Goodbye YouTube ...

Tati
29 Apr 202417:18

Summary

TLDRIn this heartfelt video, the content creator addresses concerns about her presence on TikTok and the shift in her YouTube activity. She expresses her love for YouTube and her commitment to the platform despite the changing landscape of content consumption. The creator candidly discusses the struggles faced by the beauty community on YouTube, including declining views and engagement, and asks for support from her audience by encouraging them to interact with her content. She also shares her personal journey, including her self-care routine, thoughts on karma, and her approach to product reviews and sponsorships. The video concludes with a plea for viewers to enable notifications and engage with her content to help revitalize the beauty vertical on YouTube.

Takeaways

  • 🎥 The content creator expresses a strong emotional connection to their audience and appreciates their support.
  • 📈 They are actively engaging with their audience on TikTok and Instagram, finding it more enjoyable and less labor-intensive compared to YouTube.
  • 🤔 The creator acknowledges the shift in audience habits and the decline in views on YouTube, which has affected not just them but the entire beauty community.
  • 📉 They discuss the challenges of maintaining a YouTube presence with the current algorithm, which seems to favor other platforms and content types.
  • 💪 Despite the struggles, the creator is determined to continue making content on YouTube and asks for audience support by engaging with notifications and recommended videos.
  • 🧘 The importance of self-care is highlighted, with suggestions for maintaining mental and physical health even on tough days.
  • 💌 The creator shares personal reflections on past experiences and the ongoing legal issues related to their beauty brand, Tati Beauty.
  • 🤝 They emphasize their commitment to honest product reviews, even if it sometimes strains relationships with brands.
  • 🚫 The script reveals the harsh realities of dealing with negative feedback and threats from industry insiders when providing honest reviews.
  • 🌟 The creator is optimistic about the future, with many projects in the pipeline, and they ask for patience and understanding as they navigate personal and professional challenges.
  • 💌 A final call to action for the audience to support the creator's journey on YouTube by interacting with their content and turning on notifications.

Q & A

  • Why has the beauty community on YouTube experienced a decline in views?

    -The beauty community on YouTube has seen a decline in views due to changes in audience preferences and watching habits. The views keep halving, and it's not just a case of the old way fading out. The audience seems to have shifted platforms, with many now engaging more on TikTok and Instagram.

  • Why did the content creator decide to use TikTok?

    -The content creator chose to use TikTok because it offers the freedom to create short content quickly without the need for dealing with sound, lights, and extensive editing. It's a more efficient way to produce content and engage with the audience where they are currently active.

  • What does the content creator mean when she says she feels like YouTube has 'broken up' with her?

    -The creator feels that YouTube's algorithm and platform changes have made it harder for her content to reach her audience, similar to a relationship ending. She is committed to fighting to regain the visibility and rekindle the relationship with the platform.

  • How can viewers help improve the visibility of beauty content on YouTube?

    -Viewers can help by interacting with the content, such as clicking on notifications when they come in, even if they don't have time to watch immediately. They can also engage with recommended videos and turn on notifications to ensure they don't miss out on new content.

  • What is the current status of the beauty creator's brand, Tati Beauty?

    -Tati Beauty is not currently active, but the creator is working hard and making strategic moves with a business mindset to potentially bring the brand back in the future.

  • Why has the content creator increased her partnerships with brands?

    -The creator has increased her partnerships with brands to cover legal fees and to fund the potential revival of Tati Beauty. She ensures that she only promotes products she genuinely loves and trusts.

  • How does the creator feel about the past drama involving her and its impact on her career?

    -The creator acknowledges feeling misunderstood and hurt by the past drama. It has left her with a sense of 'PTSD' and she is still healing from the experience. She is unsure about discussing the matter further until she has resolved related litigation.

  • What is the creator's approach to reviewing products, even if they are sponsored?

    -The creator maintains honesty and authenticity in her reviews, providing both pros and cons of the products. She does not shy away from expressing her true opinion, even if it might affect her relationships with brands.

