Trump accidentally humiliates himself and Melania at trial

thank you very much everybody appreciate

it uh I want to start by wishing my wife

Melania a very happy birthday be nice to

be with her but I'm at a courthouse for

a RI trial it's a RI trial terrible but

we're doing very well in this rig Tri

everybody knows it wow yeah it must be

really hard to be away from your wife on

her birthday while you're stuck in court

hey remind us Donald why are you on

trial right now might it have something

to do with the fact that while Melania

was at home you had multiple Affairs

including with Stormy Daniels and Karen

McDougall and then in an effort to hide

those Affairs and keep them quiet so

they wouldn't hurt you during the 2016

election you falsified business records

to hide the hush money payouts from the

American people so I don't know maybe

not the best moment to try to use

Melania to Curry sympathy from people

because simply enough if you weren't

screwing porn stars and Playmates you

would be at home with your wife right

now it's definitely important that we uh

don't become desensitized to the

absolute absurdity of this I think the

majority of Americans I mean we know if

you look at the last few elections the

majority of Americans are democratic

voters uh the majority of Voters are

Democrats and I think they look at this

and they see a person who engaged in

ridiculous inappropriate conduct and is

being held accountable for it I don't

think we should lose sight of also that

this is the so-called family values

candidate that is on trial for

reportedly sleeping with a an adult film

actress while his wife was at home

pregnant with his child that is the

family values candidate and the

so-called Law and Order candidate is the

one that's the first former president to

ever face criminal charges I think I

think most people see it I think most

people see that his conduct is

unacceptable and that he's being held

accountable for it of course Trump will

leverage anyone to whine about this

trial just last week he used his son so

thank you very much uh we had some

amazing things happen today as you know

my son is graduated from high school and

it looks like the judge will not let me

go to the graduation of my son who

worked very very hard and he's a great

student and he's very proud of the fact

that he did so well and was looking

forward for years to have graduation

with his mother and father there and it

looks like the judg isn't going to allow

me to escape this scam it's a scam trial

if you read all of the legal pundits all

of the legal Scholars today there's not

one that I see it said this is a case

that should be brought or Tri it's a

scam it's a political WI sh it continues

and it continues forever and we're not

going to be given a fair trial it's a

very very sad thing first of all to

broadcast just how full of it Trump is

the judge literally hadn't even ruled on

whether or not Trump could attend

Baron's graduation but Trump was so

desperate to frame himself as the victim

that he was already exploiting his son

to Curry pity for himself second if

judge Maran does rule that Trump can't

attend maybe Donald will explain to his

son that he was busy sleeping with other

women and paying them off for their

silence and then cooking the books to

cover up those payments and that's why

he won't be able to attend the

graduation because as far as I can tell

this isn't judge M's fault it's Trump's

and finally again even if michan does

rule that Trump can't attend yeah dude

that's how it works when you commit

crimes and you have to stand trial for

them you sacrifice other things in your

life that might also be important that's

perhaps a reason not to commit crimes

but he's not going to Curry sympathy

from the judge because he has other

obligations when he decides to break the

law maybe next time Trump should think

about what he'll have to sacrifice by

virtue of his criminal activity and that

will perhaps be a reason to not do it

and when he's not using Melania or Baron

as part of his pity parties it's this

excuse this is what took me off and

takes me off the campaign Trail because

I should be in Georgia now I should be

in Florida now I should be in a lot of

different places right now campaigning

and I'm sitting here and this will go

for a long time it's very unfair that

he's stuck in the courtroom and not on

the campaign Trail well Donald Trump has

Wednesdays off from court so you would

think that after all this complaining

that he can't be in Georgia or North

Carolina or Florida he would spend his

Wednesday mingling with voters right not

so much here's what Trump did on

Wednesday this week that's right he was

golfing no voters in sight just Donald

Trump secluded on the golf course only

days mere days after he whed in public

that he wouldn't have any time with his

supporters who he clearly cares so much

about it's almost like and I hope you're

sitting down for this Trump is just

grasping for straws and looking for

literally any excuse not to be in the

courtroom and by the way even if Trump

actually did want to go to campaign in

Georgia or Florida or North Carolina

it's worth repeating this point if you

want a clear schedule don't commit

crimes it is not the judge's problem

that you can't do things that someone

who is not a criminal defendant can do

if you want full freedom to live your

life then don't commit felonies and

you'll have no problem but Trump who I

should remind you is a grown ass man

made the conscious decision to break the

law and now comes the part where he's

held accountable for it which shouldn't

be a foreign concept for someone who

leads the political party that Brands

itself the Law and Order party and yet

here we are or finally at the very

bottom of the list of desperate excuses

there's this so we have another day of

court in a freezing Courthouse it's very

cold in there for on purpose I believe

they don't seem to be able to get the

temperature up it shouldn't be that

complicated but we have a freezing Court

and that's fine that's just fine let him

keep handing it out there's a r trial

that it's too cold I mean my God is

there anything this guy won't complain

about and I'm sorry but this is the

Republican strongman this is the alpha

tough guy get him in the room with the

world's autocrats the guy complaining

that he's too chilly didn't he grow up

in New York pretty sure Manhattan in

December or January is colder than a

courthouse in April unless of course

you're a Pampered Primadonna who never

has a moment of discomfort something all

of Trump's supporters should probably

remember the next time he tries to frame

himself as a man of the people this guy

is so insulated from real America from

real life from the discomforts of

everyday life that in the single

instance that he's not surrounded by

luxury he melts down like a Kardashian

who broke a nail so look Donald Trump

will whine and complain he'll stomp his

feet and throw his temper tantrums but

no one forced him to make illegal

campaign contributions to Stormy Daniels

to keep their Affair quiet so it

wouldn't hurt his chances of running for

office and then cook the books that was

him just like no one asked to call

Georgia Secretary of State briad

raffensberger to conjure up 11,780

non-existent votes no one asked him to

seal classified documents from the White

House and lie about having already

returned them no one asked him to

falsify business records and issue false

financial statements and engage in bank

and tax fraud in New York he did all of

those things on his own so if he's being

prosecuted now Donald Trump has no one

to blame but himself and the fact that I

have to explain that to the leader of a

party that Brands itself the party of

personal responsibility really puts the

hypocrisy on full display so at this

point there is nothing that Trump can do

to avoid sitting in the courtroom but if

he's suddenly so concerned about being a

good husband and a good father maybe

actually try being a good husband and a

good father of course we all recognize

that that's not what he's trying to do

he's simply exploiting his family

members to try and Curry sympathy and

donations from the Rubes who buy his

Saab story he's made a career conning

his contractors his employees his

friends his AIDS his associates his

cabinet members his supporters and he's

using his own family to do more of the

same the problem here isn't everyone

else it's

[Music]

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