I found out I have ADHD.
Summary
TLDRIn this personal narrative, the speaker reflects on their struggle with focus, organization, and time management, which intensified after leaving the structured environment of school. Initially attributing these issues to laziness, they later discover a family history of ADHD and decide to seek a diagnosis. After an extensive evaluation, they are diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD and possibly autism. The diagnosis provides clarity and a newfound understanding of their brain's functioning, leading to improved self-compassion and strategies for managing their symptoms. The speaker also shares their experience with medication, describing the profound impact it had on their ability to focus and be productive, ultimately making them feel 'normal' for the first time.
Takeaways
- 🧑🎓 The speaker reflects on their past as a well-organized and disciplined student, seemingly unaffected by ADHD.
- 🎓 The transition to college and independence marked the beginning of noticeable struggles with focus, motivation, and time management.
- 📹 A successful YouTube channel became a distraction and eventually led to the speaker dropping out of college.
- 🔄 The speaker's inability to stay organized and focused persisted even after leaving the structured environment of school.
- 🤯 The realization of ADHD came as a surprise, especially since the speaker's brother was diagnosed first with the condition.
- 🤔 The speaker initially dismissed the idea of having ADHD, attributing their struggles to laziness or lack of effort.
- 🧬 The genetic link to ADHD was acknowledged, but it took several years for the speaker to consider their own potential diagnosis.
- 🧐 The speaker's psychologist confirmed the diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD and possibly autism, providing a detailed report.
- 💊 The decision to try medication was initially hesitant, but the speaker eventually took instant-release Adderall to experience its effects.
- 🚀 The impact of Adderall was profound, providing clarity, focus, and the ability to complete tasks with ease.
- 🌟 The speaker emphasizes the importance of a professional diagnosis and understanding one's own mind to improve productivity and life quality.
Q & A
What was the speaker's perception of themselves as a child?
-The speaker perceived themselves as a well-organized, punctual, and high-achieving student who didn't struggle much in school and didn't cause any trouble.
How did the speaker's behavior change after moving out for college?
-The speaker began skipping classes, procrastinating on assignments, and losing motivation for schoolwork, attributing these changes to adjusting to college life and the distraction of their growing YouTube channel.
What was the turning point that led the speaker to consider they might have ADHD?
-The turning point was when the speaker's brother was diagnosed with ADHD and described symptoms that resonated with the speaker's own experiences, leading them to consider the possibility of having ADHD themselves.
Why did the speaker initially resist the idea of having ADHD?
-The speaker resisted the idea because they remembered being organized and focused in school, and they thought their struggles were due to laziness or not trying hard enough.
What was the speaker's experience like after leaving college and trying to manage their own responsibilities?
-The speaker found it increasingly difficult to stay organized and focused, often needing to isolate themselves to complete tasks, and struggled with hyperfixating on new interests.
What are the three types of ADHD mentioned in the script?
-The three types of ADHD mentioned are hyperactive, inattentive, and combined, with the speaker identifying as having the inattentive type.
How did the speaker's psychologist help them understand their ADHD?
-The psychologist provided a detailed diagnosis, including a 37-page document with conclusions and information on how the speaker's brain works, which helped the speaker understand their struggles.
What was the speaker's initial attitude towards taking medication for ADHD?
-Initially, the speaker was against taking medication, believing that understanding their ADHD was enough to help them manage their symptoms.
What was the speaker's experience like after taking their first dose of instant release Adderall?
-After taking Adderall, the speaker experienced a significant reduction in mental noise, improved focus, and an ability to complete tasks without distractions or the need for breaks.
How did the speaker's diagnosis and understanding of ADHD change their approach to life?
-The diagnosis helped the speaker to be less hard on themselves, adopt new strategies for getting things done, and feel less abnormal, ultimately leading to improvements in their day-to-day life.
What advice does the speaker give to those who might be on the fence about getting a diagnosis?
-The speaker advises that having a concrete answer from a professional can help individuals stop feeling stuck and start moving forward, as it did for them.
Outlines
🤔 Struggling with Productivity and Organization
The speaker reflects on their childhood where they were organized, punctual, and a good student, seemingly free from any attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). However, upon moving out for college, they began to struggle with skipping classes, procrastination, and lack of motivation. Despite early success on YouTube, which led to dropping out of college, the speaker found it increasingly difficult to manage responsibilities as their own boss. They express confusion about their inability to maintain the organization and focus they once had, and how this downward spiral was not anticipated given their past behavior.
