Trump Compares Himself to Jesus, Jimmy’s Shock After Japan Trip & Billy Crystal Pranks Cousin Micki
Summary
TLDRThe host shares his contrasting experiences between traveling in Japan and returning to the USA, highlighting the cleanliness and order in Japan versus the perceived filth and disorder in the United States. He also humorously recounts a family Easter tradition gone awry due to jet lag, and satirizes current political events, including the White House Easter Egg Roll and various public figures' actions.
Takeaways
- 🌏 The host reflects on a recent trip to Japan, comparing the cleanliness and orderliness of public spaces in Japan to those in the USA.
- 🚽 The cleanliness of bathrooms in Japan, particularly in Tokyo and Kyoto, is highlighted as being exceptionally high, even surpassing American operating rooms.
- 🗑️ The Japanese practice of personal responsibility for trash disposal is mentioned, noting the absence of public garbage cans and the cultural shift following a terrorist incident.
- 🏰 The host compares the USA to a messy Six Flags amusement park, while likening Japan to a pristine Disneyland in terms of cleanliness and public order.
- 🛌 A personal anecdote is shared about the host's family adjusting to the time difference upon returning from Japan, leading to a disrupted sleep schedule and an impromptu Easter celebration.
- 🐰 The annual White House Easter Egg Roll is described, with President Joe Biden inviting children to roll eggs on the lawn and emphasizing the joy of the event.
- 🎉 The script includes a humorous take on the Trump administration's past Easter celebrations, highlighting Melania's book reading and Donald's church attendance, albeit in a satirical manner.
- 📱 It is mentioned that Donald Trump was active on social media, posting 77 times in one day, including a message of peace directed at prosecutors, judges, and others he perceives as adversaries.
- 🎶 A fictional narrative is woven about Laura Trump, who is said to be releasing new music with the ultimate goal of marrying her father-in-law, presented as an April Fool's joke but confirmed as a serious statement.
- 🎉 The script emphasizes the disbelief and surprise at the arrival of April 1st, with multiple characters expressing their astonishment at the swift passage of time.
- 🎭 A comedic skit involving the host, Billy Crystal, and a prank call to the 'president' is described, showcasing humor and the playful nature of the show's content.
Q & A
Where did the host travel to with his family recently?
-The host traveled to Japan with his family.
What was the host's initial impression of America compared to other countries?
-The host initially believed that America was pretty buttoned up compared to the rest of the world, despite acknowledging its faults and areas for improvement.
What significant change did the host notice about cleanliness in Japan compared to America?
-The host noticed that Japan was exceptionally clean, with even public restrooms being cleaner than operating rooms in America. In contrast, he described America as a filthy and disgusting country.
How did the Japanese handle litter according to the host's observations?
-The Japanese people carry their own trash and do not rely on public garbage cans due to a past terrorist incident involving poisonous gas. They bring their garbage to their houses, contributing to the overall cleanliness of the country.
What event did the host's family participate in upon returning home from Japan?
-Upon returning home, the host's family prepared and opened Easter baskets, despite it being late at night due to their jet lag from the trip.
How did the host's children react to the Easter baskets?
-The host's children were too excited about the Easter baskets to go back to sleep. They opened their baskets at 3:17 a.m. and their father made pancakes for them in the middle of the night.
What annual event did the President and First Lady host at the White House?
-The President and First Lady hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.
What unusual theme was mentioned for the Easter event at the White House?
-An unusual theme mentioned for the Easter event was 'oyster bunnies,' which is a shellfish theme.
What did the host miss about the previous administration's Easter egg rolls?
-The host missed the Easter egg rolls from the Trump Administration, recalling Melania reading books to kids and Donald's antics, including Secret Service trying to stop Eric from eating plastic eggs.
What incident involved the host's cousin Mickey and a prank?
-The host and Billy Crystal pranked the host's cousin Mickey by telling her that Billy needed her help to stay conscious due to a reaction to a shot, which was part of a comedy bit for the show.
What was the unexpected twist in the script involving a phone call?
-The unexpected twist was that the person the host thought was the president on the phone was actually not the president, but someone else participating in a prank.
Outlines
🌏 Cultural Reflections and Personal Anecdotes
The host begins by expressing gratitude to the audience and shares his recent experience traveling to Japan with his family. He contrasts the cleanliness and orderliness he observed in Japan with the faults he perceives in America, particularly noting the cleanliness of public restrooms and the absence of litter. The host then shares a personal story about his family's struggles with jet lag upon returning from the trip and the excitement surrounding Easter, highlighting the cultural differences and the impact of these experiences on his perspective.
