Trump Compares Himself to Jesus, Jimmy’s Shock After Japan Trip & Billy Crystal Pranks Cousin Micki

Jimmy Kimmel Live
1 Apr 202415:57

Summary

TLDRThe host shares his contrasting experiences between traveling in Japan and returning to the USA, highlighting the cleanliness and order in Japan versus the perceived filth and disorder in the United States. He also humorously recounts a family Easter tradition gone awry due to jet lag, and satirizes current political events, including the White House Easter Egg Roll and various public figures' actions.

Takeaways

  • 🌏 The host reflects on a recent trip to Japan, comparing the cleanliness and orderliness of public spaces in Japan to those in the USA.
  • 🚽 The cleanliness of bathrooms in Japan, particularly in Tokyo and Kyoto, is highlighted as being exceptionally high, even surpassing American operating rooms.
  • 🗑️ The Japanese practice of personal responsibility for trash disposal is mentioned, noting the absence of public garbage cans and the cultural shift following a terrorist incident.
  • 🏰 The host compares the USA to a messy Six Flags amusement park, while likening Japan to a pristine Disneyland in terms of cleanliness and public order.
  • 🛌 A personal anecdote is shared about the host's family adjusting to the time difference upon returning from Japan, leading to a disrupted sleep schedule and an impromptu Easter celebration.
  • 🐰 The annual White House Easter Egg Roll is described, with President Joe Biden inviting children to roll eggs on the lawn and emphasizing the joy of the event.
  • 🎉 The script includes a humorous take on the Trump administration's past Easter celebrations, highlighting Melania's book reading and Donald's church attendance, albeit in a satirical manner.
  • 📱 It is mentioned that Donald Trump was active on social media, posting 77 times in one day, including a message of peace directed at prosecutors, judges, and others he perceives as adversaries.
  • 🎶 A fictional narrative is woven about Laura Trump, who is said to be releasing new music with the ultimate goal of marrying her father-in-law, presented as an April Fool's joke but confirmed as a serious statement.
  • 🎉 The script emphasizes the disbelief and surprise at the arrival of April 1st, with multiple characters expressing their astonishment at the swift passage of time.
  • 🎭 A comedic skit involving the host, Billy Crystal, and a prank call to the 'president' is described, showcasing humor and the playful nature of the show's content.

Q & A

  • Where did the host travel to with his family recently?

    -The host traveled to Japan with his family.

  • What was the host's initial impression of America compared to other countries?

    -The host initially believed that America was pretty buttoned up compared to the rest of the world, despite acknowledging its faults and areas for improvement.

  • What significant change did the host notice about cleanliness in Japan compared to America?

    -The host noticed that Japan was exceptionally clean, with even public restrooms being cleaner than operating rooms in America. In contrast, he described America as a filthy and disgusting country.

  • How did the Japanese handle litter according to the host's observations?

    -The Japanese people carry their own trash and do not rely on public garbage cans due to a past terrorist incident involving poisonous gas. They bring their garbage to their houses, contributing to the overall cleanliness of the country.

  • What event did the host's family participate in upon returning home from Japan?

    -Upon returning home, the host's family prepared and opened Easter baskets, despite it being late at night due to their jet lag from the trip.

  • How did the host's children react to the Easter baskets?

    -The host's children were too excited about the Easter baskets to go back to sleep. They opened their baskets at 3:17 a.m. and their father made pancakes for them in the middle of the night.

  • What annual event did the President and First Lady host at the White House?

    -The President and First Lady hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.

  • What unusual theme was mentioned for the Easter event at the White House?

    -An unusual theme mentioned for the Easter event was 'oyster bunnies,' which is a shellfish theme.

  • What did the host miss about the previous administration's Easter egg rolls?

    -The host missed the Easter egg rolls from the Trump Administration, recalling Melania reading books to kids and Donald's antics, including Secret Service trying to stop Eric from eating plastic eggs.

  • What incident involved the host's cousin Mickey and a prank?

    -The host and Billy Crystal pranked the host's cousin Mickey by telling her that Billy needed her help to stay conscious due to a reaction to a shot, which was part of a comedy bit for the show.

  • What was the unexpected twist in the script involving a phone call?