😯 Realization of ADHD Through Personal and Familial Diagnosis
The speaker recounts their journey to understanding ADHD, which began with their brother's diagnosis. Initially, they didn't identify with the condition, as their brother's symptoms didn't match the stereotypical hyperactive image of ADHD. However, upon hearing about his specific symptoms, such as difficulty focusing and hyperfixation on interests, the speaker began to relate and question their own experiences. Despite this, it took several years before they seriously considered the possibility of having ADHD themselves. The realization that ADHD could manifest differently and could be genetic, as well as the speaker's own worsening focus and productivity issues, eventually led them to seek a diagnosis.
🧐 Exploring ADHD's Impact and the Benefits of Medication
After receiving a diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD and autism, the speaker discusses how it has helped them understand their struggles. They explain the different types of ADHD and share their personal experience with instant release medication, which they took to experience its effects firsthand for their content creation. The medication allowed them to focus, remember tasks, and avoid distractions, leading to a significant increase in productivity. The speaker expresses surprise and relief at being able to function without the constant mental noise and shares the humorous irony of using Aderall to write a script about ADHD.
💪 Embracing the ADHD Diagnosis and Seeking Improvement
The speaker talks about the life-changing impact of their ADHD diagnosis, which has allowed them to feel 'normal' and to accomplish tasks with ease. They share their newfound ability to focus for extended periods and to transition between tasks without the usual mental strain. The speaker also discusses the decision to try medication and the dramatic improvement it brought to their productivity and quality of life. They encourage others who might be struggling with similar issues to consider a professional diagnosis as a means to move forward and improve their daily functioning. The speaker ends on a positive note, expressing excitement about continuing to learn and adapt to enhance their life with ADHD.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡ADHD
💡Inattentive Type
💡Hyperfixation
💡Diagnosis
💡Neurotypical
💡Medication
💡Instant Release
💡Productivity
💡Self-Reflection
💡Content Creation
💡Normal
Highlights
The speaker reflects on their struggle with focus, organization, and time management.
They describe being a well-organized, high-achieving student without apparent ADHD symptoms.
College life and independence led to a decline in motivation and increased procrastination.
The speaker's YouTube success contributed to their decision to drop out of college.
After leaving school, the speaker faced difficulties in maintaining organization and focus.
They initially attributed their struggles to laziness and a lack of effort.
The speaker's brother's ADHD diagnosis sparked a realization about their own potential condition.
The speaker's brother's symptoms were not stereotypical, leading to a delayed diagnosis.
The speaker's own experiences with focus and productivity issues were similar to their brother's.
It took several years for the speaker to consider the possibility of having ADHD.
The speaker's psychologist confirmed the diagnosis of inattentive type ADHD and autism.
Different types of ADHD are explained: hyperactive, inattentive, and combined.
The speaker discusses how ADHD affects women differently and can manifest later in life.
The diagnosis helped the speaker understand their struggles and change their mindset.
The speaker tried instant-release medication to experience its effects on productivity.
Taking Aderall resulted in a significant improvement in focus and task completion.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of a professional diagnosis for mental health struggles.
They encourage others to seek help and understand their own minds for improved daily functioning.
The speaker shares their journey with ADHD to inspire and support others with similar experiences.
