WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
Summary
TLDRIn this lively transcript, the host, Britney, discusses her everyday life, her love for the brand Vacation, and her recent experiences with dating and self-discovery. She shares her excitement for her sister's visit and her newfound freedom after a disappointing romantic encounter. Britney also talks about her passion for music, her struggles with social media, and her commitment to expanding her mind through reading and personal growth.
Takeaways
- ðïž The Broski Report is hosted by Britney, who discusses her personal experiences and opinions on various topics.
- ð© Britney emphasizes her authenticity as a 'real woman' who does everyday tasks like laundry and dishes.
- ð¡ She talks about her desire for a partner who can provide a break from her blue-collar work ethic.
- ð¬ Britney references movies like 'Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging' and 'Sherlock Holmes' as influential media in her life.
- ð She shares her experience with an Irishman she was interested in, and how she feels liberated after he ghosted her.
- ð Britney's sister is visiting for spring break, and they plan to enjoy 'sisterly stuff' together.
- ð² She reminisces about her love for Hamburger Helper and shares a humorous anecdote about cooking mishaps.
- ð Britney discusses a new, unconventional flirting method involving custom video edits called 'cap cut'.
- ð¶ She expresses her love for the band Still Woozy and shares her current music obsessions.
- ð Britney is passionate about expanding her mind through reading and is planning to read '1984' and 'East of Eden'.
- ð¡ The Broski Report encourages viewers to break free from the constraints of social media and explore a wider range of interests and experiences.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the Broski Report in this transcript?
-The main topic of the Broski Report in this transcript revolves around the host's personal experiences and thoughts, including doing laundry, her appearance, her interactions with a man from Ireland, and her love for certain movies and TV shows.
Why does the host mention doing laundry and dishes?
-The host mentions doing laundry and dishes to emphasize her relatability and humanity, despite being perceived as a perfect AI-rendered human face. It's a way to connect with the audience and show that she still engages in everyday activities.
What does the host mean when she says she has her father's hands?
-The host means that her hands are not dainty or delicate like one might expect from her appearance, but rather they are strong and resemble her father's, which she associates with blue-collar work.
Which movies and TV shows does the host reference in the transcript?
-The host references 'Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging', 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows', 'Iron Man 2', and 'Aquamarine' as the four pillars of media that affected her significantly.
What is the significance of the Irishman in the transcript?
-The Irishman refers to a man the host was interested in who eventually ghosted her. The host uses this experience to discuss her feelings of freedom and disappointment, and how she absorbed some of his personality traits.
What does the host mean by 'free as a bird'?
-The host uses the phrase 'free as a bird' to express her feelings of liberation and relief after the Irishman ghosted her, indicating that she feels unburdened and ready to move on.
What is the host's opinion on social media and its impact on society?
-The host expresses a negative opinion on social media, describing it as addictive and brain-rotting. She encourages breaking free from the influence of social media and exploring a wider range of experiences and knowledge beyond the online world.
What does the host plan to do to expand her mind?
-The host plans to read more books and delve into various subjects to expand her mind. She mentions reading 'East of Eden', re-reading '1984', and studying it in-depth as an adult.
What music does the host mention loving in the transcript?
-The host mentions loving Still Woozy, particularly the album with 'Goodie Bag' on it, and TV Girl, with songs like 'Pantyhose', 'Talk to Strangers', 'Lovers Rock', 'Birds Don't Sing', and 'Lucy'.
What is the host's advice regarding social media usage?
-The host advises controlling the amount of time spent on social media apps, being mindful of the privacy given to these apps, and being selective about the information consumed, as it can be addictive and detrimental to personal growth.
How does the host feel about the current state of Twitter?
-The host feels that Twitter has become a platform for illicit activities and porn, and she finds it disgusting and brain-rotting, to the point where she can no longer use the platform.
Outlines
ð€ Introduction and Personal Life
The host, Britney, opens the Broski Report with a candid discussion about her daily life, including doing laundry and embracing her imperfections. She humorously addresses her appearance, comparing herself to an AI-rendered perfect human face and asserting her authenticity as a real person with flaws. Britney also shares her desire for a partner who can appreciate her 'blue-collar' hands and provides a comical prayer of gratitude for overcoming a past relationship.
ð¯ïž Lifestyle and Product Endorsements
Britney talks about her love for the brand Vacation, particularly their candles, sunscreen, and tanning products. She shares her obsession with the 'Pool Boy' scented candle and her use of their sunscreen. Britney also mentions a sponsored segment about Factor meals, a ready-to-eat meal service, and another sponsorship by Tinder, encouraging listeners to find their next date through the app.
ð Relationship Update and Personal Reflections
Britney discusses her recent experience with ghosting and the emotional impact it had on her. She talks about preparing herself for the end of a connection with an Irishman and how she feels liberated afterwards. She also reflects on her past behavior of seeking attention from men and expresses her disappointment in the situation.
ð² Food and Culinary Adventures
In this segment, Britney reminisces about her love for Hamburger Helper, particularly the cheesy enchilada flavor. She shares a humorous anecdote from college involving a dangerous cooking mishap with hot turkey grease. Britney also talks about her current food cravings and the challenges of avoiding gluten due to medical reasons.
ð¶ Media Influence and Personal Growth
Britney reflects on the cultural impact of movies like 'Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging' and 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows'. She discusses her admiration for the character development and wit in these films, which inspired her to become a well-rounded individual with a broad understanding of various subjects. Britney also expresses her desire to break free from the constraints of social media and explore a wider range of interests and experiences.
ðµ Music and Upcoming Reads
Britney shares her current music obsessions, including Still Woozy and TV Girl, and provides a brief overview of her favorite tracks and albums. She also talks about her reading goals for the year, mentioning plans to read 'East of Eden' and re-read '1984' with a focus on annotation and in-depth study. Britney encourages her audience to take control of their media consumption and seek out more enriching experiences beyond social media.
