Trump Freezes Mid-Speech, Michael Cohen Admits to Stealing $30K in Trump Testimony

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
20 May 202410:01

Summary

TLDRThe 'Tonight Show' host welcomed guests with humor, discussing current events and pop culture. Highlights included jokes about graduation season, a segment on Pope Francis's '60 Minutes' interview, and a skit with Red Lobster's lawyer addressing bankruptcy. The host also commented on Trump's teleprompter mishap, Michael Cohen's testimony, and Disney World's new smell experience. The show featured appearances by Eddie Redmayne, Michael McDonald, Paul Reiser, and music by Tems.

Takeaways

  • 🎓 It's graduation season, with a humorous 10% chance of seeing someone in a satin robe on the subway having just graduated.
  • đŸ“ș Pope Francis appeared on '60 Minutes' for the first time, engaging in an in-depth interview and even promoting an episode of 'The Equalizer'.
  • đŸ€Ł A comedic take on former President Trump's speech, where it seemed the teleprompter failed, leading to a humorous backstage scenario involving a car's extended warranty phone call.
  • đŸ’Œ Michael Cohen, in Trump's hush-money trial, admitted to stealing $30,000 from the Trump Organization.
  • 🩐 Red Lobster filed for bankruptcy, with a skit suggesting the need for 'higher numbers' as the solution to the financial crisis.
  • 🏆 Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo topped Forbes' list of the world's highest-paid athletes, with a statue humorously reacting to the news.
  • đŸœïž LA County is investigating a case of hepatitis A at a Whole Foods in Beverly Hills, humorously described as '100% organic' and costly.
  • 🎉 The 'Tonight Show' thanked its sponsors in a segment, with playful jabs at various brands and products.
  • 🌆 A light-hearted jab at CNN for repeating the same story for an extended period, as if viewers are stuck in an airport.
  • 🎱 A quip about Busch Gardens dispersing the smell of vape from the person behind you in line, instead of a pleasant scent.
  • đŸŽ€ The show featured guests Eddie Redmayne, Michael McDonald, Paul Reiser, and music from Tems, with a game of 'Password' to follow after the break.

Q & A

  • What is the significance of the satin robe joke in the script?

    -The satin robe joke is a humorous reference to graduation season in New York City, suggesting that many people are graduating and wearing satin robes, which is a common attire for graduates.

  • How does the script comment on the current state of graduates with English degrees?

    -The script humorously implies that graduates with English degrees may face uncertain job prospects, suggesting they might end up on LinkedIn and then on OnlyFans, a platform known for adult content.

  • What does the script say about Pope Francis' interview on '60 Minutes'?

    -The script mentions that Pope Francis did an in-depth one-on-one interview with a US network for the first time, indicating it as a significant event and also humorously suggesting that he might appear on 'Hot Ones' next.

  • What is the humor in the joke about the teleprompter operator during Trump's speech?

    -The humor lies in the absurdity of the teleprompter operator being distracted by a call about a car's extended warranty, causing Trump's speech to falter.

  • What was the outcome of Michael Cohen's testimony in Trump's hush-money trial?

    -Michael Cohen admitted to stealing $30,000 from the Trump Organization, and the prosecution rested their case after calling 20 witnesses over the past month.

  • Why did Red Lobster file for bankruptcy according to the script?

    -The script humorously suggests that Red Lobster filed for bankruptcy because they need to have 'higher numbers,' implying that their financial figures are not satisfactory.

  • What is the punchline of the joke about the numbers at Red Lobster?

    -The punchline is that the lawyer, Michael Rispoli, insists on increasing the numbers, suggesting that by simply inflating the numbers, they can solve their financial issues.

  • What does the script say about Cristiano Ronaldo's response to being the highest-paid athlete?

    -Cristiano Ronaldo expresses gratitude and acknowledges the privilege of being paid to do what he loves, while a humorous statue of him exclaims about his wealth.

  • How does the script comment on the reported case of hepatitis A at a Whole Foods in Beverly Hills?

    -The script humorously suggests that the hepatitis is 100% organic and expensive, poking fun at the high prices and perceived health consciousness of Whole Foods.

  • What is the purpose of the 'Tonight Show Sponsors' segment in the script?

    -The 'Tonight Show Sponsors' segment is a comedic way to acknowledge the show's sponsors, with jokes about each sponsor's product or service.

  • What guests are featured on the show according to the script?

    -The script mentions that Eddie Redmayne, Michael McDonald, and Paul Reiser are guests on the show, and music is provided by Tems.