Transcripts
do you ever think to yourself man why is
it so hard for me to just do the things
I need to do and focus and remember
things and manage my time and be
organized and remember things and not
get
sidetracked ha yeah me neither when I
was a kid I was pretty much the picture
perfect depiction of a good student I
was well organized always turned in my
work on time got good grades I even did
my homework on Fridays instead of
procrastinating until Sunday night sure
I didn't like studying and found it hard
hard to focus during it but who didn't
seeing all those qualities put together
that doesn't sound like the brain of
someone with any kind of attention
deficit hyperactivity disorder does it I
was well behaved didn't feel like I
struggled much in school and didn't
cause any trouble that is up until I
moved out of my parents house for the
first time to go to college gradually I
started slipping I began skipping
classes a bit when I just didn't feel
like going would wait until the last
moment to start class workor and lost a
lot of motivation because I wasn't
interested in any of my school work but
overall even though it was pretty out of
character for me I chocked it all up to
the fact I was simply overo to school at
the same time my YouTube was really
kicking off and all I wanted to do was
that of course I wasn't going to be as
good of a student when the silly YouTube
videos were doing numbers I finished a
single year of college and convinced my
parents to let me take a gap year to see
where this YouTube thing can take me
spoiler alert the Gap year turned into
me never going back I'm a College
Dropout so great I've eliminated the
boring school part of my life that
weighs me down now I can go back to
being organized with my new exciting
passion job which entails being my own
boss and having to manage and assign
myself all of my own responsibilities
24/7 why are the voices not getting
quieter it's almost like everything was
going backwards I was having a much
harder time staying organized and
focused if I didn't want to do a certain
type of work I would have to shackle
myself down in basically an isolation
chamber to be able to get it done if I
found a new interest it was all I could
think about and why is it so easy to
suddenly be on your roof watching a
YouTube video on how to know when you
need new shingles I really didn't get it
child me had it held together more than
current me what went wrong I could look
back and recognize how everything used
to be so perfect and easy look at tiny
Jaden and all her ducks in that row I
used to color code every single binder I
owned and now I don't even know where I
placed the 20 bucks I literally just had
in my hand 3 minutes ago I haven't even
left the room genuinely where could it
fing go despite feeling like I was
downward spiraling for multiple years I
never suspected it could be something
related to a genetic neurodevelopmental
disorder I just thought I wasn't trying
hard enough and being lazy or applying
myself like I used to oh the woes of
turning into an adult I suppose maybe
the best years of your life truly are in
high school how upsetting I didn't even
enjoy those either but then one day I
got a text from my brother I got
diagnosed with
ADHD huh it was a pretty big surprise
for me because growing up he never
really seemed to show any of the typical
symptoms you associate with ADHD you
know people would always describe ADHD
to me as Super Hyper kids who would run
around the room and scream and generally
be a lot that wasn't my brother he was
quiet and well behaved like I was but
when he started explaining his symptoms
the gears started turning yeah I've
always struggled a lot with focusing in
school and having things hold my
attention when it's boring but like I
could hyper fixate on things I'm
interested in and get really passionate
about that stuff hearing him talk about
his personal symptoms of ADHD made a lot
of sense and I felt very freshly
educated on the topic and you'd think
that I would immediately start looking
into getting a diagnosis for myself
because if you were paying attention my
brother's experiences all sounded very
similar to the same struggles I've been
having in my own life but related to
work instead of of school because I
dropped out but nope I was just like
good for you bro happy for you or I'm
sorry I don't know anyway back to
struggling to Simply open up my drawing
program as if two blocks of iron were
welded to my wrists imbalance of brain
chemicals no this just happens from time
to time it's normal just the laziness
kicking in I hate Mondays am I right
even though I didn't instantly think
there is a possibility of me also having
ADHD the mental seed was planted it's
it's genetic so I knew subconsciously it
ran in the bloodline it took a few years
after my brother was diagnosed for me to
really sit down with myself and consider
that I too could have ADHD shocking
Revelation I know foreshadowing where
did you come from things in the focus
and productivity Department were just
getting worse and worse I had the
attention span of a cartoon dog would
completely forget things as soon as they
entered my head would hyperfixate on
random stuff like an addict and there is
const Civil War happening inside my head
to get one thing done even though I knew
it would only take like 15 minutes you
don't understand it feels like physical
torture to make myself sit down and lips
sync a simple scene like most of the
time you know the thing I've been doing
for 10 years at this point and am
definitely used to doing and yeah once
I've gotten going then I'm honed in and
you have to prye me away from it with a
crowbar I'm aware of that part but no
I'm still going to scrap with myself to
plant my ass in that chair because I
don't I don't even know why at this
point the biggest thing holding me back
from feeling like I had ADHD has always
been the simple memory of being in
school and having my together I
know what it feels like to be on top of
things and to be organized I had it all
in the palm of my little child's hand I