Mindmap
Keywords
ð¡Broski Report
ð¡Laundry
ð¡AI
ð¡Flirting
ð¡Vitamin D
ð¡Social Media
ð¡Cultural Curiosity
ð¡Music
ð¡Silk Pillowcases
ð¡LifeStraw
Highlights
Britney discusses the authenticity of her persona and the relatability of doing everyday tasks like laundry and dishes.
She humorously talks about her hands resembling her father's, who she describes as a blue-collar worker.
Britney references her desire for a partner who can provide a break from her hands' laborious work.
She shares a personal anecdote about hoping to have more delicate hands if she ever loses weight.
Britney makes a cultural reference to the movie 'Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging', highlighting its impact on her.
She humorously discusses her decision not to wear a green hat for St. Patrick's Day due to her editors' request.
Britney talks about her love for the brand 'Vacation' and its business-themed products, showing her appreciation for good design.
She shares her experience of being 'ghosted' by someone she was interested in, and her emotional journey afterwards.
Britney humorously discusses her freedom after the end of her interest in the 'Irishman', using religious and pop culture references.
She talks about her excitement for her sister's visit and their plans to go to Disney, highlighting the importance of sisterly bonding.
Britney shares her innovative method of flirting using personalized video edits, emphasizing the importance of being true to one's unique self.
She discusses the impact of social media on mental health and the importance of curating one's online experience.
Britney emphasizes the importance of reading and expanding one's knowledge beyond the influence of social media.
She talks about her love for music, specifically mentioning 'Still Woozy' and 'TV Girl', and how they impact her mood and daily activities.
Britney shares her plans to read '1984' and 'Brave New World', expressing her desire to study them in depth.
She ends the episode with a call to action for listeners to take control of their social media consumption and seek out more enriching experiences.
Transcripts
direct from the Broski Nation
headquarters in Los Angeles California
this is the Broski Report with your host
Britney
brosi hey
guys
on
right
on right guys okay here's the thing I'm
doing laundry if you hear it in the
background I'm going to say like I do
every single time I'm a real woman I
know I look like one of those perfect if
you rendered the perfect human face like
through AI I know I'm just about really
close to that guys seriously it is me
I'm a real human I have flaws
um it's hard to think of one right now
but I will get back to you on that we
will loop back sort of circle back
bumping this up in the inbox no pressure
absolutely no pressure but I do need
this address by EOD end of day okay um
I'm a real human I do laundry and dishes
okay
yes I still do my own laundry and dishes
I know you say Britney your hands are so
dainty your hands are so dainty and
frail please put down the mug you don't
have to wash it and I say guys guys let
me do this I've always thought I have my
father's hands because guess what I do
these are the hands of a bluecollar man
okay my hands look like this so hers can
look like this but it's just that
chicken foot with the with the painted
nails it's a chicken foot with three
Talons and a red painted nails my hands
look like my father's so hers can look
like that okay I need a man who will go
out there and dig the Earth dig the
soil so that I so that these meaty hands
can get a break I hope that like if I
ever lose weight that the I I'll have
dainty little Grandma hands I want
people to hold my hand and be like
Nana this is
like I grip your hand with such a Force
I crack
your people will practi okay do you
remember this is a deep cut indulge me
that scene from Angus Thongs and Perfect
Snogging and again I don't know why my
lore always goes back to that [Â __Â ]
movie Angus Thongs Perfect Snogging
Sherlock Holmes a game of shadows
starring Robert dowy Jr Iron Man 2
starring Robert dowy Jr and aquamarine
those are the four pillars of media in
this nation that affected me really to
my core for some [Â __Â ] reason I don't
know why Angus Thongs and Perfect
Snogging there is a scene and I forgot
what I was talking
about it's crazy how quick that
happens I'm trying to connect too many
synapses at once okay my synapses are
snapping
back in Blissful anguish that's a sleep
token song um the [Â __Â ] was I talking
about I guess we'll never know Happ
happy St Patrick's Day week guys it's
the week of Patty Patty Patricia if you
will St Patrick he Patrick St Patrick is
probably
he like that's so like I don't know cuz
he was bending sort of like you know do
you see my vision like St Patrick gives
he just a little bit I don't know
why happy non-binary day of visibility
too same Patrick I will be celebrating
by not putting on another one of those
green hats because my editors texted me
and said please [Â __Â ] stop and I said
I don't know what you're talking about I
don't know what you're talking about oh
when I wear a green hat in front of my
green screen you guys need to grow up
okay we need to have a certain level of
like Lucas Film Production green screen
and uh AR not AR VR and uh LED screens
around me okay at all times we need to
film the broky report like it's an
episode of the [Â __Â ]
Mandalorian alas we don't the budget is
not here so I will not be putting on
another St Patrick's Day Viking hat uh
yet okay maybe give it time because I
made this cup of coffee the best part of
waking up
is a cup my coffee cup just has business
on it this is from the brand vacation
which let me give a quick shout out to
the brand vacation
they have never paid me an ounce of of
cash of cheddar cheese provolone if you
will they have not once sent me a dollar
and I rep them like I started the
[Â __Â ] company dude when there's a good
company with good products period I love
vacation it is the cutest little brand
with everything's like Miami Hotel
business themed from like the 60s 7s '
80s no it's very 80s it's very 80s Hotel
hell Vibe but it's so polished and
everything like the typography is
beautiful the candles smell so good
there's three candles they sell Sweet
Lobby and pool boy pool boy is going to
be my favorite okay I burn that [Â __Â ]
once like it's 70 outside I'm burning
that [Â __Â ] it's burning right here I
don't know if you can see it it's out of
frame I love vacation and they make
sunscreen they make tanning stuff um I
use the sunscreen every morning and then
the the the candles are really my
obsession right now and then they sent
me PR package one time and this cute
little coffee cup came in it I was like
yeah dude because guess what I do