Outlines

00:00

🎓 Graduation Season and Pope Francis Interview

The host opens the Tonight Show with a warm welcome and celebrates the current atmosphere in New York City. They make light of the graduation season by joking about the high number of recent graduates wearing satin robes and the uncertain future of those with English degrees. The segment transitions into a discussion about Pope Francis' interview on '60 Minutes,' highlighting its significance as the first in-depth one-on-one interview by a pope with a US network. The host also humorously speculates about the Pope's potential appearance on 'Hot Ones' and his reaction to a TV show promo.

05:00

đŸ“ș Teleprompter Mishap and Trump's Hush-Money Trial

The host shares a humorous clip of former President Trump appearing to struggle with a malfunctioning teleprompter during a speech, suggesting that he was distracted by a call about a car's extended warranty. The audience is then informed about Michael Cohen's testimony in Trump's hush-money trial, where Cohen admitted to embezzling funds from the Trump Organization. The segment also covers the prosecution's rest in the trial, with a comical depiction of Trump's nonchalant attitude towards the proceedings.

🩞 Red Lobster Bankruptcy and Sponsor Acknowledgements

The host introduces a segment featuring a mock interview with a lawyer from Red Lobster, discussing the seafood chain's bankruptcy. The lawyer, played by Michael Rispoli, humorously insists that the solution is to simply increase the numbers, indicating a lack of understanding of the real issues. The host then transitions to thanking the sponsors of the Tonight Show in a satirical manner, poking fun at various brands and their products, and ends the segment with a preview of upcoming guests and a tease for the next game segment, 'Password'.

Mindmap

Keywords

💡Tonight Show

The 'Tonight Show' is a late-night talk show that features interviews with celebrities, comedy sketches, and musical performances. In the script, it is the platform where the host engages with the audience, making jokes and discussing current events. The show's format allows for a wide range of topics, as seen in the various segments mentioned in the transcript.

💡Graduation Season

Graduation season refers to the time of year when educational institutions hold ceremonies to confer degrees upon their students. In the context of the video, it is used humorously to describe a scenario where someone wearing a satin robe on the subway might be a recent graduate, indicating the celebratory atmosphere and the cultural significance of this period.

💡Pope Francis

Pope Francis is the head of the Roman Catholic Church and is known for his progressive views and global influence. The script mentions an interview with him on '60 Minutes,' which is significant as it marks the first time a pope has done an in-depth interview with a US network. This highlights the Pope's engagement with modern media and his role in contemporary society.

💡Trump

The script refers to former President Donald Trump, who is a recurring figure in political satire and comedy. It mentions a speech where his teleprompter appears to malfunction, leading to a humorous situation. This reflects the public's perception of Trump's communication style and the media's portrayal of his speeches.

💡Hush-Money Trial

A hush-money trial refers to a legal case involving allegations of payments made to silence individuals. In the script, it is mentioned that Michael Cohen, Trump's former lawyer, admitted to stealing money from the Trump Organization, which is related to the hush-money trial. This keyword is tied to the broader theme of political scandals and legal issues surrounding public figures.

💡Red Lobster

Red Lobster is a popular seafood restaurant chain in the United States. The script humorously discusses the company filing for bankruptcy, with a lawyer named Michael Rispoli explaining that they need to 'get the numbers up' to address the issue. This segment uses the concept of bankruptcy to create a comedic skit about the business struggles of a well-known brand.

💡Cristiano Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo is a professional footballer who is often regarded as one of the greatest players in the history of the sport. The script mentions him topping the Forbes list of the world's highest-paid athletes, which underscores his success and fame. The mention of Ronaldo's statue humorously reacting to the news adds a playful element to the discussion of wealth and celebrity.

💡Hepatitis A

Hepatitis A is a contagious liver disease caused by the hepatitis A virus. In the script, it is mentioned as a reported case at a Whole Foods in Beverly Hills, with a humorous twist that the hepatitis is '100% organic' and expensive. This joke plays on the concept of health scares and the perception of organic products as being more costly.

💡Sponsors

Sponsors are entities that provide financial support or endorsement for a particular event, show, or cause. The script includes a segment called 'Tonight Show Sponsors,' where various brands are mentioned in a humorous context. This part of the script serves to acknowledge the show's sponsors in a light-hearted and entertaining way.

💡Password

In the context of the video, 'Password' likely refers to a game segment on the show where guests participate in a word-guessing game. It is mentioned as part of the show's lineup for the episode, indicating that the audience can expect interactive and engaging content beyond the standard interview and monologue format.

Highlights

Welcome to the Tonight Show with a warm reception for the audience at home and in-person.

Commentary on the current atmosphere in New York City with a humorous take on graduation season.