just needed to summon it again with a
bit more effort but a light Switched Off
in my brain and suddenly I'm just not
capable of the things I used to be and
it feels pathetic simple tasks are such
a mental burden it feels like I'm out of
control but can't do anything about it
so finally I figured I would try and get
myself diagnosed what did I have to lose
if anything they just tell me no you
don't have ADHD try a little harder and
stop complaining and yes of course it
took me like 8 months after deciding to
get diagnosed to schedule the actual
appointment what did you expect that's
like the first check mark box on the
ADHD list I started seeing a
psychologist and he would ask the
typical do you have a hard time focusing
and I'd go yeah like this one time
yesterday and then he writes something
down as I continue rambling on this
hypers specific example way too long for
a neurotypical person I met with him for
a few weeks and then it came down to
diagnosis day the nerves man I was so
ready for him to say I'm a normal person
who needs to suck it up but instead he
was like okay so yeah you definitely
exhibit symptoms of someone with the
inattentive type of
ADHD and autism yippe my struggles are
Justified I'm not crazy wait wait what
was that last part he explained all the
different ways ADHD affects me and the
different areas I struggle with compared
to others he even gave me a 37 page
document of his conclusions and
information on how my brain works with
graphs and pictures I've read through it
all a bunch of times now and it's it's
already really helped me understand how
I tick I call them the autism Docks but
I'm I'm not going to get into that side
of the diagnosis let's just let's let's
just push that one away for now there's
a couple types of ADHD you can have
hyperactive inattentive and combined
which is both hyperactive and
inattentive hyperactive is the type
people typically go to when they think
of a loud kid who can't sit still people
with this kind normally need to fidget
have low patience tend to talk a lot and
have trouble staying seated especially
when they're EXP Ed to like in a meeting
or school inattentive is the one where
someone experiences difficulty in Focus
memory organization has a low attention
span that's the one I have it's
self-explanatory but if you have the
combined type of ADHD then you got it
all ADHD jackpot right there my friend I
brought up during the appointments that
I used to be such a good kid in school
with seemingly zero ADHD symptoms and
how that part has always confused me and
he had a couple hypotheses about it one
since my mom has always been a big
source of my organizational influence I
was able to depend and lean on her for
the majority of my school life for it I
felt like I was naturally capable of
staying on top of things because she was
right behind me the whole time reminding
me and guiding me through stuff so when
I moved out everything started crumbling
which lines up pretty perfectly to when
I did start struggling another
explanation he gave was the fact that
ADHD affects women differently than men
which is also less researched love to
hear that one not only do women tend to
be able to mask their symptoms better
than guys so it goes much more unnoticed
but they also experience ADHD
differently and research says there's a
chance it can just start affecting women
later in life I'm no ADHD scientist
though that's just what I've been told
by Specialists I don't know I've just
got the dang thing either way those two
explanations make a lot of sense to me
and have since put my weird ADHD
imposter syndrome to rest I didn't
really think that getting a diagnosis
would change much about how I go about
my life but since getting my ADHD
certificate and lollipop it's completely
revolutionized how I think and go about
getting things done it's still hard to
get my ass into gear when I need to do
one normal thing that's not difficult
but I'm much less hard on myself and
will strike almost like these kinds of
mental deals to loophole myself into
getting things done like for example if
I really don't want to edit a video I'll
say to myself okay I know it's going to
be super hard for me to immediately
start that task so I'll get myself into
the mindset of getting things done by
doing a simple other task I don't find
difficult like cleaning my room that way
I'll feel productive and can transition
that into tackling the original task
much easier it doesn't always work but
it's the mindset change and overall
understanding that sometimes I'm going
to have to go about things in different
ways that's helped me a lot also after
being diagnosed with ADHD I didn't have
much desire to get medicated I figured
just knowing I have it would be enough
to get things into gear and I didn't
really need medication that badly but
the content creator and me also thought
well if I'm going to write a script
about having ADHD it would be nice to be
able to talk about what it's like to be
medicated even just for a day so I got
prescribed good old classic instant
release atall instant release means I
don't have to take it every day I can
just take it when I need to get stuff
done it picks me immediately and then
wears off after a few hours there's also
extended release which is the kind you
take every day and gives you a constant
steady stream of medication it wasn't
until I had the Aderall in my hands when
I realized the idea of taking it for the
first time made me nervous like what is
this thing going to do to me I have so
many friends with ADHD honestly a higher
ratio than friends without it that's how
it goes in content creation all these
MFS have it they were all telling me
that it's awesome how you'll take it and
immediately feel like a God and you can
do anything and it's incredible and yeah
that sounds great but also like what the
hell what do you mean I take this little
pill and suddenly all of my problems
seemingly disappear and I gain
superpowers that's scary that sounds
like the thing every adult in a 20m
radius warned us about when we were kids