🎶 Political Satire and Pop Culture
This paragraph delves into a satirical commentary on the Trump administration's approach to Easter celebrations, contrasting them with the current administration's events. It humorously describes Melania reading books to children and Donald Trump's supposed church attendance, as well as the Secret Service's efforts to prevent Eric Trump from eating plastic eggs. The paragraph also touches on Trump's social media activity and his daughter-in-law's musical aspirations, using these elements to poke fun at the eccentricities of political figures and popular culture.
🎭 Comedic Skit Involving a Fake Illness
The host engages in a scripted conversation with a guest named Billy Crystal, who pretends to suffer from a medical condition causing him to fall asleep randomly. The skit involves a humorous exchange where the host plays along, offering assistance and discussing food and drink options to keep Billy conscious. The segment is a playful take on celebrity appearances and the lengths to which staff might go to accommodate them, all while maintaining the facade of a genuine medical emergency.
📞 Misunderstandings and Presidential Impersonations
The final paragraph presents a comedic scenario where the host receives a call from someone claiming to be the president, but it turns out to be a prank. The host plays along, discussing the president's health and the importance of an upcoming fundraiser. The segment humorously highlights the potential for confusion and impersonation, especially on April Fool's Day, and ends with the 'president' thanking the host for their support, adding to the comedic misunderstanding.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Japan
💡Cleanliness
💡Cultural Differences
💡American Perception
💡Family
💡Easter
💡White House Easter Egg Roll
💡Disneyland
💡Time Difference
💡Truth Social
💡April Fools' Day
Highlights
The host expresses his mixed feelings about returning from Japan to the USA, noting the stark contrast in cleanliness and public order.
In America, the host observes areas for improvement despite the country's perceived overall orderliness compared to the rest of the world.
The host recounts his experience in Europe where he encountered infrastructure issues, such as dirt holes where plumbing should be.
Upon returning to the USA after visiting Japan, the host is struck by the filthiness and lack of cleanliness standards in his home country.
The bathrooms in Tokyo and Kyoto are described as being cleaner than operating rooms in the USA, emphasizing the high standard of hygiene in Japan.
The host notes the absence of litter and garbage cans in Tokyo, highlighting the Japanese practice of carrying personal trash and contributing to the city's cleanliness.
The host draws a comparison between the cleanliness of Japan and the perceived squalor in the USA, likening Americans to hogs in contrast to the Japanese.
The host shares a personal anecdote about his family's struggle to adjust to the time difference upon returning from Japan, affecting their sleep routine.
The host humorously describes his children's excitement and inability to sleep due to anticipation for the Easter basket tradition.
The host and his family open their Easter baskets at 3:17 a.m., driven by the children's excitement and their own sleepless state.
The host contrasts the White House Easter Egg Roll tradition with his own family's unique Easter celebration.
The host satirizes the Trump Administration's Easter traditions, including Melania reading books and Donald's church attendance.
The host mocks Donald Trump's social media activity, particularly his posts about the Easter holiday and the 2024 presidential election.
The host highlights the absurdity of the idea of Trump's daughter-in-law, Lara, releasing music and her supposed aspirations towards her father-in-law.
The host expresses disbelief at the rapid arrival of April, using humor to comment on the passage of time.
The host plays a prank on his cousin Mickey, involving a fake medical condition and a fabricated request for food and drink.
The host humorously interacts with a supposed 'President' who is not feeling well, showcasing a comedic skit within the transcript.
The host concludes the transcript with a comedic bit about mistaking a prank for a real conversation with the President.
