Jon Stewart Tells Fox News To Go F**k Itself | The Daily Show

("The Daily Show" theme music)

- Let me speak directly

to John Stewart for just a few seconds.

And I know he watches, he's a big fan of the show.

(audience laughs)

(audience applauds and cheers)

- Guilty as charged.

(audience laughs)

I watch it every night with all my friends.

(audience laughs and applauds)

Continue. Mr. Goldberg,

- When you had Frank Rich on your show

who generalizes all the time about conservatives

and Republicans being bigots,

you didn't ask him a single tough question.

You gave him a lap dance.

You practically had your tongue down his throat.

(audience moans and laughs)

- Guilty as charged

Was that televised?

I don't wanna say anything,

but Frank Rich hasn't been

on the show since 2006.

(audience laughs)

I mean, since I gave Frank Rich that lap dance,

I don't know if you noticed,

but I went back in the champagne room

with Bill Crystal like five times.

(audience laughs)

And if you watch this show, as it appears you have,

you must remember me and McCain (beep) like bunnies.

(audience laughs)

But, I guess that's besides the point.

Here's the point.

You can't criticize me for not being fair and balanced.

That's your slogan,

(audience laughs)

which by the way, you never follow

which brings us back to the essence

of the whole go (beep) yourselves piece.

- You are just a safe Jay Leno

with a much smaller audience,

but you get to say the F-bomb,

which gives

your incredibly unsophisticated audience...

(Bill chuckles) ...the illusion.

(audience groans)

- You're generalizing.

- The illusion that you're courageous,

and that's your renegade,

but it's only an illusion.

- [Bill] I- - wait, wait.

I'm not a courageous renegade?

(audience laughs)

But, I've always considered myself

the Lorenzo Lamas of late night.

(audience laughs)

I thought my audience was elitist.

Are they elitist or unsophisticated?

Or unsophisticated in their elitism?

(audience laughs)

Look, I'm sorry, I told you to go (beep) yourself last week,

and that other time, like six months ago,

I told you to go (beep) yourself.

I know that I criticize you and Fox News a lot,

but only because you're truly

a terrible, cynical, disingenuous news organization.

(audience laughs and cheers)

Oh, wait, no. You know what?

That's no.

That's the wrong approach.

(audience continues to cheer)

That's the wrong approach.

That's not, I'm not gonna do this.

I'm not gonna be confrontational.

I wanna take a minute to talk directly to Bernie Goldberg.

(audience laughs)

(organ music)

Baby. I don't wanna fight baby.

And I know you've been hurt before by them liberal elites.

♪ They done you wrong, Bernie. ♪

(audience laughs)

- Don't let that close your heart, brother.

I don't hate you.

I mean, you're not Dick Morris.

♪ Yeah. What is wrong with that guy? ♪

- Yeah, seriously.

♪ He's starting to look like that guy from "Men in Black." ♪

- Which one?

♪ You know, from the first one, ♪

♪ The guy who came down ♪

♪ And walked around in other people's skin. ♪

- What Shalhoub? You talking about-

♪ No. ♪

- Oh, oh the Vincent D'Onofrio guy.

♪ That's the one. ♪

(audience laughs)

- Yeah, that's right. Okay.

You see, I've learned people are complicated,

Bernie, and hard to categorize.

I mean, I've got some conservative views.

♪ He's a pro-military mother (beep) piece to the troops. ♪

- I've got some libertarian views.

♪ Legalize it. ♪

- Gay marriage

♪ Uh-Huh. ♪

- Pot.

♪ Uh-Huh. ♪

- Gay pot marriage.

♪ Now you making (beep) up, ♪

(audience cheers)

- And I know that I can be intolerant.

♪ Lactose and otherwise. ♪

♪ Don't let this man eat any pussies. ♪

- And I believe this country should provide

some kind of social safety net

for our most vulnerable citizens.

♪ Communist ♪

- And I also believe power should be passed down

to the firstborn son of the reigning king.

- Monarchists.

- And I believe in ghosts.

- Boo.

- But I will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg.

Oh, Bernie Goldberg.

I will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg.

♪ Tell you, Bernie. ♪

♪ I'll tell you, Bernie ♪

(audience cheers)

♪ I'll tell you, Bernie ♪

♪ I'm telling you, Bernie ♪

♪ I'm telling you, Bernie ♪

(audience clapping in time)

- Oh yeah, Bernie Goldberg,

you can criticize my interviews.