am I going to feel like a completely
different person I don't know if I'm
ready to experience immortality I put
off taking Aderall for so long because I
was irrationally scared of the tiny blue
pill but
coincidentally I really needed to get a
script done if I take too long to write
a video script then the team runs out of
work to do and then I have a bunch of
people sitting around and waiting for me
to give them more work so they can pay
their bills and survive and stuff but
for the freaking life of me I just could
not get myself to sit down and write
that script my body and soul found it
mentally easier to backflip off a bridge
than write words on the computer after
literally two months of my brain going
ooh you better write that script I won't
let you enjoy a single moment of your
life if you aren't writing that
script I don't want to get up go to the
bridge after that constant loop I
finally swallowed my fears and took my
first Aderall I had talked to James a
lot about what Aderall is like since
he's been on it for a few years now and
after I took one I was messaging him
like I did it I ate an Aderall how long
does it normally take to start how do I
know what do I do and he was helping me
a lot and giving me tips then like 20
minutes
later I felt
it all the non-stop thoughts going on in
my brain went silent I could think
clearly and in like a line my mind
wasn't racing a mile a minute I was able
to sit behind my laptop and right it was
incredible I was messaging all my
friends about it the entire time I can
write my script and not get distracted I
don't have to take a mental break every
10 minutes I can remember things Kelsey
sent me a message and I thought I'll
check that in a bit and I remember to
check in it a bit and respond when I
opened a new tab to look something up I
didn't go down a random unrelated Rabbit
Hole I picked up my phone to check
something and didn't impulsively scroll
Twitter for an hour I can write words so
easily how am I doing this what do you
mean I can feel like this whenever I
want if I just eat the tiny blue pill I
refuse to believe regular people can
function like this on a day-to-day basis
no way it wouldn't be fair you guys
don't have loud non-stop voices in your
heads preventing you from doing normal
things come on just admit it you can't
pick something up and immediately keep
remembering what you were supposed to be
doing with it you always forget and feel
crazy come on come on I was so
suspicious that on Aderall either
nothing would happen and I just wouldn't
feel anything or I would feel like I'm a
totally different person experiencing
some higher than life manic episode but
no I just felt like myself but with my
together and that's the part I
couldn't believe after 2 months of War I
finally was able to plant myself down
and write my damn script you want to
know what script I wrote while
experiencing Aderall for the first
time this one I was struggling to write
a script about ADHD and the thing that
finally pulled it out of me was Aderall
come you got to admit that's funny yeah
it was great I didn't think my head was
loud before or I was that imp impulsive
or had that hard of a time focusing but
now that I've been able to peacefully
sit in one spot for hours and not need
to take a break or check social media or
get distracted by some stupid tangent I
don't actually care about yeah this
changes things I still can't believe
what I was able to accomplish writing a
script in 3 hours compared to my typical
12 hours AKA one mediocre thing with no
struggle at all and you want to know
what I did right after I wrote this
script I immediately got up and cleaned
the bird's room without rotting in bed
for 3 hours beforehand I just went from
one task to another without thinking
about it all you neurotypical people
must be thinking I'm literally pathetic
and useless but I know my ADHD Brethren
are out of their chairs right now
hearing that I'm not standing before you
all to give you scientific data and
information on ADHD or diagnose you or
even promote prescribed drugs I'm just
here to talk about a big and recent
experience in my life how much of an
impact and effect it's had on me and how
awesome feeling normal is seriously
being able to take a deep breath in
mental silence is incredible cherish
that feeling if you don't have a
neurodevelopmental disorder it took me
26 years to realize my woes were not
actually woses but symptoms of brain
chemical deficiency I'm writing this
video All Things Considered pretty
recently after being diagnosed and I'm
still trying to learn how to rebuild my
life in a way that lets me optimize my
productivity and get things done at a
normal level but so far I've come so
much further than I thought I could
simply by knowing what's going on up
there in the old
Noodle and ater all if you're on the
fence about being diagnosed with
something I get it it's scary it's scary
to think you might have it and it's also
scary to think you might not have it
it's an odd place to be but for me
having a concrete answer from a
professional is what got me to find
finally stop feeling stuck in place and
actually start moving forward again it's
been great I'm excited to keep learning
more things about how my mind works and
find new ways to improve my day-to-day
life cheers to getting normal done
in case you missed it I have new merch
for a limited time you can get yourself
a new and improved Ahi plush and a
completely new soft Ari jacket I love
both of these products and up until June
23rd they could be all yours if you miss
it you'll never know how fluffy and
pillowy the jacket is oh it's like a
cloud or how cuddly and friend shaped
the plush is plus it's a great way to
support both me and the team while we
continue to make animations for you
check them out at Jaden animations.com
thanks for watching the video and good
luck simply existing to all my ADHD
Brethren out there I'm right there with
you I believe one day you'll respond to
that message in your inbox hang in there
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