A satirical joke about English degree graduates transitioning to LinkedIn and OnlyFans.

Excitement around Pope Francis' first in-depth one-on-one interview with a US network.

Humorous clip of Pope Francis being asked to promote an episode of 'The Equalizer'.

Former President Trump's speech incident with a malfunctioning teleprompter.

Comedic sketch of the person operating Trump's teleprompter taking a call about a car warranty.

Michael Cohen's testimony in Trump's hush-money trial, admitting to stealing from the Trump Organization.

Red Lobster's bankruptcy announcement and a comedic skit with their lawyer, Michael Rispoli.

Jokes about Red Lobster's bankruptcy and the lawyer's nonsensical solutions involving numbers.

Cristiano Ronaldo topping Forbes' highest-paid athletes list and the humorous reactions from various statues and figures.

A reported case of hepatitis A at a Whole Foods in Beverly Hills with a satirical comment on its cost and organic nature.

A segment dedicated to thanking the Tonight Show's sponsors with a comedic twist on each sponsor's product or service.

Upcoming guests and music performance teased for the remainder of the Tonight Show.

Transcripts

00:01

-Welcome, everybody.

00:02

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the "Tonight Show."

00:03

You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching at home.

00:06

Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ]

00:07

Well, guys, what a great time it is to be in New York City.

00:10

Isn't it great, right now? I mean, if you see someone

00:13

on the subway, wearing a satin robe,

00:14

there's a 10% chance that they just graduated.

00:17

[ Laughter ] Yeah.

00:18

Oh, it opens from the back, as well, yeah.

00:19

Yeah, it's graduation season right now.

00:23

Everyone with an English degree is like, "Well, now what?"

00:25

Um... [ Laughter ]

00:27

Tomorrow they'll be on LinkedIn,

00:28

and by next week, they'll be on OnlyFans.

00:30

It's sad. It's sad, really. It's sad.

00:32

[ Laughter ]

00:35

Hey, guys, a lot of people are talking about this.

00:37

I saw that Pope Francis just sat down

00:39

for an interview with "60 minutes."

00:40

Oooh. Yeah. [ Crowd cheering ]

00:42

At first, viewers saw the Pope and said, "Whoa,

00:45

who's the new young guy on '60 minutes'?

00:46

Ow! Hubba-hubba!

00:49

Like it is in his 70s, 80s?" [ Applause ]

00:53

It was the first time a pope has done

00:55

an in-depth one-on-one interview with a US network.

00:57

And this is exciting.

00:58

Next, he's going to sit down for an episode of "Hot Ones."

01:01

So that's good. "Ay dios mĂ­o!"

01:03

[ Cheers and applause ]

01:05

Yeah, the Pope had fun.

01:06

At the end, they even got him to say,

01:07

"Stay tuned for an all-new episode of 'The Equalizer,'"

01:09

which I thought was -- Shouldn't have done that.

01:12

He doesn't do a lot of these, so it was a big deal.

01:15

He really got into some major issues, though.

01:17

Watch this clip.

01:18

-When you look at the world, what gives you hope?

01:25

-Mm-hmm.

01:29

-Yeah. [ Laughter ]

01:30

I don't know. It's very interesting.

01:33

[ Cheers and applause ]

01:34

Some political news over the weekend.

01:37

Former President Trump was giving a speech

01:39

when it looked like the teleprompter stopped working.

01:41

[ Laughter ] Let's see how he handled it.

01:44

-Together, they helped make America

01:46

into the single greatest nation in the history of the world.

01:50

[ Dramatic music plays ] [ Laughter ]

01:53

â™Șâ™Ș

02:00

[ Cheers and applause ]

02:03

â™Șâ™Ș

02:08

[ Laughter ]

02:10

But now... we are a nation in decline.

02:14

-Oh! [ Laughter ]

02:16

[ Wah-wah plays, cymbal clashes ]

02:19

-Well, the third "Frozen" movie doesn't look great.

02:22

Uh... [ Laughter ]

02:23

Well, we wanted to know what happened,

02:25

so we actually got footage of the guy

02:26

operating Trump's teleprompter backstage.

02:29

-Really? -Yeah. Take a look at this.

02:30

-Together, they helped make America

02:33

into the single greatest nation in the history of the world.

02:36

[ Cellphone buzzing ]

02:37

-Hello?

02:39

Yes, I guess I am interested in learning more

02:42

about my car's extended warranty.

02:43

Uh-huh.

02:44

Uh-huh.

02:46

Okay.

02:49

That seems reasonable.

02:51

[ Chuckles ]

02:52

No, I've never done that.

02:54

Does it matter if I don't have a car?