business okay I run a mogul maybe I
don't know what Mogul means I am a mogul
that's what I
mean mogul
definition an important or powerful
person especially in the motion picture
or media industry dude I'm running a
News Network we're running the
news you [Â __Â ] could not not be
trusted at these major news networks
guess who's in charge now me me
[Â __Â ] and I'm reporting on
what and you know what matters I have
updates on the Irishman okay going back
to St Patrick's Day updating you on uh
my Irish
husband I ranted last week it was a big
thing got it off my chest the inevitable
happened we were inching towards it we
were going we were chugging along
everything was great the inevitable
happened and guess what I am healed
enough y'all y'all can you bow your
heads and prayer with me really
quick dear heavenly father I want to
thank you for Gathering all of us
together with our eyes shut and heads
bowed in prayer I'd like to thank you
for freeing me of the shackles of this
Irishman Lord I Thank you for looking
over me keeping your hand on my shoulder
when it comes to the Irish the Irish are
devil people they're devilish Folk they
are not to be trusted Lord I Thank you
for keeping your hand on me over me
watching me you led me out of the
darkness and into the light amen church
amen Lord I Thank you so much for
guiding me guiding me away from the
island of Ireland I was so close I was
now I'm just doing Trump I was so close
so close
Okay and now I'll never know now we'll
never have to
visit the Eternal damnation that awaits
Ireland amen church amen and here's what
happened okay prayer over here's what
happened he ghosted me finally but
here's the thing I prepped for it
because all last week I talked about it
okay it's coming I feel it conversations
slowed down he responds to me in like
three business days I'm over it like
that makes me feel shitty dude that
makes me feel shitty imagine having
direct access to me [Â __Â ] if I wasn't me
and I was a young gentleman with a
painer and I could talk to a woman like
me imagine not
responding imagine being like oh she
texted me I'll get to it
later I could not imagine that oh My
Sweet
Lord You Don't Know What You Got Till
It's Gone and this young
gentleman I'm gone you lost me ghosted
me I hate to tell you you lost me one of
those like emo uh old head IG
memes they don't know what they got
until you lost me I'm like the diamond
at the end of Titanic you lost me in the
sea [Â __Â ] he ghosted me [Â __Â ] he threw
me into the sea okay he doesn't care if
I live or die now does that bother me
yeah okay but do I feel free yes freedom
freedom
Freedom we made it dude out of the other
side we never have to talk about Ireland
ever again until next week until next
week the dating app that I used went
ahead and charged me a second month they
charged me a second month for premium
premium
premium me a second
premium y'all remember that Tik Tok uh
uh character the little animated guy he
was a
chef
do you remember him put him up here I
don't remember his name I'll find him I
loved him tiny Chef little chef that was
his name I used to comment I used to
comment every time one of his videos
would come on my for you page I'd say
you saved my life little chef little
chef you've done more for me than any
therapist ever has he'd be like we're
going to make some pancakes and bacon
and I was like he's done more for my
mental health than any therapist ever
has anyway that's what it sounded like
just now the [Â __Â ] was I talking about oh
my god dude come
on oh he ghosted
okay I knew it was coming like I said I
prepared myself it
does because here's the thing it's a
shitty feeling when you feel like you're
a [Â __Â ] email thread that these people
have to Circle back to like no dude my
time is worth so much more than sitting
around literally that Pablo Escobar meme
of like sitting around waiting for him
to text me back that literally
legiterally is what it turns into I'm
pacing around my house okay with my
little cardigan my little English
teacher cardigan just like it's kind of
chilly in here I'm sweating sweats down
my back it's kind of chilly waiting by
the window for him to like text me back
he doesn't so that was it it's also not
even texting that [Â __Â ] has WhatsApp cuz
he's in Ireland get your money
up we're texting on WhatsApp get [Â __Â ]
money
up I think that's a pretty standard way
to communicate with people overseas with
people not in your own country I think
whatsapp's kind of more like
internationally used maybe than I
message I I could be making that up
still get your money up yeah dude I'm
feeling free okay that Meme of the guy
breaking his chains that's literally me
that's how I feel because I've been
obsessed I've been obsessed with this
dude I've been obsessed with this dude
for going on a month now okay doesn't
care if I live or die uh barely responds
to me but AR banter was so good I was
talking to my friend Katie and she was
like dude if anything he's the blueprint
like he's the blueprint now for me to
steal his personality and I was like you
know what you're so [Â __Â ] right
actually cuz he was so funny so funny
and so smart that I was like you know
what the fact that we're even on this
level we're like I'm I'm going to steal
some of his jokes I think you [Â __Â ] on me
I steal your bit that's what
happens you [Â __Â ] on me I steal your bit
Point Blank
period so now every time in the future
I'm when I'm funny it's the Irishman
that lives within me I I consumed his
Spirit akin to uh the likes of a twin in
the womb okay I absorbed my twin he's my
except I absorbed my ex- situationship
was it even a situationship we had not
met or ever spoken on the phone
no actually yes it
was yes yes that Patrick Patrick the
star thing um anyway it's over and I
woke up this morning feeling so CU he
hasn't responded in three days and I was
like if it's been three days [Â __Â ] and
it's Saturday today he's not responding
and he hasn't and I'm okay with that um
because I feel
free free as a bird free as I'll ever be
Darius Rucker got arrested he sings that
free as will ever be ever be free as
will
oh I'm lying that's Zach Brown
P just add free released in 2006 hell
yeah okay this is actually goingon to be
like well man never mind M Darius rer
didn't get arrested though I think he
had weed I think he had pot on him and
they were like you [Â __Â ] criminal it's
time to racially profile you and they
did okay I feel free I woke up this
morning with a pep in my step I woke up
this morning happy to be alive there is
nothing nothing like the morning Bird's
song to hearken hearken the day to to
raise your senses I woke up wow filled
with life and breath I am so happy to be
alive dude because we nuked Ireland off