  • What advice does the creator give for self-care on days when one feels down?

    -The creator suggests physical movement, such as a Pilates workout or even jumping jacks, taking a bath, and taking time for oneself as forms of self-care. She emphasizes the importance of doing small activities that can accumulate and improve one's mood.

  • What is the creator's view on the concept of karma for those who have wronged her?

    -The creator prefers not to wish bad on anyone and avoids celebrating the idea of others facing their consequences. She believes that focusing on such negativity can be counterproductive and suggests that it's important to learn and move on.

  • What does the creator want her audience to know about her current situation and future on YouTube?

    -The creator wants her audience to know that she is not leaving YouTube and is committed to creating content for as long as she can. She asks for their support by engaging with her content and turning on notifications to help improve the visibility of her videos.

Outlines

00:00

🎥 Introduction and Q&A Session

The video begins with the host addressing the audience, acknowledging the serious nature of the content and expressing gratitude for viewers' presence. She mentions her increased activity on TikTok and the addition of a new live stream time slot on Wednesdays at 7:00 p.m. CST. The host also addresses concerns from the audience about her presence on YouTube, explaining the shift in audience behavior and her commitment to being where the audience is. She discusses the challenges faced by the beauty community on YouTube and asks for support from her viewers, emphasizing her dedication to the platform and her desire to fight for the beauty vertical's resurgence.

05:02

📈 Viewer Engagement and Support

The host asks viewers to engage with her content by clicking on notifications and recommended videos even if they can't watch immediately, to help boost the visibility of her content on YouTube. She also encourages viewers to search for specific topics on her channel if they can't find her videos and to support other creators in the beauty community. The host shares her personal struggles with the current state of her career and the impact of past events, expressing her determination to keep creating content and her hope for a strategic return of her beauty brand, tati Beauty.

10:05

💬 Q&A and Personal Reflections

The host dives into a rapid-fire Q&A session, answering questions about her favorite products, her thoughts on self-care during tough times, and her philosophy on not harboring negative feelings towards those who have wronged her. She also discusses her review of the Nars Light Reflecting Foundation, her recommendation for the best drugstore bronzer, and her approach to sponsorships and ads. The host candidly talks about the repercussions of her honesty in reviews on her relationships with brands and her past experiences with the beauty industry. She addresses the ongoing litigation with Halo Beauty and her feelings about the situation, emphasizing her desire for healing and moving forward.

15:05

🌟 Gratitude and Future Outlook

In the concluding part, the host expresses her mixed emotions about her current situation, acknowledging the challenges she faces while remaining optimistic about the future. She thanks her viewers for their support and motivation, especially a single mom who was inspired to take care of herself. The host reiterates her commitment to YouTube and provides actionable steps for viewers to support her channel better, such as turning on notifications and engaging with her posts. She ends on a positive note, appreciating her audience and looking forward to future videos.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Barefaced

The term 'barefaced' refers to a situation where someone is not wearing any makeup, especially referring to the face. In the video, the speaker uses this term to describe their appearance at the beginning, emphasizing a casual and natural look, which sets a personal and relatable tone for the audience.

💡Q&A

Q&A stands for 'Question and Answer,' a format where the speaker invites the audience to ask questions and then responds to them. This format is interactive and fosters engagement. In the script, the speaker expresses enjoyment in conducting Q&A sessions as it allows for a direct dialogue with the audience, addressing their concerns and queries.

💡TikTok

TikTok is a social media platform known for its short-form videos. The speaker discusses their presence on TikTok, highlighting the shift in content creation and consumption habits. The platform's mention is significant as it represents a change in the speaker's strategy to reach the audience where they are most active.

💡YouTube

YouTube is a video-sharing platform where the speaker has a significant presence. The term is central to the video as the speaker addresses concerns about their activity on YouTube, reassures the audience of their commitment to the platform, and discusses the challenges faced by content creators in the beauty community on YouTube.