Transcripts
everybody up I'm the host thank you for
watching
you here in
Hollywood please relax it's um we are
back to work after uh a we I took my
family to Japan this week and I have to
say I'm still not sure how I feel about
what happened over there you know here
in America we we know we have our faults
we know we have areas for improvement
but overall I think most of us believe
that compared to the rest of the world
we're we're pretty buttoned up I know I
did I I go to Europe and there were dirt
holes where Plumbing is supposed to be
and I hold my breath and I go I'm glad
I'm not one of these people and then I
go back home right but now after
traveling to Japan I realized that this
place this USA we're always chanting
about is a filthy and disgusting
country we were in Japan for seven days
not only did I not encounter a single
dirty bathroom the bathrooms in Tokyo
and Kyoto are cleaner than our operating
rooms
here everywhere you go the bathrooms are
clean they don't smell bad they have
those toilets that wash you from the
inside out and not just in a hotel
restaurants bars truck stop I went to
two truck stops I swear to God the
bathroom's cleaner than Jennifer
Garner's teeth the cleanest beautiful
and it's not just the bathroom there's
no litter people carry their own trash
there are no garbage cans in Tokyo 30
years ago some terrorists put some like
poisonous gas and some trash cans
they're like okay no more trash
cans everybody clean up after yourselves
and guess what they clean up after
themselves they bring their garbage to
their houses and it's like the whole
country is Disneyland and we're living
at Six
Flags I've been home 36 hours I've never
felt dirtier we are like Hogs compared
to the Japanese I can't imagine what
they must think of us oh the garbage
people yes the Americans garbage yes we
got home on Saturday night and there's a
huge time difference in Japan right now
it right now in Japan it's next week
it's so our family were all
discombobulated we get home we put the
kids to bed at around 9:00 and then we
make my wife and I make Easter baskets
we fill the eggs with the jelly beans we
do the whole thing and around midnight
we're in bed and our six-year-old Billy
walks and he gets into bed with me and I
realized he's holding one of the stuffed
animals from his Easter basket and I
where'd you get that he said from my
Easter
basket he made he had to stop on the way
to our room to see if the bunny showed
up and I said okay buddy we can't open
anything else until morning okay but
he's awake and my wife's sleeping and he
kicks so I bring him back to his room he
cannot sleep unless we lay with this I
squeeze into his twin-sized bed with him
and it's wet he'd wet the bed
which explains why he had no pants on I
didn't notice but so I go I get a towel
I put it down I get him some new pajama
bottoms and we lay there for two full
hours he does not close his eyes for one
second about an hour and a half in I say
what are you thinking about I know what
the answer is he goes my Easter basket
and I he was like basket crazy and then
our daughter Jane who was in the top
bunk it is a bunk bed by the way she
wakes up and we all lay there for
another hour they will not go back to
sleep they're too excited about the
Easter basket and as I mentioned for
them it's Tuesday at noon okay and I'm
wide awake too and I don't want to wait
another 3 hours until the sun comes up
so I go in our bedroom to see if my wife
is awake and she isn't so I made some
noise and then she was
and and I
said she's like what's going on I said I
think we need to open the Easter basket
just like now I yeah now so we get out
of bed all of us and as the Clock Struck
3:17
a.m. the kids opened their Easter
baskets and I made pancakes in the black
of night and then and then we went back
to
sleep how was your e sir GMO my was
great Jimmy anything like that happened
to you no I went to Mexico I went to
Puerto waya oh he did did the Easter
Bunny make it there he did make it it
was beautiful everybody's friendly over
there oh yeah yeah well sure yeah yeah
nothing like here no no in Washington
today the president the first lady
hosted the annual White House Easter Egg
Roll it's the one day of the year when
Joe Biden says you kids get on my lawn
and he did the president welcomed the
little rollers with a speech from the
balcony of the Biden bedroom God bless
you all enjoy the day and I'm coming
down to do that Easter egg roll just a
minute thank you all so very very much
thanks everybody and by the way say
hello to Oyster bunnies come on up
bunnies get up here they can see you
yeah the uh the oyster bunnies you know
them they you know they're it's a
shellfish theme this year
the the oyster bunnies and in December
Santa clams will show up then the
president handed out baskets filled with
with his two favorite Easter treats
rhubarb and poent and a good time was
had by all I say I miss the Easter egg
rolls from the Trump Administration
Melania reading books to the
kids Donald pretending he's ever been to
church Secret Service trying to get Eric
to stop eating the plastic eggs those
are the Trump by the way had a very
active holiday he posted 77 times on
Truth social yesterday like if that was
your dad you'd have him put away right
one of the posts was this message of
Peace he wrote Happy heaster to all
including crooked and corrupt
prosecutors and judges that are doing
everything possible to interfere the
presidential election of 2024 and put me
in prison including those many people
that I completely and totally despise
blah blah blah happy Easter
everyone and um on Holy
Saturday America's number one Bible
salesman somehow found time to post this
the crucifixion of Donald Trump that's
right you know Jesus was treated
unfairly too some say the second most
unfairly in
history only Donald Trump would repost a
photo of himself holding a Bible upside
down it's but the real Easter Miracle
came from Trump's daughter-in-law
campaign fund money funnel RNC co-chair
Laura Trump who dropped some new music
on the same day as Beyonce have
faith just trust you'll see
anything is
possible autotune doesn't work on