02:56

Uh-oh. [ Cheers and applause ]

02:58

-But now we are a nation in decline.

03:04

[ Laughter ] [ Band plays chord ]

03:06

-"Oh, no. Sounds reasonable."

03:08

[ Laughter ]

03:10

Good job, Brooks. Meanwhile, today,

03:13

Michael Cohen was back on the stand

03:14

in Trump's hush-money trial, and he admitted

03:16

to stealing $30,000 from the Trump Organization.

03:19

[ Audience murmurs ]

03:21

It's nice, at the end of one trial,

03:23

when they tease the next trial. I like that.

03:25

Speaking of Trump's hush-money trial today,

03:27

after calling 20 witnesses over the past month,

03:30

the prosecution rested their case.

03:32

When he heard, Trump was like, "Big deal.

03:34

I've been resting, the whole case."

03:36

[ Laughter and applause ]

03:37

[ Whistling and snoring ]

03:39

[ Cheers and applause ]

03:41

"Time to rest, time to rest."

03:46

Did you guys see this?

03:47

The seafood chain Red Lobster just filed for bankruptcy.

03:50

[ Audience groans ]

03:52

And here to tell us all about it,

03:53

please welcome Red Lobster's lawyer, Michael Rispoli.

03:55

Michael, uh... [ Cheers and applause ]

03:57

-I don't care. -I don't care.

04:00

The numbers need to be higher.

04:03

We have to have higher numbers.

04:04

Uh, no, uh, higher numbers.

04:07

Goodbye. -Hey, buddy.

04:08

-Hey. -Uh, Michael, tell us,

04:09

why is Red Lobster going bankrupt?

04:12

-Oh. It's about the numbers, Jimmy.

04:14

They have to be higher. The numbers have to be higher.

04:17

-Uh-huh. -The numbers are here.

04:19

-Uh-huh. -But they have to be here.

04:21

[ Laughter ] -Yeah, right.

04:22

Well, what numbers have to be here?

04:24

-Ha! Ha-ha-ha. What numbers have to be here?

04:27

"What numbers have to be higher?" he asks.

04:30

[ Laughter ] -Yeah, I-I did. I did ask that.

04:33

-"The" numbers. The numbers.

04:36

You know, like -- like number "1," for example.

04:38

-Okay. -Number 1

04:39

has to be like at least a 3. [ Laughter ]

04:41

Number 6 should be like an 8.

04:44

-Okay. -And number 10 --

04:45

that needs to be like 15. -Right. Okay.

04:49

Uh, t-the numbers are low due to inflation.

04:53

Is that what you're -- -Yes.

04:54

-Okay. -Yes.

04:55

-Okay. -Now you're getting it.

04:57

-Okay. -Yes!

04:58

-Okay. -I remember --

05:00

Look, look, I remember, Jimmy --

05:03

I remember when a 6 was a 6. You know?

05:06

You'd walk into the corner store,

05:08

and you'd say, "Hello, can I have a 6?"

05:10

And they'd give you a 6, Jimmy. -Uh-huh.

05:13

-Now you walk in, you ask for a 6,

05:15

you get a 1 or a 2. A 1 or 2.

05:17

-A 1 or a 2? -A 1 or a 2.

05:20

-Now you just -- It sounds pretty rough out there.

05:22

-Well, what's your favorite number, Jimmy?

05:24

-I don't know, probably 7.

05:26

-Okay, well, I hate to break it to you,

05:27

but that 7 is no longer a 7. -What is it?

05:30

-It's a 2! [ Laughter ]

05:31

-It's a 2? -Yeah, it's a 2!

05:34

-What is Red Lobster planning to do to address the bankruptcy?

05:37

-We're -- We're gonna get the numbers up!

05:39

We're going to get the numbers up.

05:41

We're gonna get the numbers from here...

05:43

-Uh-huh. Yeah? -Okay? To here.

05:45

-Okay, good. -Okay, the numbers are here.

05:48

-Uh-huh. -But we're gonna get them

05:49

up to here. -The numbers are here,

05:51

and you got to get them up to here.

05:52

-[ Chuckling ] Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

05:54

Try -- Try here. [ Laughter ]

05:56

Watch me, watch me, okay? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:58

-The numbers are here. -The numbers are here.

06:00

Yeah. -We're gonna get them here.

06:01

-You're gonna here. -Yeah. No, no.

06:02

The numbers are here. -The numbers are here.

06:04

-You gotta get them here. -Yeah, here.

06:06

-[ Chuckles ] Yeah, numbers are here.

06:07

-Here. -And you're here.

06:08

-Here, here. -Here, here.