💡Beauty Community

The 'Beauty Community' refers to the collective of individuals, influencers, and enthusiasts who create and consume content related to beauty, makeup, and skincare. The speaker discusses the challenges faced by this community on YouTube, such as declining views and engagement, and expresses a desire to support and revitalize this community.

💡Notifications

In the context of the video, 'notifications' refer to the alerts that subscribers receive when a YouTube channel uploads new content. The speaker urges the audience to interact with these notifications to improve the visibility of their content on the platform, emphasizing the role of audience engagement in supporting creators.

💡Self-Care

Self-care involves activities that individuals do to take care of their mental and physical health. The speaker shares personal self-care strategies, such as exercise and taking a bath, which are relevant to the video's theme of personal well-being and maintaining a positive outlook despite challenges.

💡Sacrifice

The concept of 'sacrifice' is introduced through a quote that reflects on the importance of commitment and the consequences of not being willing to give up certain comforts or efforts for a goal. The speaker uses this concept to motivate the audience to work towards their objectives, aligning with the video's overall message of resilience and determination.

💡Sponsorship

Sponsorship refers to the support, usually financial, provided by a company in exchange for promotional activities by the sponsored party. The speaker discusses their approach to sponsorships, emphasizing honesty and authenticity in recommending products to the audience, which is crucial for maintaining trust within the beauty community.

💡Authenticity

Authenticity is the quality of being genuine and true to oneself. The speaker stresses the importance of being authentic in their content, even when it might lead to challenges with brands or negative reactions. This commitment to authenticity is a key theme in the video, as it resonates with the audience's desire for honest and reliable information.

💡Litigation

Litigation refers to the process of taking a dispute to court. The speaker mentions ongoing legal issues, which have impacted their career and personal life. This keyword provides context to the challenges the speaker is facing and the impact on their content creation and brand relationships.

Highlights

The speaker expresses gratitude for the audience and encourages them to share how they are doing.

Discusses the shift to TikTok and the reasons behind it, including the enjoyment of creating short content quickly.

Mentions the addition of a new live stream time on Wednesday evenings at 7:00 p.m. CST.

Addresses concerns about leaving YouTube and clarifies her commitment to the platform.

Explains the challenges faced by the beauty community on YouTube, including declining views and engagement.

Asks for audience support by clicking on notifications and recommended videos to help improve visibility.

Shares personal feelings about the current state of her career and the emotional toll of past experiences.

Provides advice on self-care during difficult days, emphasizing the importance of movement and taking time for oneself.

Discusses the philosophy of not wishing bad on others and the importance of learning from experiences.

Reviews the Nars Light Reflecting Foundation and names the L'Oreal Infallable as the best drugstore bronzer.

Talks about the possibility of doing quick deals on short-form content instead of traditional long-form videos.

Reveals the motivation behind increasing brand partnerships, including legal fees and the desire to bring back her beauty brand.

Explains the impact of honest product reviews on relationships with brands and the importance of authenticity.

Reflects on past controversies and the ongoing litigation, expressing the desire for resolution and healing.

Encourages viewers to support her by engaging with her content and turning on notifications for her videos.

Shares a positive message from a viewer and emphasizes the importance of self-care and feeling good in one's own skin.

Reiterates commitment to YouTube and provides actionable steps for viewers to support her channel.

Transcripts

00:00

I feel so barefaced I'm barely wearing

00:03

ey Shadow ah who am I hey guys welcome

00:07

to today's video we're going to talk

00:08

about some serious stuff do a Q&A let's

00:11

just go there together cheers I'm a

00:14

Yerba monster today this is

00:17

probably do I admit it this is number

00:20

three it's been a rough one I need my

00:23

energy to be up

00:26

cheers I still have a Swatch on my hand

00:29

so that's pretty typical let's take care

00:32

of her real quick and I just want to

00:33

take a moment to thank you for being

00:35

here I want to ask you how are you doing

00:37

let's all take a big deep breath

00:39

together has life been good for you how

00:41

like up down tell me about it I love

00:44

doing q&as it's a little bit indulgent

00:46

because I get to just sit here and kind

00:48

of unload and I ask you guys to ask me

00:50

questions and you ask really good ones

00:52

and I know that a big theme recently has

00:55

been why are you on Tik Tok why tati why

00:59

I don't use that app we're going to chat

01:02

about it there's been a lot of dming a

01:04

lot of questions a lot of interaction

01:06

with you guys where some of you are

01:09

thrilled and you are joining me on my

01:11

lives that I'm doing now twice a week

01:13

because I added in Wednesday I'm going

01:15

to be going Wednesday evening 700 p.m.