the map oh I've never felt so free
freedom
freedom freedom okay I feel free the
birds are singing the sun is shining the
grass is green and dewy oh I could just
go roll around like a dog in the
springtime I could roll around like a
zerch
commercial I literally I am so happy
today my sister is coming to visit me
this week for her spring break I'm so
excited we're going to go to Disney
we're going to do sisterly stuff like
sit next to each other in silence and
scroll on Tik Tok wow it's really good
bonding y'all I love my
sister so she's coming I feel so
happy it's also just
so like coming out of this I'm GNA call
it a situation chip because [Â __Â ] you it
is [Â __Â ]
you when you open yourself up to
something being something and then it's
not it feels disappointing I'm
disappointed by the way that uh it
fizzled out I'm disappointed by the way
that it made me feel I'm disappointed
that I once again again found myself in
a position where I was begging for a
Crum of attention from these [Â __Â ]
dudes and uh it's not a great feeling
but now the tides are shifting okay this
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today laundry's done laundry's done
guys now I feel the tide shifting
because these every every time this
happens I'm like okay okay we're moving
on okay 100% message received Lord Lord
I see what you've done for others I got
to
fart that was an
SBD that was an
SBD code SBD typing that into
a typing that oh it stinks
dude gassing myself out Dutch ovening
myself hey what's a dutch oven why do
Americans call it a dutch oven an
English inventor realized cast iron was
a much cheaper alternative but he needed
to use a Dutch process to make the molds
work that's why the pot continues to be
called a dutch oven oh cuz when you it's
like a little L cruset Pot and when you
take the thing off it's like good
night good night we all cooking pigs
feet and onions in there
[Â __Â ] good night Linda were you cooking a
turd in there put that [Â __Â ] lid back
on I didn't know we were making turd
stew Linda put that [Â __Â ] back on there
the whole open the window this whole
[Â __Â ] kitchen smells like dog
[Â __Â ] you ever set the smoke alarm
off and it starts beeping because you
burn something on the stove did I tell
you about the one time in college and I
was like this hot grease that came off
of this uh turkey meat ground turkey
meat that I just cooked what if I poured
hot grease over an open flame into a Red
Solo
Cup I never said I was a smart one I
never said I was a pretty one either
okay they keep me around like the jester
I told you that that would have killed
if I had done that uh on a stage similar
to like a Blue Man Group okay I was like
check this [Â __Â ] out y'all and I took the
hot turkey grease and I poured it into a
Solo Cup the Solo Cup by the way
completely melted on the bottom and went
into the flame and then the flame grew
higher I was in my college apartment
[Â __Â ] I could have died I could have
killed me and all 400 people who lived
in that
building bye
y'all cuz I wanted to make some damn
hamburger helper what the hell do y'all
know about h Hamburger Helper what do
you know about Hamburger Helper girl
hold on pull this [Â __Â ] up chicken and no
no no no no no no beef
stroganoff Hamburger Helper [Â __Â ] yeah
dude oh my Lord oh I'm about to start
salivating oh this [Â __Â ]
dude Hamburger Helper Hamburger Helper
what was the other one three cheese
enchilada Hamburger Helper uh enchilada
yeah mother [Â __Â ] W oh I could eat this
with my bare
hands I could eat this with my bear
Grill's hands I always liked okay I
liked this one more cheesy enchilada
Hamburger Helper than than I liked the
macaroni one y'all know the macaroni one
did y'all grow up eating
this I literally we loved this in in my
house we loved Hamburger Helper I used
to beg for it oh this one with the
cheesy Italian shells that that's going
to hit every time I used to beg for this
and I used to imagine me 15 years old
okay do y'all hear the birds tping I
mean it's just a beautiful day I used to
beg for this after a long day of being a
theater kid after being an AP student
theater kid I'd be like need to nourish
my mind let's go home Hamburger Helper
Hamburger Helper with a big 16 o glass
of milk
whole milk 2% milk I
would I loved milk dude I can't do milk
now because it tears my [Â __Â ] up it tears
my [Â __Â ] up oh it's the spicy milk too
much for your tummy yes it
is it is now I got to do oat milk one
time since living in this house I was
like [Â __Â ] it I want Herer helper so bad
and I inac carded it okay I insta carded
one thing of Hamburger Helper and turkey
meat and I used oat milk in it it worked
just fine okay they look people will try
to look at you and say you can't do that
it's
impossible what you're talking about is
crazy you're acting crazy right now and
it's up to us as as Citizens and members
of Broski Nation AKA one of the most
forward-thinking Progressive nations in
the world innovators of our time truly
it takes someone from Broski Nation to
stand up and be like no the recipe calls
for whole milk what if we used extra
creamy oat milk and then everyone in the
audience goes can you do that can you do
that I've never no it's never been done
before
disaster and then someone else stand up
and say wait he's right chemically
they're kind of the same they serve the
same purpose has anyone thought of this
before and then another guy stands up
and goes this is crazy talk it's
impossible it can never be done and then
I stand up and I say silence silence no
I say
order Order in the
Court and I say I will let the scientist
try a new found
Theory but only if he tries the first
bite and it pans over it's
Stanley it's Stanley once again chained
by one ankle chained by one ankle he's
wearing a
Mumu I will entertain the theory if he's
willing to take the first Bight and
Stanley's over there Stanley's over
there with his [Â __Â ] computer like a
nerd he's over there with his computer
my glasses Adobe premiere's open [Â __Â ]
nerd and then and then a comedically
large spoon comes in and feeds him a big
bite of Hamburger Helper what am I
talking
that was made with oat milk and he
goes it it and then all of us lean in
comedically close he it's delicious and
then
every bra bra and then they bring the
spoon over to me and it's delicious and
I hold it like a like a elementary
school
boy holographic Hamburger Helper
again holographic Hamburger Helper again
I recently on Tik Tok watched that whole
episode of SpongeBob where Sheldon J
Plankton of course has his whole little
redneck family come in it's so funny
dude sh Sherlock fian slip I'm always
thinking about Sherlock SpongeBob was
made for adults I don't give a [Â __Â ] it
is it is way funnier watching it as an