06:09

-Here, here. -Here, here.

06:10

-Here, here. -Here, here.

06:12

-Yes! That's it! -Okay, good.

06:13

Thank you very much, Michael Rispoli, everyone.

06:15

Thank you very much. -That's what we need.

06:16

-Take care. Thank you very much I appreciate it.

06:18

Thank you very much. Thank you. Nice --

06:20

-No, I'm not done, no. What do you mean, lower numbers?

06:22

-Good to see you. Why would anyone say that?

06:24

Thank you. Ah, well... [ Cheers and applause ]

06:26

[ Chuckles ]

06:30

What is he...

06:32

Switching gears, I read that Disney World said

06:35

that it's going to disperse smells into the line

06:37

at its new Bayou Adventure ride.

06:40

-Whoo! -While, over Busch Gardens.

06:42

the scent is whatever vape the guy behind you

06:44

is smoking. [ Laughter ]

06:45

Hmm, wintergreen. [ Applause ]

06:47

It smells healthy.

06:49

We'll get this. Soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo

06:51

just topped the Forbes list

06:53

of the world's highest-paid athletes.

06:55

Uh, here, check out... [ Cheers and applause ]

06:57

Check out what he had to say about it.

06:58

He said, "I am paid to do what I love.

07:00

It is a privilege." Yeah, and this statue of Ronaldo

07:03

said, "Oh, my God, I'm rich too!!"

07:06

[ Laughter and applause ]

07:08

Then, real Ronaldo said,

07:11

"I will continue to do my best. Thank you to my fans."

07:14

Then, his statue said, "I'm gonna make it rain!

07:17

Dollar dollar bills, y'all!!" [ Laughter ]

07:20

Then, the statue of Lucille Ball spoke up and said,

07:23

"You're probably a billionaire!" [ Laughter ]

07:26

Then, this old plaque of Elvis Presley said,

07:29

"Hey man! Can you buy me some new blue suede shoes??!"

07:34

And finally, this wax figure of Leonardo DiCaprio showed up

07:36

and said, "You're king of the world!!"

07:38

[ Cheers and applause ] That's nice.

07:40

[ Chuckles ] They all support each other.

07:42

-A lot of comments. -[ Chuckles ]

07:45

Guys, I heard that L.A. County is investigating a reported case

07:49

of hepatitis A at a Whole Foods in Beverly Hills.

07:52

[ Audience murmurs ]

07:53

A spokesperson from Whole Foods says

07:55

that the hepatitis is 100% organic

07:57

and will cost $300. [ Laughter ]

07:58

Just so you know, it's organic. [ Cheers and applause ]

08:02

You know, finally, before we move on,

08:05

I'd like to take a moment to thank some of our sponsors

08:06

for the "Tonight Show."

08:07

They don't always fit in commercial breaks,

08:09

and we want to make sure that we mention all of them.

08:11

It is time for "Tonight Show Sponsors."

08:13

-â™Ș Tonight Show Sponsors â™Ș

08:16

â™Ș Tonight Show Sponsors â™Ș

08:20

[ Applause ] -Chiquita.

08:22

Name another banana company. We'll wait.

08:24

[ Laughter ]

08:27

[ Crowd cheering ]

08:29

[ Applause ] CNN.

08:33

Sorry you're stuck in the airport right now.

08:34

Would it help if we shouted about the same story

08:36

for 45 minutes? [ Laughter ]

08:38

[ Cheers and applause ]

08:41

History Channel. Guess we ran out of history.

08:44

Time for aliens! [ Laughter ]

08:47

[ Cheers and applause ] Baked Lay's.

08:49

Ever want to eat a FedEx envelope?

08:52

[ Laughter and applause ]

08:54

[ Chuckles ] Bic.

08:57

Need to write something down? Got you.

08:58

Need a shave? Yep, got you.

09:00

Need to light something on fire?

09:01

Brother, let's go! [ Laughter ]

09:03

[ Cheers and applause ]

09:05

Sephora.

09:08

Sorry, no one can figure out how to dim the lights in here.

09:10

[ Laughter and applause ]

09:12

ESPN 2. Screw it.

09:15

We're airing a cornhole championship.

09:17

I... [ Laughter and applause ]

09:19

Cheese Nips.

09:21

Even we can't believe "Nips" made it past corporate.

09:23

[ Laughter and applause ]

09:25

That's all for "Tonight Show Sponsors."

09:27

We have a great show. Eddie Redmayne is here tonight!

09:30

Michael McDonald and Paul Reiser are joining us!

09:34

And we got great music from Tems!

09:36

Stick around! We're playing "Password"

09:38

after the break. Come on back.