01:17

CST and Saturday 700 p.m. CST I love it

01:20

I cannot get enough of it it is so good

01:22

for me it's good for my soul and I just

01:25

I want you to know that I am enjoying

01:26

myself doing them so I am going to keep

01:29

doing them but but a lot of you have

01:30

been asking what's going on here on

01:33

YouTube why don't you do them here are

01:35

you leaving YouTube are you done with

01:38

YouTube what's going on with the beauty

01:40

Community what's happening a lot of

01:42

people say they missed 2016 they want

01:44

those in-depth reviews they want more of

01:47

the old days and I understand but things

01:49

have changed the audience has changed

01:52

watching habits have changed it breaks

01:54

my heart in a huge way um we're going to

01:57

get into it so let's talk about it very

02:00

genuinely feel like right now I need to

02:02

be where the audience is and I'm having

02:03

a lot of fun over on Tik Tok it's like

02:06

such a dirty word here right like

02:08

suppression I love right now the freedom

02:10

that I can quickly make short content

02:13

like I can Churn it out I don't have to

02:15

deal with sound and lights and you know

02:18

offloading footage and then uploading it

02:20

and then I do you know send off to an

02:22

editor and then we preview that's not

02:25

that bad I mean there is research and

02:26

pre-film you know whatnot that goes into

02:29

it so two vide a week ends up being

02:31

about a full-time job as is so there is

02:34

a lot of work that goes into making

02:36

YouTube videos look very polished with

02:38

the inserts and the swatches and the

02:41

titles and the music and all of it right

02:44

I love my job I want to make that very

02:46

very clear and before we all Panic let's

02:49

I am a YouTuber first I love YouTube

02:52

yeah YouTube am I breaking up with

02:55

YouTube no do I feel in a way YouTube

02:58

has broken up with me

03:00

yes and I am fighting to get my ex back

03:03

I feel like YouTube is the boyfriend

03:06

that's just like liked you loved

03:09

you and I want to bring back a little

03:12

Sizzle I'm going to fight for this

03:13

relationship and I want you to be

03:15

involved with me in that the beauty

03:17

Community as a whole right now is

03:19

suffering you look at your favorite

03:20

creators and it's not just me it's

03:22

everybody in the space the views keep

03:24

cutting in half and then cutting in half

03:27

and then cutting in half and it's not

03:29

like a old way just fizzled out and

03:31

there are new upand cominging stars that

03:33

have you know made their way to the

03:35

beauty vertical nothing got replaced

03:38

that's the weird thing it just kind of

03:40

declined and I've been sitting here

03:42

thinking where can I find my audience

03:45

where can I find my beauty lovers that

03:47

want to see the content enough to follow

03:50

and watch and get involved and be

03:52

engaged and right now I'm seeing that

03:54

happen on Tik Tok I'm feeling that

03:56

happen again on IG I am having a little

03:59

bit have a hard time here on YouTube so

04:01

I need your help and I'm not above

04:03

asking for help out of 8 million people

04:06

subscribe to me on YouTube only 500,000

04:08

notifications are sent out on average

04:11

only 25 200 are clicked so the system is

04:14

seeing that it's not popular and then

04:18

less notifications are sent out and do

04:20

we see how this Trends backwards it's

04:23

not looking good I'll be here till The

04:25

Bitter End like I'll keep making content

04:27

until there isn't any one left but it's

04:30

not looking good for our community

04:32

specifically in Beauty which is a little

04:34

bit devastating a lot of bit devastating

04:37

I have treasured being a part of your

04:39

lives for so many years I treasure being

04:42

here on Monday and Thursday I want to

04:44

create more on this platform it just

04:46

feels like the audience has left and it

04:49

feels like YouTube is not supporting the

04:51

beauty vertical the way they once did as

04:53

far as recommended videos and sending

04:56

out full notifications so I'm just

04:59

asking you guys if you can do me a solid

05:02

help me out and if you receive a

