that would have been bad thank
God their impending doom occurred only
after she got back Ezekiel the evil
Spider-Man is about to blow up the girls
with a grenade yes he's going to kill
them with a grenade I think killing them
with this super Venom would be a lot
easier than killing them with a grenade
just take your suit off and approach
them and be like hey how are you put
your hand out and shake their hands one
by one wow they're all dead now but no
this guy's filled with rage so he has to
go out with a bang I suppose how does
Cassie stop aiel this time she hits him
with a vehicle again but this time it's
even more ridiculous she steals an an
ambulance only to drive it through the
wall of a parking garage so it flies in
his Direction the funniest part is that
the vehicle would have flown over him
but he decides to jump so it hits him in
midair oh my God so that worked out well
you could have just sat there and
watched it fly over your head I guess
he's kind of like a cat you know
whenever something scary happens he
can't help but just bounce you know oh
[ __ ] if I had a dime for every time
Cassie hits Ezekiel with a vehicle in
this movie I would have two dimes which
is not a lot but it's strange that it
happened to twice the end of this movie
is so bizarre Cassie and the three girls
end up in a firework warehouse and they
start putting flares into the crates of
fireworks in order to distract Ezekiel
there's a helicopter watching the chaos
as Cassie blocks random fireworks from
hitting them with a piece of Broken
Steel or something that came out of
nowhere remember the random red s in her
vision earlier well it's from a massive
Pepsi Cola sign a rogue firework blows a
hole in the top of the building I guess
and another is shot directly at Ezekiel
so he punches it at the helicopter and
the helicopter goes down I don't even
think he meant to do that he just
punches it and it hits the helicopter
wow okay Ezekiel takes his mask off at
the end of the movie for no reason other
than for more screen time Maddie uses a
piece of metal to skate like legless
from low of the Rings for a second
because she can do that I guess Sydney
Sweeney runs at him only to get laid out
so she's now hanging on for dear life
wow thanks Sydney that was a huge help
all three of these girls are in danger
so Cassie has to make a choice instead
of saving one she decides to save all
three with her mind Powers she like
Astro projects her body to all three
girls to help them but she can't move
while doing this so I guess she's just
hoping that Ezekiel will be a good boy
and let her do it obviously he doesn't
do that and he punches her I don't know
what Cassie was thinking you might want
to take care of the threat first before
you try and save someone oh what the
hell see she didn't see that coming I
think he might try and stop you just
he's kind of been trying to do that for
the entire movie the final confrontation
the climax of the movie takes place on a
giant Pepsi Cola sign you might be
wondering how Cassie defeats Ezekiel
well she doesn't the Pepsi sign does it
falls apart in such a way where it pins
him down and then the giant s swings
down and makes him fall to his death
which mirrors his dream with the same
awful screen he then gets squished by
the giant pee from Pepsi so you can see
him as the camera zooms out with his
little face in the pee hole why is the
end of this movie a giant Pepsi ad
Cassie falls into the water below with a
ton of fireworks shooting down isn't it
kind of strange that these fireworks are
shooting literally everywhere they were
confined in a building but the
characters are outside of this building
but the fireworks are shooting
everywhere everywhere I don't get how I
get that maybe some might shoot out wind
windows or something but come on dude
where are all these fireworks coming
from like the fireworks are up here in
this building Cassie fell in the water
down here way way down how are the
fireworks shooting down this way into
the water like what it's just you know
it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to
be honest one of these fireworks even
hits her in the face while she's in the
water then we see the giant s from the
sign fall into the water why is this s
still illuminated what is powering this
s maybe the fire works are doing it or
maybe she's doing it with her mind
powers and the the vision I'm trying to
find find some sort of solution to this
I don't know why in this video in
particular I'm leaning to this side so
much I I'll I'll change it up and lean
over here Sydney Sweeney swims down and
saves her and they use CPR to revive her
and it's cute because you know she
taught them how to do that oh I guess
Cassie is blind now because of the
underwater firework that hit her in the
face the writing in this movie is so
amateur and uninspired and perun at the
very end of the this movie Sydney asks a
newly blind woman how is your eyesight
how's your eyesight what the [ __ ] do you
think to which Cassie responds I can see
better than I ever have I can see better
than I ever have and then one of the
other girls asks oh yeah can you see us
in the future and Cassie responds yeah I
can see you standing up for what you
believe in never giving up whatever the
future holds we'll be ready and you know
the best thing about the future it
hasn't happened yet God Dakota Johnson
tried to best all right but at the end
when she's trying to sound all serious
and wise it comes across so fake and
forc like oh my God she's blind now so
she's automatically a 80-year-old wise
woman that has been doing this for
decades like what also I should mention
that I think this movie was meant to
take place in 2004 they say it takes
place in 2003 but that doesn't make a
lot of sense because we see a PSP in one
scene which wasn't released in Japan
until 2004 and the Britney Spears song
Toxic didn't play on the radio until
2004 and the computer that ezekiel's
assistant is using is definitely not
from 2003 and in one shot outside the
Grand Central Station you can see the
one vanderbild building a skyscraper
that completed Construction in 2020
honestly I don't know what year this is
meant to take place in now that I think
about it it's kind of crazy how much
Dakota Johnson trashed her own movie
pretty much immediately after it
released she said this I've never really
done a movie where you're on a blue
screen and there's fake explosions going
on and someone's going explosion and you
act like there's an explosion that to me
was absolutely psychotic I was like I
don't know if this is going to be good
at all I hope that I did an okay job she
also said that movies like this are bad
because they're being made by committees
and art does not do well when it's made
by a committee I think I agree with this
I don't think that's always the case but
I think when there's too many cooks in
the kitchen most of the time it results
in a Messier outcome so yeah that's my
review of Madam web I thought it was
bad let me know what you thought of this
movie in the comment section down below
if you like this shirt you can get at
alien.com same with this hat in the
hoodie I was wearing in the beginning of
the video that's a y l en.com you can
get a whole bunch of stuff there like
this this this this this yeah that's
going to do it thanks for watching bye
the
[Music]
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)