adult and I would struggle to know
myself outside of the cultural
shapingspirit as a member of a
generation and I do have a tattoo of the
SpongeBob jellyfish okay jellyfish
[Applause]
jelly that's one of those I've always
wanted to
try if I could just get my hands on some
jellyfish jelly damn I know that [Â __Â ]
would hit I've been craving peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches lately and I
can't have
bread cuz my doctor said no gluten what
am I supposed to do
starve I gu gu I'm going to starve again
a Patrick a Patrick reference put it up
here well I guess I'm going to starve
the chocolate bar all around his face
and the camera pans down to his huge
[Â __Â ]
FAA well I guess I'm going to
starve that's so
me okay anyway dude Hamburger Helper uh
this [Â __Â ] hits I might eat it for dinner
tonight I love this [Â __Â ] they also make
tuna
helper Chicken Helper do they make
Chicken Helper
Chicken
Helper
yeah they make CH they do chicken fried
rice sounds bad Old El Paso cheesy
enchilada try with chicken instead of
ground beef okay now it does come with
the [Â __Â ] sauce on top they have this
mystery white [Â __Â ] dripping very you know
viscous [Â __Â ] that is dripping off the top
of the uh the dish here
um wait presenting Hamburger Helper like
on one of those cooking shows so what we
have here is a rice peeloff based dish
with a ground chicken and ground beef
meatball combination on top we have a
viscous creamy Alfredo [Â __Â ] sauce that
really brings a full-bodied flavor
infused with peppers infused with onions
and a sort of flavorful Trio combination
here to provide a well-rounded
meal and then I'm Gordon Ramsey and I
try it and I
go the [Â __Â ] sauce who made it and then
some guy comes out he's like me
sir come here sir come here chef and
then he comes
forward and then and then uh and then I
give him a trophy because that come
sauce it looks [Â __Â ] gross but it is
delicious okay and I I am sorry I said
comea so many
times okay Switching topics completely I
don't know what the [Â __Â ] I've been
talking about for 27
minutes I have invented a new way of
flirting with men that I would like to
impart on you all and now take into
consideration that I
am very very abnormal I am very weird
I'm a weirdo I'm a weirdo okay if you
haven't
noticed I'm juge head from
Riverdale I'm a weirdo and the way that
I flirt is weird and the way that I
flirt very few men understand what's
going on and even more so can uh keep up
with it and kind of entertain it okay I
scare men I scare them away because this
is me in my True Form alpha wolf with a
fedora this is me men cannot handle not
being the alpha wolf and a
fedora that is me to my core sometimes
you know uh it's with an eyelash okay I
have created this new way of flirting
with men I did it for my friend Katie as
kind of a joke and then she sent it to
her situation chip and it [Â __Â ] worked
so I would like to share with you
all oh my God y'all the birds are just
singing outside it is just I'm just it's
a great day okay here is the tidbit cap
cut hear me out download cap
cut cap cut has text based uh templates
that you can find and you find pictures
here's what I did for Katie okay
her man's uh in a different city and she
misses him he doesn't think about her
it's like really horrible classic
situationship stuff I was like you need
to go to that City but you can't plan a
trip specifically to go see him because
that's like you know he's working what
if he's busy it's not like a
longdistance relationship type thing
it's like you have to make it nonchalant
in the way of like hey I'll be there
this weekend would love to see you but
also like transparently you're booking
the to go see him
right I made a cap cut as a joke that I
sent it to her that said it was this
like let me it was some song let me find
it okay it was it was uh Arabian Nights
from Aladdin the another Arabian Night
Arabian and then the Beat Drops and it's
that DOA cat song The like you find it
to someone like you that one
uh it goes into that but like the beat
part and it's all these like flash edits
and in the beginning it's text I'm
describing the edit in the beginning
it's text and it says I'm going to be in
the city on this date do you want to go
on a date and have sex and then the rest
of the edit was like alternating
pictures of her and him and like a Vos
at style and I added glitter and
butterflies on top and uh I said it to
her we were [Â __Â ] dying laughing we
were dying laughing and she was like
should I send this to him and I was like
Katie [Â __Â ] it send it what do we have to
lose it's silly it's funny if if it
weirds him out he's not your person
right if it weirds him out it's never
going to work with y'all because you're
a [Â __Â ] weirdo Katie I'm a [Â __Â ]
weirdo
why would you be with a man who doesn't
embrace your weirdness why are you
trying to act like you're not a [Â __Â ]
freak you're a
freak and so she sent it to him and
guess what it
worked it
worked it worked it
worked Welcome to our club Welcome to
our club welcome Squidward welcome
Squidward welcome Squidward it [Â __Â ]
worked dude cap cut is the new wave I
message boring sending Tik toks boring
tagging them in memes boring
personalizing memes funny boring cap cut
is the wave start making custom videos
for the person you're entertaining okay
do you want to go have a go on a date
and have sex
boom but it's to never had a [Â __Â ] like
me life or it's she ride dick like a
carnival okay it's to any of those songs
you make a text and then you put
pictures of you and them alternating or
you put just pictures of yourself or you
put just pictures of them you put
pictures of their animal maybe their
parents maybe their home address maybe
do that maybe put a screenshot of their
house on Zillow you could include that
in there and then when they text back
like was that a sorry was that a
screenshot of my home on Zillow and you
go what what's up no no it was like a c
it was like a funny capcut edit of like
oh you like you wna go on a date no no
no yeah I got that it was funny I just
um was that a picture of my my I mean
it's not even my house it's my parents
house was my parents house on
there no no I no my finger must have
slipped I'm house hunting right now yeah
I'm house hunting right now I must have
accidentally included it
yeah okay right right no and I knew you
were moving but I just saw you know like
I grew up in that house so I would
recognize it I'm just kind of wondering
like why it was in the edit um you know
just asking and then that is when I fing
okay you're asking too many [Â __Â ]
questions what are you the
police what are you the [Â __Â ] police
get out of my
[Â __Â ] yeah I have a screenshot of your
parents home address what am I I'm