    -The unexpected twist was that the person the host thought was the president on the phone was actually not the president, but someone else participating in a prank.

Outlines

00:00

🌏 Cultural Reflections and Personal Anecdotes

The host begins by expressing gratitude to the audience and shares his recent experience traveling to Japan with his family. He contrasts the cleanliness and orderliness he observed in Japan with the faults he perceives in America, particularly noting the cleanliness of public restrooms and the absence of litter. The host then shares a personal story about his family's struggles with jet lag upon returning from the trip and the excitement surrounding Easter, highlighting the cultural differences and the impact of these experiences on his perspective.

05:02

🎶 Political Satire and Pop Culture

This paragraph delves into a satirical commentary on the Trump administration's approach to Easter celebrations, contrasting them with the current administration's events. It humorously describes Melania reading books to children and Donald Trump's supposed church attendance, as well as the Secret Service's efforts to prevent Eric Trump from eating plastic eggs. The paragraph also touches on Trump's social media activity and his daughter-in-law's musical aspirations, using these elements to poke fun at the eccentricities of political figures and popular culture.

10:04

🎭 Comedic Skit Involving a Fake Illness

The host engages in a scripted conversation with a guest named Billy Crystal, who pretends to suffer from a medical condition causing him to fall asleep randomly. The skit involves a humorous exchange where the host plays along, offering assistance and discussing food and drink options to keep Billy conscious. The segment is a playful take on celebrity appearances and the lengths to which staff might go to accommodate them, all while maintaining the facade of a genuine medical emergency.

15:05

📞 Misunderstandings and Presidential Impersonations

The final paragraph presents a comedic scenario where the host receives a call from someone claiming to be the president, but it turns out to be a prank. The host plays along, discussing the president's health and the importance of an upcoming fundraiser. The segment humorously highlights the potential for confusion and impersonation, especially on April Fool's Day, and ends with the 'president' thanking the host for their support, adding to the comedic misunderstanding.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Japan

The keyword 'Japan' refers to the East Asian country where the host recently traveled with his family. It is used in the script to contrast the cleanliness and orderliness of Japan with that of the United States, highlighting the host's observations and experiences in Japan, particularly noting the cleanliness of public restrooms and the absence of litter.

💡Cleanliness

The term 'cleanliness' is central to the theme of the video, as it is used to compare the standards of hygiene and public sanitation between Japan and the United States. The host emphasizes the high level of cleanliness in Japan, especially in public restrooms, as a point of contrast to the perceived filthiness in America.

💡Cultural Differences

The concept of 'cultural differences' is implied throughout the video as the host reflects on his experiences in Japan and compares them to his home country, the United States. It highlights the distinct practices and behaviors that are considered normal or expected in different societies.

💡American Perception

The term 'American perception' refers to the way Americans view themselves and their country in comparison to others. In the video, the host initially holds a positive view of America, believing it to be 'pretty buttoned up' compared to the rest of the world. However, his trip to Japan challenges this perception, leading to a reevaluation of American standards.

💡Family

The concept of 'family' is a recurring theme in the video, as the host shares personal anecdotes involving his wife and children, particularly in the context of the Easter holiday. It illustrates the domestic life and traditions of the host's American family.

💡Easter

The keyword 'Easter' refers to the Christian holiday celebrated in the spring, which is a significant event in the video. It is used to illustrate family traditions and the host's personal experiences, including the preparation of Easter baskets and the disruption of sleep due to excitement over the holiday.

💡White House Easter Egg Roll

The 'White House Easter Egg Roll' is an annual event hosted by the President and the First Lady at the White House, where children participate in egg-related games on the White House lawn. It represents a significant cultural tradition in the United States and is used in the video to contrast the host's personal family traditions with a public, political event.

💡Disneyland

The term 'Disneyland' is used metaphorically in the video to describe the host's perception of Japan as an idealized, clean, and well-ordered society. It serves as a point of comparison to the host's view of the United States, suggesting that Japan is like an idyllic theme park in its cleanliness and organization.

💡Time Difference

The 'time difference' refers to the variation in local time that occurs when traveling across different time zones. In the video, the host experiences a time difference after returning from Japan, which leads to disorientation and sleep disruption for his family, affecting their daily routines and activities.