05:03

notification even if you don't have time

05:05

to watch in that particular moment click

05:07

on the notification let's do like a

05:10

butterfly as the high five like hey I'm

05:12

here I didn't get to watch this one yet

05:14

but I'll be back later that would be

05:17

amazing if you see a recommended video

05:19

of mine click on it and let's get the

05:21

beauty vertical back on track do this

05:23

with your other favorite creators not

05:25

just me it will help them so much

05:27

because I'm watching all of us struggle

05:29

and hold on tight and it just feels like

05:31

this vertical that was so powerful and

05:34

amazing just kind of fizzle out so make

05:39

sure your phone accepts notifications

05:41

ring that Bell turn them on and let's

05:45

get this thing back up and running and

05:47

help the entire vertical out as well go

05:50

and do this for everyone notifications

05:52

are not going out I literally got a

05:54

comment this morning like hey TTY can

05:55

you make a video on Castor oil and I'm

05:57

like it's there like I made that so

05:59

another thing that you can do is you can

06:01

go to my page and you can search for

06:02

whatever you want to search for whether

06:04

it's Maybelline new Sephora new makeup

06:07

cter oil and the video will pop up so if

06:09

you haven't seen something from me that

06:11

you want to see I love your requests but

06:14

always make sure that you search for it

06:15

because a lot of you guys are not seeing

06:17

my videos and then what's even more

06:19

maddening is like now that I'm over

06:21

making a lot of content elsewhere I'm

06:23

seeing comments of like oh my gosh are

06:25

you back on YouTube like you're back and

06:28

people just don't even know that I ever

06:30

came back or that I'm still making

06:31

videos and that's definitely frustrating

06:34

and totally sad I'm not going to let it

06:37

step me back too much but I thought I

06:40

would involve you guys in like something

06:42

that's heavy on me right now because I

06:44

don't want to leave you know and to be

06:46

here creating and putting all of this

06:49

full-time effort in it it has to make

06:51

some sense for me because I do want to

06:54

do other cool things with my career I

06:56

would love to bring tati Beauty back but

06:58

I have to make moves strategically with

07:00

a business mindset to get that done and

07:03

to relive that dream and to bring it

07:06

back so I am working harder than ever

07:09

smarter than ever I have a lot on my

07:11

plate a lot of exciting things coming up

07:14

and if you have loved my content for any

07:16

length of time I would just ask that you

07:18

please support me it would mean so much

07:21

okay and now we will rapid fire into a

07:23

little Q Anda you guys it always amazes

07:28

me am me oh by the way my shirt a

07:32

subscriber sent this from me tiny shop

07:34

on Etsy I

07:36

believe so cute she also sent me one

07:39

that said puka on it and I literally I

07:41

can't let's dish about life ooh what's

07:46

the best advice you have ever gotten I

07:48

don't know that this is the best advice

07:50

ever but it's a quote that is really

07:52

like sunk into me and I think about it

07:54

every single day I kid you not it is

07:57

what you are not willing to sacrifice

07:58

for becomes the sacrifice just think

08:02

about that for a moment what you are not

08:05

willing to sacrifice for becomes the

08:08

sacrifice so that's the ultimate dig

08:10

deeper understand your why so if you

08:13

want to get stronger like I want to

08:14

build more muscle when puka passed I

08:17

stopped working out literally for like 2

08:19

3 weeks and I lost all of my progress

08:21

and I was like dang it you know like I

08:23

was working so hard you know there are

08:25

decisions there are excuses there's

08:27

things that go on in life that kind of

08:29

prevent you from getting what you want

08:31

to get done done but ultimately what you

08:34

don't sacrifice for like me going and

08:37

lifting those weights I'm going to lose

08:39

the muscle it becomes the sacrifice so I

08:42

love that quote and you can apply it to

08:44

so many different things in essence you

08:46