supposed to not I'm supposed to not know
everything about you dude I'm supposed
to not Google your [Â __Â ] grandma's
name oh found your grandfather's
obituary I did that in 20 minutes or
less there is too much information
available online for people like me for
people like me and Katie oh it's over
dude we
obsess we obsess I found your middle
school basketball team group picture
[Â __Â ] there you are boom
screenshotted me texted oh he's an
athlete I found it I found it in under
30 minutes timer and go found it found
your major minor and Collegiate
classmates I found what clubs you were
in
I found your Spotify playlist from
2013 don't don't play with me don't ever
play with me I will find you this
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will thank you anyway cap Cut's the new
wave cap cut is a very effective method
of flirting because you can customize it
and it's funny it's also like hopefully
urging them to flirt back in that way
cuz it's fun making custom memes for
each other we need to do more of that
because all of us inside all of us lives
an editor inside all of us lives a
Stanley a David do I actually don't know
if David do edited his own Vlogs also
[Â __Â ] a [Â __Â ] named David do inside all
of us is an editor and I think we really
need to tap into it so I'm I'm this
short actually I was about to lie I'll
tell the truth um the young gentleman
that I am
texting uh I did go ahead and make an
edit of him also and I sent it to
him based on photos that I had at my
disposal based on photos that I had
collected thanks to my own research okay
and he loved it so get into that you
[Â __Â ] need to figure that [Â __Â ] out I'm
giving you the tools for Success you
need to implement them I can lead a
horse to water I can not shove its head
under and make it suck I cannot give a
horse one of those straws that turn piss
into water what are those
God what's the
straw that turns piss into
water LIF
straw YouTube hosts drink urine through
a LifeStraw I think that's actually
going to be Rett link that did that the
LifeStraw filter removes waterborne
bacteria protozoa and other dirt
particles larger than 02 microns that
doesn't matter cuz it's still piss dude
like you can't take all the bacteria out
of piss it's piss like at its core sure
I guess it's water-based but it's
piss oh that's still piss we own several
LifeStraw products and have used them
repeatedly over the
years is it safe to drink urine through
a LifeStraw no LifeStraw filters do not
remove dissolve salts exactly and are
not designed to be used to drink non-
uted urine so why did you so why did you
add that
disclaimer why did you add that
disclaimer okay so when you're making a
piss cocktail you're going to actually
have the Shaker in front of you you're
going to do fresh ice there you go we're
going to add piss one two thank you
that's just enough then we're going to
crack open this Perry and then we're
going to pour it
in perfect okay throw that away we're
going to put the top on
Shake beautiful and you knock the thing
off the top of the mixing thing get some
fresh ice in your cup strainer strain it
that's diluted piss okay then out of
that your life straw it's got a
Tamarind it's got a
chimy tahen rim on the straw on the life
straw perfect do a little lime squeeze
beautiful and your piss cocktail and
your piss teeny actually the perfect
name for that would be Piston Cup he did
what this cup oh God cars cars is
actually another movie that forever
impacted me Tow Mater had more impact on
me than a lot of men in my life growing
up what Larry the Cable Guy did uh with
towater really informed who I am as a
person amongst other things and uh yeah
hey did what this cup the Piston
Cup and one Piston Cup for you and the
lovely lady okay there's two you split
it there's two LIF straws with with
chamoy tahen rims um okay what do they
mean by non-diluted
urine because of this we do not
recommend drinking urine with LifeStraw
filters even in low amounts I'm glad
they said that because I was about to
try it I've got some piss up and saving
up so what the LIF straw is to drink out
of like Rivers is the life straw to
drink out to drink out of rivers drink
directly from lakes rivers and streams
now see that's that's great or fill a
container to use your LIF straw on the
go with protection against bacteria
parasites microplastics silt sand and
cloudiness you can do all that but you
can't filter the
piss is piss not just
microplastics
okay is piss not just bacteria
microplastics and sand who who up
pissing
sand who up pissing sand in their diaper
and drinking out of it with a LifeStraw
all right sorry
guys sorry yeah the life straw is crazy
I'm going to start do you remember when
also they would sell they were promoting
the life straw and then that other one
the straw that would bend up and you
could put it on your keychain and it was
like to see the turtles to see the
turtles but they just grew mold because
you [Â __Â ] never washed them I remember
I wanted one so bad whenever my friend
would pull one out I was like you look
[Â __Â ] stupid you look stupid just have
a reusable water bottle what are you
like it's all folded up there's like
fuzzy mold growing on it e he's like I'm
always sick I don't know why I always
just have this sort of like respiratory
thing mama there's mold in your
straw
anyway it's time to talk about m
music I have to inform you
all I feel a need to sort of send out an
alert send out an amber alert a code red
a code blue when ever I'm back on my
white people [Â __Â ] I'm back on my white
people [Â __Â ] I'm locked in okay speaking
of which I went to the doctor yesterday
uh for a checkup and uh she went ahead
and told me that I'm low on vitamin
D you did not have to do blood work to
tell me that look at me girl I have not
seen the sun
in about four and a half
months looking at me is like looking at
a sickly Edwardian child bedridden Tiny
Tim uh Christmas Story core Ebenezer
Scrooge core when you look up white
person and the spectrum of whiteness I'm
going to be on the sort of very the the
like abnormal not even white you're pink
okay there's a scale you're pink and
then the opposite of the I'm pink you're
so white that you are red almost that is
me and she went ahead and looked at me
and she was like need to take a vitamin
D supplement and I was like I could have
told you that I could have told you that
yes I do you're very right I need to I
was talking to Drew the other day and
she was like yeah my spray tan lady and
I'm like I if I got a spray
tan if I got a spray tan at this base
color PE people would call it
problematic I need to spray tan so bad
dude I need it so bad I can't keep
living like this I'm in the sunlight and
I'm blinding planes I drive in my car
with my hand on on 12 like this at the