(indistinct)

- Yes, they can be.

- Incoherent.

- That's the editing.

- Not funny.

- I try to be funny.

♪ Why don't you watch the movie? ♪

- I don't have time to watch all the guest movies.

My point is this.

♪ I'm telling you, Bernie ♪

♪ He's got a point, now ♪

♪ He's got a point, now ♪

♪ He's got a point, now ♪

♪ He's got a point, now ♪

- Bernie Goldberg.

I don't need to satisfy your version

of what fair satire is or should be.

I'm not fair. I'm not balanced.

♪ He's unstable ♪

(audience laughs)

- That's not what I meant.

- He's coco Loco.

- Thank you.

You're criticizing me for not living up to your tagline.

Oh, Lord.

And you dismissed any criticism

as further evidence of how the rest

of the media persecute you.

You like to pretend, Bernie Goldberg at Fox News

that the relentless conservative activism

of Fox News is the equivalent.

Oh, the equivalent

of the disorganized liberal influence

you find on NBC, ABC and CBS.

But, Fox News, you may be able to detect

a liberal pathogen.

♪ He's got a point, yeah. ♪

- In their bloodstream,

however faint

but Fox News is such a crazy overreaction

to that perceived threat.

You're like an autoimmune disorder.

(audience laughs)

I'm not saying the virus doesn't exist

in some small quantity,

but you're producing way too many antibodies.

(audience laughs)

Fox News, you're the lupus of news.

(audience cheers and applauds)

So I guess,

I guess what I'm saying is this,

♪ Go ♪

- As long as fair and balanced is

how you sell yourselves...

(beep)

Guess what I'm saying is this.

♪ Yourself ♪

(audience cheers)

♪ Go (beep) yourself ♪

♪ Go (beep) yourself ♪

(audience cheering)

(beeping)

("The Daily Show" theme music)

- So now the House Republicans have made

the incredibly unpopular move

of forcing a shutdown in the United States government

so as to save us all from having the king bang our wives.

There's only one thing left to do.

Fox to the damage control station.

Man the straw man.

- I wonder if it's gonna be like the sequester

where before the sequester

we heard, you know, the sky essentially is gonna fall.

It's gonna be awful.

You're gonna feel the pain immediately, not so much.

- The worst thing that happens is some museum's close

and someone can't go to the Statue of Liberty.

- We were all warned the sky was gonna fall,

Well, you woke up this morning,

and the sun came up, didn't it?

- Yeah. No one told you the sky would fall.

(audience laughs)

No one told you that a government shutdown had

the same effect as an asteroid hitting the planet.

Although, quick note, the government shutdown did affect

the program that would tell us if that was happening.

(audience laughs)

But the point is, on Fox, no biggie.

- When the president came out yesterday,

and he went through the list of what wasn't going to change,

he said, "Well, we'll have air traffic controllers,

Medicare, you gotta go to their doctor."

I was sitting there going,

"Wait a second,

he's making the case for the Republicans.

This sounds pretty good."

- Maybe I'm just one of the few people.

I'm just not, this doesn't impact me mentally.

We've had 17 government shutdowns, Governor.

I'm not afraid of a couple of weeks

of government being shut down.

- How bad can it be

if it doesn't personally impact John Hannity?

(audience laughs)

I mean, it's not like they shut down

Smith and Wollensky for private events.

I mean, that would really be (beep) up,

or closed our nation's strategic flag graphic reserves.

Or if Roger Ailes implemented a no grunting policy

in the Fox men's room.

(audience laughs)

("Daily Show" theme music)

Now is the time for an adult conversation

about how our government makes

its most important decisions and functions in crisis.

And to lead that discussion,

I give you our national media.

- [Hannity] President Obama's so-called latte salute.

- [Reporter] Holding a cup in his right hand.

- The great coffee escapade.

- Coffeegate.

- [Reporter] President Obama in hot water.

- [Reporter Two] Some people think it was disrespectful.

- [Reporter Three] Hashtag lattesalute.

- [Reporter Four] The coffee salute went viral.

- A lot is blowing up online.

- We are (beep).

I don't even know what to do.

(audience cheering)

First of all, we're currently fighting, if I may say.