💡Truth Social

Truth Social is a social media platform mentioned in the video, associated with a former U.S. president. It is used in the context of the video to illustrate the political and social media landscape, as well as the host's commentary on the frequency of posts by the mentioned individual.

💡April Fools' Day

April Fools' Day is a day celebrated on the 1st of April, known for playing practical jokes and pranks. In the video, it is used to create a humorous situation where the host and his team play a prank on their colleague, adding a comedic element to the narrative.

Highlights

The host expresses his mixed feelings about returning from Japan to the USA, noting the stark contrast in cleanliness and public order.

In America, the host observes areas for improvement despite the country's perceived overall orderliness compared to the rest of the world.

The host recounts his experience in Europe where he encountered infrastructure issues, such as dirt holes where plumbing should be.

Upon returning to the USA after visiting Japan, the host is struck by the filthiness and lack of cleanliness standards in his home country.

The bathrooms in Tokyo and Kyoto are described as being cleaner than operating rooms in the USA, emphasizing the high standard of hygiene in Japan.

The host notes the absence of litter and garbage cans in Tokyo, highlighting the Japanese practice of carrying personal trash and contributing to the city's cleanliness.

The host draws a comparison between the cleanliness of Japan and the perceived squalor in the USA, likening Americans to hogs in contrast to the Japanese.

The host shares a personal anecdote about his family's struggle to adjust to the time difference upon returning from Japan, affecting their sleep routine.

The host humorously describes his children's excitement and inability to sleep due to anticipation for the Easter basket tradition.

The host and his family open their Easter baskets at 3:17 a.m., driven by the children's excitement and their own sleepless state.

The host contrasts the White House Easter Egg Roll tradition with his own family's unique Easter celebration.

The host satirizes the Trump Administration's Easter traditions, including Melania reading books and Donald's church attendance.

The host mocks Donald Trump's social media activity, particularly his posts about the Easter holiday and the 2024 presidential election.

The host highlights the absurdity of the idea of Trump's daughter-in-law, Lara, releasing music and her supposed aspirations towards her father-in-law.

The host expresses disbelief at the rapid arrival of April, using humor to comment on the passage of time.

The host plays a prank on his cousin Mickey, involving a fake medical condition and a fabricated request for food and drink.

The host humorously interacts with a supposed 'President' who is not feeling well, showcasing a comedic skit within the transcript.

The host concludes the transcript with a comedic bit about mistaking a prank for a real conversation with the President.