top of the steering wheel and the
reflection off the whiteness of my hand
of the sun could take a plane down it
could we could ground planes that's very
scary you know how sometimes buildings
with like
bronze uh domes like bronze roofs or
gold roofs roofs roofs
roofs
hoof now see technically that should be
roofs r o o VES
plural of roof no [Â __Â ] [Â __Â ] it's
roofs in the US roofs is the standard
plural of roof elsewhere rofes is a
fairly common but becoming less so you
stupid
[Â __Â ] it should be
rofes the laws of celestial mechanics
dictate that when two objects Collide
there is always damage of a collateral
nature
it's from Sherlock Holmes Game of
Shadows the laws of celestial mechanics
and modern graphology dictate that when
you write the word roofs it should be r
o o v
s sometimes I agree that Americans have
bastardized the language okay but
linguistically speaking the idea of an
American English exists and it is
correct because you cannot tell someone
the way in which they communicate is not
is not legitimate because there are so
many different types of English and
types of dialectical and Regional
differences none of them are wrong they
are just different and I think that in
this case this is
wrong this is wrong this does not sit
well on my heart on my spirit roofs
rves you don't say hoofs for a horse you
say
Hooves plural of
hoof Hooves also hoofs
[Â __Â ] what is the plural of hoof Oxford
dictionary but see Oxford dictionary is
not to be trusted because it's [Â __Â ]
British people hoofs Hooves okay so both
are technically correct but that's about
to piss me off because no they're
not no they're not no they ain't that
ain't right I ain't how I say it it
ain't right
okay back to my white people [Â __Â ] um I
am lacking vitamin D severely and
sufficiently enough to have it be
medically concerning from my doctor I'm
going to start taking a vitamin D
supplement soon hopefully uh I'll start
looking less sickly second of all
I am tapping in to Summer mode okay I
was talking about vacation earlier these
candles again I'm not vacation if you
want to pay me imagine this is free
promo imagine what I could do imagine
what I could do when there's a dollar
Cur
when there is a USD
involved I love vacation I I buy them
with my own money there is a candle
called pool boy that smells like summer
I love it I think about it all the time
it's how my house smells I um burn it
and I'm like if I'm not on the beach in
in or around 45
minutes um I have a weapon and I'm not
scared to use it I'm not you know
hesitant I'm not ious about using it I
will use it on the nearest suspecting
unsuspecting lifeguard uh what did he do
nothing the laws of celestial mechanics
dictate that when two objects Collide
there will always be damage of a
collateral
nature I have that whole scene memorized
you want me to do it I'll do
it I'll do it fine graphology scene
Sherlock
Holmes this scene dude [Â __Â ]
yeah
okay for context let me provide some
context here James Mori arti is the
villain in the Sherlock Holmes Cinematic
Universe okay he's the villain but he is
also the only person arguably that can
match Sherlock Holmes's level of wit and
intellect and uh uh conniving sniv this
okay what does sniv mean sniveling maybe
sniv is not a
word
conniving someone conniving is
calculating scheming and shrewd exactly
he is Sherlock's equal in every way
except he's evil
okay after John Watson Sherlock's bestie
gets
married he Sherlock goes to visit James
morti and is like all right dude
whatever you're planning whatever
schemes you're up to I'm game let's
let's start this sort of inevitable game
of chess but I want to confirm that Dr
John Watson will be left out of the
equation okay can you guarantee me that
like I will accept this invitation you
know of of let's meet for face to face
but please leave Watson out of it he now
has a wife he's you know whatever like
please offer me this one consideration
and this meeting he has with Mor Ari he
basically tells him to go [Â __Â ] himself
he goes
no to your previous question regarding
Dr Watson the answer is no
when two objects Collide there's always
damage of a collateral
nature that he's talking about Dr John
Watson of course and that is going to be
the fifth time I've said that this
episode okay now this scene in this
scene where he's asking morard to be
like please bro don't hurt Watson he's
my best friend and I think I'm in love
with him also by the way he's like
please don't hurt bro don't hurt bro
hurt me but don't hurt bro he's got a
shorty he's got a Jordy please and
mardia was like no don't
care don't care so in this scene as Mori
is signing the book Sherlock is walking
around his office taking everything in
he's observing making deductions as he
does and he notices a book that's on a
shelf that is on horiculture which
horiculture is like gardening and plant
maintenance essentially and then he
looks in the window sill and sees a
dried up dead plant that you know the
leaves are falling the bugs are on it
and he goes okay interesting because if
you're a scholar of horiculture how
could you let that happen and all these
things you know it's like all these okay
okay okay as he's signing it he's
observing he goes back around to the
front of the desk and as morard is
handing it back to him uh Sherlock goes
are you familiar with the study of
graphology and then morar goes I'm not
no and then shock says the psychological
analysis of
handwriting and then he opens the book
and he he checks out the recent like
morard just signed it and he goes the
flourishes on the lower Zone denote a
highly creative yet meticulous nature
while the flourishes in the lower zone
no I [Â __Â ] it
up we'll watch
it finally meet you Zone to not here we
go study of
graphology I've never given it any
serious thought no psychological
analysis of
handwriting the upward Strokes on the P
there it is the upward Strokes in the P
the J and the M indicate a genius level
intellect all the flourishes in the
lower Zone do note a highly creative yet
meticulous nature but if one observes
the overall slant and the pressure of
the writing there's a suggestion of
acute narcissism a complete lack of
empathy and a pronounced inclination
toward moral
Insanity that's that scene memorized it
as 13-year-old this movie changed me I
think that this scene really opened my
eyes to and this movie and also uh the
series
Sherlock really
really kindled a fire of desire in me to
want to become a Renaissance woman being
Baseline good at almost everything is
like really such a desirable goal to
have a baseline understanding of the
world and culture and art and history
and science and math and reading and
whatever to have that be your foundation
on which you live life on which you base