got to work for what you want and that

08:48

is what I'm about right now what do you

08:51

do for self-care on the days when you

08:52

just feel horrible I'm depressed

08:54

housebound move you got to move 20

08:57

minutes you got to move even if it's

08:59

ridiculous find a pilates workout on

09:02

YouTube like sometimes even doing

09:03

jumping jacks just get in your body also

09:06

if you don't feel like doing hair makeup

09:08

whatever I understand take a bath take a

09:11

moment for yourself set the phone down

09:13

and just soak these are things that for

09:16

most of us are available especially if

09:18

you have the time if you're housebound

09:20

if you're at home um you can do small

09:22

moves that might feel stupid in the

09:24

moment but they do Stack Up do you ever

09:27

think about all those people oh woo

09:30

spice is coming out of the phone do you

09:32

ever think about the people that did you

09:34

wrong to you and James my husband got

09:37

their karma um I don't want to wish bad

09:40

on anyone I think it's murky water and

09:42

murky territory when you start like

09:44

celebrating the idea of somebody getting

09:47

theirs when you're like screw get you'll

09:49

get yours it's like you literally are

09:51

placing all of that yuck back on

09:54

yourself and it's like time to learn the

09:55

same lesson again so even though I'm

09:58

human and I have my moment where I'm

09:59

like like dang it I try so hard to set

10:04

it down I still feel very very hurt what

10:07

is your review of the Nars light

10:08

reflecting Foundation I love it I've

10:10

been wearing it nonstop best drugstore

10:12

bronzer I was just talking about this

10:14

the L'Oreal infallable is the very best

10:17

top tier bronzer available at the

10:21

drugstore it outperforms so many of my

10:24

very expensive bronzers it's just a good

10:27

one when will you do Madness Monday I

10:29

don't know that I'll do long form but

10:30

I'm thinking of doing like quick on the

10:32

spot deals uh in shorts do you still

10:34

recommend Brio geio hair products I do I

10:36

use their dry shampoo today fave songs

10:39

on T Swift's new album I bet you guys

10:42

could guess but who's afraid of little

10:44

old me is my absolute

10:47

favorite resonates why did you start

10:50

doing sponsorships and ads truly curious

10:53

and I hope you answer sure um I always

10:55

will only bring to you guys things that

10:57

I love whether it's here or on another

10:59

platform it has to be totally passing

11:01

every single test for me to ever

11:03

recommend anything whether it is

11:04

sponsored or not and I stay true to that

11:07

it's very very important to me but you

11:09

have noticed that I have been partnering

11:10

with more Brands over the past year or

11:12

so and she's got a ton of legal fees and

11:15

really wants to bring tati Beauty back

11:17

so that has been a big motivator for me

11:19

to partner with Brands where in the past

11:22

when I had Halo and tati Beauty I felt

11:24

like I'm good like I'm good focusing on

11:26

this and I really don't have an interest

11:29

in just overloading myself but then

11:31

overloading you guys so I just made the

11:34

choice back then not to and times have

11:37

changed I didn't think that I would be

11:38

in this Fiasco with Halo Beauty it's

11:41

cost a lot of money I wish there was a

11:43

more glamorous answer but like I'm doing

11:46

my best to survive and I'm taking

11:48

opportunities but really measuring them

11:50

and only again working with brands that

11:52

I really know and trust I turn down more

11:54

than I take still to this day but if

11:57

you've been curious that is why it's

12:00

been a rough few

12:02

years oh okay to follow up the last one

12:06

this is so good does being honest about

12:08

products affect your relationships with

12:10

Brands love you yes it totally does and

12:13

that's a hard line to walk as well but

12:15

I've been really really good about not

12:19

fluffing things up like if I'm on a PR

12:22

list it's fair game like do I want to

12:24

aggressively beat a brand up just for

12:26

entertainment no like I want it to be a

12:28

real review I'm going to give you the

12:30