everybody laara is um this is
interesting she is threatening to
release one new song every week until
she achieves her goal of marrying her
father-in-law that was not an April
Fool's joke by the way that was a real
thing today is April 1st which is a fact
that many find hard to believe it is
Monday April 1st I can't believe how is
it April already no it's April I can't
believe it Sam I know already I can't
believe it's April already April already
Yes I can't believe it I can't believe
we're already here in April it's April
already I know can you believe that
April 1st if you can believe it April
1st can you believe that this April 1
first of all I can't believe that April
1st can you believe it April everybody
can you believe it hard to believe but
today is April 1st April it's just hard
to even believe the first day of April
hard to believe hard to believe it it is
April 1st the month of April kind of
hard to believe hard to believe it's APR
April 1 hard to believe April 1st April
1st can you believe it I mean the fact
that it's April fo but the fact that
we're already into April it's true
wild it is true these are the same
people who clap when the plane lands by
the way it's we pulled a good one on my
cousin Mickey this morning my cousin
Mickey works in the booking department
here at the show she takes care of the
guests when they arrive so we came up
with a little ruse we told her that
Billy Crystal needed to come in early to
shoot a comedy bit before the show which
was actually true but what she didn't
know is she was going to be in the
comedy bit too Billy told her he got a
shot at the doctor that causes him to
randomly fall asleep and he needed
Mickey who might be the nicest person in
the world to help keep him
conscious Mr Crystal hello Hi how are
you Mickey thank you for being here yeah
is there anything I could get for you
I'm not feeling well Sho okay I'm having
a a reaction to a shot that I got okay
this morning okay I don't want you to be
alarmed but cuz I I may pass out on
occasion it's it's it's something called
an epilepsy it's a reaction to this
gelatin shot that I just got this
morning I have an allergy your health is
most important to us I'm very hungry
yeah okay what could we so maybe like um
is there pumping nickle Bagel around
will get whatever you want okay but uh
if it's cutting have one one side
toasted the other not pumper nickel
bagel half toasted half notot and I'm
sorry sorry you know what it's okay we
all get tired we all it's not it's it's
it's something different all right so
I'm here for you I'm sorry don't
apologize don't apologize I'm here for
you okay all right back
[Music]
okay
[Music]
[Applause]
welcome back and no worri you know what
I I'm so thirsty okay what do you want
uh probably coke maybe Coke or lemonade
something or if there's any vodka one
little shot that that helps me out wait
in in one of those or just whatever just
yeah whatever they have that'd be good
okay okay perfect I appreciate you oh my
goodness yeah my
pleasure I'm sorry no oh please do not
apologize don't
in
[Music]
oh no worries Co bagel's
coming um Coke on Ice I think that's a
good idea all right Coke sort of waters
it down so yeah yeah yeah
listen W yeah we'll get the lemonade and
um wash it down with coke maybe yeah but
I think it's important to have food in
your stomach
[Applause]
too yeah that's
[Music]
good oh sh hello hi Billy hi sir how you
doing Billy um you know sir um um uh
Jimmy and I
ex excited about doing this fundraiser
for
you I appreciate that it's really
important to make sure that we get the
funds that we need bring the country
together
yes
Billy you
there
hello hello Billy I'll be right
there yes come here
yeah
forone conne hello Mr
President hi um are you his daughter I'm
not his daughter I'm a I'm a I'm a
friend and he's just not feeling that
well right now and I apologize and I
know that he was never want to be
leaving you hanging but can he call you
back you know just want just traditional
White House Easter Egg Roll I love the
Easter egg I love that I went years ago
and it was great I'm sure you had guess
what what guess what I'm exhausted I'm
I'm sure you are that was my grandpa's
favorite
joke yeah you know I went to breakfast
this morning with the Easter Bunny you
did guess guess where we ate where I
have I did that that's a good one not
feeling great sir to be honest so how's
things how's how's everything everything
is okay you sound you sound
beat he's not drinking Hees he's not
drinking he's not drinking okay so we're
going to go okay and but if you need
anything I could I could take notes yeah
please it's important get a pen and
paper and write all this down cuz I
don't have time I don't like to repeat
myself okay all right can it wait can it
wait a little bit he's just going to eat
now can't hang up on me I don't know how
to call you back uh well all right thank
you so much for all that you do and we
got to go now and I don't
me a couple questions I'm sorry I am Hi
here's some questions Jimmy's on the
phone so you can ask him some questions
who's here it's a
present it's
president is that really the president
Sarah tell you he's not feeling well but
we're taking care of him you didn't eat
yet you like some f with him sure Billy
I don't know if you you know what uh you
know what day today is it's April 1st
yeah it's the beginning of the month is
always good cuz it's like a fresh start
yeah what else is is it today though
April
1st shut the
[Applause]
guys oh my
God that was not the president this guy
that actually was the president was you
do have a bit with him and I like blew
off the president yeah yeah no that was
oh there he is
again he wanted to say something to you
who is it hold on okay hello Mr
President who is this hang up on me this
is a National Emergency oh is the
president cold
red big trouble
hi no
sorry
miy oh well thank you
it actually is the president I'm
sweating today I might end up dying if
it is you Mr President thank you for all
you do and if it isn't you sound just
like
him wow thank
you it had to be
[Applause]
done
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