your opinions on life your opinions on
other people your opinions on you know
how can you form solid balanced opinions
on Art of the present if you're not well
versed in the art of the past and to
make predictions and you know judgments
on Art of the future as it concerns AI
or technology or anything like that all
of that is really important to me
because these movies impacted me so so
deeply as a kid and I've read one or two
uh Arthur conand Doyle books but they
just don't you know I love Roberton Jr
it's got to be RDJ and the books are
very compelling you know like they're
they're they're a good read but I just
have memorized these movies they're
[Â __Â ] fantastic and I watch them back
and I'm like damn I just get so inspired
and it's such a byproduct of of the plot
you that's not the plot of the movie is
to be like wow look at
how cultured Sherlock Holmes is cu
arguably he's a white man around in
Victorian London like that's kind of you
know it was a very Colonial imperialist
uh still sort of celebrated culture
where other cultures are being studied
under a microscope and being stolen from
and being conquered still I mean Joseph
Conrad's Heart of Darkness was in the
1860s
right I've googled this before on this
podcast 1899 there you go so it's around
this time it literally is around this
time and I mean taking that to
consideration of course like a lot of
the it was also a fascination with
Eastern cultures and Eastern religions
and philosophies and opiates and all of
this like it's very uh culturally
non-pc but of course it's a period film
and it's it's from the time but still to
have a curiosity that's what I'm trying
to like hone in on is the Curiosity to
find out about life to find out about
life outside of your circle your bubble
the things that every day you choose to
consume which are arguably not your
choice they are being fed to you they're
being fed to you and they're not good
for you to break that mold to enter into
the sunlight so to say and say I'm ready
for new things to wash over me versus
the same old influencer tea and drama
and [Â __Â ] this is the new trend and
blueberry milk nails and coffee makeup
shut the [Â __Â ]
up shut the [Â __Â ] up
dude shut the [Â __Â ] up dude I am begging
on my bended knee for you to shut the
[Â __Â ] up there is so much more life to be
experienced and read and heard and
listened to and understood than what Tik
Tok and Instagram Feed Us
I can't even get on Twitter anymore cuz
it's [Â __Â ] brain rot it's literally
just like it's it's illicit activities
and it's porn that's all Twitter is and
it it's Sensational it's just disgusting
I can't do it Instagram is starting to
feel I just can't and then with the Tik
Tok band may be imminent like I don't
there has to be something Beyond this
world that we've created for ourselves
online there has to be more we have the
world at our
fingertips and this is what we do with
it we are cogs in the machine wake up
she you have control over your timeline
you have control over how much time of
your day you give to these apps how much
of your privacy you give to these apps
how much information and I am a victim
in this too it is so hard to break out
of because it is tapped into the
addiction in our brain it's the
serotonin it's a
doine it's a
hit another please whip lashing another
please
lashing that's how social media
feels must I have another
sir being being fogged in the Public
Square of meta that's what it [Â __Â ]
feels like dude may I have another 40
lashings please no Jesus Christ in
heaven my goal this year is to expand
the mind I'm reading a book right now
and once I'm done with with it I will be
starting East of Eden and then I will go
back and I will read 1984 and you
[Â __Â ] are going to be in for it when I
start reading 1984 well I've read it but
I'm going to read it again when I
started reading 1984 and Brave New World
again as a as a an adult who is going
to study it arguably I'd like to
annotate and study it like I would have
in school um I'm going to have some
thoughts I'm gonna I'm going to have
some rants on here so hope you guys are
strapped in for that and I think
I think that'll do it for me this
episode guys I don't even know what the
[Â __Â ] I talking about oh my god I didn't
even tell you about the
music okay here's my here's my white
people [Â __Â ] Song of the songs of the
week okay we're doing still woozy I love
still woozy I love uh what's that album
they have
called it's the one that goodie bag is
on
you could be myit I might let
you be my woman right oh they only have
one album
out this album's [Â __Â ] great if this
isn't nice I don't know what is period
yeah goodie bag came out in 2017 I
[Â __Â ] love that song habit uh and then
uh window window's
great TV girl is my current Obsession I
loved TV girl since College but it kind
of comes in and out like I'll I'll have
a little Indie moment I was listening to
TV girl at the beach and so now that I'm
like I'm burning my candles I'm doing
all this I'm going to start taking
vitamin
D uh the life is coming back into my
body my frozen timid corpse from the
winter time I love TV girl I love the
song panty hose I love uh talk to
strangers I love lovers rock birds don't
sing Lucy I've been into Peach Pit
recently uh Al righty Aphrodite
blue hair by TV girl so good this is so
I'm locked into this dude this is my
current when I'm cooking when I'm
cleaning the kitchen when I'm whatever
I'm rocking this and it's just happy
music it's just sort of you know it's
just like I love it it makes me feel 19
and it also makes me feel like oh my
freckles oh I have freckles I'm just a
girl I'm just a girl with freckles that
sometimes turn into moles and I have to
go to the dermatologist and get them cut
off
okay
whatever that is my music download of
the week let me see if I had anything
else I have not listened to re's album
as of today's March 9th when I'm
recording this okay I'm sure uh By the
time this comes out I will have listened
to it and I will have a review so I'll
try to do that next time maybe I'm so
excited dude she said it's short and I'm
wearing my AR and Grandy sweatshirt
right now my little my little jacket my
little jacket I have not listened to
AR's album I will get to it okay got to
figure that [Â __Â ] out I will listen to it
and have my report back to y'all all
right I love you guys be safe I still
have merch live go [Â __Â ] buy it it
ships out April 1 ships out April 1 team
brosi do shop I have Royal Court with a
new episode coming out April
April I have normal YouTube videos I
upload if you [Â __Â ] don't know I
upload a YouTube video a week go watch
it it's fun it's
fun come
on come
on all right love you guys
[Music]
bye
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