Transcripts

00:00

everybody up I'm the host thank you for

00:02

watching

00:04

you here in

00:06

Hollywood please relax it's um we are

00:09

back to work after uh a we I took my

00:12

family to Japan this week and I have to

00:14

say I'm still not sure how I feel about

00:16

what happened over there you know here

00:18

in America we we know we have our faults

00:20

we know we have areas for improvement

00:22

but overall I think most of us believe

00:24

that compared to the rest of the world

00:25

we're we're pretty buttoned up I know I

00:27

did I I go to Europe and there were dirt

00:30

holes where Plumbing is supposed to be

00:32

and I hold my breath and I go I'm glad

00:35

I'm not one of these people and then I

00:36

go back home right but now after

00:38

traveling to Japan I realized that this

00:40

place this USA we're always chanting

00:42

about is a filthy and disgusting

00:45

country we were in Japan for seven days

00:48

not only did I not encounter a single

00:50

dirty bathroom the bathrooms in Tokyo

00:53

and Kyoto are cleaner than our operating

00:55

rooms

00:56

here everywhere you go the bathrooms are

00:58

clean they don't smell bad they have

01:00

those toilets that wash you from the

01:01

inside out and not just in a hotel

01:04

restaurants bars truck stop I went to

01:07

two truck stops I swear to God the

01:09

bathroom's cleaner than Jennifer

01:11

Garner's teeth the cleanest beautiful

01:14

and it's not just the bathroom there's

01:16

no litter people carry their own trash

01:18

there are no garbage cans in Tokyo 30

01:21

years ago some terrorists put some like

01:23

poisonous gas and some trash cans

01:25

they're like okay no more trash

01:27

cans everybody clean up after yourselves

01:29

and guess what they clean up after

01:31

themselves they bring their garbage to

01:34

their houses and it's like the whole

01:38

country is Disneyland and we're living

01:41

at Six

01:42

Flags I've been home 36 hours I've never

01:45

felt dirtier we are like Hogs compared

01:48

to the Japanese I can't imagine what

01:50

they must think of us oh the garbage

01:52

people yes the Americans garbage yes we

01:55

got home on Saturday night and there's a

01:57

huge time difference in Japan right now

01:59

it right now in Japan it's next week

02:01

it's so our family were all

02:04

discombobulated we get home we put the

02:06

kids to bed at around 9:00 and then we

02:08

make my wife and I make Easter baskets

02:10

we fill the eggs with the jelly beans we

02:12

do the whole thing and around midnight

02:14

we're in bed and our six-year-old Billy

02:16

walks and he gets into bed with me and I

02:17

realized he's holding one of the stuffed

02:19

animals from his Easter basket and I

02:21

where'd you get that he said from my

02:23

Easter

02:24

basket he made he had to stop on the way

02:27

to our room to see if the bunny showed

02:28

up and I said okay buddy we can't open

02:30

anything else until morning okay but

02:33

he's awake and my wife's sleeping and he

02:35

kicks so I bring him back to his room he

02:38

cannot sleep unless we lay with this I

02:39

squeeze into his twin-sized bed with him

02:41

and it's wet he'd wet the bed

02:43

which explains why he had no pants on I

02:46

didn't notice but so I go I get a towel

02:50

I put it down I get him some new pajama

02:53

bottoms and we lay there for two full

02:55

hours he does not close his eyes for one

02:57

second about an hour and a half in I say

02:59

what are you thinking about I know what

03:01

the answer is he goes my Easter basket

03:03

and I he was like basket crazy and then

03:06

our daughter Jane who was in the top

03:08

bunk it is a bunk bed by the way she

03:10

wakes up and we all lay there for

03:11

another hour they will not go back to

03:13

sleep they're too excited about the

03:15

Easter basket and as I mentioned for

03:17

them it's Tuesday at noon okay and I'm

03:20

wide awake too and I don't want to wait

03:22

another 3 hours until the sun comes up

03:24

so I go in our bedroom to see if my wife

03:26

is awake and she isn't so I made some

03:29

noise and then she was

03:32

and and I

03:34

said she's like what's going on I said I

03:36

think we need to open the Easter basket

03:38

just like now I yeah now so we get out

03:41

of bed all of us and as the Clock Struck

03:43

3:17

03:45

a.m. the kids opened their Easter

03:47

baskets and I made pancakes in the black

03:50

of night and then and then we went back

03:54

to

03:56

sleep how was your e sir GMO my was

03:59

great Jimmy anything like that happened

04:00

to you no I went to Mexico I went to

04:02

Puerto waya oh he did did the Easter

04:04

Bunny make it there he did make it it

04:05

was beautiful everybody's friendly over

04:07

there oh yeah yeah well sure yeah yeah

04:10

nothing like here no no in Washington

04:14

today the president the first lady

04:15

hosted the annual White House Easter Egg

04:17

Roll it's the one day of the year when

04:19

Joe Biden says you kids get on my lawn

04:22

and he did the president welcomed the

04:24

little rollers with a speech from the

04:26

balcony of the Biden bedroom God bless

04:30

you all enjoy the day and I'm coming