So apparently, we're currently fighting ISIS

and Ebola, two things that are literally blowing up

and going viral.

(audience laughs)

So if you're not gonna cover the important stuff,

at least don't use words that remind us

of the important stuff you're not covering.

Okay? Now, to be fair,

Lattegate wasn't all the news talked about yesterday,

but where I might have given

the President salutes with coffee cup story,

an espresso sized shot of attention,

the news channels went for the full double venti coverage

with one network going especially deep.

- Learn the proper respect of the salute.

- Insensitive.

- What's the meaning of it? That's it.

- It looks terrible.

- It's outlandish, and it's disappointing.

- Put your coffee in the other hand.

- Our Commander in Chief displayed his complete disrespect

for the men and women in uniform.

- Shut up.

(audience laughs and cheers)

You don't really care.

You don't really care about this.

You have no principle about this.

You're just trying to score points

in a game that no one else is playing.

Here's how we know.

- It's an arrogance that he portrays

these people are put their lives on the line for us.

- [Reporter Five] You're right.

- Show the respect and salute these guys.

- So the principle here is show respect

for the people who are putting their lives

on the line for this fight.

Here's Eric Bolling on that very same episode.

- The first female pilot piloting

for the UAE dropped the bombs on ISIS on Monday night.

- Would that be considered boobs on the ground or no?

(audience groans)

- First of all, forget the rampant sexism in that statement.

Second of all, she's a pilot,

so whatever gender specific equipment

she might be carrying is in the (beep) air.

(audience laughs)

And thirdly, what was the quote

that someone said earlier in your program?

"These people are putting their lives on the line for us.

Show respect."

So (beep) you and all your false patriotism.

("The Daily Show" theme music)

And to be frank, oftentimes this show is critical of Fox,

but only because they're terrible.

(audience laughs)

Like sometimes almost shockingly terrible.

For instance, two weeks ago,

Justice Department released a report

on the Ferguson, Missouri Police Department shooting

of Michael Brown,

basically exonerating officer Darren Wilson

and debunking the hands up don't shoot narrative.

And then, they released a second DOJ report stating

that "the Ferguson Police Department routinely violates

the Constitution and federal law

with a pattern of racial bias,

unreasonable force, intentional discrimination

and mistreatment of detainees,

wrongs born disproportionately by African Americans."

(John chuckles)

But on Fox, you're gonna love this.

(audience laughs)

Despite their 24 hour schedule,

they really only had time for the one report.

- [Reporter Six] DOJ now admitting,

hands up, don't shoot, never happened.

- People have been fed a narrative.

- Protestors who have been running

around this country telling a lie.

- The tsunami of misinformation and innuendo, boneheaded,

non-fact based rhetoric.

- It never happened.

- [Megyn] Did not happen.

- It didn't happen that way.

Wilson's been exonerated.

Let's move on.

- Let's move on.

(audience laughs)

The Department of Justice found

that the flashpoint incident

for protests did not happen the way some thought.

Although, in this second report,

they did also document

a tower of racially-based kindling wood,

years of unreasonable force, lighter fluid

and daily tossed lit cigarette butts of discrimination

and harassment that could easily lend

itself to the flashpoint.

But, as the fire safety wardens of Fox suggest,

Yeah, (beep) it.

Let's just move on.

(audience laughs)

But, here's the thing,

the anger is still there.

The people couldn't move on at Fox.

(audience laughing)

They demanded restitution at Fox.

- Why isn't the media which pedaled

that narrative apologizing?

- Obama, Sharpton,

they should be held responsible

for their incendiary rhetoric.

- [Reporter Seven] Fanning the flames, rushing to judgment.

- Blood on their hands.

- The damage was done.

The inflammatory rhetoric was used.

- [Megyn] We saw members of Congress saying,

"Hands up, don't shoot."

And if one of them has so far apologized

for misleading America, we haven't heard it.

- I have not received a single,

I am bear-y sorry

(audience laughing)

for igniting racial conflict.

I haven't received one.

The lesson Fox News is getting at is very clear.

Wouldn't it be nice if people

who jumped to conclusions

and pedaled a false, divisive,

anger-stoking narrative had to apologize

for misleading America?

(audience applauds and cheers)

Now, now,

here's where (beep) gets real.

I wonder if there's an analogous event

where we could test Fox's fealty

to this principle of restitution for a aggrievement?