pros and cons I'm going to tell you that

12:31

products work differently for every

12:33

single person am I sometimes a little

12:34

dramatic with it and I have fun with it

12:36

yes like that does happen but has that

12:39

landed me in hot water as far as like

12:42

the hot water is not being invited to

12:44

Brand trips which I don't it's fine not

12:46

being invited to events oh well I never

12:48

shared this with you guys but literally

12:51

the Too Faced owner his sister literally

12:53

was so aggressive and she was like I'm

12:55

well connected in the industry and you

12:57

will suffer for this what goes around

12:59

comes around and you shouldn't have made

13:01

that move and you'll see in the end

13:03

hahahahaha and it was really like oh my

13:06

God like are you threatening me like

13:08

what the heck like first off ma'am like

13:10

I wasn't talking about you but she

13:12

really went in and was like you don't

13:15

talk about people that are high up in

13:17

the industry because we all know each

13:19

other and little girl we're going to

13:20

come take you down so to answer your

13:23

question yes it can impact your career

13:27

but I think be brave speak how you feel

13:30

and eventually things will level out

13:33

someone did tell me today that they

13:34

thought I was Brave and honest and that

13:36

meant so much to me I was like really

13:38

because I sometimes feel scared and

13:41

Scattered and I show up and I'm doing my

13:44

best to be authentic and ah like how

13:48

terrible to have to like try but what

13:51

I've been through like I feel like it's

13:53

PTSD like if I speak too much I feel

13:56

like I'm waiting for all these people to

13:58

come and be like kill her uh so there is

14:00

still a little bit of that someone says

14:02

will you ever talk about Dramon again

14:05

it's been 5 years since it happened I

14:07

would say no if people would stop

14:10

talking about it but I still get emails

14:13

from people like wanting to quote Me In

14:15

Articles and whatnot and I need to get

14:18

through litigation and then I'll make my

14:19

mind up then but do I still feel

14:21

misunderstood on the matter yes do I

14:24

feel totally screwed yes do I feel

14:29

rage I admit I do and I'm still trying

14:32

to figure out what that was like what

14:34

the lesson was there because it haunts

14:36

me like it haunts me what I went through

14:39

and I'm not fully healed from it and I

14:42

wish I could say that I was but I'm not

14:45

so many people are just asking how are

14:46

you and I just want to say thank you and

14:48

I wish I could just like give you a big

14:51

hug in person and be like thank you for

14:52

checking on me I am really optimistic

14:55

about so much like doors are opening

14:57

cool things are happening and I'm trying

14:59

to be really focused on the good but I'm

15:01

also dealing with a lot of the past

15:05

being drudged up and just a lot of

15:08

sadness like not going to lie it's like

15:10

a 50/50 and that's just where I'm at so

15:13

if you pick up on that that's why and

15:15

I'm so close like so close to trial

15:18

being here and done and I think that's

15:20

the part where it's like what do they

15:22

call it like Runner like the runner's

15:24

block where you're almost through the

15:26

marathon and you're like I can't do it

15:28

anymore and that feeling of overwhelm

15:31

and sadness and then just the grief of

15:34

time lost money spent um just like all

15:36

the big questions of like is my career

15:38

over like what is this I don't know so

15:42

like that's kind of sinking into me and

15:44

I don't know what the future holds I'm

15:46

always going to be an optimist but there

15:48

are days like today specifically I was

15:51

like man like I just feel weird and you

15:54

know and I'm not ashamed to say that and

15:56

share that with you guys so thanks for

15:58

checking in my life is not perfect far

16:01

far from it okay one more one more okay

16:05

this last one is just like a feel-good

16:06

statement and I just want to say thank

16:08

you so much Rosie

16:11

p83 she says no question just a single

16:14

mom saying thank you for motivating me

16:16

to sit and put on makeup I love that I