04:33

down to do that Easter egg roll just a

04:34

minute thank you all so very very much

04:38

thanks everybody and by the way say

04:41

hello to Oyster bunnies come on up

04:43

bunnies get up here they can see you

04:44

yeah the uh the oyster bunnies you know

04:46

them they you know they're it's a

04:49

shellfish theme this year

04:51

the the oyster bunnies and in December

04:54

Santa clams will show up then the

04:57

president handed out baskets filled with

04:59

with his two favorite Easter treats

05:01

rhubarb and poent and a good time was

05:03

had by all I say I miss the Easter egg

05:06

rolls from the Trump Administration

05:08

Melania reading books to the

05:10

kids Donald pretending he's ever been to

05:13

church Secret Service trying to get Eric

05:16

to stop eating the plastic eggs those

05:18

are the Trump by the way had a very

05:20

active holiday he posted 77 times on

05:22

Truth social yesterday like if that was

05:25

your dad you'd have him put away right

05:28

one of the posts was this message of

05:30

Peace he wrote Happy heaster to all

05:32

including crooked and corrupt

05:34

prosecutors and judges that are doing

05:35

everything possible to interfere the

05:37

presidential election of 2024 and put me

05:40

in prison including those many people

05:42

that I completely and totally despise

05:45

blah blah blah happy Easter

05:48

everyone and um on Holy

05:52

Saturday America's number one Bible

05:54

salesman somehow found time to post this

05:57

the crucifixion of Donald Trump that's

06:00

right you know Jesus was treated

06:01

unfairly too some say the second most

06:04

unfairly in

06:05

history only Donald Trump would repost a

06:08

photo of himself holding a Bible upside

06:10

down it's but the real Easter Miracle

06:13

came from Trump's daughter-in-law

06:15

campaign fund money funnel RNC co-chair

06:18

Laura Trump who dropped some new music

06:20

on the same day as Beyonce have

06:25

faith just trust you'll see

06:30

anything is

06:34

possible autotune doesn't work on

06:38

everybody laara is um this is

06:41

interesting she is threatening to

06:44

release one new song every week until

06:47

she achieves her goal of marrying her

06:49

father-in-law that was not an April

06:51

Fool's joke by the way that was a real

06:53

thing today is April 1st which is a fact

06:55

that many find hard to believe it is

06:57

Monday April 1st I can't believe how is

07:00

it April already no it's April I can't

07:02

believe it Sam I know already I can't

07:04

believe it's April already April already

07:07

Yes I can't believe it I can't believe

07:08

we're already here in April it's April

07:10

already I know can you believe that

07:11

April 1st if you can believe it April

07:13

1st can you believe that this April 1

07:15

first of all I can't believe that April

07:17

1st can you believe it April everybody

07:19

can you believe it hard to believe but

07:20

today is April 1st April it's just hard

07:22

to even believe the first day of April

07:24

hard to believe hard to believe it it is

07:26

April 1st the month of April kind of

07:27

hard to believe hard to believe it's APR

07:29

April 1 hard to believe April 1st April

07:31

1st can you believe it I mean the fact

07:33

that it's April fo but the fact that

07:35

we're already into April it's true

07:37

wild it is true these are the same

07:41

people who clap when the plane lands by

07:43

the way it's we pulled a good one on my

07:46

cousin Mickey this morning my cousin

07:47

Mickey works in the booking department

07:49

here at the show she takes care of the

07:51

guests when they arrive so we came up

07:52

with a little ruse we told her that

07:54

Billy Crystal needed to come in early to

07:57

shoot a comedy bit before the show which

07:58

was actually true but what she didn't

08:00

know is she was going to be in the

08:02

comedy bit too Billy told her he got a

08:05

shot at the doctor that causes him to

08:08

randomly fall asleep and he needed

08:10

Mickey who might be the nicest person in

08:12

the world to help keep him

08:16

conscious Mr Crystal hello Hi how are

08:21

you Mickey thank you for being here yeah

08:23

is there anything I could get for you

08:25

I'm not feeling well Sho okay I'm having

08:28

a a reaction to a shot that I got okay

08:31

this morning okay I don't want you to be

08:34

alarmed but cuz I I may pass out on

08:37

occasion it's it's it's something called

08:40

an epilepsy it's a reaction to this

08:42

gelatin shot that I just got this

08:44

morning I have an allergy your health is

08:46

most important to us I'm very hungry

08:50

yeah okay what could we so maybe like um

08:53

is there pumping nickle Bagel around

08:55

will get whatever you want okay but uh

08:58

if it's cutting have one one side

09:01

toasted the other not pumper nickel

09:03

bagel half toasted half notot and I'm

09:08

sorry sorry you know what it's okay we

09:11

all get tired we all it's not it's it's

09:14

it's something different all right so

09:16

I'm here for you I'm sorry don't

09:19

apologize don't apologize I'm here for

09:21

you okay all right back

09:25

[Music]

09:28

okay

09:31

[Music]

09:51

[Applause]