- Does the word Benghazi ring a bell?

- A bunch of new questions about Benghazi.

- Benghazi. - Benghazi.

- Benghazi.

- Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi.

- That first of all, Benghazi isn't Beetlejuice.

You don't say it three times,

(audience laughing)

but if you insist, okay, let's use that example.

It's a tragic event where Americans died like Ferguson.

But, if the analogy is to hold, who will play the role

of nation dividing, anger stoking rhetoricians

before the official government investigation was completed?

- [Announcer] "Special Report" Investigates

Death and Deceit in Benghazi.

- Susan Rice willingly went along

and lied on the Sunday chat shows.

- The CIA warned that there might be

an attack on the 911 anniversary.

During the attack, they didn't send help

that was waiting in Tripoli, a C-130 to assist these guys.

- Coming up.

They could have saved four Americans,

but instead our government told them to stand down.

- So basically, you're saying the government

of the United States told its military,

if I'm gonna put this in a catchy protesty kind of phrase,

stand down, don't shoot.

And Fox didn't restrict its anger stoking to words,

because let's face it,

they're older viewers who are hard

of hearing also have a right to be mad.

So scary opens and that burning Benghazi footage

in a semi-continuous loop

like some kind of Fox News yule log.

"Oh, they're running the burning compound footage again.

It seems like Benghazmas comes earlier

and earlier every year.

But, of course, unlike Ferguson protestors,

Fox wasn't being irresponsible and divisive.

They just wanted the truth.

- We have unanswered questions about Benghazi.

- There are glaring questions that are unanswered.

- Questions still remain unanswered.

- There's questions about stand down orders and so on.

And here we are all this time later,

we don't have the answers.

- So we still don't have the answers.

Four Americans are dead,

and there are a lot of unanswered questions.

- Well, that-

- Well, your sentence construction says,

I just want to know.

But, the tone says

why the president had an ambassador whacked?

Well, finally on November 21st, 2014,

they got their answers

from an exhaustive report

from the Republican-controlled

House Intelligence Committee answering those many questions.

Did Susan Rice go on TV and try to deceive anyone?

Report says, "No."

Did the administration ignore credible warnings

about that day's attack?

Report says, "No."

Was there a stand down order

or failure to rescue those individuals

and send rescue planes?

Report says, "No."

Was there a massive intelligence agency coverup?

Report says, "No, not CIA, not FBI, none of them."

Which means all these elements

in the two year Benghazi ragegasm were,

what do you call it?

What do you call it?

- Tsunami of misinformation. Innuendo-

- Right, right, right, right, right.

- Non fact-based rhetoric.

- Yes, yes, yes. That, that.

- Right. It's all those things.

So it would only follow that just like Fox demanded

of any protestor who said,

"Hands up, don't shoot,"

the correct action for no stand down, don't shoot

for Fox News now would be to...

- Why isn't the media which pedaled

that narrative apologizing?

- Yes. Yes. Why not?

(audience cheering)

Yes.

Oh, Eric, that's so true. Yes.

And so, in the fateful days following

that Republican House Intelligence Committee Report,

what did the Fox say?

(upbeat music)

(John trilling)

In fact, other than a couple of half-hearted efforts

to (beep) on the Republican-lead report,

its contents went largely unnoticed on Fox.

Even Megyn Kelly, who was prior

to that desperately searching for answers, had

the House Intelligence Committee chair, Mike Rogers

on our show

two weeks after he released the Benghazi report

and never asked him about it once.

Not (beep) once. Yes.

The network who used the word Benghazi

like a clubhouse password,

the official Republican-dominated House Report

on Benghazi was the only news story in two years

that didn't remind them to talk about Benghazi.

(audience laughs)

Which brings us, once again

to our main point of respect and appreciation,

the beauty that is the ugliness of Fox News.

They demand accountability for anger

and divisiveness whilst holding

themselves entirely unaccountable

for their anger and divisiveness.

For two years, they used Benghazi

as shorthand, as a symbol for the whole concept

of a corrupt lying tyrannical,

possibly murderous Obama White House,

kind of like other people used, hands up, don't shoot

as a symbol for systemic racism.

And there's really only one difference

between the two phenomena.

Systemic racism actually exists.

(audience laughs)

("The Daily Show" theme music)