09:57

welcome back and no worri you know what

10:00

I I'm so thirsty okay what do you want

10:03

uh probably coke maybe Coke or lemonade

10:07

something or if there's any vodka one

10:10

little shot that that helps me out wait

10:13

in in one of those or just whatever just

10:15

yeah whatever they have that'd be good

10:18

okay okay perfect I appreciate you oh my

10:21

goodness yeah my

10:23

pleasure I'm sorry no oh please do not

10:26

apologize don't

10:28

in

10:30

[Music]

10:39

oh no worries Co bagel's

10:43

coming um Coke on Ice I think that's a

10:47

good idea all right Coke sort of waters

10:51

it down so yeah yeah yeah

10:57

listen W yeah we'll get the lemonade and

11:01

um wash it down with coke maybe yeah but

11:05

I think it's important to have food in

11:06

your stomach

11:10

[Applause]

11:11

too yeah that's

11:13

[Music]

11:18

good oh sh hello hi Billy hi sir how you

11:25

doing Billy um you know sir um um uh

11:28

Jimmy and I

11:29

ex excited about doing this fundraiser

11:32

for

11:33

you I appreciate that it's really

11:36

important to make sure that we get the

11:37

funds that we need bring the country

11:39

together

11:41

yes

11:43

Billy you

11:46

there

11:48

hello hello Billy I'll be right

11:56

there yes come here

12:01

yeah

12:09

forone conne hello Mr

12:13

President hi um are you his daughter I'm

12:16

not his daughter I'm a I'm a I'm a

12:18

friend and he's just not feeling that

12:20

well right now and I apologize and I

12:22

know that he was never want to be

12:24

leaving you hanging but can he call you

12:26

back you know just want just traditional

12:29

White House Easter Egg Roll I love the

12:32

Easter egg I love that I went years ago

12:36

and it was great I'm sure you had guess

12:38

what what guess what I'm exhausted I'm

12:42

I'm sure you are that was my grandpa's

12:44

favorite

12:45

joke yeah you know I went to breakfast

12:48

this morning with the Easter Bunny you

12:50

did guess guess where we ate where I

12:55

have I did that that's a good one not

12:59

feeling great sir to be honest so how's

13:01

things how's how's everything everything

13:04

is okay you sound you sound

13:11

beat he's not drinking Hees he's not

13:13

drinking he's not drinking okay so we're

13:15

going to go okay and but if you need

13:18

anything I could I could take notes yeah

13:22

please it's important get a pen and

13:24

paper and write all this down cuz I

13:27

don't have time I don't like to repeat

13:28

myself okay all right can it wait can it

13:31

wait a little bit he's just going to eat

13:33

now can't hang up on me I don't know how

13:35

to call you back uh well all right thank

13:39

you so much for all that you do and we

13:41

got to go now and I don't

13:44

me a couple questions I'm sorry I am Hi

13:49

here's some questions Jimmy's on the

13:52

phone so you can ask him some questions

13:55

who's here it's a

13:57

present it's

14:01

president is that really the president

14:04

Sarah tell you he's not feeling well but

14:05

we're taking care of him you didn't eat

14:08

yet you like some f with him sure Billy

14:12

I don't know if you you know what uh you

14:14

know what day today is it's April 1st

14:18

yeah it's the beginning of the month is

14:19

always good cuz it's like a fresh start

14:22

yeah what else is is it today though

14:25

April

14:27

1st shut the

14:29

[Applause]

14:41

guys oh my

14:46

God that was not the president this guy

14:50

that actually was the president was you

14:53

do have a bit with him and I like blew

14:55

off the president yeah yeah no that was

15:02

oh there he is

15:05

again he wanted to say something to you

15:07

who is it hold on okay hello Mr

15:10

President who is this hang up on me this

15:14

is a National Emergency oh is the

15:16

president cold

15:18

red big trouble

15:21

hi no

15:23

sorry

15:26

miy oh well thank you

15:30

it actually is the president I'm

15:32

sweating today I might end up dying if

15:35

it is you Mr President thank you for all

15:37

you do and if it isn't you sound just

15:41

like

15:43

him wow thank

15:48

you it had to be

15:50

[Applause]

15:56

done

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